Back to work after a much needed break. I have so much to say but feel like no one wants to listen. My words don't flow like they used to, they are not pretty or poetic, just simple and true. I am only 23, yet everyday I feel as if my end is near. I deal with so much pain and sickness that it makes me feel as if my problems don't mean anything ( Read more... )

I have made so many friends and lost so many friends. All the ones I thought were true were not. I have found that I am always the one to give and never the one to recieve.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have a new tiny buddy that sits on my shoulder and will for eternity. I have not named it yet but some would call it a tatoo. That is right one more to make it cinco for cinco de mayo. Well anyway I wish Mandray could see my new butterfly, but she will soon enough. I really have not been very talkative lately, which for me means I have not ( Read more... )

I finally got a full time job I enjoy. Just when I thought nothing good ever happens, I got the call to come in and start right away. Sometimes I just let the negative rule my life. But that is just not who I am. I get to work with and teach kids all day and get paid for it. Just thougt I would verbalize some of the positive. And now I am ( Read more... )

Some people go through life and never feel REAL pain. I wish I was one of those people. I blame myself for everything. I try to be positive. Sometimes it just does not work. How do I deal with all that is going on. My father is dying. But to me he has been dead for a long time. He has no idea when ( Read more... )

I suppose I will leave for Florida tommorow. I am so excited can't you tell. I can't wait to spend money I don't have. But I could use some time out of the mountains. But I will miss Lyss and Lou Dogg and Vixen. Oh well. Don't have anything productive to say, just wish I could fall asleep. Ten bucks says I watch the sun rise, again.

Every single time I think I have worked through all the shit in my life I realize I have only climbed out the side of the pile. No one ever really means what they say and if they do, I don't believe them. So where does that leave me. I would use the words alone and paranoid. And to think I used to trust everyone and everything. But I will ( Read more... )

I finally get this up and running and I am too sick to even write in it. So mandray I hope you see this.