so pageant ended. u saw the pics. enter 1 week and 1 day full out binge fest. geez i ate a lot. i pretty much ate everything. here is how i know i have an eating disorder but i dont know what exactly: i am one extreme or the other. i either binge eat until i feel like i'm going to throw up from eating so much or i starve. binge starve binge starve ( Read more... )

oh well here's some more pics....idk why but they look so far away here. i swear that swimsuit pic i posted in the last entry looks way better at regular size. i think the way it appears in lj I look short and stubby. sigh. 116 in that and these pics...


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back from my state pageant....i made top 10 go me. i really thought i was going to place higher though especailly after all phases of competition...i totally felt like i nailed it. oh well it's so subjective different judges different day different girls. this year's top 5 were all dancers and i'm a singer...not my panel of judges ( Read more... )

still at pageant week...just had a chance to weigh myself-116.4.i was really hoping for 115 today but i'll take it!

well....today was my deadline as i leave for my state pageant. i wanted to be 115. i am 118. sucks because last wednesday i was 117 with my goal looking so probable. oh well i'll take 118.

that means since my highest weight i've lost 15 pounds...dear God i hope i never end up back up there it was so gross.

Thank you all to everyone who posted on my past entry....I clearly (and I hope understandably) was freaking outtttt lol ( Read more... )

YOU GUYS PLEASE HELP ME ( Read more... )

so after my visit to the emergency room lasts night i woek up this morning 117.6, 2 pounds from my goal weight (which i must hit by this coming monday) and decided i would follow the doctor's advice and add more fiber to my diet ( Read more... )

i hit rock bottom last night and ended up in the emergency room....after all this time of poor eating/malnutrition and obsessing over the number on the scale to the point where i strain every last bit of urine every possible bowel movement i ended up having serious hemroids. i am humiliated, grossed out, embarrassed, upset....after my pageant i ( Read more... )

So many of the friends I had on here have disappeared...there were a lot of girls I enjoyed reading their entries (that sounds creepy but I swear its not lol) and always appreciated their insight and comments on mine....where did you all go? i hope you're ok...