death. death is all i want right now.
someone, something...please kill me.
no one will worry or care. i promise.
i need to be killed. so that i don't have to be blamed for dying.
accidental death is all i have to hope for.
escape is impossible.
i feel sick to my stomach. everything hurts.
take me away...

so depressed that i cry until i am so tired ( Read more... )

in desperate times my mind turns to pleading prayer but in my heart I don't believe there's anyone there.
I will think "Oh God, dear Jesus, save me, make this stop, kill me, do something, help me." but it's as senseless as when I think "I want my mommy."
It's just a reflex I guess.

Throughout this whole depression ordeal, the hardest thing was to ask for help. I simply...didn't. It was a huge step that I could not make ( Read more... )

HELP ME. I don't know what else to say. No one actually understands. I don't know why they think they do. I don't really know anyone else in my position. Everyone else is HAPPY and SHINY and LOVES THEMSELVES. Who can I ask for help? I have already asked. No one knows what to do. No one seems to try. WHAT IS THE POINT. Fuck everything. I am going to ( Read more... )

Often, I will have a thought, and then after I think the thought, I will think, "Hey, that thought was kind of interesting, kind of important. I should post it to my livejournal." And THEN I think: "WHHY??!" Nobody reads my livejournal or cares about it at ALL. It would be like telling myself. So pointless. I guess this is what people who have no ( Read more... )

I feel like I'm actually past the point of being suicidal. I can't even care enough whether I live or die. I don't want to try because I think I will probably fail.

Why does Kat Dennings get to be Kat Dennings? Why can't I be Kat Dennings? Or someone else who is beautiful and has a nice body and lots of friends. No one even reads my blog. HAHAHA. I'm so stupid. When Kat Dennings has a blog it's cool but when I have one it's stupid ( Read more... )

It feels like I'm dying again. People know, they DEFINITELY know, because I'm telling them. But nothing is happening. It still hurts. They know but they can't do anything. I'm not sure if they're trying or not. How can I tell ( Read more... )

I think I have dysthymia.