My favorite part of this Halloweekend was getting places with Jack. We always get ready together and I'm always insecure about something. And he'll tell me to chill out usually. But this weekend, when I was wearing my not-too-scandalous Snow White costume, I kept pulling my dress up and down, and Jack said, "Just own it. Be slutty. Be bold."
That' ( Read more... )

I feel like all I ever talk about now is boys and I HATE IT but I HAVE to write about it because it's just like all I can think about because my life is spirraaalling away and downwards. So we had our USO concert last night, and I was outside smoking with Chauntee and Jack, and they said something about boys and Jack popped Nick's name into the ( Read more... )

Something Jack said tonight made me really think-- that we think of every day as a new day but we're still a same continuation of habits. When I really think about it... it's so true and something completely fitting for me right now. I've been trying to figure out why I've always felt so detached and like I've never had a stable best friend or ( Read more... )

Ok I can't figure Zach out. He is such a puppy boy and left me a bar of chocolate in my mailbox after I lied about having cramps to go shopping at TJs with Jack instead... He is so nice it kind of makes me suspicious. No one is this nice. I'm starting to suspect that he likes me but I also can't tell if he's just like this with everyone.

ANYWAYS. ( Read more... )

I can't sleep because all these thoughts keep racing through my head and it's making everything worse than it probably ever was to begin with.

I kind of feel like I need to see a therapist after every studio class. There is really nothing worse each week than to feel really put down at studio. It makes me feel like I absolutely have no chance at a ( Read more... )

Today I learned:
Expectations can kill. Distract yourself from them or else you will always be let down.
The music world is really just.. not for me.
Be curious about everything and always ask 'why?'
Do your work, repeat.
Have a playlist that makes you feel powerful and listen to it often.
When you talk to people, really talk to them and listen ( Read more... )

It's been a really emotional week here. The last week of September.. I think?
Tuesday night I went to the Observatory with Jack and smoked a little before, looked at these two stars orbiting each other, and walked around outside a little bit. Talking with Jack is like therapy. It's so comforting to have a friend like him. I sometimes forget how much ( Read more... )

It's crazy how art imitates life.
I got RIPPPED apart in studio about my Bach, and it's just really reflecting how I'm feeling in general. I feel like I haven't really experienced a wide swing of emotions in a while.. everything just feels about the same. Mild. Blah. And I don't know what to do about it. I want to experience and feel things deeply ( Read more... )

JUST WHEN I THOUGHT I HAD @#$ EVE@#$RYTHING UNDER #$%#$% CONTROL #$%*#$%()@*#$

FUCK
Ok I always have just dealt with things in order. I become paralyzed if I try to think/plan about things too far in advance i.e. two weeks+ in the future. So if I don't find a pianist for this masterclass next (?) Thursday, will Caroline never ask me to do anything ( Read more... )

I think I finally figured out why I SUCK at viola! I had the greatest conversations with Jack and Victor last night to and from the DSO concert-- Jack brought up the connection between your personality and the way you play and how really sexual people are just naturally more expressive players. Over the past couple years, I've built up this wall ( Read more... )