If this life were my own and I could choose exactly how I would live, I would want something very similar to Phase 1: either a run-down house or a few shabby tents somewhere with a bunch of random, interesting people who don't give a second thought to when their next meal will be, how much hot water is left, or how many times they've worn the same ( Read more... )

I've been trying to find a nice neat way to tie things together. Perhaps an idiosynchratic summary of events, a plea or petition from my floading heart, a sappy "Oh, how I'm going to miss this" post.

You know it's the end of the semester when kids who usually never change out of pajamas walk through campus with collared shirts, shiny shoes and ( Read more... )

"Most people, Kamala, are like a falling leaf, which drifts and turns in the air, and sways, and zigzagzs to the ground. But others, just a few, are like stars; they travel a fixed route, no wind reaches them; their law and their route lie within themselves." -Herman Hesse, Siddhartha

In this sense, I feel a star; a star who can't help but be a star ( Read more... )

After weeks of trying to figure out what's going on inside of me, why I'm responding the way I'm responding (or not responding), why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling, why I'm doing the things I'm doing, I finally had a break through. Although I wouldn't really call it a break through, because nothing really broke. This whole process would be much ( Read more... )

"When I get honest, I admit I am a bundle of paradoxes. I believe and I doubt, I hope and get discouraged, I love and I hate, I feel bad about feeling good, I feel guilty about not feeling guilty. I am trusting and suspicious. I am honest and I still play games. Aristotle said I am a rational animal; I say I am an angel with an incredible capacity ( Read more... )

I watched Titanic last night for the first time in probably ten years. I'm not sure what made me think I would like it. It's aweful. Absolutely aweful. And horribly beautiful.

I can never just BE because even when I think I'm doing that, something is changing. I'm thinking and realizing and discovering and longing and time keeps going, and there is ( Read more... )

I said I was going to wait until the last two weeks to let myself be emotional ( Read more... )

It's a misty, grey day. I would like to:

make apple sauce from fresh, hand-picked apples and eat it warm
sip tazo green tea from a large mug while curled up in my favorite pink quilt reading Thoreau
put on some big soft sweatpants, fuzzy alpaca socks, and a yellow shirt and twirl around one of the dance studios
lay by the window and think

and be.

create ( Read more... )

I sit down to write a paper (this time 6 days in advance! woah..) and I simply can't! My mind is everywhere else, and it's good! But I need to get this paper done so I can celebrate friday night! So I can go see my sister saturday morning! So I can meet up with my brother saturday afternoon! So I can play the piano all night sunday night ( Read more... )

I've given up trying to understand everything. I can't understand it all. Sometimes I think that's God's way of protecting me.

I'm blown away by how accutely He sees me. By the way He has responded and is responding me. By the way He's made it so clear that I can trust Him with my needs. I don't have to worry about my future. I don't have to know ( Read more... )