i just dont know these days... i dont have much of a base to stand on anymore. it's so hard to watch your loved ones fall away: show their mortality. no, no one has died... but they keep coming way too close for comfort. too many trips to the hospital from people i love. those who aren't going directly themselves are having to deal with their own ( Read more... )

i actually feel as though life may be worth living somewhat. classes blow. driving blows. walking in the cold blows. and i dont really like the idea of going to grad school. but i dont know. i feel like life will actually be fun one day. this weekend was amazing! I showed karrie the video of me at my first birthday which also had some clips from ( Read more... )

ugh. i can't do it anymore. this semester absolutely blows. i get fucking mono half way through the semester!?! what kind of bullshit is that? how the fuck did i get mono?? it certainly wasn't karrie, the time frame is entirely off. by a whole month! the timing suggests that it could have been sam, but somehow i really doubt it especially ( Read more... )

its so sad to too look at the friends list and see that of the people on there, i would only really want to talk with one. and coincidentally that is probably the third least likely person to see this... but there really isnt anything to say to them to its not anything anyways...

It hurts so much. my heart sits in my throat. my stomach is rejecting food. i just can't believe it. FUCK YOU! I FUCKING HATE YOU! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE UTTER SHIT THAT YOU HAVE JUST RELEASED FROM ME! WHY THAT FUCK WERE YOU CRYING? I HOPE SOMEDAY YOU GET HURT. HURT BAD. JUST SO YOU CAN UNDERSTAND THIS FEELING OF SICKNESS THAT JUST SITS IN YOUR ( Read more... )

fuck it. fuck it all. i dont care anymore. why can't i just die alone? please?

IM FUCKING BORED. I NEED SOMETHING TO DO. I NEED NEW MUSIC. I NEED SOME WATER. I NEED SOME SALT. I NEED SOME FOOD. I NEED SOME GAS. I NEED AN OIL CHANGE. I NEED AIR IN MY TIRES. I NEED MORE TIME. I NEED SOMETHING TO DO. I NEED MY CAMERA. I SOME RAIN. I NEED MONEY. I NEED SOMETHING TO READ. I NEED SOMETHING TO READ. I NEED A NEW BACK. I NEED A NEW ( Read more... )

...summer will be the death of me yet...

wow, its been three months since i last updated. its kind of weird to me. this is still the outlet for me that i can go to to voice whatever is on my mind regardless of what it may be. i have to dance around my words or neglect them completely in facebook or myspace. yet i only come here when there isnt anything going on in the others and most of ( Read more... )

hehe, guess who is back. ME! i thought livejournal had fallen off of the face of the earth, but jason and me were thinking earlier and come to find out that it hadnt. i am glad that this outlet hasnt left. and i plan on utilizing it a little more often than once every 5 months or so. but who knows how the winds of change blow ( Read more... )