baby, don't cry [4/4]
Thirteen - Super Friends to the Rescue
"Uh, do you want me to hold your hand?" Chanyeol asked Jongin who was sitting beside him on his couch.
He was surprised when he heard urgent knocking on his door last night and opened it to Jongin who looked lost and forlorn. He asked if he could crash for a year or so which was weird as he had his own dorms with Kyungsoo but Chanyeol said yes. He was alone there anyway.
And now it looks like Jongin didn't sleep at all. There were dark circles on both his eyes and he was off staring into nothing. He was worried about his friend and he did try to call Kyungsoo but the other didn't pick up. So here he was thinking of ways how to comfort a friend. But he could only remember what girls do in those best friend movies so...
"Do you want me to hold your hand?" Chanyeol repeated.
"No, I want you to give me a shovel so I can just bury myself and never come out." Jongin said, burying his face in his hands. Chanyeol shot a worried look at his friend.
"What's the matter? Maybe I can help." He said and patted Jongin's back.
"I think he never really did love me. I think I just forced him into it."
"What do you mean? Is it Kyungsoo-ah?"
"Yes. We had a fight. Or it was more of me pushing myself to someone who didn't really want me."
"Pooh! Kyungsoo loves you. Why would you say that?" Chanyeol asked completely confused. He never saw anyone more in love with each other than Kyungsoo and Jongin, well probably except for Sehun and Luhan, but still.
"I asked him if he even thought of a future for us. He didn't even answer me but I could see it in his eyes. He never did. I was already planning our first year anniversary and who does that after 12 days? But I already imagined the both of us lasting at least that long."
"Jongin-ah, you know why Kyungsoo is like that. Maybe he didn't plan your anniversary but that doesn't mean he doesn't love you."
"You just don't know. The fight started because I told him I won't go to the audition with YG and the reason is if I get accepted the training will be in Japan and its two years! Two years, man. I don't want to go away that long." Jongin sighed. "Call me a dramatic fool but I miss him after only two hours. Imagine where I'd be if I don't see him for two years."
"That is tough. What did he say?"
"He said we could stop whatever this is that we have. Here I am so effing in love while he doesn't care. It's like I took him swimming and I'm already in the deep end while he's there at the shallow one wading his foot and still deciding if he'll jump in."
"Maybe he's just making sure he'll not drown."
"So he doesn't trust me enough to know that I'll save him?"
"He knows that you'll save him. It's just that he still doesn't want the feeling of drowning. No one does."
"I know but I jumped anyway with my eyes closed and I was so sure he'll jump in with me because he told me he'll try." Jongin said dejectedly.
"It's wrong for Kyungsoo to promise something and then renege on it when he gets the first opportunity. He should work out that fear of his. But give him a chance Jongin-ah. He's already lost so much. If you walk away from him then he'll have lost another one." Chanyeol said.
"You're such an expert now, huh?" Jongin looked at him curiously.
"Uh huh. Since Kyungsoo and you and Sehun and Luhan paired off, I was left watching girly movies in my dorm. Alone. With no one to talk to." Chanyeol joked, but not really.
"You'll find someone soon." Jongin really wished that for his friend. "But watching girly movies?"
"I don't know. I just felt like it." Chanyeol shrugged. "Anyways, at least I'll know what to get Kyungsoo and you for Christmas."
"What?"
"Couple life vests. In pink." Chanyeol laughed out loud. The angel pendant on his neck swinging in time with his shaking shoulders.
"Do you really think we'll be together by Christmas?" Jongin didn't feel as confident now as he was two weeks ago.
"I think you'll get back together before the weekend." His tall friend said reassuringly. Jongin doubts that. He can only do so much for Kyungsoo. No amount of his love will matter if Kyungsoo doesn't open that heart of his to him.
Kyungsoo was frowning over the sixth plate of kimchi spaghetti he placed on the table. No matter how many times he remakes it, it doesn't taste right. He couldn't figure it out. He can cook this with his eyes closed and hands tied behind his back. But today, he can't seem to make it right.
Was it the cheese? But he puts the same amount every time. Was it too much salt? He always puts 4 small pinches. He wiped away at his damp cheeks. It was probably these stupid tears that won't stop clouding his vision so he can't see what he's doing properly.
Jongin's been gone for four days. He wasn't even able to get a glimpse of him at school. And the heart he thought was numb hurts. It lurches painfully everytime he recalls what Jongin told him.
You are so afraid of geting hurt that you'd rather hurt me.
He honestly didn't know that by guarding himself too much, he'll hurt Jongin in the process. It's just when he imagined Jongin leaving... He shook his head. He can't.
Kyungsoo placed his hand over his heart. Why are you so scared? Why, you stupid, good for nothing muscle?
"Kyungsoo-hyung?" Kyungsoo looked up to see Sehun by the kitchen doorway. "The door was open and I knew you'd be here."
Kyungsoo looked away from Sehun's concerned eyes because he'll know immediately that he was crying.
"Hyung? Are you Ok?" Sehun moved closer."Are you crying?"
"No. I was cooking. It's just the onions..." The shorter boy trailed off.
"You don't need to pretend with me, you know." Sehun put his arm around Kyungsoo's shoulders.
"Sehunnie..." Kyungsoo leaned on to his young friend and let the tears fall. He cried for his stupidity and he cried for his fears. He cried and cried for missing Jongin and for having someone like Sehun who cares.
"Hyung, better now?" Sehun asked after some time. Kyungsoo felt embarrassed after breaking down in front of him. He was supposed to be older, right? He shouldn't act this way.
"I guess... I'm sorry for crying all over you."
"No problem. Just give me food and a new shirt and we're good." He told his hyung with a smile.
"What were you doing here anyway?" Kyungsoo asked.
"Well, I had a talk with Luhan earlier and we don't know what's happening between Jongin the idiot and you. We want to help you fix it whatever it is. I don't want to see you so sad while Luhan and I are happy because of you."
"It's nothing complicated really. It's just me. I'm what's wrong." Kyungsoo explained sadly.
"What's wrong with you?"
"I'm broken, Sehun. I can't be fixed."
Sehun looked him up from head to toe and even circled him. "You're broken where? I can't see anything."
"It's my heart."
"Then let's go to the hospital so they can have a look at you."
"I doubt they can do anything about it."
"Are you... dying?" There was a horrified look on Sehun's face. Kyungsoo was torn between laughter and exasperation.
"No, Sehun. I'm not dying. But what I have is not something any medicine can cure." Kyungsoo decided to open up to his friend. Really, what more can it hurt?
"I lost my dad when I was two. Eomma took very good care of me. You know she was a composer, right?" Kyungsoo saw Sehun nod. "A good one, too. But she had to give it up so she can raise me on her own. She told me we're partners always. I loved her so much. One time she bought me a surprise. It was a puppy. We called her Snow because of her white fur. Eomma told me she bought her because then I would always have someone with me when she was out working. I loved Snow so much, too." Kyungsoo paused. He was reliving the memories and the feelings that came with them.
"On fourth grade, I entered a singing competition. I got the first prize. Have you heard I was called Perfect Pitch before? I got lots of admirers and friends back then. I loved them. The fame, the admiration, making my eomma proud - I loved it so much." Kyungsoo sat down because here came the hard part.
"But winter of my sixth year, Snow became sick and after a week I said goodbye to him. I cried for a month after. Then a few years later, Eomma got sick. I tried so hard to take care of her. But even after everything, she left me. When the fame faded, the friends that I thought I had were gone as well. I thought I couldn't survive it. Then my heart just went numb. It was great. No more hurt. No more feelings."
"But then I met you guys and you taught me how important it is to open myself again. The four of you are the most important people in my life. But Jongin being Jongin, he had to be different. He wanted more and I don't think my heart can give it. There are spaces there that he wants all to himself. The ones that I completely closed off." Kyungsoo felt exhausted.
"Don't you want to give it to him?" Sehun asked quietly.
"I do. But the thing is I'm really scared. It's kind of a reflex. Whenever I try to open those spaces they close up on me tighter than before."
"But it's your heart, hyung. You can tell it what to do."
"You can't tell your heart anything. It's a stupid organ, really. If it were that easy, believe me I would."
"But it is easy. How many times did he tell you he'll never leave you?"
"Always." Kyungsoo answered. "But I don't believe in always."
"Then don't believe in it. Believe in Jongin. He'll never do anything to hurt you. He's one of the greatest guys I know. Next to you." Sehun said with a squeeze on Kyungsoo's arm. "Didn't you trust me when you helped me with Luhan? You wouldn't have let us be together if you knew I would just hurt him or he would just hurt me. You had faith in us. Why couldn't you give the same to Jongin?"
Kyungsoo didn't know how to answer Sehun. Because the boy had a point.
He was willing to trust Luhan and Sehun with each other because it was their hearts on the line and not his. He didn't know what that makes him.
"Hyung, if you need any more proof that Jongin loves you I'm gonna show you some." Sehun took out his phone and Kyungsoo saw him browse through it. "Okay, here. I originally want to use this for blackmail but you two went and got together before I could. Atleast it still has some use."
The younger boy showed him a picture taken- was it three years ago? It was Luhan's birthday. Sehun was holding the phone, he and Luhan were on the foreground. Chanyeol was waving crazily at the back as usual. He and Jongin were standing just beside him. He was doing the standard v-sign while Jongin was... He was looking down at him with a smile on his face.
"Press next. Well, press next and next and next. There's a whole bunch of them there."
Kyungsoo browsed through the pictures. Some were as old as three years ago, some taken just a few weeks before. Different places at different times. One thing was the same. In all of them there was always Jongin smiling tenderly down at him without him knowing.
"He's loved you forever. He just didn't realize it before. Give him a chance, hyung. For real this time."
Kyungsoo looked at Sehun. "When did you grow up?"
"It started when I was thirteen I drank lots and lots of milk..."
"Sehunnie..." Kyungsoo rolled his eyes.
"Just kidding. But seriously? I grew up when I fell in love."
"Yeah, well... Even if I'm willing to give him a chance, I'm not sure Jongin wants it anymore." Kyungsoo returned the phone to Sehun.
"He'd be a fool not to." Sehun said. "This was a great conversation. Maybe I'll do this with Jongin, too. After all I also have lots of pictures of you looking at him." Kyungsoo's eyes rounded.
"What? You've also loved him forever, right? He should know it, too."
"I'll tell him myself." Kyungsoo promised.
Fourteen - "I Love You, Frog."
He placed the bouquet of flowers against the marble tombstone shared by his parents.
Kyungsoo felt more melancholy than usual when visiting his parent's grave. This is the first time in five years that Jongin wasn't with him.
He remembered the first anniversary of his mother's death. He dressed formally, checking his necktie a hundred times before leaving the house. It was the first time he'll visit them and he wanted to look his best for his eomma and appa. He hadn't had the courage to go before because it was just too painful. Just before going out, he heard a knock on the door. He was surprised to be sure to find Jongin as formally dressed as him and telling him that he'll come with Kyungsoo. He didn't know why Jongin wanted to, they weren't the best of friends and he said as much to the boy but he just shrugged him off.
When they got there he wanted to break down but Jongin's standing behind him stopped him from crying. At first he thought it was because he doesn't want to embarrass himself but later on he realized Jongin's presence somehow comforted him. Without being told to, the younger boy went with him every year after that.
He looked bleakly at the flowers realizing how he lost everything because he was too much of a coward.
"Eomma, you're probably wondering why I'm alone, aren't you? How did you ever raise a son like me? You were so strong carrying on through the years without appa and here I am too weak for my own good."
"I've been so blind, Eomma. I didn't want to be alone but I was the one pushing everybody away." Kyungsoo paused to wipe his eyes. "But Jongin, he was the only one who pushed back and didn't give up on me. He pushed until I didn't want to push back anymore. He was different. He was special. I thought I was ready to let him in but at the first sign of trouble I put up the walls again."
"But eomma, I want to be with him again. I really don't want to be alone anymore. He makes me happy and I want to make him happy. You don't know him too well but you'll actually like him. He loves your kimchi spaghetti recipe and he says... he say he loves me, too. And that's amazing, right?" Kyungsoo's shoulders droop. "I just don't know how to get him back."
"You start by promising him to cook kimchi spaghetti every day." Kyungsoo turned around and saw Jongin a few steps away, holding a small basket of flowers. Jongin went closer and placed the arrangement beside Kyungsoo's. He bowed before the tombstone and then looked at Kyungsoo. "And then you tell him I'm yours, Jongin. Or something as cheesy and sappy as that."
Kyungsoo can see Jongin was joking but he can also see wariness in his eyes. He knew he didn't deserve this and the boy was making it really easy for him. He was here and he remembered to come with flowers. Even though they were in a fight, he still came.
"I promise to cook kimchi spaghetti every other day. Every day is just too much." Kyungsoo said. His eyes were starting to cloud again and he wants to finish this before he bawls like a child. "And... You're mine, Jongin."
"Good enough for me." Then Jongin said with a laugh and gathered him into his arms. It was nice to rest his head against the taller boy's shoulder again. He put his arms around Jongin's waist and held on tight.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-" Kyungsoo started to explain.
"Shhh. I don't need you to be sorry. I just want you to be happy from now on. With me." Jongin leaned down and kissed his cheek. "Let's go home."
They couldn't keep their hands off each other.
So now they lay tangled in the sofa not two minutes after crossing the door. Jongin was thinking maybe they should fight once in a while if Kyungsoo will be this uh, passionate when they make up.
He really missed him. It was six instant-noodle-days and six kyungsoo-less nights. He wanted to make things right between them sooner but he wanted Kyungsoo to come to him this time. Just to be sure that it's real. He almost forgot about Kyungsoo's parent’s death anniversary, wallowing in self pity as he was. But he knew he couldn't skip it even if he was not in good terms with the older boy. It was a tradition for him every year: Paying respects to Kyungsoo's parents and thanking them for having Kyungsoo in his life.
He didn't expect to still find him there since he already came late. He also didn't mean to overhear parts of what Kyungsoo had to say but he was glad he did. He actually wanted to throw the flowers in the air and maybe jump up and down but it was not the right place and he wanted to look cool for once.
He broke off the kiss, feeling that he was forgetting something which is not really impossible since he forgets everything every time they kiss. He gets distracted still when Kyungsoo started nuzzling his neck which he didn't know was all that sensitive until his boyfriend trailed kisses against it.
"Princess-" Jongin started because he really felt he had to do something. But God, he didn't want to stop.
"Hmm?" Kyungsoo was still nuzzling him.
"Stop. I mean, yeah. Stop for a while."
"Why?" Kyungsoo asked his lips against Jongin's ear.
Jongin shook his head to clear it a little. What was it he was going to say? "Yeah, before we continue, I have to do something." Jongin straightened and disentangled Kyungsoo's arm from around his neck. Kyungsoo threw him a puzzled look saying you have something more important to do than this?
"Wait here. I'm gonna get it." It was hard to walk in with shaky legs but Jongin managed to get to his bag and take out the small voice recorder that Joonmyeon handed him the other day. The ahjussi said that Kyungsoo left it the day they finished the song, the day they fought. Snoopy as he was he listened to it hoping to hear Kyungsoo's voice which he missed. He pushed play then came out one of the most beautiful songs in the world sang by the most beautiful voice he ever heard.
"Your Joonmyeon-ahjussi gave me this the other day." Jongin said showing the recorder to Kyungsoo. "Here."
Kyungsoo reached out for it. "I thought I lost it. I had a spare though but it's great to have this back."
"I'm sorry but I listened to what's recorded in it."
"You did?"
"Yes and I can't understand why you won't sing in public. You really are great." Jongin sat at the coffee table facing Kyungsoo who was still sitting on the sofa and held both his hands. "You have a gift. It's wasted on merely composing. Sing."
"But... I don't know if I can anymore." Kyungsoo said hesitantly.
"You can. For what it's worth, I'll always be here to listen to you. Every day. Every time."
Jongin can see Kyungsoo wavering as he looked at their linked hands. "Was it really that great?"
"Yeah. When I listened to the song, I wanted to cry. It was perfect. It was everything I felt for you put into words and notes."
"Will you sing it for me?"
"I love you and I care for your welfare, so no." Jongin said deadpanned. Kyungsoo laughed. Jongin smiled. It was good hearing him laugh again.
"I thought you wanted me to sing? That will be my condition then. Sing to me first and I'll sing for you whenever you want." The younger boy saw the teasing glint in Kyungsoo's eyes.
"Your highness, why must we go through this? Haven't I proved my feelings for you enough?"
"Just prove it one last time."
"I'm just afraid you know? What if you leave me?"
"Jongin-ah, just this once? I actually wrote the song based on what you told me back then. You're exactly right. It is your words. I just want to hear it directly from you." Kyungsoo cupped Jongin's cheek.
"Now, how can I possibly say no to that?"
"You can't." Kyungsoo said smugly.
"Fine. Cover your ears." Jongin warned. He was sweating and nervous not because he didn't know the words, he actually had the song memorized from listening to it again and again. He was nervous because he was laying his heart again for Kyungsoo and he was vulnerable. He didn't think he can recover as quickly if Kyungsoo will reject him for the third time.
Baby don’t cry, tonight
eodumi geodhigo namyeon
After the darkness has lifted
Baby don’t cry, tonight
eobseotdeon il-i dwell geoya
It’ll be like nothing ever happened
moolgeo-poom-i dueneun geoseun niga aniya,
You will never become a bubble,
ggeutnae molla ya hae deon
In the end you don’t have to know
So baby don’t cry, cry
nae sarangi neol jikilteni
For my love will protect you.
Jongin sang the words, feeling them from his heart. He saw Kyungsoo close his eyes as he was listening. After the song, he waited anxiously as Kyungsoo finally looked at him and spoke.
"You murdered my song. You were more out of tune than a deaf frog." Kyungsoo joked but Jongin saw there were tears on his eyes. "But I can feel every word you said was true. It was horrible but you are great. You get zero for musicality but 100 for effort. So congratulations, you pass." Kyungsoo pulled him into his arms.
Then they were kissing again. Their lips melding deeper. And Jongin could've expired right there and then when Kyungsoo broke the kiss and said, "Let's be together."
"But we're already together." Jongin said slowly, sure that he heard Kyungsoo wrong.
"No. I meant let's be together. Tonight." Kyungsoo whispered.
Jongin answered him with a kiss as he pulled Kyungsoo up from the sofa.
Much later, Jongin scooted Kyungsoo closer to him as they lay in his bed. He was hugging the shorter guy from behind and he couldn't be happier. It was the perfect position to whisper to the sleeping Kyungsoo's ear. "I love you, princess."
He was drifting off to sleep when he heard Kyungsoo say for the first time, "I love you, frog."
He was wrong. He found out he could be happier.
EPILOGUE
Chanyeol was excited. He was finally going to hear Kyungsoo sing in public again for the first time in five years. He was glad that Jongin and he were able to patch things together and they couldn't be sweeter. Which turned out to be a problem of sorts for him because the couple sitting to his right doesn’t want to be outdone. Sehun resolved to force their overly disgusting sweetness down his and Jongin and Kyungsoo's throats. He didn't really mind it at first as the two couples were trying to out-sweet and to out-cute each other but being surrounded by two couples in love especially if you're alone is kinda frustrating.
He sighed. He was tired being a third wheel... or is it fifth? He was distracted by his thoughts as he heard Luhan talk to Sehun.
"Because it will be a duet."
"But why? Isn't it hyung's song?" Sehun asked.
"Yes, but it was kind of a last minute decision for Kyungsoo to sing. We already got a boy to sing for him originally. He's actually a friend of Joonmyeon who's gonna formally transfer here next year. And he's really a great singer, his voice is... heavenly."
"Your voice is heavenly." Sehun gave Luhan a peck on the cheek.
"I already know that." Luhan laughed. "And besides Kyungsoo was still nervous about going on stage so he really was grateful to have somebody duet with him instead of singing alone."
"Well, I hope everything turns out great." Chanyeol said.
"I actually already heard them practice and the little boy was really good. And pretty, too." Jongin said from Chanyeol's left.
"He's not as little as all that. He sure is pretty, though." Chanyeol saw Sehun frown from what Luhan said.
"You're cute when you're jealous." Luhan giggled and it was his turn to kiss Sehun. Jongin and Chanyeol looked at each other and just rolled their eyes at the couple. But Jongin was soon distracted when the emcee spoke and announced the title of the next performance. Chanyeol looked sideways at Jongin as Kyungsoo's name was announced. He looked so proud and so in love. Chanyeol was too busy feeling envious so he wasn't prepared when he heard an angel sing.
deoneun mangseoliji ma jebal
nae simjangeul geodoo-eoga…
Chanyeol turned to look at where the voice was coming from. There on the stage was the most beautiful person he had ever seen.
They say that love can happen in a blink of an eye. Chanyeol could honestly say that's not true. Because when it hit him, he couldn't even blink. It's like his eyelids became paralyzed and he couldn't look away.
"What..? Who?" Chanyeol couldn't complete his question. Luhan looked curiously at him.
"You mean who is that? Tsk. weren’t you listening? He's Joonmyeon's friend. His name's Byun Baekhyun."
Part I // Part II // Part III // FINAL
THE BAEKYEOL SEQUEL ILL POST HERE IN LJ ONCE IT'S FINISHED IN AFF.. but if you want to read it, here:
Anywhere with You is Heaven
>
"Uh, do you want me to hold your hand?" Chanyeol asked Jongin who was sitting beside him on his couch.
He was surprised when he heard urgent knocking on his door last night and opened it to Jongin who looked lost and forlorn. He asked if he could crash for a year or so which was weird as he had his own dorms with Kyungsoo but Chanyeol said yes. He was alone there anyway.
And now it looks like Jongin didn't sleep at all. There were dark circles on both his eyes and he was off staring into nothing. He was worried about his friend and he did try to call Kyungsoo but the other didn't pick up. So here he was thinking of ways how to comfort a friend. But he could only remember what girls do in those best friend movies so...
"Do you want me to hold your hand?" Chanyeol repeated.
"No, I want you to give me a shovel so I can just bury myself and never come out." Jongin said, burying his face in his hands. Chanyeol shot a worried look at his friend.
"What's the matter? Maybe I can help." He said and patted Jongin's back.
"I think he never really did love me. I think I just forced him into it."
"What do you mean? Is it Kyungsoo-ah?"
"Yes. We had a fight. Or it was more of me pushing myself to someone who didn't really want me."
"Pooh! Kyungsoo loves you. Why would you say that?" Chanyeol asked completely confused. He never saw anyone more in love with each other than Kyungsoo and Jongin, well probably except for Sehun and Luhan, but still.
"I asked him if he even thought of a future for us. He didn't even answer me but I could see it in his eyes. He never did. I was already planning our first year anniversary and who does that after 12 days? But I already imagined the both of us lasting at least that long."
"Jongin-ah, you know why Kyungsoo is like that. Maybe he didn't plan your anniversary but that doesn't mean he doesn't love you."
"You just don't know. The fight started because I told him I won't go to the audition with YG and the reason is if I get accepted the training will be in Japan and its two years! Two years, man. I don't want to go away that long." Jongin sighed. "Call me a dramatic fool but I miss him after only two hours. Imagine where I'd be if I don't see him for two years."
"That is tough. What did he say?"
"He said we could stop whatever this is that we have. Here I am so effing in love while he doesn't care. It's like I took him swimming and I'm already in the deep end while he's there at the shallow one wading his foot and still deciding if he'll jump in."
"Maybe he's just making sure he'll not drown."
"So he doesn't trust me enough to know that I'll save him?"
"He knows that you'll save him. It's just that he still doesn't want the feeling of drowning. No one does."
"I know but I jumped anyway with my eyes closed and I was so sure he'll jump in with me because he told me he'll try." Jongin said dejectedly.
"It's wrong for Kyungsoo to promise something and then renege on it when he gets the first opportunity. He should work out that fear of his. But give him a chance Jongin-ah. He's already lost so much. If you walk away from him then he'll have lost another one." Chanyeol said.
"You're such an expert now, huh?" Jongin looked at him curiously.
"Uh huh. Since Kyungsoo and you and Sehun and Luhan paired off, I was left watching girly movies in my dorm. Alone. With no one to talk to." Chanyeol joked, but not really.
"You'll find someone soon." Jongin really wished that for his friend. "But watching girly movies?"
"I don't know. I just felt like it." Chanyeol shrugged. "Anyways, at least I'll know what to get Kyungsoo and you for Christmas."
"What?"
"Couple life vests. In pink." Chanyeol laughed out loud. The angel pendant on his neck swinging in time with his shaking shoulders.
"Do you really think we'll be together by Christmas?" Jongin didn't feel as confident now as he was two weeks ago.
"I think you'll get back together before the weekend." His tall friend said reassuringly. Jongin doubts that. He can only do so much for Kyungsoo. No amount of his love will matter if Kyungsoo doesn't open that heart of his to him.
Kyungsoo was frowning over the sixth plate of kimchi spaghetti he placed on the table. No matter how many times he remakes it, it doesn't taste right. He couldn't figure it out. He can cook this with his eyes closed and hands tied behind his back. But today, he can't seem to make it right.
Was it the cheese? But he puts the same amount every time. Was it too much salt? He always puts 4 small pinches. He wiped away at his damp cheeks. It was probably these stupid tears that won't stop clouding his vision so he can't see what he's doing properly.
Jongin's been gone for four days. He wasn't even able to get a glimpse of him at school. And the heart he thought was numb hurts. It lurches painfully everytime he recalls what Jongin told him.
You are so afraid of geting hurt that you'd rather hurt me.
He honestly didn't know that by guarding himself too much, he'll hurt Jongin in the process. It's just when he imagined Jongin leaving... He shook his head. He can't.
Kyungsoo placed his hand over his heart. Why are you so scared? Why, you stupid, good for nothing muscle?
"Kyungsoo-hyung?" Kyungsoo looked up to see Sehun by the kitchen doorway. "The door was open and I knew you'd be here."
Kyungsoo looked away from Sehun's concerned eyes because he'll know immediately that he was crying.
"Hyung? Are you Ok?" Sehun moved closer."Are you crying?"
"No. I was cooking. It's just the onions..." The shorter boy trailed off.
"You don't need to pretend with me, you know." Sehun put his arm around Kyungsoo's shoulders.
"Sehunnie..." Kyungsoo leaned on to his young friend and let the tears fall. He cried for his stupidity and he cried for his fears. He cried and cried for missing Jongin and for having someone like Sehun who cares.
"Hyung, better now?" Sehun asked after some time. Kyungsoo felt embarrassed after breaking down in front of him. He was supposed to be older, right? He shouldn't act this way.
"I guess... I'm sorry for crying all over you."
"No problem. Just give me food and a new shirt and we're good." He told his hyung with a smile.
"What were you doing here anyway?" Kyungsoo asked.
"Well, I had a talk with Luhan earlier and we don't know what's happening between Jongin the idiot and you. We want to help you fix it whatever it is. I don't want to see you so sad while Luhan and I are happy because of you."
"It's nothing complicated really. It's just me. I'm what's wrong." Kyungsoo explained sadly.
"What's wrong with you?"
"I'm broken, Sehun. I can't be fixed."
Sehun looked him up from head to toe and even circled him. "You're broken where? I can't see anything."
"It's my heart."
"Then let's go to the hospital so they can have a look at you."
"I doubt they can do anything about it."
"Are you... dying?" There was a horrified look on Sehun's face. Kyungsoo was torn between laughter and exasperation.
"No, Sehun. I'm not dying. But what I have is not something any medicine can cure." Kyungsoo decided to open up to his friend. Really, what more can it hurt?
"I lost my dad when I was two. Eomma took very good care of me. You know she was a composer, right?" Kyungsoo saw Sehun nod. "A good one, too. But she had to give it up so she can raise me on her own. She told me we're partners always. I loved her so much. One time she bought me a surprise. It was a puppy. We called her Snow because of her white fur. Eomma told me she bought her because then I would always have someone with me when she was out working. I loved Snow so much, too." Kyungsoo paused. He was reliving the memories and the feelings that came with them.
"On fourth grade, I entered a singing competition. I got the first prize. Have you heard I was called Perfect Pitch before? I got lots of admirers and friends back then. I loved them. The fame, the admiration, making my eomma proud - I loved it so much." Kyungsoo sat down because here came the hard part.
"But winter of my sixth year, Snow became sick and after a week I said goodbye to him. I cried for a month after. Then a few years later, Eomma got sick. I tried so hard to take care of her. But even after everything, she left me. When the fame faded, the friends that I thought I had were gone as well. I thought I couldn't survive it. Then my heart just went numb. It was great. No more hurt. No more feelings."
"But then I met you guys and you taught me how important it is to open myself again. The four of you are the most important people in my life. But Jongin being Jongin, he had to be different. He wanted more and I don't think my heart can give it. There are spaces there that he wants all to himself. The ones that I completely closed off." Kyungsoo felt exhausted.
"Don't you want to give it to him?" Sehun asked quietly.
"I do. But the thing is I'm really scared. It's kind of a reflex. Whenever I try to open those spaces they close up on me tighter than before."
"But it's your heart, hyung. You can tell it what to do."
"You can't tell your heart anything. It's a stupid organ, really. If it were that easy, believe me I would."
"But it is easy. How many times did he tell you he'll never leave you?"
"Always." Kyungsoo answered. "But I don't believe in always."
"Then don't believe in it. Believe in Jongin. He'll never do anything to hurt you. He's one of the greatest guys I know. Next to you." Sehun said with a squeeze on Kyungsoo's arm. "Didn't you trust me when you helped me with Luhan? You wouldn't have let us be together if you knew I would just hurt him or he would just hurt me. You had faith in us. Why couldn't you give the same to Jongin?"
Kyungsoo didn't know how to answer Sehun. Because the boy had a point.
He was willing to trust Luhan and Sehun with each other because it was their hearts on the line and not his. He didn't know what that makes him.
"Hyung, if you need any more proof that Jongin loves you I'm gonna show you some." Sehun took out his phone and Kyungsoo saw him browse through it. "Okay, here. I originally want to use this for blackmail but you two went and got together before I could. Atleast it still has some use."
The younger boy showed him a picture taken- was it three years ago? It was Luhan's birthday. Sehun was holding the phone, he and Luhan were on the foreground. Chanyeol was waving crazily at the back as usual. He and Jongin were standing just beside him. He was doing the standard v-sign while Jongin was... He was looking down at him with a smile on his face.
"Press next. Well, press next and next and next. There's a whole bunch of them there."
Kyungsoo browsed through the pictures. Some were as old as three years ago, some taken just a few weeks before. Different places at different times. One thing was the same. In all of them there was always Jongin smiling tenderly down at him without him knowing.
"He's loved you forever. He just didn't realize it before. Give him a chance, hyung. For real this time."
Kyungsoo looked at Sehun. "When did you grow up?"
"It started when I was thirteen I drank lots and lots of milk..."
"Sehunnie..." Kyungsoo rolled his eyes.
"Just kidding. But seriously? I grew up when I fell in love."
"Yeah, well... Even if I'm willing to give him a chance, I'm not sure Jongin wants it anymore." Kyungsoo returned the phone to Sehun.
"He'd be a fool not to." Sehun said. "This was a great conversation. Maybe I'll do this with Jongin, too. After all I also have lots of pictures of you looking at him." Kyungsoo's eyes rounded.
"What? You've also loved him forever, right? He should know it, too."
"I'll tell him myself." Kyungsoo promised.
Fourteen - "I Love You, Frog."
He placed the bouquet of flowers against the marble tombstone shared by his parents.
Kyungsoo felt more melancholy than usual when visiting his parent's grave. This is the first time in five years that Jongin wasn't with him.
He remembered the first anniversary of his mother's death. He dressed formally, checking his necktie a hundred times before leaving the house. It was the first time he'll visit them and he wanted to look his best for his eomma and appa. He hadn't had the courage to go before because it was just too painful. Just before going out, he heard a knock on the door. He was surprised to be sure to find Jongin as formally dressed as him and telling him that he'll come with Kyungsoo. He didn't know why Jongin wanted to, they weren't the best of friends and he said as much to the boy but he just shrugged him off.
When they got there he wanted to break down but Jongin's standing behind him stopped him from crying. At first he thought it was because he doesn't want to embarrass himself but later on he realized Jongin's presence somehow comforted him. Without being told to, the younger boy went with him every year after that.
He looked bleakly at the flowers realizing how he lost everything because he was too much of a coward.
"Eomma, you're probably wondering why I'm alone, aren't you? How did you ever raise a son like me? You were so strong carrying on through the years without appa and here I am too weak for my own good."
"I've been so blind, Eomma. I didn't want to be alone but I was the one pushing everybody away." Kyungsoo paused to wipe his eyes. "But Jongin, he was the only one who pushed back and didn't give up on me. He pushed until I didn't want to push back anymore. He was different. He was special. I thought I was ready to let him in but at the first sign of trouble I put up the walls again."
"But eomma, I want to be with him again. I really don't want to be alone anymore. He makes me happy and I want to make him happy. You don't know him too well but you'll actually like him. He loves your kimchi spaghetti recipe and he says... he say he loves me, too. And that's amazing, right?" Kyungsoo's shoulders droop. "I just don't know how to get him back."
"You start by promising him to cook kimchi spaghetti every day." Kyungsoo turned around and saw Jongin a few steps away, holding a small basket of flowers. Jongin went closer and placed the arrangement beside Kyungsoo's. He bowed before the tombstone and then looked at Kyungsoo. "And then you tell him I'm yours, Jongin. Or something as cheesy and sappy as that."
Kyungsoo can see Jongin was joking but he can also see wariness in his eyes. He knew he didn't deserve this and the boy was making it really easy for him. He was here and he remembered to come with flowers. Even though they were in a fight, he still came.
"I promise to cook kimchi spaghetti every other day. Every day is just too much." Kyungsoo said. His eyes were starting to cloud again and he wants to finish this before he bawls like a child. "And... You're mine, Jongin."
"Good enough for me." Then Jongin said with a laugh and gathered him into his arms. It was nice to rest his head against the taller boy's shoulder again. He put his arms around Jongin's waist and held on tight.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-" Kyungsoo started to explain.
"Shhh. I don't need you to be sorry. I just want you to be happy from now on. With me." Jongin leaned down and kissed his cheek. "Let's go home."
They couldn't keep their hands off each other.
So now they lay tangled in the sofa not two minutes after crossing the door. Jongin was thinking maybe they should fight once in a while if Kyungsoo will be this uh, passionate when they make up.
He really missed him. It was six instant-noodle-days and six kyungsoo-less nights. He wanted to make things right between them sooner but he wanted Kyungsoo to come to him this time. Just to be sure that it's real. He almost forgot about Kyungsoo's parent’s death anniversary, wallowing in self pity as he was. But he knew he couldn't skip it even if he was not in good terms with the older boy. It was a tradition for him every year: Paying respects to Kyungsoo's parents and thanking them for having Kyungsoo in his life.
He didn't expect to still find him there since he already came late. He also didn't mean to overhear parts of what Kyungsoo had to say but he was glad he did. He actually wanted to throw the flowers in the air and maybe jump up and down but it was not the right place and he wanted to look cool for once.
He broke off the kiss, feeling that he was forgetting something which is not really impossible since he forgets everything every time they kiss. He gets distracted still when Kyungsoo started nuzzling his neck which he didn't know was all that sensitive until his boyfriend trailed kisses against it.
"Princess-" Jongin started because he really felt he had to do something. But God, he didn't want to stop.
"Hmm?" Kyungsoo was still nuzzling him.
"Stop. I mean, yeah. Stop for a while."
"Why?" Kyungsoo asked his lips against Jongin's ear.
Jongin shook his head to clear it a little. What was it he was going to say? "Yeah, before we continue, I have to do something." Jongin straightened and disentangled Kyungsoo's arm from around his neck. Kyungsoo threw him a puzzled look saying you have something more important to do than this?
"Wait here. I'm gonna get it." It was hard to walk in with shaky legs but Jongin managed to get to his bag and take out the small voice recorder that Joonmyeon handed him the other day. The ahjussi said that Kyungsoo left it the day they finished the song, the day they fought. Snoopy as he was he listened to it hoping to hear Kyungsoo's voice which he missed. He pushed play then came out one of the most beautiful songs in the world sang by the most beautiful voice he ever heard.
"Your Joonmyeon-ahjussi gave me this the other day." Jongin said showing the recorder to Kyungsoo. "Here."
Kyungsoo reached out for it. "I thought I lost it. I had a spare though but it's great to have this back."
"I'm sorry but I listened to what's recorded in it."
"You did?"
"Yes and I can't understand why you won't sing in public. You really are great." Jongin sat at the coffee table facing Kyungsoo who was still sitting on the sofa and held both his hands. "You have a gift. It's wasted on merely composing. Sing."
"But... I don't know if I can anymore." Kyungsoo said hesitantly.
"You can. For what it's worth, I'll always be here to listen to you. Every day. Every time."
Jongin can see Kyungsoo wavering as he looked at their linked hands. "Was it really that great?"
"Yeah. When I listened to the song, I wanted to cry. It was perfect. It was everything I felt for you put into words and notes."
"Will you sing it for me?"
"I love you and I care for your welfare, so no." Jongin said deadpanned. Kyungsoo laughed. Jongin smiled. It was good hearing him laugh again.
"I thought you wanted me to sing? That will be my condition then. Sing to me first and I'll sing for you whenever you want." The younger boy saw the teasing glint in Kyungsoo's eyes.
"Your highness, why must we go through this? Haven't I proved my feelings for you enough?"
"Just prove it one last time."
"I'm just afraid you know? What if you leave me?"
"Jongin-ah, just this once? I actually wrote the song based on what you told me back then. You're exactly right. It is your words. I just want to hear it directly from you." Kyungsoo cupped Jongin's cheek.
"Now, how can I possibly say no to that?"
"You can't." Kyungsoo said smugly.
"Fine. Cover your ears." Jongin warned. He was sweating and nervous not because he didn't know the words, he actually had the song memorized from listening to it again and again. He was nervous because he was laying his heart again for Kyungsoo and he was vulnerable. He didn't think he can recover as quickly if Kyungsoo will reject him for the third time.
Baby don’t cry, tonight
eodumi geodhigo namyeon
After the darkness has lifted
Baby don’t cry, tonight
eobseotdeon il-i dwell geoya
It’ll be like nothing ever happened
moolgeo-poom-i dueneun geoseun niga aniya,
You will never become a bubble,
ggeutnae molla ya hae deon
In the end you don’t have to know
So baby don’t cry, cry
nae sarangi neol jikilteni
For my love will protect you.
Jongin sang the words, feeling them from his heart. He saw Kyungsoo close his eyes as he was listening. After the song, he waited anxiously as Kyungsoo finally looked at him and spoke.
"You murdered my song. You were more out of tune than a deaf frog." Kyungsoo joked but Jongin saw there were tears on his eyes. "But I can feel every word you said was true. It was horrible but you are great. You get zero for musicality but 100 for effort. So congratulations, you pass." Kyungsoo pulled him into his arms.
Then they were kissing again. Their lips melding deeper. And Jongin could've expired right there and then when Kyungsoo broke the kiss and said, "Let's be together."
"But we're already together." Jongin said slowly, sure that he heard Kyungsoo wrong.
"No. I meant let's be together. Tonight." Kyungsoo whispered.
Jongin answered him with a kiss as he pulled Kyungsoo up from the sofa.
Much later, Jongin scooted Kyungsoo closer to him as they lay in his bed. He was hugging the shorter guy from behind and he couldn't be happier. It was the perfect position to whisper to the sleeping Kyungsoo's ear. "I love you, princess."
He was drifting off to sleep when he heard Kyungsoo say for the first time, "I love you, frog."
He was wrong. He found out he could be happier.
EPILOGUE
Chanyeol was excited. He was finally going to hear Kyungsoo sing in public again for the first time in five years. He was glad that Jongin and he were able to patch things together and they couldn't be sweeter. Which turned out to be a problem of sorts for him because the couple sitting to his right doesn’t want to be outdone. Sehun resolved to force their overly disgusting sweetness down his and Jongin and Kyungsoo's throats. He didn't really mind it at first as the two couples were trying to out-sweet and to out-cute each other but being surrounded by two couples in love especially if you're alone is kinda frustrating.
He sighed. He was tired being a third wheel... or is it fifth? He was distracted by his thoughts as he heard Luhan talk to Sehun.
"Because it will be a duet."
"But why? Isn't it hyung's song?" Sehun asked.
"Yes, but it was kind of a last minute decision for Kyungsoo to sing. We already got a boy to sing for him originally. He's actually a friend of Joonmyeon who's gonna formally transfer here next year. And he's really a great singer, his voice is... heavenly."
"Your voice is heavenly." Sehun gave Luhan a peck on the cheek.
"I already know that." Luhan laughed. "And besides Kyungsoo was still nervous about going on stage so he really was grateful to have somebody duet with him instead of singing alone."
"Well, I hope everything turns out great." Chanyeol said.
"I actually already heard them practice and the little boy was really good. And pretty, too." Jongin said from Chanyeol's left.
"He's not as little as all that. He sure is pretty, though." Chanyeol saw Sehun frown from what Luhan said.
"You're cute when you're jealous." Luhan giggled and it was his turn to kiss Sehun. Jongin and Chanyeol looked at each other and just rolled their eyes at the couple. But Jongin was soon distracted when the emcee spoke and announced the title of the next performance. Chanyeol looked sideways at Jongin as Kyungsoo's name was announced. He looked so proud and so in love. Chanyeol was too busy feeling envious so he wasn't prepared when he heard an angel sing.
deoneun mangseoliji ma jebal
nae simjangeul geodoo-eoga…
Chanyeol turned to look at where the voice was coming from. There on the stage was the most beautiful person he had ever seen.
They say that love can happen in a blink of an eye. Chanyeol could honestly say that's not true. Because when it hit him, he couldn't even blink. It's like his eyelids became paralyzed and he couldn't look away.
"What..? Who?" Chanyeol couldn't complete his question. Luhan looked curiously at him.
"You mean who is that? Tsk. weren’t you listening? He's Joonmyeon's friend. His name's Byun Baekhyun."
Part I // Part II // Part III // FINAL
THE BAEKYEOL SEQUEL ILL POST HERE IN LJ ONCE IT'S FINISHED IN AFF.. but if you want to read it, here:
Anywhere with You is Heaven
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