[Fic] One Feeling at a Time | J2 | PG
ONE FEELING AT A TIME
Jared/Jensen. PG. Based on Peter Pan for j2_everafter
7,000 words. Beta (and ~ bonus artz!) by dugindeep. She made some hilarious manips -- Jensen is the most perfect fairy! ♥
Jared was never supposed to grow up. He was also never supposed to come back. A story about a love that endures across time and distance.
The boy who was never supposed to grow up was never supposed to come back.
She has never been one for planning. It is in her nature to change. The souls she's gathered seldom bend to plans, rules, or traditions, but she makes an exception for the benefit of a sole spirit, one Neverland herself has always treasured.
Neverland is a vital creature, as alive as any of the spirits living within her boundaries, flowing through seasons on her whim. She hasn't thought about the boy in a long time, content to leave him as a warm, sweet memory. He has been woven into her legends-the brave boy with his sunshine smile and clever mind-but like all young men, he'd wanted to see all the world had to offer.
He had devastated so many.
Today, her sun rises in the west and sets in the east, blowing its warm breath over the island, and she gazes down at her charges all day long. She doesn't expect the ripple of magic that passes over her. Strange but not unknown, and she feels its power.
Neverland's sky smiles; her clouds drift together to form cheery shapes. Her knowledge spreads from sea to shore and up into the tangled jungles. Even the flora reacts, spring bursting into bloom early as the Neverland wakes into life. Nature celebrates and soon all will know what the day brings.
Allowing herself to be caught by the soft wind, she floats down into her lagoons, revitalized by the shimmering mineral water, before beginning the search for her treasured spirit-the one who has not smiled in far too long.
The one they call Jensen.
The lark's morning call is sweet and clear in the meadow. Its chirping bounces from tree to tree until the sound invades Jensen's little hideaway high in the oak tree.
His home is tucked in a nook where the wind and delicate rains won't bother him. A curtain of fresh springy moss shields Jensen from the brightest morning rays. Each day, the sun tries to rouse Jensen early so he can flock and dance with the other fairies. But every morning, Jensen tucks himself deep into the nautilus shell-fashioned into a bed with cotton, leaves, and stolen scraps of silk-and deprives the Neverland of his visage for a few more hours.
Jensen allows himself the vice of sleep, indulgence the only thing he's able to feel. That and the subtle prick of something else at the limits of his consciousness, but Jensen doesn't think too hard on it. He's a fairy-these days he tries not to think too hard on anything. It makes his wings ache.
When Jensen deigns to flutter out of his cozy nautilus nest, he alights in front of the gilded pocket mirror and studies his reflection.
Ears pointed in the shape of a dewdrop's leaf and cheeks uniquely freckled. Eyes the shade of a four-leaf clover with a lucky sparkle in the outer corners, and hair that gathers sunlight, golden and burnished. Wings made of gossamer and held together by magic; clothes sewn from indigo petals and brown silk.
Jensen's not certain what beautiful means, but the boy used to call him that when Jensen's wings caught the light just so, refracting all the colors of the sky around the clearings they laid in. To Jensen, beautiful was the way the boy grinned when he said it, cheeks browned from the sun and hair mussed with grass. Beauty was a place and a time long-gone.
He doesn't want to think about that either.
Fairies are small; their thoughts fly away in an instant. Jensen steps out onto an oak branch and wonders what to do with his day. There's no shortage of diversions in the Neverland: he could taunt the mermaids with shiny baubles that dissolve beneath the water, but he doesn't need those she-beasts any angrier with him. If nothing else, they're a source of knowledge. Or, he could brave the lagoon's mists, let the cool drops tickle his wings and visit friends living amongst the tropical blooms.
Somehow, Jensen finds himself averse to the idea of company.
With a shake of his wings, Jensen flies off towards the Great Cliffs instead. The fruit trees tucked into the rocks and ledges always provide the most succulent treats and Jensen is hungry. If he'd had space for the memories in his mind just then, he would have recalled flying to those very cliffs when the sun was high and sharing juicy citrus with the boy, and being fed sweet drops from nectarines as the two of them laughed any cares away.
As it is, Jensen has no room to remember, being hungry and bored all at once.
Word travels quickly in the Neverland.
Being tall, the palms hear the news first and tell the hibiscus plants, who then spread their vibrant petals wide enough to share the news with the drooping jungle vines. The sinuous coils and lengths of the vines carry the news throughout the Neverland, not stopping until they reach every corner of the island.
Jensen hears it from the clematis winding around the base of the apricot tree. The perky blue flowers are harlots, letting anyone stroke their petals, but they collect gossip in droves.
A piece of fleshy fruit, no larger than a kernel of corn, drops from Jensen's hands as his mind clouds over with fear.
The coral bells dance, tiny pink blooms on delicate stems, their chimes heard only by fairy folk. Excitement in their music, anticipation reaching Jensen's ears.
It's not possible.
The boy-the boy who'd loved them all-is back.
For a moment, Jensen doesn't know what to do. His fingers are sticky from the apricots; sunlight plays through his eyelashes. A gentle breeze ruffles his hair and coaxes him out of the fruit tree. He barely needs to think about where he's going. His wings guide him across the blue bay to a jut of land pushing its way out into the water. A tall tree with branches reaching to the four winds stretches skyward where the land ends.
If the boy truly has come back, Jensen is sure that the tree is where he'll go. After all, it had once been their home.
Jensen sees nothing out of the ordinary at first, but then his eyes only remember a boy of thirteen summers: lean, always dirty, and with an eager grin for the best of his friends. Searching out that boy, Jensen's fairy eyes almost miss the long shadow of a man standing in the center of the treehouse.
Now fairies are small and move with great speed. Most cannot keep up with their magical movements. But this man's eyes follow Jensen's glow as he darts across the treehouse. Jensen knows then, without much of a doubt, that this is the same boy who flew through universes with him. Only he seems changed.
Little in Neverland changes unless she means for it to. But truly, Jensen considers, the boy isn't merely different-he's gone.
"Who are you?" Jensen asks, just to be sure. The man's eyes widen in recognition of Jensen's fairy tongue, and he grins.
"Jensen, don't you know me?"
"I knew a boy who used to stand as you do now," Jensen says, hovering easily in front of the man's angled features.
"I'm that boy." The man's voice is strange to Jensen's ears: harder, less joy, but it's not completely unhappy. "I'm Jared."
Jensen burns brighter just hearing the name. He alights on a branch next to the man's cheek, keeping their eyes level.
Jared... He dares not believe.
The man submits to Jensen's appraisal, his smirk reminiscent of the boy Jensen has never been able to truly forget. Jensen hovers, touching the tip of the man's nose with delicate hands and watching him smile. That grin is the same, only wider. The man's eyes are deeper but remain that wonderfully sweet shade of caramel; the fondness captured within them is unmistakable.
Jensen needs to be sure. He floats down the long body, tactile and curious, searching for anything familiar.
The only grownups in Neverland are pirates and buxom wenches, or those amongst the ginger-skinned People of the Land. Jensen has never seen anyone on the island who looks like this.
The shape of the boy he loved is no more. This man is tall and leanly built, dressed like a coarse stranger in odd clothing, nothing like the loose and dirty clothes the boy used to run around in. Jensen touches the man's feet, long like a beaver's tail, and Jensen's laugh rings like a bell when the toes wiggle. Jensen skims across hands that could wrap around tree trunks with room to spare. He remembers when the boy grew enough to hold Jensen in his open palms and the way he danced on the boy's warm skin.
Jensen feels sadness for a moment. He mourns the loss of the boy he knew so well, the one who soared with him from one adventure to another. Those memories have nourished Jensen for countless years, crystal clear and satisfying. He used to take them out one at a time and feel the joy of their friendship, never thinking a day like this would come.
His boy has been remade into a staggering man. The melancholy that darkens Jensen's soul is only temporary, nothing compared to the thrill of a bond renewed.
The man holds out his palm, fingertips up. Jensen smiles and alights on the open hand.
"Jared," he sings, letting that treasured name leave his lips for the first time in an age. "You came back."
"I came back to you." Jared's new voice strums across Jensen's heartstrings in a rhythm he'll always carry.
Jensen's chest is lighter than air. He floats and twirls around Jared's face, setting it aglow in his colors because his happiness is incandescent. The tree joins in his celebration, letting warm breezes drift through its swaying branches to play across their skin.
"What should we do today?" Jensen leaps right back into their friendship, unwilling to let Jared out of his sight and eager to make new memories. His wings are a-quiver with energy and he suddenly wants to fly up to the Neverland's heights, bringing Jared with him to see if his world looks any brighter than it did yesterday.
Jared's not speaking; his bright eyes under tipped lashes watch Jensen carefully as the fairy flutters back onto his hand.
"I was eating fruit on the cliffs," Jensen offers. "We could go back there or we could visit the waterfalls." A strange thought hits him and his colors fade. He pulls at his wings. "Do you still like those things?"
"I do," Jared says, "But Jensen -"
The fairy closes his eyes, feeling Jared's warm voice hit his cheeks.
"Let's stay up here for a little bit, okay?"
"Alright."
Jensen's perfectly happy to stay in their tree and be close to Jared. New adventures can wait.
They explore the treehouse together, eyes lighting on old trinkets left behind. Jensen hasn't visited this place in ages, haunted by memories and unable to fly in the sad and heavy air. But no longer. He flies from corner to corner and circles Jared, caught up in all the wonderful days they'd spent here. Jared remembers along with him, laughing when Jensen's gossamer wings tickle his ears.
Jensen darts into the old hollow Jared carved out for him a lifetime ago. As a boy, Jared had filled the space with the softest moss and decorated it with shiny ornaments he'd swiped from pirates and barkeeps. The hollow is empty now-Jensen had taken his prized baubles to his oak nook after Jared... Well, just after.
Their names are carved into the wrinkled bark, Jared's work. Over many years, the branches grew back towards one another, forming an open heart through which Jared and Jensen watched the sun set. This tree had once been home, the word holding more than Jensen ever imagined it could. Until it ended.
Just then, Jensen sees the rope swing Jared built and he flies away from his troubling thoughts.
The sun is smiling high overhead, beaming down through the green canopy. Jared rocks slowly back and forth on the swing with Jensen perched on his shoulder. Jared's eyes are focused far away and the corners of his mouth have dropped. Jensen shuffles closer.
"Are you hurt?"
"No." Jared smiles for him. "I'm not hurt."
"You used to look like that when you fell out of the tree or slipped on wet rocks in the lagoon."
"Sometimes I'm just sad."
"What about?" Jensen asks, running his hands over the strange texture of Jared's white shirt. The threads are soft and smooth; Jensen's fingers sink right into the plush fabric. "You're home."
"I am, and I'm very happy to be."
"So you should look happy," Jensen concludes, stepping along Jared's shoulder until he can touch his face. He pulls at Jared's lips and finds those hidden dimples, the turn of Jared's mouth that Jensen used to imagine was made just for him. His wings brush under Jared's eyelashes, the corners of his eyes relaxing. "I like it when you're happy."
"I promise that I'm happy, Jensen. Things are just a little more complicated than that."
Jensen's nose wrinkles. Fairies don't like complicated. Nothing in the Neverland is supposed to be anything other than simple. Children will always fight pirates, the plants will always come back into bloom, the fruit will always taste sweeter when it's harder to get to, and Jensen will always love Jared.
Simple. Jensen enjoys effortless notions. Plenty of room for those between his elegantly pointed ears.
"I know," Jared laughs and Jensen's ears perk up. "You don't think things should be complicated."
"No." Jensen sits back on Jared's shoulder, a broader perch than he's used to. "They shouldn't... Because we're not..." There aren't enough words in Jensen's mind to articulate what he needs to say. All he really wants is to fill every golden hour from then on with happiness and fun, the way he and Jared used to get on. He has no time to waste with puzzles and explanations. "What should we do next?"
"Jensen."
The timbre of Jared's voice breaks Jensen's smile.
"I know," Jensen sulks. You want to stay here."
They swing together in a familiar rhythm. Jensen begins to relax, snuggling into soft folds. Whatever Jared is wearing, Jensen's fairy senses enjoy the feel, like the softest fur sewn into clothing. He drifts as they rock, content to listen as Jared breathes and hums nonsensical melodies the way he once had as a boy.
"Jensen?" Jared asks, voice as delicate as a winter bloom. "Tell me a story."
"What kind?"
"Anything. Tell me something I've missed."
Jensen hesitates, his slender limbs trembling. Jared must feel him, raising a fingertip to touch Jensen's leg.
"Tell me a pirate story then."
Holding onto Jared's finger, Jensen flutters. "Have you heard the tale of Captain Artemus Spence?"
Jared laughs. "No, but he sounds fearsome."
"Indeed. So fearsome that his crew never looked him in the eye, afraid of their captain's displeasure. He sought treasures that had never before been found, sailing his ship, the Red Angelica into uncharted waters..."
Nostalgia sweeps Jensen up in her throes, carrying both fairy and man into a world of pleasant tales. Vines weave around the thick ropes, eavesdropping leaves unfolding to hear Jensen's voice as creeping stems push the swing back and forth.
"But he called the Neverland home for a time and, oh, the adventures he brought with him."
She remembers bringing him here, the lonely child with the dimpled mouth and hungry eyes. He'd been so close to fading completely, abused and abandoned. His soul crying out even as he'd shouldered the burden of an orphaned existence, picking his meals off the streets and hiding under eaves during the downpours.
She had never seen one so desperately in need of her help.
Jared, his name was. He'd gazed upon her colorful gown distrustingly, dirty fingers wringing into his tattered clothing. She'd been kind and careful, using soft words and promises of sunshine and flowers and friends to lure the boy out of the shadows. When Jared emerged, she smiled and told him she would take away his pain. Reaching for his hand, she'd gathered him up heedless of his grubby skin and gnarled hair, tucking him close for the journey home.
All of the boys she brought to her shores were special souls given the chance to thrive. Keeping them young meant they'd never lose what joy they found in Neverland; they were meant to always be boys and have fun, her eternal lost ones.
But Jared was different.
She could soothe his pain and hunger, wash the grime and tears from his dimpled cheeks with pure sparkling water, but she couldn't take away his fear. Jared's scars were too many. He sat apart, scared and alone while the other boys mocked and teased. Day after day, Neverland sent her creatures-stubborn gnomes, majestic fauns, and tree sprites-with fruits and sweets to the leafy glen Jared had hidden himself in, hoping to coax him out.
Nothing worked until that fateful day, unremarkable in all aspects except one. It was the day Jensen was sent to the glen with ripe apricots, their flesh perfectly blushed and firm.
That was the day Jensen fell in love and the day Neverland realized her greatest mistake.
Concerned about her newest charge, she kept a close eye on the boy, waiting for one small smile. She watched Jensen flutter into Jared's lonely hollow, amazed when her proud little fairy prince lingered longer than any other Neversoul had.
"Why are you hiding?"
Fairies were always blunt and single-minded. Jared looked up, shadowy eyes puzzled. His lower lip dropped open for a moment then snapped shut
"This isn't a very good spot for hiding," Jensen said, settling on Jared's knobbled knee. "There are better places. I could show you."
She just had to grin to herself. Jensen was irresistible; he perched contentedly and regaled the trembling boy with his favorite hiding places across the island, unmindful of Jared's continued silence. Jensen opened and closed his iridescent wings, drawing Jared's eyes.
"What are you?" came the boy's fragile whisper.
Jensen shook himself, a rain of gold dust painting the clothing Neverland had provided for Jared.
"I'm a fairy, of course. I would never ask what you are," he added. "You're a boy, and a very sad one at that. What's wrong?"
"I'm scared."
"Of what?"
"Of being here," Jared stammered, curling his lanky torso over Jensen's light as if it would warm him. "Of all the strange creatures I've seen."
Jensen walked on fine feet up Jared's leg, getting a closer look at this new and curious boy. His wings shone gold then purple as his spirit instinctively warmed to Jared. The boy's eyes, now warm like melting brown sugar, wandered from the tip of Jensen's tiny toes up to the point of his ears and the crown of fairy jasmine in his hair.
"Are you afraid of me?" Jensen asked.
"No," Jared said. "You're nice. Will you stay with me?"
He reached out to the fairy with trembling fingers and Jensen's wings burned from orange to red. It was then Neverland understood her mistake. Perhaps Jared truly was different; he'd been destined to come here, but he didn't belong to her after all.
"I will stay with you always." The promise fell easily from Jensen's lips. At that moment, she knew it was a promise the fairy would never willingly break. "What is your name?"
"I'm Jared. What's yours?"
She finally saw the smile she'd been waiting for on the boy's face. The fairy was beaming back at him.
"My name is Jensen."
A shooting star races across the indigo sky above their heads. Lying on the highest platform in their tree, Jensen and Jared look at the stars. The patterns of the constellations change nightly but Jensen isn't focused on finding new shapes in the heavens. He's curled on Jared's chest, lifted with each breath Jared takes.
The night air is warm and fragrant from dazzling night blooms like the cereus, their white petals spread open for the moonlight to shine on. Jensen feels like he's floating, the beat of Jared's noble heart thumping through his veins all the way to the tips of his wings.
He and Jared used to stargaze together, wondering at the punishment inflicted on the stars long ago when they were forever banished to the heavens. Jensen and Jared would let the hours slip by, for they had so many to spare, lying around until the skies began to lighten and they'd run off into another adventure.
Jensen's stories had taken them through most of the evening, telling Jared about things he'd missed until his voice gave way to silence and the sound of the Neverland at night.
"I could fall asleep right here." Jared's chest heaves with his voice. Jensen feels similarly; he'd sleep better here than in his nook, even in the nautilus shell that Jared had brought him years ago.
"Don't," Jensen insists, flipping onto his stomach and stretching the ache out of his wings. "There's so much to do."
Jared tilts his head up, eyes flashing in the silver night.
"We have plenty of time, Jensen. Don't worry."
So Jensen doesn't let himself worry. He'd rather keep looking into Jared's eyes, oblivious to the show high above them. Instead of focusing far off, Jared is watching Jensen flutter and move around on his shirt, both of them grinning.
"Are you happier now?"
Jared nods. "Of course I am."
"Good," Jensen says, wings glowing, the colors shining on Jared's face.
Nightbirds call to one another, loving cries echoing through the treetops. They listen for a time, picking out the various songs until Jared takes a deep breath and nearly knocks Jensen from his soft bedding.
"Jensen... Do you remember when I left?"
Jensen freezes, wings going blue and ice-cold. He shoots up and off Jared's chest. Jared sits up to follow him.
"Wait-Jensen, I'm just asking if you remember why."
The fairy is quite sure he doesn't want to remember. His mind begins to cloud ominously.
"It's okay."
Jensen pouts. "I don't know why. You left and there was so much cold and darkness. There was no one to protect me from the rain." His wings droop and he falls to the floor. "You weren't here to fly with me or dance with me or fight pirates-"
"I know," Jared says. "But I want you to know why."
"I don't want to know!"
Sparks fly between them stemming from Jensen's sudden anger. His cheeks heat up and he watches Jared's eyes get bigger. Before the man can say anything, Jensen's emotions explode. A burst of fairy dust showers down and Jared sneezes. Jensen stays long enough to see Jared wobble and fall back before he's shooting across the sky, racing those falling stars.
A jagged streak of blue flashes in the east and she follows it to a small clearing. It's dark and empty, the low moonlight struggling to stretch beyond the oak's massive limbs. Her robes blend into the darkness, pale arms and throat shining with an unnatural glow.
The little nook appears to be deserted but she catches a whimper from behind a trinket box. She feels the soul's pain as if it were her own. Fairies are not meant to be so sad - their emotions create balance in the Neverland.
She calls to him. "Jensen, you can come out."
"I don't want to."
She smiles behind her elegant fingers.
"Come out. Sulking does you no good."
The flutter of pearl wings precedes her precocious little fairy. Jensen's entire body is burdened with the weight of dejection. She refrains from asking what happened; it's easy to guess.
"Why did you bring Jared back?"
She considers lying but the truth says so much more about the boy they both love.
"I didn't."
"What do you mean?"
"I had nothing to do with his return," she says, stepping forward and feeling the cool blades of grass between her bare toes. "He found his own way back to us."
Even as she says it she shows she's mistaken once again. Jared had only one reason to return-she need not flatter herself.
"How?"
"Does it really matter?" she asks. "The more important question is why and that is something only Jared can answer. Why are you not with him, Jensen?"
"I don't know," the fairy whispers.
"Are you glad he came back?"
Stronger now, "Yes, I'm happy, but..."
She waits, able to feel her way across the island to keep an eye on her many charges. One in particular whose thoughts are a jumble, but he'll be here soon enough.
"But?"
Jensen won't meet her eyes. "I want to feel more," he says, "but I don't know how. I'm happy, but I can't... I see him and I need to feel something more, but I don't have the room."
In a moment she understands. Fairies, for all their wondrous talents, are limited. But Jensen is not hers to fix. Not entirely, anyway. She extends her hand and Jensen steps onto her fingertips.
"You must try, Jensen. I cannot tell you how to feel more but I know that you can. Ask Jared why he came back-do not be afraid. Try to understand."
"What if I can't?" he asks, his remarkable green eyes shining up at her. She lays her lips softly upon his head and sets him back in his hollow, forcing herself to turn away from his heavy-hearted expression. She has done what she can.
"I promise that you will."
Jared steps within the circle of the great oak's branches. Jensen watches silently as the man glances around the quiet hideaway, his mouth in a line. The moon is higher now, beaming down through gaps in the branches. Jensen's own light is dim; he can't muster the magic to illuminate his clearing.
"Jensen?" Jared calls. "Why is your light so low?"
Gathering himself, Jensen puts out a stronger glow and hears Jared sigh.
"There you are, I was worried." Jared approaches the oak's trunk, coming closer to Jensen's lonely home. "Is this where you live now? I can see why. You always loved this tree. I remember it being a lot bigger though."
"You used to be smaller," Jensen whispers.
"I suppose you're right."
Jared fits perfectly within the arc of the oak's limbs as Jensen always imagined he would. His boy used to swing from the wide branches, leaping and climbing with Jensen ever at his heels giving chase and laughing. When Jensen could no longer bear living in the treehouse he'd flown here, eased by gentler memories.
"Jensen, look at me."
He tilts his eyes up and Jared's standing right outside his hollow, moonlight brushing his cheeks with shimmer. Ethereal and beautiful-so grown up and strong. Jensen trails his fingers along Jared's silver cheekbone, down into the dimples formed by his smile. He feels brave enough to ask.
"Jared, why did you leave?"
"I thought you didn't want to know," Jared says, hanging his head.
Jensen's wings ruffle behind his back; he's filled with the urge to keep touching Jared, curl his hands in the soft brown strands of hair.
"I followed you here because I was worried and besides," Jared teases. "I thought you said you'd never use dust against me."
Jensen scowls. "I just wanted to get away."
"I know and I'm sorry. I won't bring it up again."
"No," Jensen says. "I want to know." He takes strength from Neverland's promise, his face still warm from her kiss. "Please tell me."
Jared looks to the sky and captures a ray of moonlight with his eyes, wistful and silent for a moment. Jensen longs to fly to him, take up his perch on Jared's shoulder and forget about the whole thing-sleep together on the soft grass until dawn brings them a new day. But even as small as he is, Jensen knows something is meant to happen here tonight. The air is thick with magic.
"I thought a lot about the stories you used to tell me," Jared says, eyes taking on a reminiscent glaze. "There were so many fascinating things to learn about, but what I remembered most were the adventures that finished with happily ever afters. Eventually I realized that I wanted an ending just like that for myself. I wanted a happily ever after, Jensen."
Jensen's wings feel brittle and dry. He doesn't move for fear that he might shatter.
"You weren't happy here?"
"That's not it." Jared's fingers reach out and stop short of touching Jensen's skin. The separation hurts. "You told me so much about love and happiness. Hidden kisses and shared thoughts, living with and for another person. I knew what people in love did, but I didn't know how to love. I wasn't old enough. Love was a grown-up emotion, so that's what I needed to do. Jen, I left because I wanted to grow up and fall in love."
A fairy's heart can break easily. Jensen never thought he'd have to feel that kind of pain. Jared is meant to be his and his alone. If he left in order to find someone to love then he should have stayed gone and spared Jensen's heart.
But Jared takes one look at Jensen's trembling lower lip and gasps.
"Oh no, Jen." Jared scoops Jensen up and cradles him in his palm, speaking gently. "No, I didn't mean it like that. I never wanted to leave but I was growing up for you. Don't you understand?"
Jensen shakes his head, only a pathetic pinch of dust falling from his shoulders.
"It was all for you, Jen. I wanted to love you."
For a moment, Jensen can't process anything beyond the tender expression on Jared's face and the hope adding to the moon's glow in his eyes. They don't fit the ache within him, so Jensen takes a deep breath, listening only to the rich notes of Jared's voice.
"When I was gone, I thought of you every day. I watched the stars for you, wondering why you never followed me. I must have hurt you so badly."
Jared kneels on the grass and carries Jensen down with him. Fireflies flash around them, hiding in the foliage. Jensen knows they don't mean to eavesdrop-the incandescent insects cannot help but be drawn to magic in its many forms.
"I could feel you missing," Jared continues, fingers ghosting over the curves of Jensen's wings. They vibrate to his touch. "As soon as I was old enough, I had to come back. But I only had a little bit of magic left. You gave it to me, I remember now."
"I did?" Jensen ventures to ask.
Jared smiles. "It was enough to get me back here. I was able to fly, thinking of you and how happy I was going to be just seeing you again."
Jensen begins to feel lighter but his mind is spinning out beyond his reach. Jared cups his fingers around Jensen, his questions coming one right after another.
"Can you forgive me for leaving?" he begs Jensen. "Did you miss me the same way I missed you? Will you ever-"
Jared stops and gazes at the shaking fairy he holds.
"Jensen, what's the matter?"
Jensen can't answer. Every breath he takes seems to come from far away, barely making it into his body. Jared pulls him closer, just under his lips, cautious whispers falling on pointed ears. Jensen struggles to remember each of Jared's questions-he knows he has to answer but he's unable to think.
"Are you in pain?" Jared cries, setting Jensen on a soft bed of moss.
It's not pain Jensen feels, more like he's pulling magic from all around him. From the plants beneath him and the stars watching from high above; from the wisdom of the mighty oak and from the love Jared speaks of. He gathers all of it into his tiny body until there's no room left and he bursts into a cascade of enchantment, a rainshower of iridescent dust falling to the ground.
As Jensen blinks to clear the shimmer off his eyelashes, he sees Jared looking at him. Looking up at him because Jensen is suddenly as tall as a grown man. He teeters on long, heavy legs as he grasps futilely for the grace he would normally possess. Jared quickly stands up at his side, arms slinging around Jensen's rather inconveniently large body before he can meet the ground face first.
Perhaps he's not so enormous after all if Jared is capable of holding him this way.
"Jensen, please say something."
He tries, but his head feels strangely open. There is so much room-thoughts and ideas and emotions rush into Jensen's mind. Every feeling he's ever had comes back, slotting into its proper place. And at the forefront of it all is Jared, grand and loving, the reason he exists at all. Though he had only been able to carry one feeling at a time when he was small, somehow Jensen was always aware of his love for Jared. Now that inkling of love grows and grows until it envelops Jensen's entire being.
"Jared-" Jensen feels his voice resonating more deeply than he's used to. "I'm like you."
"You are," Jared says, his joyful voice ringing loud in the night. "I can't believe it! How did this happen?"
Jensen recalls Neverland's kiss and the resolve behind her words. This is the dream he could never bear to tell Jared about, the chance to hold the only person he's ever loved.
"I don't know," Jensen says, unwilling to give voice to his wishes for fear they'll fall apart. "But can we just stay here like this for a while?"
"Anything you want, Jen. Anything, I promise."
Jared touches every inch of Jensen's bare skin and leaves chills in his wake. Jensen shivers and tucks himself against Jared's chest, reeling with disbelief. Everything is new: breathing and hearing and seeing. Within the circle of Jared's arms, Jensen's breaths even out, his senses given time to calm.
Minutes pass and Jensen does not wake from his dream, finally daring to trust that Neverland's gift might be real and lasting.
With their arms woven together, their two souls create a magical picture. Jared shines under the silver moonlight but Jensen's glow comes from within. His golden skin is smooth and lustrous, and his clothing feels like velvet. He wants Jared to know and touch every part of him just as he wants to memorize Jared's new shape.
As Jensen goes to speak, he feels a tingle running down his back. He flutters his wings to scare away the sensation but finds he has no wings to move.
"Oh!" Jensen leaps away from Jared and spins, chin hooked over his shoulder to look behind him. "Where are my wings?"
"I think they're gone," Jared says. He tries to steady Jensen but they fall together, arms windmilling as they drop. They land on the grass and the silver blades tickle their legs.
Jensen's hands fly everywhere as he learns to move in new ways. Jared rolls with him and they play in the grass, laughing innocently. When Jensen's filled with too much mirth to catch his breath, Jared pulls Jensen over his chest and calms him with a soft touch, hands skimming up and down Jensen's back.
Jensen feels sad just for a moment, recalling all the times Jared had praised his lively wings and the rainbow of colors living within them.
"You loved my wings."
Jared shushes him. "I loved them because they were a part of you and because I always knew how you were feeling just by looking at them. But don't worry." He rubs his thumbs across Jensen's cheeks, drawing a blush to his golden visage. "Your eyes tell me everything I need to know. You're still so beautiful, Jen."
"But I won't be able to fly anymore."
Jared smiles. "I can't fly either. I used up the last of my magic getting back to you."
"It's alright. We can find more," Jensen promises.
"I know we will." Jared holds him close. "You know, you're a little too big to lay on me like this."
"I don't care," Jensen whispers, and he doesn't. Lying this way feels as good as it always has, the strength of Jared's body beneath him and the even tempo of his breathing. Jensen could spend a lifetime here, close to Jared's heart.
This day has taken an age to pass and yet will be over too soon. Jensen can't sleep until he's given Jared what he's asked for.
And so, Jensen says, "I forgive you."
"Hmmm?"
"I said, I forgive you," Jensen repeats. "I missed you every single day that you were gone, even when I tried not to think about it."
Catching on, Jared's eyes shine with hope. "And will you ever..."
"Yes," Jensen whispers, sliding up Jared's body until their lips brush. "Because I've loved you longer than you know."
Jared's lips cover Jensen's, giving gentle pressure. Jensen basks in pure white love while the kiss remains chaste, but he's no longer a simple fairy and Jared is not an innocent child. Jensen yields when Jared's tongue touches his lips, mouth parting to accept a sweeter gift. Nothing in Jensen's life compares to this moment when every sense is magnified to drive him crazy with feeling.
Jared's kiss tastes better than the most precious fruit Neverland has to offer. Jensen is surrounded by the intriguing smell of Jared's skin, trailing his nose down Jared's throat for greater hints as to the life Jared lived before he came home. Every sound Jared makes is sweeter than the last, both of them breathing hard and singing with joy. Just the sight of Jared before his eyes is enough to overwhelm Jensen, but touching him is the greater pleasure, feeling where muscle gives way to more delicate areas.
Need and desire press in around them, guiding their bodies in a dance as old as time. Jensen no longer wonders if he's caught in a dreamer's web, wrapping himself in the moment regardless of how long it lasts.
Jensen takes the kiss that has always belonged to him, the one hidden just there in the corner of Jared's soft lips, and gives himself over completely.
She cannot bear to stay any longer. The love she carries for these two souls may be boundless but she's an intruder here. She blesses their hideaway and asks the ancient oak to guard Jared and Jensen well this night. The venerable tree agrees and shuts the lovers away from prying eyes.
Trailing a cloak of darkness behind her, she ascends to the island's highest mountain, chiding herself for not believing that Jared and Jensen's love would eventually conquer separation. The least she could do was help Jensen overcome his size, giving him a body to match the generosity of his heart and the strength of the love he'd borne since the day he befriended one scared little boy.
With generous intentions, she begins to weave Jared and Jensen's future into Neverland's fabric. A home built in the shade of the mighty oak and years to enjoy it. Jared teaching Jensen the joys of living as a human, finding new magic in one another. Adventures that never cease and a love that only burns brighter with time. She leaves space for their own desires to take shape, granting Jensen and Jared the freedom to leave the Neverland one day if they so wish. Far be it from her to deny them the chance to bring light to the darkest corners of the world.
She only hopes they'll return someday. Though Jared and Jensen belong to one another, the Neverland will always be their home and they'll be welcomed back until the day time stops altogether.
As long as it takes, Neverland will wait, for she knows she would be nothing without them.
The bower beneath the oak tree is warm and yet there is no fire. Jensen doesn't waste time wondering at the magic surrounding him-his new body is not the only gift Neverland bestowed tonight.
Jensen imagines they can make a new home here in the quiet clearing. Their treehouse holds too many memories, not all of them sweet. He and Jared are starting over as something more than best friends, something legendary and enchanted, and they'll need a home to match.
But he doesn't speak up or ask Jared about it right now; the moment is too beautiful.
The stars wink at Jensen in their strange language, the translation lost in time and separation. Jensen is sad for them, kept apart from the world for eternity, forced to watch but never touch. Jensen buries the sadness deep down in his mind but will carry it with him, grateful to have his love by his side evermore.
The quiet song Jared has been humming ceases. Jensen closes his eyes and breathes deeply, his spirit sated and content.
"Do you know what love is?" Jensen asks, his cheek resting over Jared's heart.
"Not exactly," Jared says, curling Jensen further into his body. "But I know we'll find it together."
"Are you going to leave me again?"
"Never," Jared whispers. He lays kiss after kiss on Jensen's forehead, love in every gesture. "Never ever."
FIN.
So it's not quite Peter Pan, and certainly not the Disney version. I took more inspiration from J.M. Barrie's plays (and if you know the stories, you'll recognize a few lines and concepts!) and the way he'd crafted the Neverland, as well as from "Hook" and from the more recent Peter Pan movie adaptation with Jason Isaacs. I've always been fascinated by the Neverland and Peter Pan, and Tinker Bell (as she was originally written to be) is one of my all time favorite characters, which is why I longed to write something like this. Plus, Jensen is quite irresistible as a fairy, right?
This story wouldn't have been finished without dugindeep's help -- seriously, that girl knows how to crack a whip! I'm so thankful for her unique methods of motivation! And thank you to the j2_everafter mods for their consideration ;-)
Jared/Jensen. PG. Based on Peter Pan for j2_everafter
7,000 words. Beta (and ~ bonus artz!) by dugindeep. She made some hilarious manips -- Jensen is the most perfect fairy! ♥
Jared was never supposed to grow up. He was also never supposed to come back. A story about a love that endures across time and distance.
The boy who was never supposed to grow up was never supposed to come back.
She has never been one for planning. It is in her nature to change. The souls she's gathered seldom bend to plans, rules, or traditions, but she makes an exception for the benefit of a sole spirit, one Neverland herself has always treasured.
Neverland is a vital creature, as alive as any of the spirits living within her boundaries, flowing through seasons on her whim. She hasn't thought about the boy in a long time, content to leave him as a warm, sweet memory. He has been woven into her legends-the brave boy with his sunshine smile and clever mind-but like all young men, he'd wanted to see all the world had to offer.
He had devastated so many.
Today, her sun rises in the west and sets in the east, blowing its warm breath over the island, and she gazes down at her charges all day long. She doesn't expect the ripple of magic that passes over her. Strange but not unknown, and she feels its power.
Neverland's sky smiles; her clouds drift together to form cheery shapes. Her knowledge spreads from sea to shore and up into the tangled jungles. Even the flora reacts, spring bursting into bloom early as the Neverland wakes into life. Nature celebrates and soon all will know what the day brings.
Allowing herself to be caught by the soft wind, she floats down into her lagoons, revitalized by the shimmering mineral water, before beginning the search for her treasured spirit-the one who has not smiled in far too long.
The one they call Jensen.
The lark's morning call is sweet and clear in the meadow. Its chirping bounces from tree to tree until the sound invades Jensen's little hideaway high in the oak tree.
His home is tucked in a nook where the wind and delicate rains won't bother him. A curtain of fresh springy moss shields Jensen from the brightest morning rays. Each day, the sun tries to rouse Jensen early so he can flock and dance with the other fairies. But every morning, Jensen tucks himself deep into the nautilus shell-fashioned into a bed with cotton, leaves, and stolen scraps of silk-and deprives the Neverland of his visage for a few more hours.
Jensen allows himself the vice of sleep, indulgence the only thing he's able to feel. That and the subtle prick of something else at the limits of his consciousness, but Jensen doesn't think too hard on it. He's a fairy-these days he tries not to think too hard on anything. It makes his wings ache.
When Jensen deigns to flutter out of his cozy nautilus nest, he alights in front of the gilded pocket mirror and studies his reflection.
Ears pointed in the shape of a dewdrop's leaf and cheeks uniquely freckled. Eyes the shade of a four-leaf clover with a lucky sparkle in the outer corners, and hair that gathers sunlight, golden and burnished. Wings made of gossamer and held together by magic; clothes sewn from indigo petals and brown silk.
Jensen's not certain what beautiful means, but the boy used to call him that when Jensen's wings caught the light just so, refracting all the colors of the sky around the clearings they laid in. To Jensen, beautiful was the way the boy grinned when he said it, cheeks browned from the sun and hair mussed with grass. Beauty was a place and a time long-gone.
He doesn't want to think about that either.
Fairies are small; their thoughts fly away in an instant. Jensen steps out onto an oak branch and wonders what to do with his day. There's no shortage of diversions in the Neverland: he could taunt the mermaids with shiny baubles that dissolve beneath the water, but he doesn't need those she-beasts any angrier with him. If nothing else, they're a source of knowledge. Or, he could brave the lagoon's mists, let the cool drops tickle his wings and visit friends living amongst the tropical blooms.
Somehow, Jensen finds himself averse to the idea of company.
With a shake of his wings, Jensen flies off towards the Great Cliffs instead. The fruit trees tucked into the rocks and ledges always provide the most succulent treats and Jensen is hungry. If he'd had space for the memories in his mind just then, he would have recalled flying to those very cliffs when the sun was high and sharing juicy citrus with the boy, and being fed sweet drops from nectarines as the two of them laughed any cares away.
As it is, Jensen has no room to remember, being hungry and bored all at once.
Word travels quickly in the Neverland.
Being tall, the palms hear the news first and tell the hibiscus plants, who then spread their vibrant petals wide enough to share the news with the drooping jungle vines. The sinuous coils and lengths of the vines carry the news throughout the Neverland, not stopping until they reach every corner of the island.
Jensen hears it from the clematis winding around the base of the apricot tree. The perky blue flowers are harlots, letting anyone stroke their petals, but they collect gossip in droves.
A piece of fleshy fruit, no larger than a kernel of corn, drops from Jensen's hands as his mind clouds over with fear.
The coral bells dance, tiny pink blooms on delicate stems, their chimes heard only by fairy folk. Excitement in their music, anticipation reaching Jensen's ears.
It's not possible.
The boy-the boy who'd loved them all-is back.
For a moment, Jensen doesn't know what to do. His fingers are sticky from the apricots; sunlight plays through his eyelashes. A gentle breeze ruffles his hair and coaxes him out of the fruit tree. He barely needs to think about where he's going. His wings guide him across the blue bay to a jut of land pushing its way out into the water. A tall tree with branches reaching to the four winds stretches skyward where the land ends.
If the boy truly has come back, Jensen is sure that the tree is where he'll go. After all, it had once been their home.
Jensen sees nothing out of the ordinary at first, but then his eyes only remember a boy of thirteen summers: lean, always dirty, and with an eager grin for the best of his friends. Searching out that boy, Jensen's fairy eyes almost miss the long shadow of a man standing in the center of the treehouse.
Now fairies are small and move with great speed. Most cannot keep up with their magical movements. But this man's eyes follow Jensen's glow as he darts across the treehouse. Jensen knows then, without much of a doubt, that this is the same boy who flew through universes with him. Only he seems changed.
Little in Neverland changes unless she means for it to. But truly, Jensen considers, the boy isn't merely different-he's gone.
"Who are you?" Jensen asks, just to be sure. The man's eyes widen in recognition of Jensen's fairy tongue, and he grins.
"Jensen, don't you know me?"
"I knew a boy who used to stand as you do now," Jensen says, hovering easily in front of the man's angled features.
"I'm that boy." The man's voice is strange to Jensen's ears: harder, less joy, but it's not completely unhappy. "I'm Jared."
Jensen burns brighter just hearing the name. He alights on a branch next to the man's cheek, keeping their eyes level.
Jared... He dares not believe.
The man submits to Jensen's appraisal, his smirk reminiscent of the boy Jensen has never been able to truly forget. Jensen hovers, touching the tip of the man's nose with delicate hands and watching him smile. That grin is the same, only wider. The man's eyes are deeper but remain that wonderfully sweet shade of caramel; the fondness captured within them is unmistakable.
Jensen needs to be sure. He floats down the long body, tactile and curious, searching for anything familiar.
The only grownups in Neverland are pirates and buxom wenches, or those amongst the ginger-skinned People of the Land. Jensen has never seen anyone on the island who looks like this.
The shape of the boy he loved is no more. This man is tall and leanly built, dressed like a coarse stranger in odd clothing, nothing like the loose and dirty clothes the boy used to run around in. Jensen touches the man's feet, long like a beaver's tail, and Jensen's laugh rings like a bell when the toes wiggle. Jensen skims across hands that could wrap around tree trunks with room to spare. He remembers when the boy grew enough to hold Jensen in his open palms and the way he danced on the boy's warm skin.
Jensen feels sadness for a moment. He mourns the loss of the boy he knew so well, the one who soared with him from one adventure to another. Those memories have nourished Jensen for countless years, crystal clear and satisfying. He used to take them out one at a time and feel the joy of their friendship, never thinking a day like this would come.
His boy has been remade into a staggering man. The melancholy that darkens Jensen's soul is only temporary, nothing compared to the thrill of a bond renewed.
The man holds out his palm, fingertips up. Jensen smiles and alights on the open hand.
"Jared," he sings, letting that treasured name leave his lips for the first time in an age. "You came back."
"I came back to you." Jared's new voice strums across Jensen's heartstrings in a rhythm he'll always carry.
Jensen's chest is lighter than air. He floats and twirls around Jared's face, setting it aglow in his colors because his happiness is incandescent. The tree joins in his celebration, letting warm breezes drift through its swaying branches to play across their skin.
"What should we do today?" Jensen leaps right back into their friendship, unwilling to let Jared out of his sight and eager to make new memories. His wings are a-quiver with energy and he suddenly wants to fly up to the Neverland's heights, bringing Jared with him to see if his world looks any brighter than it did yesterday.
Jared's not speaking; his bright eyes under tipped lashes watch Jensen carefully as the fairy flutters back onto his hand.
"I was eating fruit on the cliffs," Jensen offers. "We could go back there or we could visit the waterfalls." A strange thought hits him and his colors fade. He pulls at his wings. "Do you still like those things?"
"I do," Jared says, "But Jensen -"
The fairy closes his eyes, feeling Jared's warm voice hit his cheeks.
"Let's stay up here for a little bit, okay?"
"Alright."
Jensen's perfectly happy to stay in their tree and be close to Jared. New adventures can wait.
They explore the treehouse together, eyes lighting on old trinkets left behind. Jensen hasn't visited this place in ages, haunted by memories and unable to fly in the sad and heavy air. But no longer. He flies from corner to corner and circles Jared, caught up in all the wonderful days they'd spent here. Jared remembers along with him, laughing when Jensen's gossamer wings tickle his ears.
Jensen darts into the old hollow Jared carved out for him a lifetime ago. As a boy, Jared had filled the space with the softest moss and decorated it with shiny ornaments he'd swiped from pirates and barkeeps. The hollow is empty now-Jensen had taken his prized baubles to his oak nook after Jared... Well, just after.
Their names are carved into the wrinkled bark, Jared's work. Over many years, the branches grew back towards one another, forming an open heart through which Jared and Jensen watched the sun set. This tree had once been home, the word holding more than Jensen ever imagined it could. Until it ended.
Just then, Jensen sees the rope swing Jared built and he flies away from his troubling thoughts.
The sun is smiling high overhead, beaming down through the green canopy. Jared rocks slowly back and forth on the swing with Jensen perched on his shoulder. Jared's eyes are focused far away and the corners of his mouth have dropped. Jensen shuffles closer.
"Are you hurt?"
"No." Jared smiles for him. "I'm not hurt."
"You used to look like that when you fell out of the tree or slipped on wet rocks in the lagoon."
"Sometimes I'm just sad."
"What about?" Jensen asks, running his hands over the strange texture of Jared's white shirt. The threads are soft and smooth; Jensen's fingers sink right into the plush fabric. "You're home."
"I am, and I'm very happy to be."
"So you should look happy," Jensen concludes, stepping along Jared's shoulder until he can touch his face. He pulls at Jared's lips and finds those hidden dimples, the turn of Jared's mouth that Jensen used to imagine was made just for him. His wings brush under Jared's eyelashes, the corners of his eyes relaxing. "I like it when you're happy."
"I promise that I'm happy, Jensen. Things are just a little more complicated than that."
Jensen's nose wrinkles. Fairies don't like complicated. Nothing in the Neverland is supposed to be anything other than simple. Children will always fight pirates, the plants will always come back into bloom, the fruit will always taste sweeter when it's harder to get to, and Jensen will always love Jared.
Simple. Jensen enjoys effortless notions. Plenty of room for those between his elegantly pointed ears.
"I know," Jared laughs and Jensen's ears perk up. "You don't think things should be complicated."
"No." Jensen sits back on Jared's shoulder, a broader perch than he's used to. "They shouldn't... Because we're not..." There aren't enough words in Jensen's mind to articulate what he needs to say. All he really wants is to fill every golden hour from then on with happiness and fun, the way he and Jared used to get on. He has no time to waste with puzzles and explanations. "What should we do next?"
"Jensen."
The timbre of Jared's voice breaks Jensen's smile.
"I know," Jensen sulks. You want to stay here."
They swing together in a familiar rhythm. Jensen begins to relax, snuggling into soft folds. Whatever Jared is wearing, Jensen's fairy senses enjoy the feel, like the softest fur sewn into clothing. He drifts as they rock, content to listen as Jared breathes and hums nonsensical melodies the way he once had as a boy.
"Jensen?" Jared asks, voice as delicate as a winter bloom. "Tell me a story."
"What kind?"
"Anything. Tell me something I've missed."
Jensen hesitates, his slender limbs trembling. Jared must feel him, raising a fingertip to touch Jensen's leg.
"Tell me a pirate story then."
Holding onto Jared's finger, Jensen flutters. "Have you heard the tale of Captain Artemus Spence?"
Jared laughs. "No, but he sounds fearsome."
"Indeed. So fearsome that his crew never looked him in the eye, afraid of their captain's displeasure. He sought treasures that had never before been found, sailing his ship, the Red Angelica into uncharted waters..."
Nostalgia sweeps Jensen up in her throes, carrying both fairy and man into a world of pleasant tales. Vines weave around the thick ropes, eavesdropping leaves unfolding to hear Jensen's voice as creeping stems push the swing back and forth.
"But he called the Neverland home for a time and, oh, the adventures he brought with him."
She remembers bringing him here, the lonely child with the dimpled mouth and hungry eyes. He'd been so close to fading completely, abused and abandoned. His soul crying out even as he'd shouldered the burden of an orphaned existence, picking his meals off the streets and hiding under eaves during the downpours.
She had never seen one so desperately in need of her help.
Jared, his name was. He'd gazed upon her colorful gown distrustingly, dirty fingers wringing into his tattered clothing. She'd been kind and careful, using soft words and promises of sunshine and flowers and friends to lure the boy out of the shadows. When Jared emerged, she smiled and told him she would take away his pain. Reaching for his hand, she'd gathered him up heedless of his grubby skin and gnarled hair, tucking him close for the journey home.
All of the boys she brought to her shores were special souls given the chance to thrive. Keeping them young meant they'd never lose what joy they found in Neverland; they were meant to always be boys and have fun, her eternal lost ones.
But Jared was different.
She could soothe his pain and hunger, wash the grime and tears from his dimpled cheeks with pure sparkling water, but she couldn't take away his fear. Jared's scars were too many. He sat apart, scared and alone while the other boys mocked and teased. Day after day, Neverland sent her creatures-stubborn gnomes, majestic fauns, and tree sprites-with fruits and sweets to the leafy glen Jared had hidden himself in, hoping to coax him out.
Nothing worked until that fateful day, unremarkable in all aspects except one. It was the day Jensen was sent to the glen with ripe apricots, their flesh perfectly blushed and firm.
That was the day Jensen fell in love and the day Neverland realized her greatest mistake.
Concerned about her newest charge, she kept a close eye on the boy, waiting for one small smile. She watched Jensen flutter into Jared's lonely hollow, amazed when her proud little fairy prince lingered longer than any other Neversoul had.
"Why are you hiding?"
Fairies were always blunt and single-minded. Jared looked up, shadowy eyes puzzled. His lower lip dropped open for a moment then snapped shut
"This isn't a very good spot for hiding," Jensen said, settling on Jared's knobbled knee. "There are better places. I could show you."
She just had to grin to herself. Jensen was irresistible; he perched contentedly and regaled the trembling boy with his favorite hiding places across the island, unmindful of Jared's continued silence. Jensen opened and closed his iridescent wings, drawing Jared's eyes.
"What are you?" came the boy's fragile whisper.
Jensen shook himself, a rain of gold dust painting the clothing Neverland had provided for Jared.
"I'm a fairy, of course. I would never ask what you are," he added. "You're a boy, and a very sad one at that. What's wrong?"
"I'm scared."
"Of what?"
"Of being here," Jared stammered, curling his lanky torso over Jensen's light as if it would warm him. "Of all the strange creatures I've seen."
Jensen walked on fine feet up Jared's leg, getting a closer look at this new and curious boy. His wings shone gold then purple as his spirit instinctively warmed to Jared. The boy's eyes, now warm like melting brown sugar, wandered from the tip of Jensen's tiny toes up to the point of his ears and the crown of fairy jasmine in his hair.
"Are you afraid of me?" Jensen asked.
"No," Jared said. "You're nice. Will you stay with me?"
He reached out to the fairy with trembling fingers and Jensen's wings burned from orange to red. It was then Neverland understood her mistake. Perhaps Jared truly was different; he'd been destined to come here, but he didn't belong to her after all.
"I will stay with you always." The promise fell easily from Jensen's lips. At that moment, she knew it was a promise the fairy would never willingly break. "What is your name?"
"I'm Jared. What's yours?"
She finally saw the smile she'd been waiting for on the boy's face. The fairy was beaming back at him.
"My name is Jensen."
A shooting star races across the indigo sky above their heads. Lying on the highest platform in their tree, Jensen and Jared look at the stars. The patterns of the constellations change nightly but Jensen isn't focused on finding new shapes in the heavens. He's curled on Jared's chest, lifted with each breath Jared takes.
The night air is warm and fragrant from dazzling night blooms like the cereus, their white petals spread open for the moonlight to shine on. Jensen feels like he's floating, the beat of Jared's noble heart thumping through his veins all the way to the tips of his wings.
He and Jared used to stargaze together, wondering at the punishment inflicted on the stars long ago when they were forever banished to the heavens. Jensen and Jared would let the hours slip by, for they had so many to spare, lying around until the skies began to lighten and they'd run off into another adventure.
Jensen's stories had taken them through most of the evening, telling Jared about things he'd missed until his voice gave way to silence and the sound of the Neverland at night.
"I could fall asleep right here." Jared's chest heaves with his voice. Jensen feels similarly; he'd sleep better here than in his nook, even in the nautilus shell that Jared had brought him years ago.
"Don't," Jensen insists, flipping onto his stomach and stretching the ache out of his wings. "There's so much to do."
Jared tilts his head up, eyes flashing in the silver night.
"We have plenty of time, Jensen. Don't worry."
So Jensen doesn't let himself worry. He'd rather keep looking into Jared's eyes, oblivious to the show high above them. Instead of focusing far off, Jared is watching Jensen flutter and move around on his shirt, both of them grinning.
"Are you happier now?"
Jared nods. "Of course I am."
"Good," Jensen says, wings glowing, the colors shining on Jared's face.
Nightbirds call to one another, loving cries echoing through the treetops. They listen for a time, picking out the various songs until Jared takes a deep breath and nearly knocks Jensen from his soft bedding.
"Jensen... Do you remember when I left?"
Jensen freezes, wings going blue and ice-cold. He shoots up and off Jared's chest. Jared sits up to follow him.
"Wait-Jensen, I'm just asking if you remember why."
The fairy is quite sure he doesn't want to remember. His mind begins to cloud ominously.
"It's okay."
Jensen pouts. "I don't know why. You left and there was so much cold and darkness. There was no one to protect me from the rain." His wings droop and he falls to the floor. "You weren't here to fly with me or dance with me or fight pirates-"
"I know," Jared says. "But I want you to know why."
"I don't want to know!"
Sparks fly between them stemming from Jensen's sudden anger. His cheeks heat up and he watches Jared's eyes get bigger. Before the man can say anything, Jensen's emotions explode. A burst of fairy dust showers down and Jared sneezes. Jensen stays long enough to see Jared wobble and fall back before he's shooting across the sky, racing those falling stars.
A jagged streak of blue flashes in the east and she follows it to a small clearing. It's dark and empty, the low moonlight struggling to stretch beyond the oak's massive limbs. Her robes blend into the darkness, pale arms and throat shining with an unnatural glow.
The little nook appears to be deserted but she catches a whimper from behind a trinket box. She feels the soul's pain as if it were her own. Fairies are not meant to be so sad - their emotions create balance in the Neverland.
She calls to him. "Jensen, you can come out."
"I don't want to."
She smiles behind her elegant fingers.
"Come out. Sulking does you no good."
The flutter of pearl wings precedes her precocious little fairy. Jensen's entire body is burdened with the weight of dejection. She refrains from asking what happened; it's easy to guess.
"Why did you bring Jared back?"
She considers lying but the truth says so much more about the boy they both love.
"I didn't."
"What do you mean?"
"I had nothing to do with his return," she says, stepping forward and feeling the cool blades of grass between her bare toes. "He found his own way back to us."
Even as she says it she shows she's mistaken once again. Jared had only one reason to return-she need not flatter herself.
"How?"
"Does it really matter?" she asks. "The more important question is why and that is something only Jared can answer. Why are you not with him, Jensen?"
"I don't know," the fairy whispers.
"Are you glad he came back?"
Stronger now, "Yes, I'm happy, but..."
She waits, able to feel her way across the island to keep an eye on her many charges. One in particular whose thoughts are a jumble, but he'll be here soon enough.
"But?"
Jensen won't meet her eyes. "I want to feel more," he says, "but I don't know how. I'm happy, but I can't... I see him and I need to feel something more, but I don't have the room."
In a moment she understands. Fairies, for all their wondrous talents, are limited. But Jensen is not hers to fix. Not entirely, anyway. She extends her hand and Jensen steps onto her fingertips.
"You must try, Jensen. I cannot tell you how to feel more but I know that you can. Ask Jared why he came back-do not be afraid. Try to understand."
"What if I can't?" he asks, his remarkable green eyes shining up at her. She lays her lips softly upon his head and sets him back in his hollow, forcing herself to turn away from his heavy-hearted expression. She has done what she can.
"I promise that you will."
Jared steps within the circle of the great oak's branches. Jensen watches silently as the man glances around the quiet hideaway, his mouth in a line. The moon is higher now, beaming down through gaps in the branches. Jensen's own light is dim; he can't muster the magic to illuminate his clearing.
"Jensen?" Jared calls. "Why is your light so low?"
Gathering himself, Jensen puts out a stronger glow and hears Jared sigh.
"There you are, I was worried." Jared approaches the oak's trunk, coming closer to Jensen's lonely home. "Is this where you live now? I can see why. You always loved this tree. I remember it being a lot bigger though."
"You used to be smaller," Jensen whispers.
"I suppose you're right."
Jared fits perfectly within the arc of the oak's limbs as Jensen always imagined he would. His boy used to swing from the wide branches, leaping and climbing with Jensen ever at his heels giving chase and laughing. When Jensen could no longer bear living in the treehouse he'd flown here, eased by gentler memories.
"Jensen, look at me."
He tilts his eyes up and Jared's standing right outside his hollow, moonlight brushing his cheeks with shimmer. Ethereal and beautiful-so grown up and strong. Jensen trails his fingers along Jared's silver cheekbone, down into the dimples formed by his smile. He feels brave enough to ask.
"Jared, why did you leave?"
"I thought you didn't want to know," Jared says, hanging his head.
Jensen's wings ruffle behind his back; he's filled with the urge to keep touching Jared, curl his hands in the soft brown strands of hair.
"I followed you here because I was worried and besides," Jared teases. "I thought you said you'd never use dust against me."
Jensen scowls. "I just wanted to get away."
"I know and I'm sorry. I won't bring it up again."
"No," Jensen says. "I want to know." He takes strength from Neverland's promise, his face still warm from her kiss. "Please tell me."
Jared looks to the sky and captures a ray of moonlight with his eyes, wistful and silent for a moment. Jensen longs to fly to him, take up his perch on Jared's shoulder and forget about the whole thing-sleep together on the soft grass until dawn brings them a new day. But even as small as he is, Jensen knows something is meant to happen here tonight. The air is thick with magic.
"I thought a lot about the stories you used to tell me," Jared says, eyes taking on a reminiscent glaze. "There were so many fascinating things to learn about, but what I remembered most were the adventures that finished with happily ever afters. Eventually I realized that I wanted an ending just like that for myself. I wanted a happily ever after, Jensen."
Jensen's wings feel brittle and dry. He doesn't move for fear that he might shatter.
"You weren't happy here?"
"That's not it." Jared's fingers reach out and stop short of touching Jensen's skin. The separation hurts. "You told me so much about love and happiness. Hidden kisses and shared thoughts, living with and for another person. I knew what people in love did, but I didn't know how to love. I wasn't old enough. Love was a grown-up emotion, so that's what I needed to do. Jen, I left because I wanted to grow up and fall in love."
A fairy's heart can break easily. Jensen never thought he'd have to feel that kind of pain. Jared is meant to be his and his alone. If he left in order to find someone to love then he should have stayed gone and spared Jensen's heart.
But Jared takes one look at Jensen's trembling lower lip and gasps.
"Oh no, Jen." Jared scoops Jensen up and cradles him in his palm, speaking gently. "No, I didn't mean it like that. I never wanted to leave but I was growing up for you. Don't you understand?"
Jensen shakes his head, only a pathetic pinch of dust falling from his shoulders.
"It was all for you, Jen. I wanted to love you."
For a moment, Jensen can't process anything beyond the tender expression on Jared's face and the hope adding to the moon's glow in his eyes. They don't fit the ache within him, so Jensen takes a deep breath, listening only to the rich notes of Jared's voice.
"When I was gone, I thought of you every day. I watched the stars for you, wondering why you never followed me. I must have hurt you so badly."
Jared kneels on the grass and carries Jensen down with him. Fireflies flash around them, hiding in the foliage. Jensen knows they don't mean to eavesdrop-the incandescent insects cannot help but be drawn to magic in its many forms.
"I could feel you missing," Jared continues, fingers ghosting over the curves of Jensen's wings. They vibrate to his touch. "As soon as I was old enough, I had to come back. But I only had a little bit of magic left. You gave it to me, I remember now."
"I did?" Jensen ventures to ask.
Jared smiles. "It was enough to get me back here. I was able to fly, thinking of you and how happy I was going to be just seeing you again."
Jensen begins to feel lighter but his mind is spinning out beyond his reach. Jared cups his fingers around Jensen, his questions coming one right after another.
"Can you forgive me for leaving?" he begs Jensen. "Did you miss me the same way I missed you? Will you ever-"
Jared stops and gazes at the shaking fairy he holds.
"Jensen, what's the matter?"
Jensen can't answer. Every breath he takes seems to come from far away, barely making it into his body. Jared pulls him closer, just under his lips, cautious whispers falling on pointed ears. Jensen struggles to remember each of Jared's questions-he knows he has to answer but he's unable to think.
"Are you in pain?" Jared cries, setting Jensen on a soft bed of moss.
It's not pain Jensen feels, more like he's pulling magic from all around him. From the plants beneath him and the stars watching from high above; from the wisdom of the mighty oak and from the love Jared speaks of. He gathers all of it into his tiny body until there's no room left and he bursts into a cascade of enchantment, a rainshower of iridescent dust falling to the ground.
As Jensen blinks to clear the shimmer off his eyelashes, he sees Jared looking at him. Looking up at him because Jensen is suddenly as tall as a grown man. He teeters on long, heavy legs as he grasps futilely for the grace he would normally possess. Jared quickly stands up at his side, arms slinging around Jensen's rather inconveniently large body before he can meet the ground face first.
Perhaps he's not so enormous after all if Jared is capable of holding him this way.
"Jensen, please say something."
He tries, but his head feels strangely open. There is so much room-thoughts and ideas and emotions rush into Jensen's mind. Every feeling he's ever had comes back, slotting into its proper place. And at the forefront of it all is Jared, grand and loving, the reason he exists at all. Though he had only been able to carry one feeling at a time when he was small, somehow Jensen was always aware of his love for Jared. Now that inkling of love grows and grows until it envelops Jensen's entire being.
"Jared-" Jensen feels his voice resonating more deeply than he's used to. "I'm like you."
"You are," Jared says, his joyful voice ringing loud in the night. "I can't believe it! How did this happen?"
Jensen recalls Neverland's kiss and the resolve behind her words. This is the dream he could never bear to tell Jared about, the chance to hold the only person he's ever loved.
"I don't know," Jensen says, unwilling to give voice to his wishes for fear they'll fall apart. "But can we just stay here like this for a while?"
"Anything you want, Jen. Anything, I promise."
Jared touches every inch of Jensen's bare skin and leaves chills in his wake. Jensen shivers and tucks himself against Jared's chest, reeling with disbelief. Everything is new: breathing and hearing and seeing. Within the circle of Jared's arms, Jensen's breaths even out, his senses given time to calm.
Minutes pass and Jensen does not wake from his dream, finally daring to trust that Neverland's gift might be real and lasting.
With their arms woven together, their two souls create a magical picture. Jared shines under the silver moonlight but Jensen's glow comes from within. His golden skin is smooth and lustrous, and his clothing feels like velvet. He wants Jared to know and touch every part of him just as he wants to memorize Jared's new shape.
As Jensen goes to speak, he feels a tingle running down his back. He flutters his wings to scare away the sensation but finds he has no wings to move.
"Oh!" Jensen leaps away from Jared and spins, chin hooked over his shoulder to look behind him. "Where are my wings?"
"I think they're gone," Jared says. He tries to steady Jensen but they fall together, arms windmilling as they drop. They land on the grass and the silver blades tickle their legs.
Jensen's hands fly everywhere as he learns to move in new ways. Jared rolls with him and they play in the grass, laughing innocently. When Jensen's filled with too much mirth to catch his breath, Jared pulls Jensen over his chest and calms him with a soft touch, hands skimming up and down Jensen's back.
Jensen feels sad just for a moment, recalling all the times Jared had praised his lively wings and the rainbow of colors living within them.
"You loved my wings."
Jared shushes him. "I loved them because they were a part of you and because I always knew how you were feeling just by looking at them. But don't worry." He rubs his thumbs across Jensen's cheeks, drawing a blush to his golden visage. "Your eyes tell me everything I need to know. You're still so beautiful, Jen."
"But I won't be able to fly anymore."
Jared smiles. "I can't fly either. I used up the last of my magic getting back to you."
"It's alright. We can find more," Jensen promises.
"I know we will." Jared holds him close. "You know, you're a little too big to lay on me like this."
"I don't care," Jensen whispers, and he doesn't. Lying this way feels as good as it always has, the strength of Jared's body beneath him and the even tempo of his breathing. Jensen could spend a lifetime here, close to Jared's heart.
This day has taken an age to pass and yet will be over too soon. Jensen can't sleep until he's given Jared what he's asked for.
And so, Jensen says, "I forgive you."
"Hmmm?"
"I said, I forgive you," Jensen repeats. "I missed you every single day that you were gone, even when I tried not to think about it."
Catching on, Jared's eyes shine with hope. "And will you ever..."
"Yes," Jensen whispers, sliding up Jared's body until their lips brush. "Because I've loved you longer than you know."
Jared's lips cover Jensen's, giving gentle pressure. Jensen basks in pure white love while the kiss remains chaste, but he's no longer a simple fairy and Jared is not an innocent child. Jensen yields when Jared's tongue touches his lips, mouth parting to accept a sweeter gift. Nothing in Jensen's life compares to this moment when every sense is magnified to drive him crazy with feeling.
Jared's kiss tastes better than the most precious fruit Neverland has to offer. Jensen is surrounded by the intriguing smell of Jared's skin, trailing his nose down Jared's throat for greater hints as to the life Jared lived before he came home. Every sound Jared makes is sweeter than the last, both of them breathing hard and singing with joy. Just the sight of Jared before his eyes is enough to overwhelm Jensen, but touching him is the greater pleasure, feeling where muscle gives way to more delicate areas.
Need and desire press in around them, guiding their bodies in a dance as old as time. Jensen no longer wonders if he's caught in a dreamer's web, wrapping himself in the moment regardless of how long it lasts.
Jensen takes the kiss that has always belonged to him, the one hidden just there in the corner of Jared's soft lips, and gives himself over completely.
She cannot bear to stay any longer. The love she carries for these two souls may be boundless but she's an intruder here. She blesses their hideaway and asks the ancient oak to guard Jared and Jensen well this night. The venerable tree agrees and shuts the lovers away from prying eyes.
Trailing a cloak of darkness behind her, she ascends to the island's highest mountain, chiding herself for not believing that Jared and Jensen's love would eventually conquer separation. The least she could do was help Jensen overcome his size, giving him a body to match the generosity of his heart and the strength of the love he'd borne since the day he befriended one scared little boy.
With generous intentions, she begins to weave Jared and Jensen's future into Neverland's fabric. A home built in the shade of the mighty oak and years to enjoy it. Jared teaching Jensen the joys of living as a human, finding new magic in one another. Adventures that never cease and a love that only burns brighter with time. She leaves space for their own desires to take shape, granting Jensen and Jared the freedom to leave the Neverland one day if they so wish. Far be it from her to deny them the chance to bring light to the darkest corners of the world.
She only hopes they'll return someday. Though Jared and Jensen belong to one another, the Neverland will always be their home and they'll be welcomed back until the day time stops altogether.
As long as it takes, Neverland will wait, for she knows she would be nothing without them.
The bower beneath the oak tree is warm and yet there is no fire. Jensen doesn't waste time wondering at the magic surrounding him-his new body is not the only gift Neverland bestowed tonight.
Jensen imagines they can make a new home here in the quiet clearing. Their treehouse holds too many memories, not all of them sweet. He and Jared are starting over as something more than best friends, something legendary and enchanted, and they'll need a home to match.
But he doesn't speak up or ask Jared about it right now; the moment is too beautiful.
The stars wink at Jensen in their strange language, the translation lost in time and separation. Jensen is sad for them, kept apart from the world for eternity, forced to watch but never touch. Jensen buries the sadness deep down in his mind but will carry it with him, grateful to have his love by his side evermore.
The quiet song Jared has been humming ceases. Jensen closes his eyes and breathes deeply, his spirit sated and content.
"Do you know what love is?" Jensen asks, his cheek resting over Jared's heart.
"Not exactly," Jared says, curling Jensen further into his body. "But I know we'll find it together."
"Are you going to leave me again?"
"Never," Jared whispers. He lays kiss after kiss on Jensen's forehead, love in every gesture. "Never ever."
FIN.
So it's not quite Peter Pan, and certainly not the Disney version. I took more inspiration from J.M. Barrie's plays (and if you know the stories, you'll recognize a few lines and concepts!) and the way he'd crafted the Neverland, as well as from "Hook" and from the more recent Peter Pan movie adaptation with Jason Isaacs. I've always been fascinated by the Neverland and Peter Pan, and Tinker Bell (as she was originally written to be) is one of my all time favorite characters, which is why I longed to write something like this. Plus, Jensen is quite irresistible as a fairy, right?
This story wouldn't have been finished without dugindeep's help -- seriously, that girl knows how to crack a whip! I'm so thankful for her unique methods of motivation! And thank you to the j2_everafter mods for their consideration ;-)