Week 4- Park

[kelsbels27]

here is my attempt at a poem-for my week 4 entry. it is written in my commonplace book and i thought it would be good to write something other than my usual essays haha =] its a bit long but feel free to criticise it, it's only the draft! the inspiration came from remembering when i was studying during the hsc last year with my friends.

Park
this

Comments

from a friend lol...

[flawed_calla]

hey kelly,

was reading through your post yet again... i like the essence of the poem being based on a place where it seems you shared some amazing times and memories with your friends. i loved the way you started and ended your poem with teh same word. i think by doing that it emphasised the topic of the poem.

i especially liked this section of your poem...
"So now,
as time-
in its continuous fury and glory,
that it never ends
or halts or
Stops-"

cant wait to read more

[deana_7]

Kelly your poem is really good. I believe that it definitely captures your journey with your friends, during the time of HSC. I love how you have highlighted both the up and down sides to your journey. "that the time we had left together was much too short." is really affective and im sure everyone can relate to it. I love the way that you made your poem begin and end with the word "Park".

Great work :)
Deana x

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[victoriabuedo]

Hey Kelly, your poem was very well done. I think it really got to me because so many of us went through the exact same thing with our friends, the ups and the downs, but many manage to get through it all. It is a very personal and detailed poem, and I believe that’s what makes it the most effective, being able to put such meaning and importance into it, really being able to grasp the readers mind! Good work =) xx