hurrr more fanfic, yay!
So here's the next bit, folks. (Or part the first.)
Day 326
At this very moment, I am holed up in a very dark and somewhat cramped supply room all because Larxene decided that today would be the day she and Marluxia finally reappeared from wherever they were. She just went completely batshit and started threatening me with loss of life and limb. Her behavior is completely irrational if you ignore the fact that I was trying to get some vodka from her hidden liquor stash under her bed when she walked in.
Anyways, I figure this is a pretty good hiding spot because it's generally believed that I don't know where any of the supply rooms/closets are and that I will run far, far away from Larxene. In addition, there's a row of file cabinets along the back wall that I've pulled out so I can hide behind them.
Oh, and Roxas is here too. Apparently Vexen found out he was the real culprit behind the popsicle incident and was Not Happy. Between the two of us we have the Triumvirate of Good Reasons to Hide. (The third being that Marluxia the creeper is back.)
I've got the cat scouting out for us, but I really hope he comes back soon so I can pop into the kitchen and grab some snacks.
Oh shit, I think someo--
You're making too much noise!
Am not. Were these lights always this bright?
How would I know? And stop fidgeting, you'll hit the file cabinets.
You'd be fidgeting too if your life was about to end.
Whatever, just be qui--
It was just Lexaeus. Good, I'm fairly certain he won't rat us out. I know he doesn't like me much, but I don't think he cares much for Larxene or Vexen either.
o | o | x
| x | x
o | | x
Roxas sucks.
Hey, the cat's back. Food time!
Day 327
Well, this morning was certainly awkward and uncomfortable. For starters, my back was complaining like you wouldn't believe from sleeping all scrunched up and I had a zipper imprint on my face from using my jacket as a pillow. I had also managed to put my foot right on a plate of powdered mini-donuts. And someone had written 'Axel is a pussy' on my arm in blue sharpie.
That's alright. I'm sure that someone will just love what I've written on his forehead.
Hint: It uses the words "Vexen's" and "bitch".
-------------------------------
Patrol Record #1039
Agent: Axel (shock)
Clock-in Time: late
Clock-out Time: later
Encounters: None. Nothing at all. Laaaaame. (I think they're on holiday)
Issues: Sharpie doesn't come off with soap.
Comments: Number Eight, as I have previously mentioned, accurate time-stamps are necessary. It has been determined that your continued insubordination and lack of accuracy on official documents, not to mention missing your assigned round the previous night, is a serious enough infraction that it warrants a meeting with the Disciplinary Committee.
-------------------------------
Ahaha, Roxas wore his hood up all day. It's really unfortunate (for him) that his hood is so large. I would shave my head to see him run into an open freezer door again. Except the part where he tackled me when I started laughing. It was doubly painful because I couldn't stop laughing even with the wind knocked out of me.
Ugh, discipline. Fight the Man! Eh, he'll probably just give me a shitty mission or something. As insubordinate as I am, at least I'm competent. (I'm looking at you, Xigbar/Vexen/Demyx)
Larxene is gone again. (Yay, liquor!) Marluxia is still here. (Boo, molestation!)
Day 328
What the fuck is Mansex on? Acid? Get this, my punishment is to fucking duel Saïx. A duel! This is supposed to be an evil bureaucracy, not an evil feudal lordship! I swear, either Saïx is performing sexual favors or he's filling out all of the Superior's paperwork and making up new ridiculous forms for them to use.
It better be the latter because I so do not want to even think about the former.
And of course I have to fight Saïx. He's the only one with shiny special moon powers and, oh yeah, it's always night here!
RRG.
I'm gonna go torch Marluxia's room.
-------------------------------
Patrol Record #1042
Agent: AXEL DAMMIT
Clock-in Time: FUCK
Clock-out Time: YOU
Encounters: A FUCKING LOT, ASSHOLES.
Issues: SAÏX KISSES THE SUPERIOR'S ASS.
Comments: In light of recent events, I am willing to disregard this form so long as you fill out a replacement within the next twenty-four hours.
-------------------------------
Day 329
I hate Saïx so much. Like, a lot. There is no amount of vitriolic ranting that could encompass my hate for him in word form. Mere ink on paper cannot do it justice. If Larxene and Marluxia and Vexen had some freaky mutated offspring with all of their horrible traits, I would still like it better than Saïx. At least I managed to burn some of his hair off in the fight. Now it does this weird thing where it kind of sticks up in the back. Stupid ass-face.
Demyx is nice though. Especially when he's giving me a backrub. Xigbar, Zexion and Roxas are here as well. Xigbar is pretty cool even if he is one of the senior group. Zexion, too, I guess. They'd be my 'connection' to the top, but everyone knows that your number isn't the same as your rank around here.
Xigbar's walking around the ceiling. Roxas looks distinctly annoyed by this for some reason. Haha, it's kinda cute.
...
Oh fuck, I did not just write that.
-------------------------------
Patrol Record #1045
Agent: 8
Clock-in Time: 9:13
Clock-out Time: 2:45
Encounters: 11
Issues: I'm a fucking moron.
Comments: Please refrain from using profanity in official documents. However, the Review Committee would like it known that the change in attitude is appreciated. We hope that further discipline is not required in the future.
-------------------------------
Day 330
He is cute, isn't he?
Dammit, this happens every time we get a new member. And have I learned yet? No. No I haven't. It's like some sort of Newbie-Lusting Disease. NLD. I'm NLD afflicted.
Knowing my luck, this means he will now reveal himself to be either an air-head, a sadistic, swindling asshole, a sadistic, torturing asshole, or a creepy, stalker-ish asshole.
This has thrown me so much I think I filled out my forms properly last night. Although, that could have been caused by the painkillers Xigbar gave me. (If they were painkillers in the first place. We never ask with Xigbar. Never. Ask.)
-------------------------------
Patrol Record #1048
Agent: Moi (Axel)
Clock-in Time: Va te faire mettre (9:12)
Clock-out Time: Tu me pèles le jonc (3:23)
Encounters: Je t'emmerde (9)
Issues: Xaldin just got back from Beast's Castle and won't teach me any more French.
Comments: Once again, please refrain from using profanity in any language in official documents. 'Issues' should be used to describe any major problems encountered during patrol.
-------------------------------
Buzzkill. I'm running out of loopholes.
Day 331
I may or may not have followed Roxas around all day. He's surprisingly normal in a grumpy sort of way.
This is very disappointing. I need the other shoe to drop quickly so I get back to my regularly scheduled non-life. Speaking of which, rumor is Luxord's having one of his poker nights tomorrow, which means he is probably out of munny and I need to quickly get some. Sure, he swindles us all blind, but the drinks are free. (This is most likely how he swindles us all blind)
Anyways, easiest place to get munny is from Heartless (I have this theory that they steal wallets in their down-time), which means Roxas the Heartless Magnet Wonder is coming with me whether he likes it or not. I'll even split the munny 60-40 if he helps me fight them off. I'm so nice.
I hope I don't do anything too weird tonight.
-------------------------------
Patrol Record #1051
Agent: Axel!
Clock-in Time: 9:00 on the dot!
Clock-out Time: 2:47
Encounters: over 9000! 257
Issues: None because this is my last night of patrol! Axel is such a child.
Comments: Your complaint is duly noted.
-------------------------------
Day 332
i'm definately not drunk. demyx is totally smashed tho. hes trying to teach xigbrr to play his fake guitar thing. its too bad xigbar has extra shitty vision when he's had too many sex on the beaches. (i think he gets thos just so he can order them reallly loud) i've got a...i don't know what i have. smells nice-ish though.
oh hey its my turn.
in case you forgot, im not drunk. not much anyways. see, i'm way too articulate to be drunk.
what're you writing?
nothing go away.
why'd you just spell articulate out loud?
so i would write it write.
right.
no, for serious.
no, no. write it right. not write.
dude, what have you had? your not making any sense.
whatever. forget it.
haha, oh shit. i think luxord thinks were counting.
counting what?
cards, stupid.
why would you count? there's only 52, right?
hahaha, you're so new.
LUXORD IS A PRICK
ha, i showed him we were'nt counting.
yeah, he looks really happy about that.
aw, youre so cute
what?
wait fuck pen doesn't erase.
Day 332
My life sucks.
Day 333
Ugh, I suppose I should be thankful I didn't have patrol yesterday, seeing as it was a horrible low point in my existence. At least everyone else was nursing hangovers too, so the castle was quiet. Well, Luxord was probably counting his munny and Mansex and Saïx were probably filing, but whatever.
Luckily, Roxas seems to have forgotten my retarded drunken flirting (trust me, it wasn't all captured on paper), so that's nice too. Alternatively, he could have learned from the Organization's example and is just holding onto the information for when he needs blackmail on me. I'm really hoping he forgot though; apparently he also ended up getting pretty toasted that night. (Zexion found him on top of the fridge the next morning, or so I hear)
I have no idea what to do with myself today without patrol to waste my time. I suppose I haven't explored the castle in a while...
Holy shit, there's like, a whole wing I've never seen before! I think the castle grows.
What if the castle's alive? Does it watch me when I shower?
Day 334
I had to run to the pet shop in Hollow Bastion today (and we so need to get a better portal-in spot than the Bailey. It's way too long of a walk.) to get cat shampoo because Xigbar and Demyx thought it would be hilarious to dunk the cat in yellow paint and let it run around. I am going to disregard the fact that this did make the cat easier to find.
Neither I nor the cat were pleased, and the bathroom may never be the same again. I spent the next hour putting disinfectant on the million and a half tiny scratches on my forearms. You'd think a talking cat could listen to instructions better, but no.
I was so close to actually naming the cat, but now I'm mad at him. Not to mention Xigbar and Demyx.
On the upside, there have been no mentions of Poker Night from anybody. Yesss.
Day 335
Larxene (I never notice when she gets back) and Marluxia were being all whisper-y on the stairs. They may actually have some sort of thing going on.
I really hope they can't reproduce.
I saw Roxas at dinner. I think he may be avoiding me.
Day 336
He is avoiding me. Awww. That's adorable! Maybe he's not all that bad.
No. No, he's still a mean jerk. I need to lie down. Ow, my foot.
Next Part
Also, feel free to leave any suggestions as to what shenanigans Axel should get involved in.
Day 326
At this very moment, I am holed up in a very dark and somewhat cramped supply room all because Larxene decided that today would be the day she and Marluxia finally reappeared from wherever they were. She just went completely batshit and started threatening me with loss of life and limb. Her behavior is completely irrational if you ignore the fact that I was trying to get some vodka from her hidden liquor stash under her bed when she walked in.
Anyways, I figure this is a pretty good hiding spot because it's generally believed that I don't know where any of the supply rooms/closets are and that I will run far, far away from Larxene. In addition, there's a row of file cabinets along the back wall that I've pulled out so I can hide behind them.
Oh, and Roxas is here too. Apparently Vexen found out he was the real culprit behind the popsicle incident and was Not Happy. Between the two of us we have the Triumvirate of Good Reasons to Hide. (The third being that Marluxia the creeper is back.)
I've got the cat scouting out for us, but I really hope he comes back soon so I can pop into the kitchen and grab some snacks.
Oh shit, I think someo--
You're making too much noise!
Am not. Were these lights always this bright?
How would I know? And stop fidgeting, you'll hit the file cabinets.
You'd be fidgeting too if your life was about to end.
Whatever, just be qui--
It was just Lexaeus. Good, I'm fairly certain he won't rat us out. I know he doesn't like me much, but I don't think he cares much for Larxene or Vexen either.
o | o | x
| x | x
o | | x
Roxas sucks.
Hey, the cat's back. Food time!
Day 327
Well, this morning was certainly awkward and uncomfortable. For starters, my back was complaining like you wouldn't believe from sleeping all scrunched up and I had a zipper imprint on my face from using my jacket as a pillow. I had also managed to put my foot right on a plate of powdered mini-donuts. And someone had written 'Axel is a pussy' on my arm in blue sharpie.
That's alright. I'm sure that someone will just love what I've written on his forehead.
Hint: It uses the words "Vexen's" and "bitch".
-------------------------------
Patrol Record #1039
Agent: Axel (shock)
Clock-in Time: late
Clock-out Time: later
Encounters: None. Nothing at all. Laaaaame. (I think they're on holiday)
Issues: Sharpie doesn't come off with soap.
Comments: Number Eight, as I have previously mentioned, accurate time-stamps are necessary. It has been determined that your continued insubordination and lack of accuracy on official documents, not to mention missing your assigned round the previous night, is a serious enough infraction that it warrants a meeting with the Disciplinary Committee.
-------------------------------
Ahaha, Roxas wore his hood up all day. It's really unfortunate (for him) that his hood is so large. I would shave my head to see him run into an open freezer door again. Except the part where he tackled me when I started laughing. It was doubly painful because I couldn't stop laughing even with the wind knocked out of me.
Ugh, discipline. Fight the Man! Eh, he'll probably just give me a shitty mission or something. As insubordinate as I am, at least I'm competent. (I'm looking at you, Xigbar/Vexen/Demyx)
Larxene is gone again. (Yay, liquor!) Marluxia is still here. (Boo, molestation!)
Day 328
What the fuck is Mansex on? Acid? Get this, my punishment is to fucking duel Saïx. A duel! This is supposed to be an evil bureaucracy, not an evil feudal lordship! I swear, either Saïx is performing sexual favors or he's filling out all of the Superior's paperwork and making up new ridiculous forms for them to use.
It better be the latter because I so do not want to even think about the former.
And of course I have to fight Saïx. He's the only one with shiny special moon powers and, oh yeah, it's always night here!
RRG.
I'm gonna go torch Marluxia's room.
-------------------------------
Patrol Record #1042
Agent: AXEL DAMMIT
Clock-in Time: FUCK
Clock-out Time: YOU
Encounters: A FUCKING LOT, ASSHOLES.
Issues: SAÏX KISSES THE SUPERIOR'S ASS.
Comments: In light of recent events, I am willing to disregard this form so long as you fill out a replacement within the next twenty-four hours.
-------------------------------
Day 329
I hate Saïx so much. Like, a lot. There is no amount of vitriolic ranting that could encompass my hate for him in word form. Mere ink on paper cannot do it justice. If Larxene and Marluxia and Vexen had some freaky mutated offspring with all of their horrible traits, I would still like it better than Saïx. At least I managed to burn some of his hair off in the fight. Now it does this weird thing where it kind of sticks up in the back. Stupid ass-face.
Demyx is nice though. Especially when he's giving me a backrub. Xigbar, Zexion and Roxas are here as well. Xigbar is pretty cool even if he is one of the senior group. Zexion, too, I guess. They'd be my 'connection' to the top, but everyone knows that your number isn't the same as your rank around here.
Xigbar's walking around the ceiling. Roxas looks distinctly annoyed by this for some reason. Haha, it's kinda cute.
...
Oh fuck, I did not just write that.
-------------------------------
Patrol Record #1045
Agent: 8
Clock-in Time: 9:13
Clock-out Time: 2:45
Encounters: 11
Issues: I'm a fucking moron.
Comments: Please refrain from using profanity in official documents. However, the Review Committee would like it known that the change in attitude is appreciated. We hope that further discipline is not required in the future.
-------------------------------
Day 330
He is cute, isn't he?
Dammit, this happens every time we get a new member. And have I learned yet? No. No I haven't. It's like some sort of Newbie-Lusting Disease. NLD. I'm NLD afflicted.
Knowing my luck, this means he will now reveal himself to be either an air-head, a sadistic, swindling asshole, a sadistic, torturing asshole, or a creepy, stalker-ish asshole.
This has thrown me so much I think I filled out my forms properly last night. Although, that could have been caused by the painkillers Xigbar gave me. (If they were painkillers in the first place. We never ask with Xigbar. Never. Ask.)
-------------------------------
Patrol Record #1048
Agent: Moi (Axel)
Clock-in Time: Va te faire mettre (9:12)
Clock-out Time: Tu me pèles le jonc (3:23)
Encounters: Je t'emmerde (9)
Issues: Xaldin just got back from Beast's Castle and won't teach me any more French.
Comments: Once again, please refrain from using profanity in any language in official documents. 'Issues' should be used to describe any major problems encountered during patrol.
-------------------------------
Buzzkill. I'm running out of loopholes.
Day 331
I may or may not have followed Roxas around all day. He's surprisingly normal in a grumpy sort of way.
This is very disappointing. I need the other shoe to drop quickly so I get back to my regularly scheduled non-life. Speaking of which, rumor is Luxord's having one of his poker nights tomorrow, which means he is probably out of munny and I need to quickly get some. Sure, he swindles us all blind, but the drinks are free. (This is most likely how he swindles us all blind)
Anyways, easiest place to get munny is from Heartless (I have this theory that they steal wallets in their down-time), which means Roxas the Heartless Magnet Wonder is coming with me whether he likes it or not. I'll even split the munny 60-40 if he helps me fight them off. I'm so nice.
I hope I don't do anything too weird tonight.
-------------------------------
Patrol Record #1051
Agent: Axel!
Clock-in Time: 9:00 on the dot!
Clock-out Time: 2:47
Encounters: over 9000! 257
Issues: None because this is my last night of patrol! Axel is such a child.
Comments: Your complaint is duly noted.
-------------------------------
Day 332
i'm definately not drunk. demyx is totally smashed tho. hes trying to teach xigbrr to play his fake guitar thing. its too bad xigbar has extra shitty vision when he's had too many sex on the beaches. (i think he gets thos just so he can order them reallly loud) i've got a...i don't know what i have. smells nice-ish though.
oh hey its my turn.
in case you forgot, im not drunk. not much anyways. see, i'm way too articulate to be drunk.
what're you writing?
nothing go away.
why'd you just spell articulate out loud?
so i would write it write.
right.
no, for serious.
no, no. write it right. not write.
dude, what have you had? your not making any sense.
whatever. forget it.
haha, oh shit. i think luxord thinks were counting.
counting what?
cards, stupid.
why would you count? there's only 52, right?
hahaha, you're so new.
LUXORD IS A PRICK
ha, i showed him we were'nt counting.
yeah, he looks really happy about that.
aw, youre so cute
what?
wait fuck pen doesn't erase.
Day 332
My life sucks.
Day 333
Ugh, I suppose I should be thankful I didn't have patrol yesterday, seeing as it was a horrible low point in my existence. At least everyone else was nursing hangovers too, so the castle was quiet. Well, Luxord was probably counting his munny and Mansex and Saïx were probably filing, but whatever.
Luckily, Roxas seems to have forgotten my retarded drunken flirting (trust me, it wasn't all captured on paper), so that's nice too. Alternatively, he could have learned from the Organization's example and is just holding onto the information for when he needs blackmail on me. I'm really hoping he forgot though; apparently he also ended up getting pretty toasted that night. (Zexion found him on top of the fridge the next morning, or so I hear)
I have no idea what to do with myself today without patrol to waste my time. I suppose I haven't explored the castle in a while...
Holy shit, there's like, a whole wing I've never seen before! I think the castle grows.
What if the castle's alive? Does it watch me when I shower?
Day 334
I had to run to the pet shop in Hollow Bastion today (and we so need to get a better portal-in spot than the Bailey. It's way too long of a walk.) to get cat shampoo because Xigbar and Demyx thought it would be hilarious to dunk the cat in yellow paint and let it run around. I am going to disregard the fact that this did make the cat easier to find.
Neither I nor the cat were pleased, and the bathroom may never be the same again. I spent the next hour putting disinfectant on the million and a half tiny scratches on my forearms. You'd think a talking cat could listen to instructions better, but no.
I was so close to actually naming the cat, but now I'm mad at him. Not to mention Xigbar and Demyx.
On the upside, there have been no mentions of Poker Night from anybody. Yesss.
Day 335
Larxene (I never notice when she gets back) and Marluxia were being all whisper-y on the stairs. They may actually have some sort of thing going on.
I really hope they can't reproduce.
I saw Roxas at dinner. I think he may be avoiding me.
Day 336
He is avoiding me. Awww. That's adorable! Maybe he's not all that bad.
No. No, he's still a mean jerk. I need to lie down. Ow, my foot.
Next Part
Also, feel free to leave any suggestions as to what shenanigans Axel should get involved in.