I feel better now. He seemed to understand more than I could hope for. Now I just have to follow through on my end. I have to learn to like myself and be comfortable without identifying myself by or attaching myself with another person. Goodie! Forced personal growth time! Hopefully I can deliver. I managed to have a one year five and a half ( Read more... )

....today started out reasonably well....and by noon had fallen into a black pit of oblivion of no return....tried to become happier....happier worked for awhile.....then was reminded of why I hate myself and a promise I made. Then tried to go through with promise. Became scared. Tried to go through with it faster. Really didn't want to go through ( Read more... )

Just for the hellz of it ( Read more... )

so today was a really good Christmass. I was really worried like always, because Brynn always gets me something, and it's always really thoughtful, and even though I spend time getting her something, it's never quite right, and I never really feel deserving of what ever she gets me-but tis year it was okay. I helped my mom pick something out for ( Read more... )

So I think I have it figured out now-the passion of a thousand firey suns is only awakened at the dawning of a new cycle-where I conduct several sessions to bring forth this maddening heat by transfiguring that which is almost in my grip into something it is not quite, and thus making many such warm conversations in my dreams as to lead me ( Read more... )

feh ( Read more... )

I was driving alone in a white car through the countryside-when I saw to my left a field of candy cane corn stalks, letters pictures and posters and such, so I decided to stop and collect them like souvineers-sorting through them to bring to my friends-I found fire and thought I should look to see if there might be water or love, then I saw a pile ( Read more... )

so...I guess a little explanation is in order....as I didn't really have time to discuss it today...and forgot for most of the time that it was something to discuss anyways, but the doubts I have been expressing though they may seem to be about the relationship-are not. They are merely doubts surrounding some feelings, regrets and concerns in ( Read more... )

so last night I stayed up late reading...actually I had been in bed reading all day-very bad judgement on my part, but I really wanted to finish the Xanth book I was reading, it's one of my favorites-but when I tried to sleep, of coruse my whole body was sore and tired already fro laying down so it was hard, but I kept waking up to bad dreams and ( Read more... )

so my subconscious knows that I like things the more I hear/see/think about them etc.....so it knows my struggle and wants to help, I guess, by making me have these weird 'sex' dreams ( Read more... )