i'm dwelling, and that's never a good thing...

[kfc4deb]

my head hurts, due to the massive amounts of thinking/dwelling/overall self-implosion i've been doing over the last week or so. i've gotten to the point (again, but more violent this time), where i have to really ask myself if i'm worth it? as for as i can see...i'm not. and it's a sucky feeling, and i'd like to believe it's not true, but

Comments

[laurabryannan]

I believe you're doing the right thing by writing out your feelings. Whether you post them publically or not isn't important, but it's good therapy to validate what's inside and give it voice.

We're all alone out here, and that is terrifying reality to be faced with at times. Even when you find someone who can "be there" for you, they will still be themselves and you will still be you. No one, no matter how wonderful and loving, can take away your fears, sorrows and struggles. You'll still have them, even when you're in a partnership.

So, be good to yourself and give yourself goodies like you're doing. Zombies are love if they take away some of the pain. Sounds like you're on the right track, sweetie!

[kfc4deb]

thanks a ton for the kind words. they're really appreciated, that's for sure. life can get really frustrating, but it's nice to know that someone is there, so thank you. and yes, the zombies helped a whole lot for some reason, haha. whatever works though, right? have a great day and thanks again!

[crazy_head]

I always enjoy reading your lj posts, Debbie (with an 'ie'!). You have that same pessimistic tone you had in high school which really resounds with me (I am doomed to never be an optimist - whatev). I've been having health problems lately - last night I got really bad abdomen pains which wouldn't go away and they are still here today so I went to the nurse but she can't for sure say what's wrong. I get frustrated at feeling weak and alone too. Thankfully I have that someone you were talking about, although I fight almost every day against believing something so good could happen to me. So yeah, keep watching crazy tv and fighting against the man, because the fight is never over!

-Kara :)

[kfc4deb]

oh kara, i always enjoy you. i don't mean to be pessimistic, but it happens more often than not...sigh. i'm so sorry to hear about your health problems, though. but i know the kind of pain you're talking about. i've had my fair share of ridiculous abdomen pains, but i, unlike you, haven't made it to the doctor yet. just because i want to be one, doesn't mean i want to see one. but i do hope that it's nothing serious for you, that's for sure. and the good in your life is something you totally deserve! you're an awesome gal who deserves awesome things! so i'll enjoy my crazy tv and we can fight the man together! haha (let's hope the government isn't monitoring my journal). :)

~deb

(ps - it's still coming, kara, you just wait... :) )

[lovesjesusfish]

i love you, debbie. i know i'm terrible at keeping in touch from long-distance but i do think of you often and miss hanging out with you. i'll be home in less than a month though! heck yes for thanksgiving. and we will definitely hang out! i totally understand all of those feelings amd i wish you were here so we could eat ice cream and watch a movie together. :-)

[kfc4deb]

oh carly, you never fail to make me smile. as you can see, i'm terrible about long-distance contact as well (most of us are), but i'm always thinking of you, too, especially when i'm faced with large expanses of white ;) i'm supre excited, though, that you'll be home soon! that will be awesome, since it's been, like, forever since i last saw you! and it's good to know that i'm not the only one with these feelings, and i wish i was there, too (or preferably, you were here). we should defintely have an ice cream/movie party when you get here, though!