i'm hard-boiled

[king_of_mods]

naboo says he'd know if howard was pushin up daisies somewhere and i reckon he's right, but i'm not really sure he's looked into it lately. he's got a lot on these days, getting claire up to date on his dvd collection and taking care of bollo's runny-eye problem

Comments

[not_a_preacher]

Well, there was the note in his jacket pocket but you know about that. Actually, I was thinking about that piece of paper and the random 'cream' words. Wolfie reckons himself to be a bit of a poet, doesn't he? Maybe he's decided to take some time out and write some poetry up on the Heath, or something like that. He's quite a loner, isn't he? The fire might have shaken him up a bit and he's run off to get his head together. Needs to be done sometimes, you know?

Then I thought back to the time him and me shared a few pints down at the Nailgun. I don't know if I've got this right but...didn't you two work at a zoo, some time ago? And wasn't there some woman there that he had a thing for? He mumbled something about her. Maybe you should contact her and see if she knows where he is?

This is all just supposition, Vince, but I hope some of it is helpful. He's a good bloke. I hope you find him.

[king_of_mods]

i know he looks completely friendless, but he aint the loner he says he is. look how long he's stuck with me, and then there was tommy before that. and i know howard's writing style. he'll have a sit with his notebook or his typewriter and work for hours to get a word out (its usually 'cream'), then he's off the pub to celebrate.

you mean mrs gideon, the herpetologist. heh, herpetol... anyway, he was pretty dizzy over that dame, yeah, but she wouldn't have a clue where he was. she'd remember the middle name of the snake who chewed cleopatra's tit off before she'd remember howard.

cheers, though. i hope i find him. he's probably steamed that i haven't done by now.

[lovestrumpet]

I'm sorry, Vince, but I really have no idea who you are talking about. Is this person a friend of yours? Should I know of him?

Also, I think you'll find that particular asp's name was Cilicia . A much maligned creature, which is quite unfair, I feel. The asp was only obeying its natural instincts. It was quite stupid of Cleopatra to place it in her fig basket.

[king_of_mods]

nah, not really anything to concern yourself with, mrs gideon. dont worry your studious and sophisticated head.

i'll say! there's nothing asps hate more than figs.

[clairesicle]

Sorry, Vince. I really haven't seen Howard since the night of the fire. Can Naboo do a spell? Actually, I know that he can. Will he?

Oh, he'll probably give me a poke for even bringing him up.

What's a.. 'heater down your mush and squirt metal'?

[king_of_mods]

cheers, claire! now that you've gone and done it, i don't have to ask naboo myself and get the big lecture and back-turning about exploiting my shamanic connections.

thats hard-boiled detective talk. not sure what it means but it sounds wicked. call me nancy drew.

[clairesicle]

Well, shit.

sorry, naboo?

I don't think Nancy was very hard-boiled but i'm happy to call you nancy if that's what you want, nancy.

[naboo_thats_who]

Sorry isn't going to get back my Hollyoaks time, is it?

If I'm doing this spell, you're bloody helping me, Miss Whoring-A-Shaman's-Spellbook-Out. I'll find that dressing gown again.

Er if you remem- never mi- forget I said anything.

[ultra_ebola]

I was dead at the time. And so was herself.

...oh fuck, Numan.

Truth-telling: I have the blackouts, sweetness. At some point I was in prison. Couldn't tell you when. And Neon threw my social worker off a building, god bless her psychotic face.

[king_of_mods]

you mighta been in the big house when howard crushed out of town, yeah. but you'd not hesitate to snip his nose off, neither. but if you did that, it's the sort of thing you'd probably remember in vivid technicolour and write a song about.

[ultra_ebola]

Can't remember his generic face now, lollipop, couldn't tell you if I've ripped it off in times gone by. But I tend to avoid the outright stabbings without my partner-in-crime, if only for a lookout and a backslap. Kicked ten shades of shite out of him - maybe. Slaughtered him like a pig at Christmas - doubtful, me and Neon being non grata at that point.

If I see him, I shall push him firmly in your direction.

[king_of_mods]

cheers, canary.

[naboo_thats_who]

Did you fall on your face again? Mistake the oven cleaner for sherbert? You're dribbling into your Feedleash, more than usual.

Howard's not dead, none of you are. I can give you shaman specifics but you'll start yawning and thinking about kittens, so I don't really see the use.

What was the question again? Where I last saw Howard?

Confidential, bubblegumshoe.

Next question.

[king_of_mods]

what are you on about? aw, i'm bored naboo. i aint got no one to write songs with or eat soup with anymore. and do you know how hard it is to sing a duet about dueling banjos by yourself? pretty much impossible. i think i tied my vocalcords into a slip knot.

what are you being so secretive for? if he was asking you for another refill on that ointment again i already know all about that.

[naboo_thats_who]

I know you miss him, you berk, but he'll come back. You know Howard, you can't coax him into anything. You have to leave him alone to make his own hideous mistakes, and once he's made 'em, he'll come crawling back and deny any of whatever actually happened.

I don't go shouting your business around the place, Vince, so I don't know why you'd think I'd shout Howard's. Shamanic code of silence.

[king_of_mods]

haha, yeah! the crawling and denial.. that parts always pretty good.

usually doesn't take him this long, though. admit that much, naboo. admit it. he might bray like a stone mule but he's taff when it comes to holding his ground. cos he's got so much to give, remember?

you don't gotta shout, you could whisper it in my ear, real soft and gentle, like clover hooves. or write it on a piece of paper, then tear it into little pieces and flush 'em. except i hope you'll just whisper.

[bikinuswax]

Howard + clarinet + dispair? It doesn't add up. But how fantastic! Things that don't add up are so exempt, and the one thing that doesn't fit is always bound to stand out and catch my eye. But he hasn't caught it yet, darling - that's still futures.

Now you, on the other hand. Didn't I see you on the cover of RAPE once?

[king_of_mods]

but if he does cross the reflection of your shades you'll let me know, right? there's free access to my hair if you do, and thats a priceless reward in itself.

and yeah, that was me, heh.

[bikinuswax]

Free and priceless? That's a two-for-one I can't ignore. The self-sacrifice thing is very hot now, and in your case it's got Dajve hot right now.

Salut! Fellow RAPE alum. I'll ring you up sometime for a reunion.

[king_of_mods]

oh yeah, hot, right? do you want a fan? or.. I could fan you, with a large and leafy palm frond. or the feather from a giant roc. whichever you fancy, really.