I dont't know how to live anymore. I gave him my entire heart and never got any of it back. The memorial helped somewhat, but not entirely. I'm still in denial. He can't be gone, can he? It feels like there shouldn't be a world without him in it.

I keep remembering the times we'd had together. We made a home together. We had late night bus rides. We ( Read more... )

I cry my tears by candlelight,
Weeping into pleasant memories
And praying to myself.
I scorn the life I live,
Hoping for a better yesterday
And cursing tomorrow's perfect attendance.
I think of my emotions.
Love is monotonous, melancholy.
Life is solely mundane.
The spark that lit the candle
That let my love burn bright
Is gone.
The sunlight through the ( Read more... )

I rip at the stitches
That once repaired my heart.
I just wanted to know
If it was still there.
The feeling is gone,
And, with it, my desire
For anyone else,
Even better.
I want the pain
Just to know I can have it.
But I do not know that is
What I search,
Though I always find it.
With him.
The one who gave me love
Gives me pain
Because I can not find love
Greater ( Read more... )

Like a song unsung,
Ignored for too long,
It comes out.
I don't want to.

Like a fear unknown,
Discovered too late,
It's here.
I don't want to.

Like a child,
Innocent and naive,
I touch the stove.
I don't want to.

Like it's been so long,
Things are vastly changed.
It's too late.
I don't want to.

Like a ferris wheel.
Perpetual movement,
Bound for nowhere.
I don't want ( Read more... )

 
The Dream

Scared of the taste,
Of a single touch,
It holds me together.

So fast paced,
But slow enough,
Makes me feel better.

Adrenaline rushes,
It digs,
It's over.

I didn't mean to,
Not this time,
What had I done?

But it's what I did,
That I did so conceal,
A side of me now shown.

I'd known it,
Now they all know,
I watch as I hover.

I'm above myself now,
Enticed by ( Read more... )

 
Your Out Of Body Experience

I reach my hand out,
Deep into the dark,
I feel for you.
Even the slightest touch,
The slightest brush,
Anything to know.
Are you still there?
Are you still here with me?
Are you still alive to me?
And then a light,
A bright shine,
Far away from me.
I see you,
A glimpse of motion,
The shine of your eyes.
I see your back,
As you turn ( Read more... )

Wasted

You're leaving now,
You better suit up,
Mask who you are,
For fear you'll be maimed.
Don't speak up,
Don't try to fight,
Don't stand up for yourself,
Allow yourself to be tamed.
Keep on pretending,
You're living a lie.
And soon enough,
That will be all.
Go ahead and forget,
Forget who you are,
Forget where you're going,
And let yourself fall.
Fall hard,
( Read more... )

Manifestations

I cannot see because
The past blinds me.
It is like time
Stands still for so long.
I know what happened
And so does he.
Why cant I
Simply let go?

I am hurting
The ones I love so dearly.
I am hurting the one
That I do not.
I cannot explain
The relief I feel. 
But if you knew,
You would not judge.

And the memories continue
Shining through.
I can ( Read more... )