Nothing feels good this year. Lights, presents, family time. I feel so sad Heather isn't here to celebrate all these things she loved. Fighting with Andrew, having a cold, lice with the kids. Everything just feels yucky. I need some holiday cheer fast.

Got the dog groomed, Christmas blow ups purchased, play date, dinner made, laundry caught up and some kid karaoke.

Thankful for my 1st day with less tears and more joy.

Yesterday we had sunshine in the afternoon! It was beautiful.

Today the kids all have things they are doing. Gabi at Basketball with Andrew, Lucas and Kylie off to T and R's house for a play date!


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Normally I'd be 5 days into November thankful.

But I'm not thankful for the things I should be.

I'm not thankful that I'm still here raising my babies when you aren't.

I'm not thankful that I have trips planned and time left ahead of me when you don't.

I'm not thankful that I can't send you a message to see if you need Crustables or make time to ( Read more... )

Like a down pour grief feels heavy and never ending.

And even when a moment of sun light breaks through my heart still screams

I miss you

Andrew asked me tonight what he could do to get his happy wife back.

I am trying to expedite the grieving process but it’s not easy when I can’t just take time to shut down and let my heart say goodbye.

I think just need to fake a smile till mine returns to keep others happy. But all I want to do is lay on the beach and sob.

I remember the first party you ever attended with me. It was at Aaron house and you told me that night that I needed out.

Holding me while I cried after grandpa passed.

Gerig family thanksgiving, Christmas, 4th of July

Rushing to your side when grandpa Willard was dying.

We went clubbing and lived the single life for so long. Laughs and loving the ( Read more... )

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The world was much simpler
Before you were born
The seas of life quieter
But my heart was torn
It longed to be a mother
Something I knew
Actually very little
On how to do
The moment I held you
That little body in my arms
Something in me just knew
The quiet in my world was gone
Replaced with the perfect Storm