little of your time (5/6) [arashi rps]
Title: Little of Your Time [5/6]
Author: waxrose
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s): Nino/Jun with Aiba/Jun, implied one-sided Ohno/Nino
Length: ~2,000 words [Story total = ~11,000]
Author's Notes: Oh man, where do I even begin? I began writing this in December 2008, just under three years ago. It was intended to just be a one-shot, but I wanted to continue a bit beyond the first part - and then it just kept growing and growing. Unluckily, my schedule and attention didn't always match my ambition. Luckily, people have been patient enough to wait, and kind enough to continue encouraging me to finish.
This fic, I think, better than any other that I have written, is a record of my progress through years in fandom. I can look back on what I've read three years ago and see my style and thoughts a lot more objectively. It was tough trying to keep later updates in a similar style and feel, but I feel satisfied with what I've done. I've always known how this would finish, but getting there was an unexpectedly long journey! My last update - which I thought was finally, finally close to the end - was in June 2009. So many things have changed in my life since then - finishing university, becoming a teacher, moving to a new country. It feels good to be able to come back and revisit this fic one last time. Which doesn't mean I'm closing the door on ever dabbling in this universe again if it's fun!
Now, people to thank - first, to aoimidori. I've never tried to give anyone a gift where the giving spanned three years, but you are patient and marvelous, and I've never once regretted beginning this. To all my wonderful betas through the different parts and years, and not at least to rhythmia and longleggedgit for helping me with these final two chapters. And, finally, to everyone who has read this fic and encouraged me to keep continuing it - even those who used threats! I probably needed them. Thank you. ♥
And now, let's finish this - finally!
The beginning of this chapter picks up from the morning after where Part 3 ends, when Nino leaves and Jun goes to Aiba's house.
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
"Don't pretend that he doesn't matter." Aiba's words jolt him, make Jun pause for a second, sit back.
Aiba is silent, unmoving beneath him and he's serious, like the tentative sweep of his fingers against the back of Jun's wrist. His words make cold fear rise in Jun's chest, make him realize that he and Nino hadn't been so careful after all.
"He doesn't have anything to do with this," Jun says finally, and they both know it's a lie, but Jun doesn't leave much room for argument, shifting and grinding down against Aiba, fingernails biting deeply into Aiba's shoulders as they rock against each other.
"I want -" Aiba says, but Jun doesn't let him finish, pinning down his wrists and kissing him until neither of them have breath left for words.
Sho is waiting for Jun in the green room when he arrives, not even bothering to pretend to read the newspaper neatly folded on his lap.
"Everyone else?" Jun asks, tossing his bag onto a nearby table, slouching onto the couch across from Sho and tugging his earbuds out of his ears
"In the other room," Sho says. He puts his newspaper down on the small table between them. "Can we talk?"
Shit. Jun glances pointedly at the wide open door of the room, the staff rushing back and forth down the hallway. "Here? Now?"
Jun knows that Sho means well, but sometimes that well-meaning patience and concern pisses him off just a little. It isn't that he tries to mother them, or that he interferes. He just - well honestly, the whole thing is still a little raw and wrong and frustrating at the moment, and the last thing he wants right now is Sho's sympathy or advice. He already knows that things are fucked up.
"No, not if you don't want to," Sho says sincerely, "We can go out later, if you're free - I'll take you out to dinner, I still haven't bought you anything for your birthday."
"I'm not free," Jun says, and it's true. He's got drama filming until late tonight and then again, early in the morning. "Sorry."
"You and Nino -" Sho begins carefully, and Jun shakes his head, standing up.
"It's nothing. Let's not talk about it." Jun knows that Sho knows him well enough to understand that he means I don't want to talk about it, so leave it alone.
"Okay," Sho says softly. He stuffs his newspaper in his bag and drags out his laptop. They've all gotten this far as a group without fighting, and that is first and foremost because they’ve learned not to push each other's limits. Jun tries not to feel guilty as he swings his bag onto his shoulder again, trying to keep his expression even as he heads towards the adjoining green room.
It was probably a sign of respect for their Leader that when Ohno was hungover in the morning, the rest of the members were a little more careful to tiptoe around him and give him a break.
Either that, or Ohno just looked so darned pitiful sprawled out over the couch on his back, face scrunched up in agony that they couldn't help but want to be nicer to him.
"Good morning, Leader," Jun says to the giant heat pad that has temporarily replaced Ohno's face. From the other end of the sofa, Nino looks up sharply from his DS, holding a finger to his lips in warning.
"Gnarrgffh," Ohno presses down the wet cloth sticking to his forehead with one hand. "Not so louuuud, Matssun."
"Poor Captain." Jun drops his bag and jacket on a table, perching on the arm of the couch and softly petting Ohno's spiky hair. "You overdid it, huh?"
The cloth slides off Ohno's face a little as he tries to lean his head into Jun's hand. "That feels good," he says encouragingly, sounding pitiful. Jun drags his nails through Ohno's hair indulgently, watching Nino out of the corner of his eye.
"You should be careful," Jun says gruffly.
Ohno chuckles, butting his cheek up against Jun's hand. "S'not like I talk much on camera anyways," he says peaceably.
Jun touches the cloth on Ohno's head. It's only warmly damp. "I'll go put some cold water on this, okay?"
"So gentle," Ohno murmurs happily.
Jun snorts, smacking Ohno on the leg and folding the cloth busily. "Be back soon."
The bathroom down the hall from their greenroom is deserted this early in the morning. Jun turns on one of the taps, checking with his fingers as the water grows colder. He examines his own face in the mirror - he looks as tired as he feels. Makeup will take care of that.
It feels like he had lain awake for hours. It had been strange to have Aiba in his bed - he moved more in his sleep, he breathed differently; he wasn't nearly as hesitant about reaching out and grabbing onto Jun.
It's unsettling. He's been waiting for years to wake up next to Aiba again, and he can't help but feel like something is missing.
The bathroom door opens, and Jun looks up to see Nino place a steaming cup on the counter opposite the sinks.
"Coffee?"
"Thanks," Jun says. The water is freezing now. He soaks Ohno's cloth and wrings it out carefully, aware of Nino watching him. He meets his eyes in the mirror. "Just a little tired."
"You never were a morning person." Nino's eyes are steady, and Jun has to look away.
"Why are you here?"
Quiet falls between them, a stillness in which their breaths are nearly audible. Jun can feel his heartbeat pick up as Nino steps closer, his expression unreadable.
Nino's fingers are cold through the thin material of Jun's dress shirt, strong against his shoulders and Jun's breath catches in his throat. He's pinned against the wall before he can even begin to process Nino's slim frame trapping him, his hands hot against Jun's clammy skin.
Nino's mouth is damp and warm, his tongue sliding against Jun's lips, making him shiver. Jun parts his mouth almost without thought, swallowing a moan as Nino licks into his mouth, fingers creeping under the edge of Jun's shirt, tracing a half-moon on the curve of his hipbone. The bathroom is silent, no noise except the slick meeting and parting of their mouths.
Like it always began, Jun thinks, no words, no explanation.
That thought irritates him nearly as much as Nino's convenient amnesia about the previous night. Nino had caught him off guard, but Jun is taller and stronger, and when he shoves, Nino nearly tumbles back into one of the washroom stalls.
"I thought we weren't going to do this anymore." Jun can't keep his voice from shaking. He's sweating, forehead cold and slick under his bangs. He hopes his cheeks aren't flushed - they feel heated. He tries to control his breathing.
Nino steadies himself, his eyes alert. "Oh," he says. He looks like he's searching for something to say, like he doesn't quite understand what just happened. It's a strange look on Nino, whose quick mouth is only surpassed by his rapidfire mind.
"It doesn't - no, forget it. My bad." Nino smiles, and it's entirely sincere . "I'll head out first."
"Wait," Jun bites his lip. "Kazu, just wait."
Nino has his hand on the door, but he pauses. He doesn't look back, though.
"I probably wasn't clear enough before."
"You were clear," Nino says. "I get it now. It's good, okay? You and Aiba -"
"This isn't about Aiba," Jun snaps, and that gets Nino to turn around.
"He loves you, you know," Nino says. He's watching Jun carefully, like he can't quite decide about something.
"Do you?"
"Do I - do I love you?" Nino doesn't laugh, to his credit. He ducks his head. "Oh, Jun-kun."
"I told you that last night - I don't want this anymore." Jun's voice is steady now, even if he can feel himself shaking inside from what he needs to say. "But I do want you."
It's embarrassing, really embarrassing, but it's worth it for the way that Nino's head suddenly snaps up , his gaze locking straight onto Jun like he just realized that he was in the room.
"I don't get you," Nino says finally. He sounds weary, like all the fight has gone out of him.
"Can't we at least talk about it?" Jun tries to hold himself back, but it's coming out of him in torrents now, waves of tightly pressed-down frustration. "Whether you like me, whether you're doing this because you're lonely or horny or you want to pretend that you're fucking Ohno instead of me -"
"I don't - " Nino says hotly, but Jun cuts him off again.
"I don't care, Nino. Do you get that? I've never cared. I just wanted…" Jun's voice trails off. Nino is staring at him still, and he's beginning to lose his nerve. "Can you at least acknowledge that we don't just keep meeting in bathroom stalls to jerk each other off by accident?"
"We've never done that before." Nino's expression is unreadable, but the wry humour in his voice is unmistakable.
Jun fights the urge to smile. "I went to Aiba's place last night," he admits. "After I left work."
Nino stays silent, his eyes trained on Jun's face. It's hard to see any reaction, but Jun presses on anyways.
"He knows about us, I think - and he would want us to work things out." Jun reaches out impulsively, touches Nino's wrist. "If you're willing to try, that is. For real this time."
Nino shifts his weight, leaning against the wall. "I'm not sure I want that," he says carefully, gently.
Jun's heart sinks. "Oh - well. That's fine, too."
Nino smiles, touches his fingertip gently to the corner of Jun's mouth. "Sorry."
"Don't be."
The silence is understandably awkward. Jun counts his breaths for a good minute before he realizes that Nino is still standing there, still watching him. "Are you going to leave?"
"Are you going to lock yourself in a stall and cry over me?" Nino inquires, smirk badly suppressed.
"Fuck off." The grins are genuine now, and it feels good. It's a relief. They don't have to sort through the tangles and brambles of turning no-strings sex into a relationship, and they don't have to tiptoe around each other anymore. They'll be okay.
+
It's Aiba who finds him after the shoot, twirling absently in one of the chairs in the now-empty makeup room.
"Everything okay?" Aiba says. "You talked to Nino, right?"
"Yeah," Jun kicks off the floor, letting the room blur by briefly. "It's all okay."
"Jun," The world goes abruptly still as Aiba grips the arms of the makeup chair. "Don't lie to me. Is this really okay? I'm not him. And I know that you still - "
"Don't - " Jun says.
"You can't ignore it. It just makes things worse." Aiba's eyes hold his. "Don't you miss him?"
Nino's shy smile as he stripped off his shirt. The warmth of his hands, the smell of his shampoo in the heavy, humid air of the shower. The way he kissed, not careful at all, but seriously.
"Of course you do." Aiba's voice is gentle.
Jun flinches away from Aiba's hand as it touches his tentatively. "I already asked. He's not interested in anything - complicated. I think it's for the best."
"I didn't ask what was best," Aiba says. "I asked you if you miss him."
"Does that matter?"
"You're asking me?" Aiba asks, smiling this time. "I think you already know that."
Aiba's hands cover his, and Jun's fingers involuntarily clench around the new warmth. "I can't do anything about it anyways."
"It's not like you to just give up," Aiba says practically. "Leave it to me, okay? I have a plan."
Part 6
cross-posted to kotobayori
Author: waxrose
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s): Nino/Jun with Aiba/Jun, implied one-sided Ohno/Nino
Length: ~2,000 words [Story total = ~11,000]
Author's Notes: Oh man, where do I even begin? I began writing this in December 2008, just under three years ago. It was intended to just be a one-shot, but I wanted to continue a bit beyond the first part - and then it just kept growing and growing. Unluckily, my schedule and attention didn't always match my ambition. Luckily, people have been patient enough to wait, and kind enough to continue encouraging me to finish.
This fic, I think, better than any other that I have written, is a record of my progress through years in fandom. I can look back on what I've read three years ago and see my style and thoughts a lot more objectively. It was tough trying to keep later updates in a similar style and feel, but I feel satisfied with what I've done. I've always known how this would finish, but getting there was an unexpectedly long journey! My last update - which I thought was finally, finally close to the end - was in June 2009. So many things have changed in my life since then - finishing university, becoming a teacher, moving to a new country. It feels good to be able to come back and revisit this fic one last time. Which doesn't mean I'm closing the door on ever dabbling in this universe again if it's fun!
Now, people to thank - first, to aoimidori. I've never tried to give anyone a gift where the giving spanned three years, but you are patient and marvelous, and I've never once regretted beginning this. To all my wonderful betas through the different parts and years, and not at least to rhythmia and longleggedgit for helping me with these final two chapters. And, finally, to everyone who has read this fic and encouraged me to keep continuing it - even those who used threats! I probably needed them. Thank you. ♥
And now, let's finish this - finally!
The beginning of this chapter picks up from the morning after where Part 3 ends, when Nino leaves and Jun goes to Aiba's house.
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
"Don't pretend that he doesn't matter." Aiba's words jolt him, make Jun pause for a second, sit back.
Aiba is silent, unmoving beneath him and he's serious, like the tentative sweep of his fingers against the back of Jun's wrist. His words make cold fear rise in Jun's chest, make him realize that he and Nino hadn't been so careful after all.
"He doesn't have anything to do with this," Jun says finally, and they both know it's a lie, but Jun doesn't leave much room for argument, shifting and grinding down against Aiba, fingernails biting deeply into Aiba's shoulders as they rock against each other.
"I want -" Aiba says, but Jun doesn't let him finish, pinning down his wrists and kissing him until neither of them have breath left for words.
Sho is waiting for Jun in the green room when he arrives, not even bothering to pretend to read the newspaper neatly folded on his lap.
"Everyone else?" Jun asks, tossing his bag onto a nearby table, slouching onto the couch across from Sho and tugging his earbuds out of his ears
"In the other room," Sho says. He puts his newspaper down on the small table between them. "Can we talk?"
Shit. Jun glances pointedly at the wide open door of the room, the staff rushing back and forth down the hallway. "Here? Now?"
Jun knows that Sho means well, but sometimes that well-meaning patience and concern pisses him off just a little. It isn't that he tries to mother them, or that he interferes. He just - well honestly, the whole thing is still a little raw and wrong and frustrating at the moment, and the last thing he wants right now is Sho's sympathy or advice. He already knows that things are fucked up.
"No, not if you don't want to," Sho says sincerely, "We can go out later, if you're free - I'll take you out to dinner, I still haven't bought you anything for your birthday."
"I'm not free," Jun says, and it's true. He's got drama filming until late tonight and then again, early in the morning. "Sorry."
"You and Nino -" Sho begins carefully, and Jun shakes his head, standing up.
"It's nothing. Let's not talk about it." Jun knows that Sho knows him well enough to understand that he means I don't want to talk about it, so leave it alone.
"Okay," Sho says softly. He stuffs his newspaper in his bag and drags out his laptop. They've all gotten this far as a group without fighting, and that is first and foremost because they’ve learned not to push each other's limits. Jun tries not to feel guilty as he swings his bag onto his shoulder again, trying to keep his expression even as he heads towards the adjoining green room.
It was probably a sign of respect for their Leader that when Ohno was hungover in the morning, the rest of the members were a little more careful to tiptoe around him and give him a break.
Either that, or Ohno just looked so darned pitiful sprawled out over the couch on his back, face scrunched up in agony that they couldn't help but want to be nicer to him.
"Good morning, Leader," Jun says to the giant heat pad that has temporarily replaced Ohno's face. From the other end of the sofa, Nino looks up sharply from his DS, holding a finger to his lips in warning.
"Gnarrgffh," Ohno presses down the wet cloth sticking to his forehead with one hand. "Not so louuuud, Matssun."
"Poor Captain." Jun drops his bag and jacket on a table, perching on the arm of the couch and softly petting Ohno's spiky hair. "You overdid it, huh?"
The cloth slides off Ohno's face a little as he tries to lean his head into Jun's hand. "That feels good," he says encouragingly, sounding pitiful. Jun drags his nails through Ohno's hair indulgently, watching Nino out of the corner of his eye.
"You should be careful," Jun says gruffly.
Ohno chuckles, butting his cheek up against Jun's hand. "S'not like I talk much on camera anyways," he says peaceably.
Jun touches the cloth on Ohno's head. It's only warmly damp. "I'll go put some cold water on this, okay?"
"So gentle," Ohno murmurs happily.
Jun snorts, smacking Ohno on the leg and folding the cloth busily. "Be back soon."
The bathroom down the hall from their greenroom is deserted this early in the morning. Jun turns on one of the taps, checking with his fingers as the water grows colder. He examines his own face in the mirror - he looks as tired as he feels. Makeup will take care of that.
It feels like he had lain awake for hours. It had been strange to have Aiba in his bed - he moved more in his sleep, he breathed differently; he wasn't nearly as hesitant about reaching out and grabbing onto Jun.
It's unsettling. He's been waiting for years to wake up next to Aiba again, and he can't help but feel like something is missing.
The bathroom door opens, and Jun looks up to see Nino place a steaming cup on the counter opposite the sinks.
"Coffee?"
"Thanks," Jun says. The water is freezing now. He soaks Ohno's cloth and wrings it out carefully, aware of Nino watching him. He meets his eyes in the mirror. "Just a little tired."
"You never were a morning person." Nino's eyes are steady, and Jun has to look away.
"Why are you here?"
Quiet falls between them, a stillness in which their breaths are nearly audible. Jun can feel his heartbeat pick up as Nino steps closer, his expression unreadable.
Nino's fingers are cold through the thin material of Jun's dress shirt, strong against his shoulders and Jun's breath catches in his throat. He's pinned against the wall before he can even begin to process Nino's slim frame trapping him, his hands hot against Jun's clammy skin.
Nino's mouth is damp and warm, his tongue sliding against Jun's lips, making him shiver. Jun parts his mouth almost without thought, swallowing a moan as Nino licks into his mouth, fingers creeping under the edge of Jun's shirt, tracing a half-moon on the curve of his hipbone. The bathroom is silent, no noise except the slick meeting and parting of their mouths.
Like it always began, Jun thinks, no words, no explanation.
That thought irritates him nearly as much as Nino's convenient amnesia about the previous night. Nino had caught him off guard, but Jun is taller and stronger, and when he shoves, Nino nearly tumbles back into one of the washroom stalls.
"I thought we weren't going to do this anymore." Jun can't keep his voice from shaking. He's sweating, forehead cold and slick under his bangs. He hopes his cheeks aren't flushed - they feel heated. He tries to control his breathing.
Nino steadies himself, his eyes alert. "Oh," he says. He looks like he's searching for something to say, like he doesn't quite understand what just happened. It's a strange look on Nino, whose quick mouth is only surpassed by his rapidfire mind.
"It doesn't - no, forget it. My bad." Nino smiles, and it's entirely sincere . "I'll head out first."
"Wait," Jun bites his lip. "Kazu, just wait."
Nino has his hand on the door, but he pauses. He doesn't look back, though.
"I probably wasn't clear enough before."
"You were clear," Nino says. "I get it now. It's good, okay? You and Aiba -"
"This isn't about Aiba," Jun snaps, and that gets Nino to turn around.
"He loves you, you know," Nino says. He's watching Jun carefully, like he can't quite decide about something.
"Do you?"
"Do I - do I love you?" Nino doesn't laugh, to his credit. He ducks his head. "Oh, Jun-kun."
"I told you that last night - I don't want this anymore." Jun's voice is steady now, even if he can feel himself shaking inside from what he needs to say. "But I do want you."
It's embarrassing, really embarrassing, but it's worth it for the way that Nino's head suddenly snaps up , his gaze locking straight onto Jun like he just realized that he was in the room.
"I don't get you," Nino says finally. He sounds weary, like all the fight has gone out of him.
"Can't we at least talk about it?" Jun tries to hold himself back, but it's coming out of him in torrents now, waves of tightly pressed-down frustration. "Whether you like me, whether you're doing this because you're lonely or horny or you want to pretend that you're fucking Ohno instead of me -"
"I don't - " Nino says hotly, but Jun cuts him off again.
"I don't care, Nino. Do you get that? I've never cared. I just wanted…" Jun's voice trails off. Nino is staring at him still, and he's beginning to lose his nerve. "Can you at least acknowledge that we don't just keep meeting in bathroom stalls to jerk each other off by accident?"
"We've never done that before." Nino's expression is unreadable, but the wry humour in his voice is unmistakable.
Jun fights the urge to smile. "I went to Aiba's place last night," he admits. "After I left work."
Nino stays silent, his eyes trained on Jun's face. It's hard to see any reaction, but Jun presses on anyways.
"He knows about us, I think - and he would want us to work things out." Jun reaches out impulsively, touches Nino's wrist. "If you're willing to try, that is. For real this time."
Nino shifts his weight, leaning against the wall. "I'm not sure I want that," he says carefully, gently.
Jun's heart sinks. "Oh - well. That's fine, too."
Nino smiles, touches his fingertip gently to the corner of Jun's mouth. "Sorry."
"Don't be."
The silence is understandably awkward. Jun counts his breaths for a good minute before he realizes that Nino is still standing there, still watching him. "Are you going to leave?"
"Are you going to lock yourself in a stall and cry over me?" Nino inquires, smirk badly suppressed.
"Fuck off." The grins are genuine now, and it feels good. It's a relief. They don't have to sort through the tangles and brambles of turning no-strings sex into a relationship, and they don't have to tiptoe around each other anymore. They'll be okay.
+
It's Aiba who finds him after the shoot, twirling absently in one of the chairs in the now-empty makeup room.
"Everything okay?" Aiba says. "You talked to Nino, right?"
"Yeah," Jun kicks off the floor, letting the room blur by briefly. "It's all okay."
"Jun," The world goes abruptly still as Aiba grips the arms of the makeup chair. "Don't lie to me. Is this really okay? I'm not him. And I know that you still - "
"Don't - " Jun says.
"You can't ignore it. It just makes things worse." Aiba's eyes hold his. "Don't you miss him?"
Nino's shy smile as he stripped off his shirt. The warmth of his hands, the smell of his shampoo in the heavy, humid air of the shower. The way he kissed, not careful at all, but seriously.
"Of course you do." Aiba's voice is gentle.
Jun flinches away from Aiba's hand as it touches his tentatively. "I already asked. He's not interested in anything - complicated. I think it's for the best."
"I didn't ask what was best," Aiba says. "I asked you if you miss him."
"Does that matter?"
"You're asking me?" Aiba asks, smiling this time. "I think you already know that."
Aiba's hands cover his, and Jun's fingers involuntarily clench around the new warmth. "I can't do anything about it anyways."
"It's not like you to just give up," Aiba says practically. "Leave it to me, okay? I have a plan."
Part 6
cross-posted to kotobayori