Title: Little of Your Time [6/6]
Author:
waxroseRating: PG-13
Pairing(s): Nino/Jun with Aiba/Jun, implied one-sided Ohno/Nino
Length: ~2,500 words [Story total = ~15,000]
Author's Notes: Another time skip! The beginning of this chapter goes back through Nino's POV around
Part 1 and Part 2, then catches up to where we left off in
Chapter 5. Thank you again to
rhythmia and
longleggedgit for helping me finish this off!
Part 1 |
Part 2 |
Part 3 |
Part 4 |
Part 5 twelve years ago
"This is a bad idea."
"You never like my ideas," Aiba laughs, and it sounds convincingly confident, but Nino can feel Aiba's hands shaking where they're resting on his leg.
"No, really - fuck off, Masaki," Nino shoves him away back onto the floor. "We can't do this. I'm serious."
"Yes," Aiba says, climbing back onto the bed. "So am I."
+
Aiba was Nino's first time.
Not that he'd ever told Aiba. It wasn't that important, really - Nino didn't care about getting laughed at, but he didn't want Aiba to think that it was a big deal. They were seventeen and stupid as all hell and - well, really, he blamed the whole thing on Aiba .
It's a nice memory, though - sex with someone who knows him so thoroughly, who knows his bad habits and his moods, who has seen him cry and rage and chain-smoke himself into a stupor and still loves him just the same.
He wonders if Aiba ever told Jun. It bothers him, sometimes, what Jun thinks of them, of what they are to each other. Jun isn't in love with Nino , but he watches him with the strangest, almost pained expressions at times.
What would Jun think of Nino, then? What does he think Nino is sleeping with him for?
When Nino first started sleeping with Jun, he thought briefly about telling him. Whether Jun thinks Aiba is playing games or he just doesn't care, Nino isn't sure, but he knows that Aiba isn't like that. Aiba is always sincere.
It didn’t really bother Nino, being the other guy. He hadn't gotten involved with Jun expecting anything more.
+
Nino can already sense that Jun was wavering on the night he shows up on his doorstep without an invitation. They've never done this before, but Jun lets him inside without question, lets Nino press him against the wall and kiss him again and again.
Each time, it's slower, less desperate, a tipping balance of the yawning gaps between them breached by anxious touches, letting their fingers fill the silences.
"Ohno called last night, didn't he?" Jun asks him the next morning, as he's drying the breakfast dishes. Nino's fingers tighten around his coffee mug, its rounded surface a smooth burn under his cold fingers.
"He did," Nino says. He hadn't thought Jun had woken up. The thought makes him feel strangely vulnerable. It wasn't like Ohno drunk-dialing Nino to tell him that he loved him bothered him. He wasn't that bitter, it was just - ironic. He didn't know if he'd said something - done something - afterwards. Jun was the type to read into stuff like that. Sometimes he looked a little too closely for Nino's comfort.
He realizes that the clink of the dishes has stopped and he snaps himself out of staring into his coffee mug. Jun is watching him, frowning.
"Maybe you should stop coming over," Jun says.
There's a sour taste in Nino's mouth, he can feel anxiety tightening his chest. He drains his coffee, sets the mug back down on the table as calmly as he possibly can. "We're going to be late."
"I don't even know why you're here." Jun's voice drops an octave. "I always got the feeling that you thought you were just settling for second best."
"It isn't like that," Nino says automatically. He's on his feet now, the urge to flee strong inside his chest, his heart beating far too fast for someone standing still.
"You love him, don't you?" Jun says. He holds Nino's gaze, eyes dark and unflinching.
"It has nothing to do with him." Nino says firmly. I am not like you, he stops himself from saying.
It's the closest they ever come to talking about it, and the first time that their careful, strange arrangement tilts dizzyingly close to falling apart. Right then, Nino knows that it might just be the beginning of the end.
Nino can see the way Aiba looks between the two of them, confused. He knows that it's only a matter of time before Jun and Aiba realize that they are just mooning over each other like idiots and Nino is left out of the equation altogether.
When Jun walks out on him in the dressing room only a few short days later, Nino isn't surprised at all.
+
"You're an idiot, you know."
It takes a second for Nino to actually react to Aiba's words. "I talked to Jun. Everything is fine."
"It is not," Aiba says. "That's dumb."
"Masaki," Nino puts down his cards, and Aiba sits up straight from where he was half-slumped off the couch. "Forget it, okay? He has you now. That's what he wanted all along."
"Ahh," says Aiba, with a sincere kind of sarcasm only he can muster, "So because I, in all my teenaged wisdom, got a raging boner for one of my bandmates and decided to sleep with him and then pretended it never happened for five years, that clearly beats you."
"Don't be an ass. You love him."
"And you don't? Did you even bother to tell him what he was to you? Did you tell him that he wasn't just a second choice or a pity fuck?"
"It wasn't like that," Nino says. "In the beginning."
"Things change like that."
"It's easier this way."
"Who cares about what's easy? What matters is what we need. The rest, we can work around. It doesn't matter if it's hard or it doesn't make sense." Aiba pauses. "Do you remember what I told you? After I tried to kiss you when we were - what, fifteen, sixteen?"
"Gross." Nino shuffles his deck of cards, trying to avoid Aiba's eyes. "I've tried to suppress that."
"I'm sure the therapy was very expensive . Do you?"
The cards fly between Nino's fingertips, paper edges hushing softly. "No."
"Yes, you do. I do. You said that I was your best friend, and you were a guy, and that we worked together. And that it wasn't going to happen. And I said -"
"'I don't care'." Nino flicks a card at Aiba. Ace of hearts. "That's because you're an idiot who doesn't think."
"You really won't tell him?" Aiba says, picking the card up off the carpet and turning it over in his hands, fingers tracing the corners. "I really think you should. I think it would be good."
"I really don't need your advice," Nino says, sounding sharper than he intends to. But Aiba just smiles at him, tucking the card into his pocket.
"Did you know that most magic tricks are mathematical?" Aiba says. "It's impossible to do them without a full deck."
"Oh, metaphorical advice. This just keeps getting better and better." Nino makes a wild snatch for Aiba's pocket as he stands up and leans over Nino, but Aiba just pins him back on the chair with one hand.
"You and Jun, you're both missing some cards because you're too stubborn to show them to each other. If you do, I think," Aiba takes the card out of his pocket and tucks it into Nino's shirt pocket. "I think you'll find what you were missing all along."
"That really doesn't make sense." Aiba just laughs and kisses Nino on the forehead.
"Oh, Nino," Aiba says fondly. "Stop being such a stubborn dick. Go talk to him."
"Don't be stupid." Nino stuffs his deck back into his bag and checks his phone. A little after nine. "I'm going to head out. I had an early morning today."
"Oh! I'll go buy beer!" Aiba volunteers enthusiastically, spilling off the couch . "Do you want to talk with him alone first? I can show up later. It's okay if you guys start without me."
Nino stares at him. "Did you eat natto for lunch or does your brain normally fart this much?"
"What?" Aiba asks, confused.
"What are you talking about?"
"Jun likes both of us," Aiba explains patiently, as if Nino is a small child. "And I really like Jun, and you're Nino, and I think you might - well, anyways," His cheeks are starting to flush bright red .
"What are you talking about?" Nino asks, though he's pretty sure he doesn't want to know.
"Ireallythinkweshouldtrybeingtogether," Aiba says in a rush. "I mean - all three of us," he clarifies.
Nino doesn't know whether to laugh or take Aiba seriously. He tries his first option, but it trails out pretty pathetically once he realizes that Aiba is still fidgeting, looking anywhere but Nino.
"You can't possibly be serious." Nino is incredulous.
"No one is happy right now," Aiba says. "Can't we be happy together?"
"It's not that simple." Nino stands up, bag slung over his shoulder. "I'm going home. Home."
"All right. See you later," Aiba says.
Nino leaves, wondering if that was a promise or a threat.
+
He finds out when his phone rings shrilly, blasting him awake.
"Where are you?" Aiba asks, in a hissed whisper when Nino finally drags himself out of sleep long enough to fumble for his phone on the bedside table.
"I told you - I went home." Nino squints at his alarm clock. It's half-past eleven.
"Oh - you meant it?" says Aiba, sounding disappointed. "That's not how it works in dramas."
"Masaki, it's late." He can hear Jun's voice faintly over the line. Irritable, thick, half out of sleep - Nino knows that voice, is familiar with its timbre and scratchy sweetness.
"Got it! Hanging up right away!" Aiba says, and then pitches his voice even lower. "Jun's going into the studio really early tomorrow. Try to catch him then, okay? He won't listen to me."
"Be there bright and early," Nino says sarcastically, but Aiba's already hung up.
It's harder to fall back asleep than Nino would care to admit - picturing Aiba crawling back into Jun's bed, Jun's irritation and Aiba's implacability , the way they would curl into each other so naturally. It's not jealousy so much as loneliness, but it's equally useless.
Nino doesn't know who he's kidding.
+
It's not a long ride to Ohno's place, but it's well past midnight when he pays the taxi driver and holds his breath as he keys in the number to Ohno's apartment.
To Ohno's credit, he barely blinks when he opens his door to find Nino waiting there.
"Want a beer?" Ohno says. It's code for checking if Nino wants to talk, the same way that Sho uses food as a vehicle for involved emotional discussions.
Exhaustion hits Nino like a sledgehammer. "I'm really tired."
Jun would ask, "Why did you come here, then?", and Aiba would laugh at him. Ohno just looks at Nino calmly and says, "Let's go sleep, then."
Ohno's bedroom is small and dark and cool. His bed has the distinct, unruffled feel of being underused , but the sheets are still clean and smooth when Nino slips under the covers. He unconsciously crowds Ohno, snuggles into him, and Ohno doesn't back off.
Nino buries his head into Ohno's chest. Ohno smells like soap and that weird face cream his manager bought him to stave off the effects of repeated sunburns. He's solid and warm and his own arms encircle Nino without hesitation. Nothing about this is weird, and that's what drives Nino crazy. Ohno should care.
"I love you," Nino says, words muffled against Ohno's collarbone. He never got to say it yet, and saying it now feels like cheating, because he already knows the answer. But he wants to say it anyways. "I loved you first."
Ohno's arms tighten around him. "I love you, too," he says, quietly. Not for any cameras, not a joke. "I'm sorry."
Nino shakes his head. "Nothing to apologize for." He sighs. "I think I messed things up."
Ohno strokes his hair. "They aren't happy without you. You know that, right?"
Nino pulls back, blinking as his eyes adjust to find Ohno's face in the half-darkness of the bedroom. "You've been talking to Aiba," he says accusingly.
"To Sho, actually," Ohno says. "Who has been talking to Aiba. He's worried about you, Nino, and about Jun."
Nino balances back on his elbows, swishing his feet under the covers. "Everyone's making it out to be more than it was. It didn't matter that much."
Ohno shrugs. "It only ever matters as much as we let it."
Nino snorts and steals more of Ohno's covers. "Very philosophical."
Ohno tugs back, with a surprising strength that sends an off-guard Nino spinning off the bed.
"Not enough room here," Ohno says nonchalantly, as Nino rubs his aching butt. "Try Jun's place, maybe."
Nino gets to his feet. "You don't sleep there anyways," he says accusingly.
"It's hard to cuddle on the couch. We'd fall off."
Nino stops in the doorway to stare back at Ohno, fluffy and sticking out in all directions in the absence of gel to hold it in place. "If they don't - "
"Then we can make a blanket fort on the couch and cuddle until we fall off," Ohno says. "But I'm not going to stay awake waiting."
This is the Ohno that Nino has always loved; gentle, serious and openly warm. They would never work together, and Nino isn't sure that either of them would even want to try, but it's okay like this. It really is. Ohno will always be a part of his life and he will always love him. That will always be enough.
"Fine," Nino says, "Fine. I'm off."
+
Nino's palms feel sweaty as he waits in the hallway of Jun's apartment. He wipes them on his coat.
"This is stupid," he mutters to himself, and he knocks on Jun's door before he can stop himself. It sounds almost too loud, reverberating in the wide, dark space. It's nearly 2:00AM. Too late. He probably should have just gone home.
It's only a minute, maybe not even that, Nino's heart thumping in time with the footsteps on the other side of the door. A crack of light spills against Nino's face, and he can only blink, mind empty of words.
He probably would have laughed at the shock on Aiba's face at a different time, but he looks beyond Aiba's shoulder to Jun, meets his eyes. What he sees there - Jun's own uncertainty, hesitation, and want - gives him the courage to breathe again.
"Can I come in?" he asks, to Jun, to both of them, and even Aiba seems to understand that he's not just talking about the apartment, a slow smile spreading across his face.
"Yeah," Jun says, and despite the tired lines on his face, his eyes seem brighter than a minute before. "Yeah, you can."
"I hope you brought beer," Aiba adds. "Because we already finished mine."
"Sorry," Nino says, but Aiba's already shrugging him out of his jacket. He presses a kiss to the side of Nino's neck like he can't wait and Nino shivers. Aiba's warm hands against his chilled skin, Jun watching them like his eyes are starving and he's trying to take in every detail. It's already almost too much. "Just me."
"That's okay," Jun says. "That's all we need."
FIN
cross-posted to
kotobayori