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Thoughts & Dreams
I've been thinking more about my life and what I want it to mean. I know animals will always be a major part of my purpose. I was once offered a job to work with troubled youths. I knew at the time that I didn't have the emotional maturity to deal with other troubled and emotionally immature individuals. So it set me on a path to better my ( Read more... ) -
Happy 2020!
It's Tuesday morning and I'm sitting at our table that has currently been placed in the living room from our Saturday night game night. I am in the middle of organizing our hundred blu-ray/dvd collection. I stopped to write down the entire release line up of the Marvel Cinematic Universe for the first 23 movies to organize them in order of release ( Read more... ) -
Moving Forward
I'm currently kicking it at Benny's place in his bedroom while he deep cleans his apartment. It's nice to have a boyfriend. A legitimate person. One who actually cares about me. I'm still nervous though. This is all so new and seems to be moving quickly. I'm just going to stay on this wave for as long as I can and hope it never breaks ( Read more... ) -
Hello Again
It's been quite a while since my last entry. So much has happened in the past few years. Too much to ever write about in one sitting. The majority of my journaling has been hand written in my paper journal. I would have used this method again, but I simply don't feel like writing. It can be easier sometimes to use a keyboard, due to this beautiful ( Read more... ) -
Quote
“Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about letting go of another person's throat. Forgiveness does not create a relationship. Unless people speak the truth about what they have done and change their mind and behavior, a relationship of trust is not possible. When you forgive someone you certainly release them from judgment, but without true ( Read more... ) -
Venting is Needed
Last night was intense. Boris and I fought pretty hard. He even wanted me to leave. He said he couldn't deal with it. Then we talked more, because I didn't want to leave. I know it makes it worse. I wanted to get through the fight. He just kept talking about his ex and the things she would do and that he didn't want that kind of relationship again ( Read more... ) -
Another day goes by...
I'm in Boris's apartment, while he and Edwardo speak in portuguese only a few feet from me. They were talking normal and then they started whispering, saying words like girls, americana, brazilian. I think they're maybe comparing the two. He thinks I'm acting crazy right now, I just don't have my emotions under control right now. I want to ( Read more... ) -
Borderline Personality Disorder
I have borderline personality disorder. I just lost the third man who loves me. I blew up at him for no good reason, told him not to call me. He thinks I said "fuck you". I didn't. I said "Don't fucking laugh at me." Then I walked away, more like stormed away. I was frustrated. I felt like he wasn't listening to me or taking me seriously. He was ( Read more... ) -
Dreams
So things have been much better as of late. I watched this movie called The Secret. It's basically about the Law of Attraction and how if you ask for it, believe in it, and feel positive about it, you'll receive it. Anything you could imagine. I've decided to use this with Ivan. Ivan and I almost ended the relationship, we were fighting at a ( Read more... ) -
Self Motivation
I feel stressed and overwhelmed right now. I don't know exactly why, it seems this is what I will always feel. I've always told myself, once I have this or when this thing happens, then I'll be able to be healthy or get things in order, but it doesn't work that way. Things will never work out the way I want them to and its not about thinking that I ( Read more... )