fic: Jealousy Final Part {Hyunseung}
Title: Jealousy (Hyunseung)
Author: M_K Yujji
Rating: pg-13
Genre: romance, humor, some angst
Pairing/Characters: KiSeung, DooSeob, Junhyung/Hyuna
Warnings: RPS
Disclaimer: Though real people are used as characters, this fic bears no resemblance to Real Life and these people are not owned by me.
Comments/Notes: This is the end~ ^^;; Don't stone me, okay?
Previous: Part 1: Yoseob, Part 2: Gikwang, Part 3: Junhyung , Part 4: Dongwoon, Part 5: Doojoon
Summary:
~*~*~
“Do you think they’re all right?” Gikwang asked for the dozenth time as he paced around the living room.
Hyunseung just sighed and watched him, knowing that the younger man was past the point where anything was going to calm him down enough to sit except hearing from Yoseob himself.
When Dongwoon had returned earlier looking miserable and had explained what had happened, Gikwang hadn’t taken it well. He had more than enough affection to go around to just about everyone, but Yoseob was the person he identified with above all others in so many ways. Friend, lover, brother… Yoseob had been all of those things for Gikwang at one point or another in their lives.
He took Yoseob’s well being and happiness almost more seriously than he did his own.
“Seung ah?”
“I think that they have a lot to talk about and they’ll call us when they remember we’re here worried about them.” It wasn’t much reassurance, but it was the best Hyunseung had.
He knew Doojoon loved Yoseob and that the band leader would never willingly hurt their friend, but….
He glanced away, guilt swelling in his heart. Sometimes it couldn’t be helped.
Gikwang took a half step towards him, but noise distracted him and he made a beeline for the front door.
It was only Junhyung, though, looking a little worse for the wear but more or less all right. He was smiling as he waved off Gikwang’s hovering and moved over to flop down next to Hyunseung on the couch. “They’re still not back?”
“Not yet.”
“No calls yet, either,” Gikwang muttered as he resumed his pacing. “We don’t even know where they went.”
Junhyung sighed as he closed his eyes and let his head fall back. “Maybe they went somewhere to fuck.” He cracked an eye open when Gikwang and Hyunseung just gaped at him in silence. “What? Angry sex is awesome sex.”
“You know, if you weren’t so easily led by your dick, your jaw wouldn’t be purple and blue right now.”
The rapper just snorted with laughter and shrugged. “Comfort sex is good too.”
“…” Hyunseung sighed and shook his head, unsurprised. “So are the two of you back together or was this a one-off?”
“Hmm…” Junhhyung’s eyes went a little hazy and he grinned. “Neither. We’re friends who like to fuck each other senseless from time to time.” He shrugged, completely unashamed despite the looks he got from both Hyunseung and Gikwang. “What? It works for us.”
“Hyung?”
All three of them looked up to see Dongwoon hovering hesitantly in the doorway with guilty, worried eyes on Junhyung.
Junhyung offered the magnae a smile. “Don’t worry, Dongwoon. I’m fine. Hyuna took good care of me.”
Snorting, Hyunseung shook his head, but didn’t comment. Instead he reached his hands towards Dongwoon, urging the younger man to come sit with them.
Poor Dongwoon, caught in the middle of everything, the unwitting cause of so much pain for people he loved.
Hyunseung could sympathize.
Dongwoon accepted the invitation gratefully, slipping onto the couch and curling in between. The position made him look so much smaller and more vulnerable.
“Sorry,” he muttered against Junhyung’s shoulder.
“It probably needed to happen,” Junhyung replied with a half shrug before ruffling Dongwoon’s hair with the hand that wasn’t trapped under their friend’s weight. “He was getting a little better at hiding it, but not being able to tell Doojoon how he feels has been getting to him for a while.”
“S’all my fault…”
Hyunseung curled against Dongwoon’s back and buried his face in sweet smelling cotton. Gikwang must have used half a bottle of the lavender scented fabric softener he favored so much when he’d done the laundry for it to be so overpowering.
“It’s not your fault, Woonie.” Taking a deep breath and letting the scent soothe him, Hyunseung finally let himself admit the truth. “If it’s anyone’s, it’s mine.”
A gentle hand against his leg was the first indication that Gikwang had finally stopped pacing and settled himself on the floor at their feet. “That’s not true.”
“Isn’t it?” Hyunseung sighed and and turned his head so he could face Gikwang. “It’s my fault Yoseob was so afraid to tell Doojoon in the first place. Because he was too afraid that Doojoon would react to his confession like I did to yours.”
Gikwang shook his head. “It’s no one’s fault. It just is what it is.”
It was the same thing Gikwang had told him before.
It just is what it is, Seung ah. I love you. You love me. I can be upset that it’s not the same kind of love or I can enjoy it for what it is. I choose to enjoy it.
He’d had a hard time believing the calm acceptance behind Gikwang’s words, but eventually he’d realized that was just the sort of person Gikwang was. There was no malice in his heart and he would always see the positive side of everything.
Things had been awkward for a while, but Hyunseung knew that had mostly been his own reactions. Gikwang had simply gone back to behaving as he always had and waited for Hyunseung to regain the comfort levels they’d had before.
From his side, Junhyung shifted so that he could stretch and get his arm around both Dongwoon and Hyunseung. “It’ll work out.”
Gikwang smiled and wrapped his arms around their legs as best as he could before resting his head against Hyunseung’s thigh. “Yeah.”
In his arms, Dongwoon shuddered slightly, but nodded regardless. “Right.”
Hyunseung swallowed tightly before dropping a hand down to rest in Gikwang’s hair. “Definitely.”
~*~*~
When a hand shook his shoulder gently, Hyunseung frowned and wiggled slightly. His body was twisted into an uncomfortable position and he couldn’t feel either of his arms or legs.
A soft laugh and he blinked open sleepy eyes to Gikwang’s wide grin right in front of his face.
“I can’t believe you all fell asleep like this.” Yoseob’s soft words distracted him from the blinding smile and Hyunseung glanced over to see the missing members of the band trying to untangle the lump of bodies on the couch without waking anyone else up. “Erk!”
Dongwoon’s arms had snaked out and wrapped around Yoseob’s waist, pulling the older man down into the pile so that Dongwoon could hug him properly. “I’m so sorry, hyung.”
Yoseob sighed and patted Dongwoon’s head. “It’s okay, Woonie. Everything’s all sorted out, now. No more hitting, no more jealousy.”
“Really?” Dongwoon loosened his grip enough to pull back so he could look to Doojoon for confirmation.
The leader smiled and nodded, reaching out to pull Yoseob’s head to the side and kiss his cheek despite the muttered protest that dancer or not, my spine really isn’t meant to be bent in half, Doojoonie. “Really.”
Whooping loudly, Gikwang hopped onto Yoseob’s back. “Finally!!!”
“Oh geez!” Already balance-compromised, Yoseob went down onto of the pile on the couch with a yelp, Gikwang and Doojoon following on top.
Junhyung was understandably annoyed with his wake up call, but Hyunseung was happy enough that everyone was happy again that he took the extra weight with nothing more than a laugh.
~*~*~
Laying in the dark later that night, Hyunseung sighed and rolled over, wishing he could find sleep as easily as his band mates all had.
A sliver of light from the window cut across the foot of their beds and he stared at it for a long moment before sighing and rolling back over onto his stomach. As if not looking at the light had actually helped the last dozen or so times that he’d flipped around.
Maybe he should just give up and go play on the computer for a while?
“Hmm? Seung ah?”
He glanced over to see Gikwang yawning and blinking at him from the far bed. It seemed to take a minute before he was conscious enough to actually focus on Hyunseung. Then he yawned again and tucked his hands under his head, peering at the older man with sleepy curiosity. “Can’t sleep?”
Hyunseung hesitated for a second before shaking his head. “No.”
“You should try warm milk and honey,” Gikwang whispered with a sage nod of his head. “Works every time.”
“It’s not… it’s not the kind of ‘can’t sleep’ that milk can cure, Kiki.”
Gikwang considered that for a moment before nodding. There was a shifting sound, then he slipped out of his own bunk. It took him a second to crawl over Junhyung and into Hyunseung’s bed, then he cuddled close. “Is it the kind of ‘can’t sleep’ that having someone close by can help?”
With a snort, Hyunseung wrapped his arms around Gikwang. “It’s a little late to ask after you’ve crawled into bed with me, isn’t it? You’re lucky Junhyung sleeps so deeply.”
Gikwang just shrugged and moved around for a moment before settling in a more comfortable position.
They lay there together in silence for a while, Gikwang’s thumb rubbing soft circles against Hyunseung’s hip while Hyunseung breathed in the soft smell of Gikwang’s hair.
It was comfortable, but it did nothing to stop the whirring thoughts that had been keeping Hyunseung up since they’d all finally gone to bed.
At first it had been the hushed noises above their heads as Doojoon and Yoseob had figured out their own sleeping arrangement. Even once they’d finally settled down there’d been alternate bouts of quiet whispers interspersed with other soft sounds that Hyunseung had recognized but had never really imagined having to listen to in their shared bedroom. His mind had supplied him with images to go along with the soundtrack, and he was sure he wasn’t going to be able to look either of his friends in the face for a few days.
He was glad that they’d worked everything out, and he was really, really happy that they were happy, but maybe a no making out in the room with other members present rule should be instituted?
Maybe he’d put it to a vote some day.
Eventually those sounds had faded as exhaustion had overcome the newness and the only noise coming from the top bunks were the soft snuffle-like snores that said Yoseob had fallen asleep on his back.
Closer noise had been the occasional shift and mutter right beside him that said Junhyung was dreaming. Hyunseung heard Hyuna’s name at least twice, he was sure.
And that, really, was what had been keeping him up.
On the one hand, there was Doojoon and Yoseob. He was fairly certain that he knew them both well enough to know that the decision to complicate their friendship with a romantic relationship wasn’t something they would do unless they were both thinking in terms of forever and ever. They valued the relationship they already had too much to risk it for anything less.
On the other, there was Junhyung and Hyuna. Two good friends who’d utterly failed at their own attempt at a relationship because the very things that made them compatible as friends made romance between them impossible. They knew each other too well to believe for even a second that either had long term or monogamy on their minds. They also found each other too attractive sexually to ever fully walk away from the idea. Now that they’d settled on a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship, Hyunseung had a feeling it was never going to be safe to walk into the dressing rooms again without knocking - loudly.
And then there was Gikwang and Hyunseung.
Hyunseung loved Gikwang. He’d long since passed the point where he could even imagine a life that didn’t include Gikwang in it. There weren’t many people he was completely at ease with no matter how long or short the acquaintance, but barring those first few weeks after Gikwang’s confession, he’d always be comfortable with the younger man. They complimented each other on just about every level that two people could.
Except one.
As physically attractive as Hyunseung knew Gikwang was - he had eyes after all - he just couldn’t muster up the sexual attraction that could move them from friends to more.
Gikwang was cute and funny and kind and understanding. He was everything that any sane person could want in a lover. More than that… He loved Hyunseung more deeply and truly than anyone else probably ever would.
But however much his heart and mind knew that Gikwang was perfect for him, his body just wouldn’t take the memo.
Hyunseung sighed and moved one hand to rest under his head as he stared up at the bunk above them.
It just didn’t seem fair.
“Seung ah?”
Hyunseung sighed again and pressed a kiss against Gikwang’s hair. “Go to sleep, Kiki.”
There was another long moment of silence, then Gikwang propped his head on his hand and stared down at Hyunseung. “You’re thinking so hard, I’m surprised it hasn’t woken everyone else up.”
Hyunseung made a face. “I can’t help it. My brian won’t shut off.”
“Hmm…” Gikwang stared at him for a long moment. “Maybe talking about it would help?”
“I just…” Hyunseung looked away before taking a deep breath and turning back. The words were caught in his throat though, unable to escape and he shook his head helplessly.
He thought about Doojoon, able to make take that last step and how happy it had made Yoseob.
If Doojoon could do it, why couldn’t he?
He hesitated for another heartbeat, then pulled Gikwang down. The younger man tensed and made a muffled noise of surprise before he relaxed into the kiss.
It was a perfect kiss, long and lingering and edged slightly with Hyunseung’s near-desperation.
When Gikwang pulled up, his eyes were soft with understanding and compassion. Hyunseung couldn’t stand it, though, and shut his own as he dropped his head back.
It wasn’t fair.
Gentle hands brushed his hair back. Soft lips brushed against his cheek. “You know… I’m not Yoseob. And you’re not Doojoon. I am okay the way things are.”
“You shouldn’t have to be.” Hyunseung muttered.
Gikwang laughed softly and settled back down against him. Warm breath caressed his neck. “That’s very sweet of you, but you don’t have to keep trying so hard.” He was silent for a moment before sighing and pressing a kiss against the skin under his mouth. Hyunseung had to fight the urge to wiggle away from the tickling sensation. “What’s so wrong with what we have right now? Maybe having love and sex together is the ideal, but if I have to choose between the two… I definitely choose love.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Sure it is. You’re the one trying to make it so complicated.”
“Gikwang, you can’t really be happy with-”
A hand covered his mouth and he opened his eyes to see Gikwang frowning down at him again. “Hyunseung. I love you. You love me. I’m in an awesome band with my best friends in the whole world. I’ve got girls and guys throwing themselves at my feet should I find myself in need of anything I can’t get right here. What exactly do you think I have to be unhappy about? Besides your insistence on being unhappy about it, I’d say it’s a pretty awesome life.” He sighed again and shook his head. “You’re going to look up one day and it’s going to be five years down the road, and you’ll realize you spent those five years making yourself miserable over something that just wasn’t worth being miserable over. And I’m still going to be thrilled with everything in my awesome life… except your insistence on being unhappy about it.”
Seeming satisfied that his word was the last words to be had on the subject, Gikwang cuddled close again and wrapped his arms around Hyunseung.
As he felt his friend drift off to sleep, Hyunseung stared up at the bottom of the bunk his thoughts still keeping him away, though they were running a different vein now.
Was Gikwang right? Was he trying to see problems where there weren’t any to be seen?
He bit his lip and let his fingers trail through Gikwang’s short hair. What they had between them was easy and comfortable, but he doubted the nagging feeling that there should be more would ever really leave him.
It just is what it is.
It wasn’t a perfect answer, but he supposed that few things in life were ever truly perfect.
Gikwang snuffled slightly, twitching in his sleep and muttering about something - cheese, from the sound, or maybe flowers, it was hard to tell - and Hyunseung couldn’t help but smile.
Maybe their life wasn’t perfect, but all in all, Gikwang was right.
It was pretty awesome.
Author: M_K Yujji
Rating: pg-13
Genre: romance, humor, some angst
Pairing/Characters: KiSeung, DooSeob, Junhyung/Hyuna
Warnings: RPS
Disclaimer: Though real people are used as characters, this fic bears no resemblance to Real Life and these people are not owned by me.
Comments/Notes: This is the end~ ^^;; Don't stone me, okay?
Previous: Part 1: Yoseob, Part 2: Gikwang, Part 3: Junhyung , Part 4: Dongwoon, Part 5: Doojoon
Summary:
~*~*~
“Do you think they’re all right?” Gikwang asked for the dozenth time as he paced around the living room.
Hyunseung just sighed and watched him, knowing that the younger man was past the point where anything was going to calm him down enough to sit except hearing from Yoseob himself.
When Dongwoon had returned earlier looking miserable and had explained what had happened, Gikwang hadn’t taken it well. He had more than enough affection to go around to just about everyone, but Yoseob was the person he identified with above all others in so many ways. Friend, lover, brother… Yoseob had been all of those things for Gikwang at one point or another in their lives.
He took Yoseob’s well being and happiness almost more seriously than he did his own.
“Seung ah?”
“I think that they have a lot to talk about and they’ll call us when they remember we’re here worried about them.” It wasn’t much reassurance, but it was the best Hyunseung had.
He knew Doojoon loved Yoseob and that the band leader would never willingly hurt their friend, but….
He glanced away, guilt swelling in his heart. Sometimes it couldn’t be helped.
Gikwang took a half step towards him, but noise distracted him and he made a beeline for the front door.
It was only Junhyung, though, looking a little worse for the wear but more or less all right. He was smiling as he waved off Gikwang’s hovering and moved over to flop down next to Hyunseung on the couch. “They’re still not back?”
“Not yet.”
“No calls yet, either,” Gikwang muttered as he resumed his pacing. “We don’t even know where they went.”
Junhyung sighed as he closed his eyes and let his head fall back. “Maybe they went somewhere to fuck.” He cracked an eye open when Gikwang and Hyunseung just gaped at him in silence. “What? Angry sex is awesome sex.”
“You know, if you weren’t so easily led by your dick, your jaw wouldn’t be purple and blue right now.”
The rapper just snorted with laughter and shrugged. “Comfort sex is good too.”
“…” Hyunseung sighed and shook his head, unsurprised. “So are the two of you back together or was this a one-off?”
“Hmm…” Junhhyung’s eyes went a little hazy and he grinned. “Neither. We’re friends who like to fuck each other senseless from time to time.” He shrugged, completely unashamed despite the looks he got from both Hyunseung and Gikwang. “What? It works for us.”
“Hyung?”
All three of them looked up to see Dongwoon hovering hesitantly in the doorway with guilty, worried eyes on Junhyung.
Junhyung offered the magnae a smile. “Don’t worry, Dongwoon. I’m fine. Hyuna took good care of me.”
Snorting, Hyunseung shook his head, but didn’t comment. Instead he reached his hands towards Dongwoon, urging the younger man to come sit with them.
Poor Dongwoon, caught in the middle of everything, the unwitting cause of so much pain for people he loved.
Hyunseung could sympathize.
Dongwoon accepted the invitation gratefully, slipping onto the couch and curling in between. The position made him look so much smaller and more vulnerable.
“Sorry,” he muttered against Junhyung’s shoulder.
“It probably needed to happen,” Junhyung replied with a half shrug before ruffling Dongwoon’s hair with the hand that wasn’t trapped under their friend’s weight. “He was getting a little better at hiding it, but not being able to tell Doojoon how he feels has been getting to him for a while.”
“S’all my fault…”
Hyunseung curled against Dongwoon’s back and buried his face in sweet smelling cotton. Gikwang must have used half a bottle of the lavender scented fabric softener he favored so much when he’d done the laundry for it to be so overpowering.
“It’s not your fault, Woonie.” Taking a deep breath and letting the scent soothe him, Hyunseung finally let himself admit the truth. “If it’s anyone’s, it’s mine.”
A gentle hand against his leg was the first indication that Gikwang had finally stopped pacing and settled himself on the floor at their feet. “That’s not true.”
“Isn’t it?” Hyunseung sighed and and turned his head so he could face Gikwang. “It’s my fault Yoseob was so afraid to tell Doojoon in the first place. Because he was too afraid that Doojoon would react to his confession like I did to yours.”
Gikwang shook his head. “It’s no one’s fault. It just is what it is.”
It was the same thing Gikwang had told him before.
It just is what it is, Seung ah. I love you. You love me. I can be upset that it’s not the same kind of love or I can enjoy it for what it is. I choose to enjoy it.
He’d had a hard time believing the calm acceptance behind Gikwang’s words, but eventually he’d realized that was just the sort of person Gikwang was. There was no malice in his heart and he would always see the positive side of everything.
Things had been awkward for a while, but Hyunseung knew that had mostly been his own reactions. Gikwang had simply gone back to behaving as he always had and waited for Hyunseung to regain the comfort levels they’d had before.
From his side, Junhyung shifted so that he could stretch and get his arm around both Dongwoon and Hyunseung. “It’ll work out.”
Gikwang smiled and wrapped his arms around their legs as best as he could before resting his head against Hyunseung’s thigh. “Yeah.”
In his arms, Dongwoon shuddered slightly, but nodded regardless. “Right.”
Hyunseung swallowed tightly before dropping a hand down to rest in Gikwang’s hair. “Definitely.”
~*~*~
When a hand shook his shoulder gently, Hyunseung frowned and wiggled slightly. His body was twisted into an uncomfortable position and he couldn’t feel either of his arms or legs.
A soft laugh and he blinked open sleepy eyes to Gikwang’s wide grin right in front of his face.
“I can’t believe you all fell asleep like this.” Yoseob’s soft words distracted him from the blinding smile and Hyunseung glanced over to see the missing members of the band trying to untangle the lump of bodies on the couch without waking anyone else up. “Erk!”
Dongwoon’s arms had snaked out and wrapped around Yoseob’s waist, pulling the older man down into the pile so that Dongwoon could hug him properly. “I’m so sorry, hyung.”
Yoseob sighed and patted Dongwoon’s head. “It’s okay, Woonie. Everything’s all sorted out, now. No more hitting, no more jealousy.”
“Really?” Dongwoon loosened his grip enough to pull back so he could look to Doojoon for confirmation.
The leader smiled and nodded, reaching out to pull Yoseob’s head to the side and kiss his cheek despite the muttered protest that dancer or not, my spine really isn’t meant to be bent in half, Doojoonie. “Really.”
Whooping loudly, Gikwang hopped onto Yoseob’s back. “Finally!!!”
“Oh geez!” Already balance-compromised, Yoseob went down onto of the pile on the couch with a yelp, Gikwang and Doojoon following on top.
Junhyung was understandably annoyed with his wake up call, but Hyunseung was happy enough that everyone was happy again that he took the extra weight with nothing more than a laugh.
~*~*~
Laying in the dark later that night, Hyunseung sighed and rolled over, wishing he could find sleep as easily as his band mates all had.
A sliver of light from the window cut across the foot of their beds and he stared at it for a long moment before sighing and rolling back over onto his stomach. As if not looking at the light had actually helped the last dozen or so times that he’d flipped around.
Maybe he should just give up and go play on the computer for a while?
“Hmm? Seung ah?”
He glanced over to see Gikwang yawning and blinking at him from the far bed. It seemed to take a minute before he was conscious enough to actually focus on Hyunseung. Then he yawned again and tucked his hands under his head, peering at the older man with sleepy curiosity. “Can’t sleep?”
Hyunseung hesitated for a second before shaking his head. “No.”
“You should try warm milk and honey,” Gikwang whispered with a sage nod of his head. “Works every time.”
“It’s not… it’s not the kind of ‘can’t sleep’ that milk can cure, Kiki.”
Gikwang considered that for a moment before nodding. There was a shifting sound, then he slipped out of his own bunk. It took him a second to crawl over Junhyung and into Hyunseung’s bed, then he cuddled close. “Is it the kind of ‘can’t sleep’ that having someone close by can help?”
With a snort, Hyunseung wrapped his arms around Gikwang. “It’s a little late to ask after you’ve crawled into bed with me, isn’t it? You’re lucky Junhyung sleeps so deeply.”
Gikwang just shrugged and moved around for a moment before settling in a more comfortable position.
They lay there together in silence for a while, Gikwang’s thumb rubbing soft circles against Hyunseung’s hip while Hyunseung breathed in the soft smell of Gikwang’s hair.
It was comfortable, but it did nothing to stop the whirring thoughts that had been keeping Hyunseung up since they’d all finally gone to bed.
At first it had been the hushed noises above their heads as Doojoon and Yoseob had figured out their own sleeping arrangement. Even once they’d finally settled down there’d been alternate bouts of quiet whispers interspersed with other soft sounds that Hyunseung had recognized but had never really imagined having to listen to in their shared bedroom. His mind had supplied him with images to go along with the soundtrack, and he was sure he wasn’t going to be able to look either of his friends in the face for a few days.
He was glad that they’d worked everything out, and he was really, really happy that they were happy, but maybe a no making out in the room with other members present rule should be instituted?
Maybe he’d put it to a vote some day.
Eventually those sounds had faded as exhaustion had overcome the newness and the only noise coming from the top bunks were the soft snuffle-like snores that said Yoseob had fallen asleep on his back.
Closer noise had been the occasional shift and mutter right beside him that said Junhyung was dreaming. Hyunseung heard Hyuna’s name at least twice, he was sure.
And that, really, was what had been keeping him up.
On the one hand, there was Doojoon and Yoseob. He was fairly certain that he knew them both well enough to know that the decision to complicate their friendship with a romantic relationship wasn’t something they would do unless they were both thinking in terms of forever and ever. They valued the relationship they already had too much to risk it for anything less.
On the other, there was Junhyung and Hyuna. Two good friends who’d utterly failed at their own attempt at a relationship because the very things that made them compatible as friends made romance between them impossible. They knew each other too well to believe for even a second that either had long term or monogamy on their minds. They also found each other too attractive sexually to ever fully walk away from the idea. Now that they’d settled on a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship, Hyunseung had a feeling it was never going to be safe to walk into the dressing rooms again without knocking - loudly.
And then there was Gikwang and Hyunseung.
Hyunseung loved Gikwang. He’d long since passed the point where he could even imagine a life that didn’t include Gikwang in it. There weren’t many people he was completely at ease with no matter how long or short the acquaintance, but barring those first few weeks after Gikwang’s confession, he’d always be comfortable with the younger man. They complimented each other on just about every level that two people could.
Except one.
As physically attractive as Hyunseung knew Gikwang was - he had eyes after all - he just couldn’t muster up the sexual attraction that could move them from friends to more.
Gikwang was cute and funny and kind and understanding. He was everything that any sane person could want in a lover. More than that… He loved Hyunseung more deeply and truly than anyone else probably ever would.
But however much his heart and mind knew that Gikwang was perfect for him, his body just wouldn’t take the memo.
Hyunseung sighed and moved one hand to rest under his head as he stared up at the bunk above them.
It just didn’t seem fair.
“Seung ah?”
Hyunseung sighed again and pressed a kiss against Gikwang’s hair. “Go to sleep, Kiki.”
There was another long moment of silence, then Gikwang propped his head on his hand and stared down at Hyunseung. “You’re thinking so hard, I’m surprised it hasn’t woken everyone else up.”
Hyunseung made a face. “I can’t help it. My brian won’t shut off.”
“Hmm…” Gikwang stared at him for a long moment. “Maybe talking about it would help?”
“I just…” Hyunseung looked away before taking a deep breath and turning back. The words were caught in his throat though, unable to escape and he shook his head helplessly.
He thought about Doojoon, able to make take that last step and how happy it had made Yoseob.
If Doojoon could do it, why couldn’t he?
He hesitated for another heartbeat, then pulled Gikwang down. The younger man tensed and made a muffled noise of surprise before he relaxed into the kiss.
It was a perfect kiss, long and lingering and edged slightly with Hyunseung’s near-desperation.
When Gikwang pulled up, his eyes were soft with understanding and compassion. Hyunseung couldn’t stand it, though, and shut his own as he dropped his head back.
It wasn’t fair.
Gentle hands brushed his hair back. Soft lips brushed against his cheek. “You know… I’m not Yoseob. And you’re not Doojoon. I am okay the way things are.”
“You shouldn’t have to be.” Hyunseung muttered.
Gikwang laughed softly and settled back down against him. Warm breath caressed his neck. “That’s very sweet of you, but you don’t have to keep trying so hard.” He was silent for a moment before sighing and pressing a kiss against the skin under his mouth. Hyunseung had to fight the urge to wiggle away from the tickling sensation. “What’s so wrong with what we have right now? Maybe having love and sex together is the ideal, but if I have to choose between the two… I definitely choose love.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Sure it is. You’re the one trying to make it so complicated.”
“Gikwang, you can’t really be happy with-”
A hand covered his mouth and he opened his eyes to see Gikwang frowning down at him again. “Hyunseung. I love you. You love me. I’m in an awesome band with my best friends in the whole world. I’ve got girls and guys throwing themselves at my feet should I find myself in need of anything I can’t get right here. What exactly do you think I have to be unhappy about? Besides your insistence on being unhappy about it, I’d say it’s a pretty awesome life.” He sighed again and shook his head. “You’re going to look up one day and it’s going to be five years down the road, and you’ll realize you spent those five years making yourself miserable over something that just wasn’t worth being miserable over. And I’m still going to be thrilled with everything in my awesome life… except your insistence on being unhappy about it.”
Seeming satisfied that his word was the last words to be had on the subject, Gikwang cuddled close again and wrapped his arms around Hyunseung.
As he felt his friend drift off to sleep, Hyunseung stared up at the bottom of the bunk his thoughts still keeping him away, though they were running a different vein now.
Was Gikwang right? Was he trying to see problems where there weren’t any to be seen?
He bit his lip and let his fingers trail through Gikwang’s short hair. What they had between them was easy and comfortable, but he doubted the nagging feeling that there should be more would ever really leave him.
It just is what it is.
It wasn’t a perfect answer, but he supposed that few things in life were ever truly perfect.
Gikwang snuffled slightly, twitching in his sleep and muttering about something - cheese, from the sound, or maybe flowers, it was hard to tell - and Hyunseung couldn’t help but smile.
Maybe their life wasn’t perfect, but all in all, Gikwang was right.
It was pretty awesome.