How much vomit can one person who has had no food for numorous hours create? I mean.. 64 ounces of NOTHING? I'm spitting it up like I'm a month old, acid and acrid shit.. ever more I'm beginning to feel useless and unneeded. More and more, I am ready to fade into memory, in a few hours we'll do surgery on my head, a shunt revision.... I just ( Read more... )

oh the days I want to desperately scream "hug me please, because if you don't I will surly fall apart."

But I never say it, so no one ever knows. Someone please. please hug me.

Who told you life wasn't worth the fight?

Is anyone out there? Can anyone hear me? Can anyone see me? Feeling pretty... lost right now. God, I made it through the day. Now to make another. Just one more, will be enough. One small step ( Read more... )

Possibly be a little quiet.. I'm feeling increasingly quiet. increasingly sullen.

You hurt my feelings, you're still hurting my feelings. And.. I don't have the heart to say anything. I don't know what to do, I want to run away. I'm so sad. I wish I knew how to tell you that... I'm sorry, for whatever. I wish I could just get over it, but right now I'm hurt. I don't expect you to understand.. or care.

So much to say.. I'm so tired right now. Been crying for a bit, curling up in my bed. I just kept thinking.. how little I matter. Trapped in the mindset that.. no one wants me. I sat head in hands, sad and lonely. Wondering.. who I mattered to, who wanted me. A small knock on my door and it creaked open, Ryans little face was in the door and I ( Read more... )

Waking up, it smelt medical. Something was on my finger, a cold wire on my chest, and though the drip was slow I knew I was on an IV. Instantly, I knew something had happened to me. With my eyes closed i silently listed all that could have gone wrong, wondering where I am, wondering why. Reaching out I felt the bars and sighed.. one deep sigh, and ( Read more... )

Guess I just need to contemplate, lifes really short isn't it. And very scary and nothing really is easy, but its still wonderful. Maybe I won't quit PW, I'm bad at quitting anything.. even when It's like "quit being a depressed git (thanks sis) but my baby sis sat with me today, she is the most supportive even out of /everyone/ she.. she knows how ( Read more... )

Feeling sick, and have very little else to say. I don't feel good, can't really eat.. trying but when I get upset my appetite goes first.. Head hurts a lot, have to be alone tonight. Andi spent two nights and two full days not leaving me. Sleeping won't be hard though, all I wanna do is sleep. Heads hurting a lot, just pounding but also very foggy.