so i have to deal with low lifes on a regular basis because of my job. i'm not excited about that at all. but i need to get fucking paid so what can i do. because not working (right now) would make me just as bad as them. ANYHOW. so i'm fucking doing my thing and i'm answering the calls on the phone. and i get this one guy ( Read more... )

so my fucking stomach hurts so goddamned bad ( Read more... )

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so it's not easy. my life has been altered forever. i'm not sure how my days are going to go on normally. chances are that normal isn't going to happen again. i'm living off ciggerettes and iced coffee. and on the weekends i treat myself to rum or vodka for that combination. it's amazing. sleeping has now become a option. i don't really need it. or ( Read more... )

so every now and then i think i'm ok. and then i realize i'm not at all. i'm not sure that i'll ever be ok. i look at the pictures of him and i get sad, then i get angry. it's not fair at all. i want him here with me to tell me i'll be ok, and that he still loves me. but i can't get that from him. and i wonder how i'll ever stop loving him enough ( Read more... )

Yesterday we spread todds ashes. it was a very hard thing to do, and once again i couldn't help but cry. but you know today i'm feeling better than i have felt since the 15th. i know i can do nothing to change what has happened (as much as i want to) but i also know that it's time to start healing. i take pride in knowing he was in my life as long ( Read more... )

10 days since i last saw you. i'm beside myself. last night i broke down. i was home alone and all the pain just wouldn't go away. it comes in spurts. i lay in bed and i look at that picture of us from the first party and i think of the good times and i smile sometimes, but through my smile a tear always manages to break through. because i know our ( Read more... )

today was the best day.
it reminded me why i fell in love with him in the first place.
yeah today was a good day.

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