Title: Blinded
Chapters: 4/x
Author:
konicoffee Genre: Romance, Drama, Smut, Angst, AU, AT
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters mentioned here.
Warnings: Very basic, almost no-frills writing
Rating: R
Pairings/Characters: Aoi/Uruha, The GazettE
Synopsis: Kouyou had gone through too much for more emotional trouble.
Comments: Thought of writing this one before things got really busy at work. And yes, the rating changed. Weee.
Chapters: {
One } {
Two } {
Three }
"I'm here."
He remembered the first time he met Uruha. He remembered how he went to that tree for solace, hiding from the school boys who beat him up and wanted to hurt him some more. How she appeared out of nowhere and kissed his bruised face. He fell in love with her that very moment.
Now he was kissing Kouyou the same way. Yuu was scared of how Kouyou would react once his lips left that silky cheek. He had absolutely no reason to kiss Kouyou, and he couldn't think of what to say in the event Kouyou asked for an explanation. He slowly pulled away from Kouyou and braced himself for a very awkward moment.
Kouyou kept his eyes closed, saying nothing as he leaned his head against the wall. He moved no more, save for his slow and quiet breathing as he slept. Yuu let out a sigh, somewhat relieved that he had just been saved from an uncomfortable situation. He then gazed at the blonde's serene sleeping face. Kouyou was obviously tired from so many days of back breaking work on an empty stomach, a mind full of worries, and fear for his safety.
He was glad that Kouyou probably wouldn't remember the kiss. Kouyou had gone through too much for more emotional trouble.
"That, gentlemen, was kickass."
Before Yuu knew it, October had arrived. Gazette had been busy for the last few months; they released Wakaremichi last spring, re-released it last Summer due to popular demand, and as soon as fall arrived, they churned out another single. A lady placed a bottle of beer before Yuu, momentarily blocking his view of the college students that walked on the wet pavement on the glowing streets of Takadanobaba. He couldn't help but smile when he saw that some of them had used concert tickets clutched in their hands. They were tickets for their show. Gazette had just finished performing their first one man live in Takadanobaba. And it was exactly like Akira said - kickass.
"Damn straight," Takanori said as he wrapped his fingers around his bottle of beer. Takanori's voice had been a little hoarse from singing and screaming during the live, but he was ecstatic nonetheless. The vocalist didn't particularly like alcohol, but he clearly made tonight an exception. Tonight was an exception for everything, it seemed. Rent and bills be damned, they all went out drinking.
"Dude, I'm just glad people came to watch us. No one gave a shit before."
"At this rate, we just might be able to eat proper meals now."
"Sweet. We won't have to resort to eating the audience."
Laughter resounded from the table Gazette occupied. Cigarette smoke entwined with the bar's soft, dim light as Yuu's glance moved to Kouyou. He watched Kouyou snicker at Takanori's comment on how stupid Akira looked when he wore a Hawaiian shirt and a towel around his neck during one gig. He looked at the blonde guitarist's lips slightly part as he guzzled his beer down. Yuu had been more chummy with Kouyou since the morning after the Yakuza paid Kouyou a visit. Although they've cracked more jokes at each other and shared more drinks, and even though Yuu had been around to see Kouyou prove that he was indeed a blundering idiot sometimes, Kouyou was no less beautiful. If anything, he had been even more stunning since they first met.
"Hey. Slow the hell down, I don't want to have to carry your drunk ass home," the blonde guitarist remarked, pointing at Yuu and what apparently was his third bottle of beer.
The brunette hadn't noticed that he downed two and a half bottles so fast. But he was too tipsy to care. "Shut up, Takashima, or..." he paused, taking a swig at the bottle he was holding.
"Or what?" Kouyou grinned at Yuu, taking a gulp from his own bottle.
"I'll choke you with your own balls," Yuu retorted, prompting guffaws from Kouyou and the rest of their bandmates. He smiled as he gazed at Kouyou's face, seemingly painted by faint lights and swirling cigarette smoke. Only a gorgeous face like that can make such a dingy atmosphere seem magical, he thought.
He didn't know when the cigarette smoke blurred his surroundings. He didn't know when the bar's background music drowned his bandmates' voices. He couldn't remember how many beers he had. All he remembered seeing was an image of Kouyou, still radiant even under dim light. He smiled at the image as everything went black.
He squinted at the bright light that pried his eyes open. Yuu was in Mie again. He was standing in the field where he met her.
"Uruha."
She stood before him, radiant as ever. He knew this was a dream. And he knew how this dream went - she would walk towards him, he would try to move but can't, and then she would whisper random cryptic messages to him. So he waited.
She didn't move. She stood completely still, saying nothing. Her lips formed a small, sullen smile as she looked at him. Yuu now began his futile attempts to move towards her. But he couldn't even twitch. All he could do was scream as he watched her slowly fade away, just like she did the day he left Inabe.
"URUHA!"
Yuu woke up startled. He could never get used to the jolt the dream always gave him, but this time was worse. He didn't know which one caused his heart to pound at what felt like a hundred beats a second - the blinding dream of Uruha fading away, or Kouyou looking at him, the blonde's face devoid of any expression.
His mind was too foggy to stop his hand from cupping Kouyou's cheek. The blonde stayed expressionless, his eyes not turning away from Yuu's. The hand that stroked Kouyou's milky cheek moved upwards, finding itself in soft, blonde hair. Yuu felt a surge of emotion rush through his body as he buried his fingers in Kouyou's locks and gently pulled the blonde closer. They were emotions only a certain level of alcohol could induce - lust, want, and absolute loneliness.
We're both gonna regret this, aren't we?
He closed his eyes at the still emotionless blonde as their lips pressed together. Everything became a blur after that. Yuu could make out only a few things from the haze - Kouyou's warm skin against his, agonizing euphoria, whispers of his name, and what sounded like a heart shattering.
Yuu wanted to turn into a pillar of salt.
His naked self stared at the ceiling of Kouyou's bedroom, recalling last night with alarming clarity. "No. No way," Yuu uttered at every picture that flashed in his head and at the sensations that lingered on his skin. He tried to convince himself that it was a dream until he nervously slid his eyes towards the sidetable, horrified to see a bottle of massage oil standing there, along with what looked like condom packaging ripped in half. Without the fucking condom in it.
NO FUCKING WAY.
He remembered the insane bliss that hit him as Kouyou's lips touched his. His heart hammered faster at the memory of Kouyou whimpering whenever Yuu's tongue brushed against his skin. He watched in horror as the images in his head showed a completely naked Kouyou quivering underneath him. He remembered the heat...the tight heat inside Kouyou. His heart sank at the memory of Kouyou moaning breathlessly at every slow, deep thrust. Kouyou was gasping Yuu's name, his face damp.
No, not from sweat. From tears.
"Oh God, what...what have I..." Yuu breathed as Kouyou walked into the room. His body was now covered by a T-shirt and a pair of boxers, fingers holding a lit cigarette, and face decorated by absolutely no expression. Yuu felt his heart sink even deeper. He would have rather seen utter rage on Kouyou's face than nothing. "Kouyou, last night...what..."
"I did tell you to mind your alcohol consumption," Kouyou retorted casually as he blew out a small puff of smoke. "Sorry for bringing you here. My place was nearer, and I was too tired to drag you all the way to your apartment."
"No, no, thank you so much for taking care of me. I just...last night, I..." Yuu found it extremely difficult to think of what to say. The images of last night still played all too vividly in his head while he looked at Kouyou who was acting like nothing happened.
He knew it wouldn't suffice, but he said it anyway. "I am so sorry."
Kouyou shrugged, blowing out another puff of smoke. Yuu sheepishly got off Kouyou's bed, and found his clothes on the floor, much to his distress. "By the way," Kouyou said, startling Yuu a bit. "Don't ask me anything about last night."
Yuu nodded as he picked up his clothes and got dressed. He knew Kouyou wanted the both of them to pretend that nothing happened. There was no need for explanations as he knew exactly why. Things have been going so well for Gazette. It was simply unacceptable to bring up anything that could ruin things for the band. They both knew that the incident will lead to serious problems if they ever talked about it, or if their bandmates found out. This wasn't just a case of bandmates having sex. He did not dare to confirm it with Kouyou, but if his memory did serve him well, this was a case of rape. To make matters worse, the victim was male, and this man was his friend.
Kouyou smiled at him for the first time that morning as soon as he finished getting dressed. It looked like an attempt to maintain normalcy between the two of them, however impossible that might be. No matter how pretty Kouyou's face looked, Yuu couldn't smile back as he imagined how bitter that smile tasted.
The next few months were awkward, with Yuu not having forgotten about that October night but Kouyou having the audacity to still be chummy with him. Kouyou had even taken him out on his birthday, treating him to a few drinks, seemingly forgetting how drunk Yuu was that time. To make things even harder, Shingo announced his resignation. The band's moment of instability placed more pressure on the two guitarists, particularly Yuu, to keep quiet about that incident.
Yuu glanced at Kouyou who was helping Akira hook up the amplifiers at the rehearsal studio. The three of them waited at the studio for Takanori and the new drummer. He heard Akira mutter something about Takanori staying over at his place and keeping him up all night, yapping about the drummer he met and convinced to join Gazette to replace Shingo. Akira was about to rant some more when they heard the door open.
"Everyone, say hello to our new drummer," Takanori declared as he walked in the studio with a guy with dark brown hair and a bag of drumsticks in one hand. Yuu found it hard to believe that this guy was the same man Takanori described to be "a monster behind a drum set," and "someone who can use one bass drum pedal faster than the average drummer can with two." The new drummer had boyish features on a full-grown man's body.
"Yutaka Uke, at your service. Please treat me well." Yutaka had the most docile and most gentle smile Yuu had ever seen on a man. He spoke slowly, with a soft and calm voice. The sweet-looking boy seemed to be the kind of guy who would get along with just about anyone.
And he was a damn good drummer, alright. He was everything Takanori said he was and more. Yutaka had already learned all of Gazette's songs and added rudiments and mini solos that made the songs sound much more solid. Everyone appeared pleased to play along Yutaka's heavy drum beats. Yuu felt guilty for being happy that Shingo quit.
He still had Yutaka's beats playing in his head even when practice was over. Yuu mused over Gazette's growth. The crowds they played for were still small, but the crowds grew bigger every live. The band recently purchased a rhythm machine and sequencer that made composing songs so much easier. And with the awesome new drummer, they can go for a more massive, yet more dynamic sound. The band was also switching recording labels soon, and the new recording company was known for handling successful acts. It was like Gazette was having a fresh start - a new drummer and a new recording label.
Yuu would have given anything for a fresh start with Kouyou.
Guilt and self-anger welled up in his chest, like it did every time he thought of Gazette's other guitarist. He was inspired to compose a song as soon as he got home when it dawned on him. Shit. I fucking left my guitar. He thanked his lucky stars that he hadn't gone too far as he turned around and ran back to the rehearsal studio.
He sighed, seeing that the lights in the studio were still on, utterly relieved that at least one bandmate was still there. He marched towards the almost-closed door, and clutched at the knob to push it open, but stopped at the words he heard.
"What the fuck are you doing here?"
It was Kouyou's voice. Yuu peered through the small gap between the door and the wall. He was shocked at the expression on Kouyou's face. It was the same expression slaves would have for their cruel, cruel masters - sheer anger and pure fear. Not even the Yakuza could draw that out of Kouyou.
He was even more shocked to see Yutaka standing in front of the tall blonde. The drummer smiled that sweet smile of his as he twirled a drumstick with his fingers. "Now, now," Yutaka chuckled, his eyes narrowing slightly at Kouyou. "That's no way to greet an old friend."
Old friend? Yuu felt bad for eavesdropping, but he was curious to know what was going on between Kouyou and the new drummer.
"What are you here for?" Kouyou's voice was noticeably deeper. Darker. He glared at Yutaka and did not stop looking at him for a second.
Yutaka sighed, still smiling, as he folded his arms across his chest. "What else, sweetheart, but to look after you," he replied gingerly. "Just to make sure you don't do anything naughty."
A completely confused Yuu watched the child-like drummer stroke Kouyou's blonde hair with his fingertips. Kouyou kept still, his piercing gaze fixed on Yutaka. Yuu's eyes widened as the drummer gently touched Kouyou's chin and leaned his face closer to the blonde's. Kouyou's discomfort was obvious, but Yutaka kept smiling tenderly. He then softly uttered words that wiped all emotion off of Kouyou's face and sent shivers down Yuu's spine.
"Don't think you can run away."
A/N: Finally. Sex and Kai! I'm sorry there isn't much of a smut scene. I can't write lemon. I tried. *sulks* Anyways, I did give Kai a rather interesting role. I apologize for making Kai evil. But he'll get more interesting, trust me.
Chapter Five