Round 23: Stay, Like An Endless Promise (2/3)

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Whether Yoona likes it or not, the Tokyo leg of SMTown Live World Tour Ⅳ is a moment of truth for the group. This is their first major performance ever since Jessica’s departure, without the excuse of carrying any emotional baggage. She doesn’t focus on Hyoyeon and Yuri’s chattering backstage as her gaze wanders over to the members of Red Velvet who are performing “Happiness” on stage. Sometimes, she sees a bit of SNSD in them. They had scandals that almost ruined their debut for them, though it wasn’t their fault. She takes in the bliss on Irene’s face, the giddy smile Wendy can barely contain, the nerves Joy has managed to keep at bay, and the awe in Seulgi’s eyes, while the moment lasts. They’re all so young and idealistic, as she can see in that starstruck look in their eyes. Yoona misses that innocence and happiness she once experienced. If only she can go back to a time wherein they all still have each other-all nine of them holding hands and standing on that stage, doing what they love.
As they rush back to the dressing room after performing “Gee” and “I Can’t Take My Eyes Off You,” it occurs to Yoona that so far, the ordeal of performing without Jessica isn’t as difficult as she thought it would be. Save for a few minor mistakes from Tiffany during “Gee,” none of them screwed up so badly. It’s difficult covering for a missing member, like Sooyoung who’s still filming her drama. At least that’s only a temporary arrangement. As for Jessica, they have to act like they’ve always been an eight-member group, and it’s beginning to get easier as time passes.

If anything, Yoona likes to think that practicing has paid off. Despite everything they’ve gone through at practice-sleepless nights, aching bodies, countless fights, shrill screams, and tears of frustration during rehearsals-everything has been going well for them ever since they arrived in Japan. The least they can do for the fans who are still sticking by them is to actually perform their best. The presence of the pink lightsticks and fans supporting them is reassuring, yet those “8+1=Complete” banners still throw her off. At least this time, no one in the audience is shouting Jessica’s name during their performances.

Losing members is a fate Yoona has never and will never wish on any group. This is what she admits to herself as she changes into her costume for “Mr. Mr.” and follows Hyoyeon and Yuri to watch the others perform.

Her thoughts then go over to SHINee and EXO, who just tried getting her to join one of their games. She shakes her head, pointing them to the members of Red Velvet and f(x) instead. SHINee has been on the brink of breaking up so many times due to so many fights, yet they’re still here. Yoona isn’t sure what’s happening, but she wants to believe that they will survive despite all odds. Her eyes move over to the boys of EXO. They debuted later than everyone else, yet the scandals that hit them are those that happen to only groups in the business for much longer than they have. They’re still standing, and Yoona can only hope and pray that they stick together despite what else life can throw at them.

As she watches Yunho and Changmin, it occurs to her how they have managed to keep themselves sane during the time of the lawsuit. There’s also Super Junior, who cares for nothing but the happiness of their fans. They still smile even when they want to cry. She has always respected the way groups like TVXQ and Super Junior still manage to hold it together and perform to the best of their abilities, when memories of members they once shared the stage with come back to haunt them every time they perform their older songs.

Yoona looks over to see Super Junior getting off the stage. As they all exchange pleasantries, congratulating each other for a job well done, she notices how one of the normally talkative members is avoiding her or any of her co-members. Donghae is just there, holding on to Eunhyuk while glaring at her.

“Donghae oppa, is there something on my face?” she asks, touching her face, looking for whatever it is he’s glaring at.

“No,” Donghae said, looking anywhere but her direction.

“What’s up then?” Hyoyeon asks, reaching over to help Eunhyuk remove some dust in his hair.

“Siwon’s over there, Donghae. Go bother him first,” Eunhyuk says, gently pushing his friend over to Siwon. Looking at Donghae, Yoona notices how he gives Taeyeon, Tiffany, and Seohyun that same look he was giving her and Hyoyeon earlier, while his expression brightens when he sees Seulgi.

“What’s his problem?” Hyoyeon asks, folding her arms across her chest.

Eunhyuk sighs as he looks at Donghae who is now looking at Yuri and Sunny as though they murdered his puppy and had it for lunch right in front of his eyes. “The thing is… he… I mean you know his history with Jessica, right? And you know how part of him will never get over her?”

Yoona and Hyoyeon exchange looks. “Oh right,” they chorus. They should have known. Of course Donghae would always have a soft spot for Jessica no matter what happens. Yoona sighs as she tries not to roll her eyes.

Eunhyuk embraces them both. “I don’t blame you, but I don’t blame her either. Come on. Don’t show that you’re sad or guilty. What’s done is done. Smile! You’ve got people waiting for you.”

Yoona and Hyoyeon laugh as Eunhyuk leaves them to change costumes. Hyoyeon suddenly spots Amber and rushes over to attach herself to the younger girl. Yoona sighs as she looks around for someone to bother when suddenly she feels a tap on her back.

She turns around to see Krystal standing behind her, looking unamused. She looks like she wants to kill people, but then again, Krystal has always had a bitchy resting face. “There’s tape stuck on your back,” she says, while gesturing for Yoona to turn around.

Yoona waits for Krystal to remove whatever it is on her back. “All better now,” Krystal says, sounding much more cheerful.

If there’s anyone in the company who has the right to judge her and the rest of the group for their decision, it’s Krystal. Yoona can’t help but wonder how the younger girl feels whenever she sees them, the people who practically forced Jessica out of the group. How does Krystal still manage to smile at them and treat them like she did before when they practically betrayed her own flesh and blood? Yoona feels as though she’s being examined under a microscope, despite Krystal meaning well. She doesn’t like this sensation bubbling inside her stomach. It’s a feeling she has been familiar with ever since she made her decision, and there is no way she wants to put a name to it. She knows that once she identifies it, it’s just going to manifest itself into something real and that’s absolutely the last thing she wants.

“You also might want to tie your boots, unni. The strings are a bit loose,” Krystal says as she walks away.

“Thanks,” Yoona replies as she bends over to tie her boots, relieved that she has an excuse not to meet Krystal’s gaze.

Once she’s done tying her boots, Yoona watches Krystal take her place on stage. Despite putting on a smile for the fans, Yoona swears she can see the fatigue in Krystal’s eyes. Besides filming her drama, Krystal also has to deal with working for the company that “turned their backs on her sister,” as the netizens eloquently phrase it. There’s also dealing with Sulli’s hiatus. She can only imagine how difficult it is for the other four members of f(x) to suddenly stop promotions. She remembers how excited f(x) was for “Red Light” since it was a concept they all liked. For all that to go to waste, she can only wonder how it was acceptable for them to stop promoting as a group just because of what Yoona thinks is Sulli’s selfishness. She pretty much screwed over the entire group because of this. This is probably even worse than Jessica and her business taking over group activities. The funny thing is, f(x) is still willing to keep Sulli despite this. How can they be willing to keep the person who practically sabotaged what could have been their most successful comeback? Yoona isn’t sure if this is because they’re willing to give Sulli another chance because they genuinely care about her or because they know that once they turn their backs on a member, the sympathy of the people will shift from them to the one who left.

Maybe making Jessica leave was a bit harsh on their part. They’ve been together longer than f(x) has, and yet, they managed to put it all to waste. They should have just let things be and let Jessica make the first move to actually abandon ship. Jessica wanted it all, her brand and to be part of SNSD. That is also selfish, to some extent, but at least Jessica had some decency to actually act like she still cared about the rest of them. Funny how it’s their so-called “Soshi-bond” and “sisterhood” that sets them apart from the rest. Now, that bond is being questioned because of this incident. As a group, they have gone through hell and back, and Yoona wants to believe that this is another trial they will go through together. Unlike before, they brought this one upon themselves, and she has no idea how they’ll get out.

Yoona forces a smile as the stage managers tell her to get ready. SHINee is performing “Everybody” now, and she knows she only has a short amount of time to shake all negative thoughts from her head. It’s almost the end, just one more song and then she can say that Day 1 of performing without Jessica is finally over. She cheers herself with that thought as she and the others go up onstage.

This is their last song for the night. Everything is going smoothly going into the chorus. Just as they take their places for Sunny to sing Jessica’s part, Yoona finds herself praying that Sunny doesn’t forget that she’s supposed to sing this part as she tends to do during practice. So far so good, Sunny’s standing at the side opposite the rest of them. Right after Sunny’s part, which was once Jessica’s, the music stopped right at Tiffany’s part.

“Wow,” Tiffany says, as she tries to laugh it off.

Before anyone can react, Tiffany and Sunny chorus, “Ima shinjite hoshi ii?”

Yoona has to give Tiffany credit for rallying the rest of them through this mess, and acting like it’s nothing. She finds herself following Tiffany’s lead singing “Oh oh ooh woh.. oh oh ooh woh” with the others as they get back into position. And suddenly, YES! The music is back on. Yoona mentally thanks the Lord and whatever holy deities she can think of as they resume their performance. That’s embarrassing. They’re the only group to experience technical difficulties all concert long, so far. She can’t help but breathe a sigh of relief as they head backstage to change into their final outfits for the closing number “Hope” with the rest of their fellow SM artists.

Thankfully, the rest of the concert goes smoothly, with the other artists praising them for their professionalism despite the setback. “It’s all thanks to Tiffany, to be honest,” Yoona thinks as she and the others accept the compliments with lots of gratitude. After all, being professional and playing it cool is the only way to go about technical difficulties like that. Yoona hears their managers planning to talk to the technical team about the matter as they all head for their van. Now that they’re all alone without the other groups, this silence among them has never been more deafening.

“You know that technical difficulty earlier?” Hyoyeon says, breaking the silence.

Yoona feels her blood run cold. She’s not sure if she wants to talk about this. She can’t exactly put duct tape over Hyoyeon’s mouth right now, so she settles for putting a hand over her friend’s lips.

“Please, don’t,” Tiffany says, sensing where this is heading.

“This is karma isn’t it? Karma for what we’ve done?”

Everyone turns to Yuri, who is scowling at the window. Now that they’re acknowledging the elephant in the room and there’s literally no way for Yoona to get out of the van, she just hopes they can settle whatever this is like the diplomatic, civilized adults they are.

“We didn’t do anything wrong, so we shouldn’t be punished for anything,” Taeyeon says, as though the matter was closed.

“But remember where it stopped. Right after Jessica’s part,” Yuri continues. “Don’t lie and say you didn’t think about it.”

“Yuri, stop,” Tiffany says, looking more upset each minute.

“We’re being punished for our decisions. Our life choices,” Hyoyeon continues, now that she’s successfully wrestled Yoona’s hands off her. “Look at us, we wanted to protect the group, ourselves, and now what? We’re being punished for our betrayal.”

The chuckle that comes is so dark that Yoona can feel the pessimism coming out of it.

“Unnies, please…” Seohyun says, trying to break the tension. She looks to Yoona and Sunny for help, but they exchange glances and give her equally helpless faces.

“Someone HAD to say it. We were all thinking it. I might as well let it out, but if you don’t want to talk about it… Whatever,” Yuri sighs as she slouches back to her seat. “I know a lost cause when I see one,” she whispers to Yoona. “I’m not going to argue my case anymore.”

“Yeah, netizens will be making the karma comments and we might as well beat them to it,” Yoona picks up from where Yuri left off. It isn’t usually a wise decision to make comments like that, but she has to lighten whatever emotional burden she has.

“Not funny, Yoona,” Taeyeon says, looking at the window. Yoona sees the tension in Taeyeon’s shoulders as she clenches and unclenches her fists. She can also see the imaginary smoke coming out of Taeyeon’s ears.

Yoona decides to take a leaf out of Yuri’s book and hold her peace. Taeyeon is stressed enough as it is, and maybe this isn’t the best time to air her sentiments and unload the mental baggage she’s been carrying. But it looks like Hyoyeon isn’t letting this topic go.

“This isn’t the first time we’ve been the subject of scandals, but this is the first time it’s actually probably our fault,” Hyoyeon says.

“Can we not talk about this?” Taeyeon asks, raising an eyebrow at Hyoyeon.

“I mean, it is too good of a coincidence for the music to stop right after Jessica’s part and I’m not buying the tech panel’s excuse… whatever it is,” Hyoyeon continues. “There’s some kind of conspiracy going on here, don’t you think?”

“This isn’t funny. Just… stop,” Taeyeon says, looking out the window.

“Why’d we really have to do this? Maybe we’d have had the sympathy of the fans if this happened and Jessica was around,” Hyoyeon says. “At least we won’t be at the mercy of people just waiting for us to fall… Life was definitely easier when we were nine. I think I miss her.”

“There’s no use crying over spilled milk,” Taeyeon says.

“Don’t you miss her? She was our friend, you know. A sister. We promised we’d stick together…”

Something in Taeyeon’s eyes changes at Hyoyeon’s last sentence. There’s an expression that replaces the passive anger into something wilder… unadulterated rage. It looks like the time bomb ticking inside her has finally exploded. Yoona and Yuri cling to each other in fear and sees Sunny and Seohyun hold on to each other, as Tiffany reaches for Taeyeon, bracing herself for the worst.

“Get it in your head! She’s gone and she’ll never come back!” Taeyeon shouts, pointing a finger at Hyoyeon’s head.

“And whose fault is it?!” Hyoyeon shouts back.

“I’m not the only one to blame for her leaving. YOU had a part in it too!”

“I was just saying…” Hyoyeon says, rolling her eyes. Yoona sighs. Looks like Hyoyeon’s not backing down at all.

“And if you miss her so much, why don’t you go and leave as well?”

“I admit, I miss her sometimes. Don’t you?”

“If any of you want out too, be my guest,” Taeyeon snarls, glaring at each of them. She points to the van’s door. “The door’s right there. Get out of my sight if you want to leave the group.”

Despite this, apparently, Hyoyeon still has something to say as she tries reaching over to the leader saying, “I was just saying I miss Jessica sometimes. I didn’t say anything about wanting out.”

“But you wanted to leave before when times got rough, right?” Taeyeon says, raising an eyebrow at Hyoyeon. Sunny and Tiffany are holding her back as well.

“Well so did you! You ran away when we were trainees when it was too difficult!” Hyoyeon shouts back, pointing a finger at Taeyeon’s chest.

“I came back and gave up so much for the group,” Taeyeon says, glaring right back. “How about you? Wanting to quit SNSD just because you weren’t as popular? Now you want to leave because you think we’re being punished for Jessica’s selfishness? Go ahead! Leave! Join Jessica in her whatever!”

“Do you want me gone that badly? Because if you want me to go, I can,” Hyoyeon shouts.

Taeyeon opens her mouth to say something, but she seems to have forgotten what she wants to say.

“But, remember this,” Hyoyeon says, her voice much softer and calmer than it was seconds ago. “No one here said they wanted to leave. No one.”

Hyoyeon sits back down beside Yuri and Yoona, who are calming her down. Yoona can still feel Hyoyeon shaking as she uses Yuri’s lap as a pillow and turns Yoona into a footrest. Her breathing is much steadier now, and they all look at Taeyeon, waiting for her next move.

“I… You…” Taeyeon says, her eyes, drifting from one member to the next.

“We’re not going anywhere,” Hyoyeon repeats as Taeyeon’s eyes land on her.

All of them nod as they make eye contact with their leader. “And I’m sure Sooyoung will say she’s not going anywhere either,” Tiffany says, patting Taeyeon’s arm.

Yoona sees something break inside Taeyeon as she starts to sob in Tiffany’s arms. “Hyoyeon,” the leader says between muffled sobs. “I... I’m…”

Hyoyeon smiles as she shakes her head. Taeyeon hardly shows any emotions, as she always puts up a strong front for the rest of them. Seeing her cry so openly like this makes Yoona’s own eyes tear up as they engage in some sort of messy group hug.

“It’s hard, but… we have to try,” Taeyeon says. “How do we move forward if we keep insisting on looking back?”

Yoona wonders if they can really move forward without looking back, or are they just trying to convince themselves? Whatever it is, she hopes it works and makes that nagging feeling that haunts her go away once and for all.

✮✮✮

They had been waiting for hours and there was still no sign of Jessica. Andye J, the choreographer for their comeback single, had already walked out saying, “Call me when she’s here. I can’t teach the choreography for your new single without her.” They all just stood in the middle of the room, wondering what to do in the meantime. Yoona wished she thought to bring her books so she could catch up for her final exams, as what Seohyun was doing. Some of them had opted to run-through the songs they were doing for the Shenzhen fanmeet just to kill time.

The last they heard from Jessica was the night before, when she promised she was arriving to practice on time. However, she was already hours late and she hadn’t contacted them since then. Manager Minjin was on the phone, contacting every single possible person who could find the missing member. She had just returned from f(x)’s practice room. According to Krystal, her older sister was long gone by the time she left home. They had also contacted Jessica’s parents who told her that all they knew was that she wasn’t eating dinner at home later that night and didn’t know where she was. It would have been easier to carry on without Jessica and just fill her in later on, but Andye refused to start until they were all there, which meant Jessica better arrive before they could begin.

Manager Minjin’s phone started ringing. Yoona and Seohyun exchanged glances as their manager’s sighed in what Yoona wasn’t sure was frustration or relief.

“Jessica, where are you?” Manager Minjin asked, throwing her free hand in the air.

Yoona couldn’t make out what Jessica was saying, but the frown on Manager Minjin’s face was deepening. If that happened, then whatever the missing member was saying definitely wasn’t something she wanted to hear.

“Listen, you said you were available today, that’s why we told Andye to come to the studio today,” Manager Minjin said. “You can’t expect the rest of the group to just accommodate your schedule at the last minute.

There’s more muffled sounds coming from Jessica. Manager Minjin sighed. “We’ll let it slide again. But if management finds out about this, they’re not going to be pleased.”

Yoona guessed Jessica was apologizing as Manager Minjin groaned. “I don’t want to have to tell them, but they’re going to find out. Next time, when you say you’re free for rehearsals, be sure to actually come to rehearsals… and be both mentally and physically present?”

Manager Minjin nodded as though Jessica could see her. “Fine. Take care of yourself. Bye.”

“Well?” Sooyoung asked, tilting her head to the side, once Manager Minjin put her phone in her pocket..

“You have to start without her,” their manager answered. “She’s not coming today. Long story. I’ll tell you later. Now, I better get Andye and make up for wasted time.”

While Manager Minjin was out to inform Andye of the latest development, Yoona noticed Taeyeon and Tiffany whispering between themselves. It wasn’t supposed to be anything unusual, but the look on Taeyeon’s face was dark enough to dampen anyone’s mood. Jessica’s last-minute absence from rehearsals and recording sessions had become a habit at this point. It was stressful, not to mention inconvenient for the rest of them, but they had somehow learned to live with it. They all sighed when Andye came in, instructing them on where to go and what to do for the next seven hours.

By the time they were done with learning their new choreography, there was nothing all eight of them wanted to do besides go home, shower, and sleep. They had all fallen asleep in the van on the way back to the dorm. When the van made a particularly sharp turn, Yoona found herself waking up to hushed whispers. Opening her eyes to the tiniest slits she could manage, she saw that Taeyeon and their manager were the only people awake. Yoona closed her eyes once again, but this time, kept her ears open.

“... that’s too much, isn’t it?” It was Taeyeon’s voice. She sounded hesitant about whatever it was she just heard.

“It wasn’t my decision to make, but the higher-ups,” Manager Minjin whispered back, keeping her voice as soft as possible.

“But we all agreed to let her do what she wanted, as long as she stuck to her commitments with us,” Taeyeon whispered back. “Or... fine, she’s trying.”

Yoona heard their manager sigh. This was obviously about Jessica, and she wasn’t sure whether she wanted to hear the rest of it. “That’s the thing. They think she’s not trying hard enough. To them, her priorities have shifted, and that’s not what they agreed on.”

“Did you tell them about today’s incident?”

“I didn’t need to. Andye told them.”

Yoona heard Taeyeon groan. “We’re not exactly best friends, but what management is asking us to do is too much,” Taeyeon said to their manager. “I wouldn’t want to be forced to kick out a member, despite how I feel about her personally.”

“The bosses think she’s compromising the entire group’s career with this venture though,” Manager Minjin said. “But the final decision must be a unanimous one from all eight of you.”

Yoona could have sworn she heard Taeyeon whisper, “I hope the others don’t hate me for bringing it up” before sleep caught up with her again. Part of her wondered if their leader managed to get any sleep that night.

The next day, Yoona was running late for rehearsals. Her Chinese instructor decided to extend their class by 30 minutes. Her manager had let the other members know of the sudden change, but she still felt bad about being tardy. She rushed over to the other side of the building, where the practice rooms were located. When she opened the door, she approached Yuri and Seohyun who seemed to be whispering about something serious.

“What’s up?” she asked, once she was close enough to the other two girls.

Yuri shrugged, while Seohyun sighed. “While you were out, Manager Minjin talked to us one-by-one, asking us how we felt about Jessica unni’s new business,” the maknae replied, making sure no one was listening to them.

“Why are you whispering though?” Yuri asked, voicing out Yoona’s sentiments. There wasn’t anything wrong with the manager asking each of them what they thought of the venture, so Yoona didn’t get why Seohyun had to be so secretive.

“I’m not sure how true this is, but apparently, management wants us to talk about whether we still want Jessica unni in the group,” Seohyun said.

Yoona sighed. So last night’s conversation wasn’t a dream, but why does it feel like she’s the last to know things?

“Where are you getting this information?” Yuri asked, keeping her voice down. Oh, so Yoona wasn’t the only one kept in the dark about matters like those. “Why don’t we know anything? You don’t know anything too, right, Yoong?”

Yoona shook her head as she nudged for Seohyun to continue talking.

“I have TaeTiSeo stuff with Taeyeon unni and Fany unni, remember? I only hear this stuff when they think I’m not listening, so I’m not too sure about anything I’m about to say to you both,” Seohyun said.

“Who else knows?” Yoona asked, frowning.

“I sure didn’t know anything until you told us what’s happening,” Yuri said, looking at Seohyun.

“I don’t know… I’m guessing Tiffany unni and Sunny unni know things, given how it’s the three of them talking most of the time in the dorm,” Seohyun said, frowning. “I can’t tell if Hyoyeon unni and Sooyoung unni have a clue… But they’ve been talking a lot, and I don’t know how much they know.”

Yoona usually hated being left out of the loop, but this time, maybe she was kind of glad for it. After all, this might change how she saw certain people, and it could affect her friendship with Jessica.

“Apparently, the management isn’t happy with how ‘Jessica’s been neglecting group activities’ in favor of her new business,” the maknae continued, looking around, making sure no one heard her. Yoona could feel that Seohyun was quoting some source, rather than using her own words.

“Oh,” Yuri said. “Of course they wouldn’t be happy about her doing stuff outside SNSD, but didn’t they say it was OK?”

Before any of them could say anything else, their phones all rang at the same time. If Yoona’s hunch was correct, they all received the same message from Taeyeon.

“Emergency group meeting tonight at the dorm. None of us have any schedules after dinner. Do NOT miss it.”

Yoona, Yuri, and Seohyun exchanged looks. They were all probably thinking the same thing. Their group meeting was most likely going to be about what they were just talking about minutes ago.

The minute Yoona, Yuri, and Seohyun stepped into the dorm, they were greeted by the rest of the group’s grim faces. This was the first time in probably months that they were together as nine under one roof. However, the atmosphere wasn’t as jolly as Yoona would have wanted their reunion to be.

Taeyeon, Sunny, and Tiffany were seated on the sofa together, while Sooyoung and Hyoyeon preferred to sit on the floor. Jessica was on the armchair. Seohyun occupied the remaining space on the sofa, while Yoona and Yuri opted to join the two on the floor. Manager Minjin was also there, seated on the other armchair.

“I’m sure we can all guess what this meeting’s about,” Manager Minjin said, once everyone got settled.

Jessica shook her head. “No,” she said. “I’m afraid I don’t. No one’s told me.”

“Me neither,” Yuri said, with Yoona and Sooyoung nodding with her.

Manager Minjin sighed. “I’ll get straight to the point. Jessica, management hasn’t been happy with how you’ve been neglecting your duties as a member of SNSD lately. They’re beginning to doubt your commitment to the group. They don’t know if your heart is still in SNSD, or if you’re just using us as a safety net in case this business venture fails.”

Tiffany cleared her throat, thus catching everyone’s attention. “We’re just worried about you, but at the same time, we’re kind of selfish and want more of your attention,” she said, before anyone else could talk. Tiffany’s light-hearted tone was a stark contrast to the seriousness of the situation. It was her way of lightening the mood, but it didn’t seem like it was working.

Jessica shook her head as hard as she could. “Sure, I want to go on hiatus from group activities, but that doesn’t mean I intend to give up on being a member of SNSD permanently,” she said, looking at each of them. “I’ve given up too much and I’ve worked too long and too hard to get to where I am in this industry and I’m not ready to give it up completely.”

Before Manager Minjin could speak again, Yoona saw how Taeyeon’s formerly impassive face suddenly changed into a scowl. That did not look good for Jessica, if Yoona’s opinion mattered.

“But your actions are showing us otherwise,” Taeyeon said, glaring at Jessica.

“Blanc needs my attention,” Jessica said. “If I don’t attend to it, who will?”

“Your parts in the songs also need attention,” Taeyeon snapped back, looking as if she was close to the end of her rope. “Your steps in our choreography need your attention too. We can’t learn your steps and sing your lines for you in the album, Jessica!”

Jessica looked like she wanted to interrupt, but Taeyeon wasn’t done yet. “You promised you were going to do one more album before going on hiatus. Because you renewed your contract, we all thought you were going to start your business after the next album, not this one. What’s the rush?”

Jessica sighed, looking at Taeyeon as though she didn’t understand. “I need something to show for when I start applying for design schools in New York in a few weeks. I needed to launch my business, as I don’t have an extensive design portfolio yet.”

“Jess, don’t you think you’re rushing into this too fast, if that’s the case?” Tiffany said, directing the attention to her again. “We’re just worried about you, OK?”

“I can’t say the same, as you're a grown woman who makes her own decisions,” Taeyeon snorted. “But I will step in once the rest of the group I am actually concerned about is affected by those sunglasses.”

Manager Minjin scowled at both Taeyeon and Jessica before she continued talking.

“Now Jessica, you said you still want to be part of the group, but management needs you to focus on the group,” Manager Minjin said. “So this means, whatever you’re doing with your business needs to take a back seat for a while. After all, you are doing this outside of SNSD and it’s beginning to interfere with your group’s activities.”

Jessica frowned as she stood up. “But I always do what I can to compromise!” she said. “If this is about my New York trip in two weeks, I promise I’ll be back in time for the fanmeet in China.”

“But what about practice?” Tiffany asked.

Jessica bit her tongue. “Well, we’re not doing anything new right? I still know my parts.”

Taeyeon’s lips were set to a thin line. “I warned you about getting your priorities straight, and this doesn’t look like it,” she snarled, staring straight at Jessica. “Are we just some side business to you? The rest of us are here, rehearsing day in and day out just so we don’t make any mistakes, while you’re out there, selling sunglasses? This isn’t a game, Jessica. This is what we’re paid to do, Jessica. Remember that.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Jessica asked, glaring right back at Taeyeon. “I’ve been in this industry for more than 10 years, so of course I know what needs to be done.”

“You’ve got a funny way of showing it,” Taeyeon shouted, pointing at Jessica. “You think you can go out there, work on that stupid business of yours full-time and still be able to perform on stage without practicing? Wow, you must be some kind of superwoman to do that.”

“Well, I’m SORRY for actually having a life outside SNSD. There’s more to life than this!”

The entire room gasped at that. Yoona could sense that something in the room had changed. The other members looked as though they had been slapped in the face. Yoona had to admit, there was some truth to that, given their individual activities. But it didn’t mean it didn’t hurt any less, especially for those who didn’t have that many solo ventures.

“I… I shouldn’t have said that,” Jessica said. She hung her head as she sat back down.

“At least we know how you really feel about us,” Taeyeon sneered. Jessica was about to say something but Taeyeon put a hand up. “Don’t lie,” she said. “You’ve wanted out for a long time, and now your chance has come.”

“What do you mean?” Jessica asked, staring at the rest of them. “I just said I want to go on hiatus. I never wanted to leave.”

“You said you wanted to get your life back,” Sunny whispered. “You’ve said it so many times. What did you mean, then, if you don’t want to go?”

Jessica was at a loss for words. “I…” she said, looking at each of them, silently begging someone to help her. Yoona wanted to, but she had no idea what to say. She understood the feeling of having to juggle solo activities with group promotions, but none of them were ever this harsh to her.

“We’ll say it straight: We need you to be with us 100%. We can’t afford any sidetracks,” Sunny said.

“It’s because you seem to be neglecting what you promised will be your priority, and none of us are happy with it. Now the bosses need you to focus on SNSD, full time,” Manager Minjin added.

“Why can’t you just be happy and supportive over my business?” Jessica asked, staring at the rest of them. “You all can do your side stuff and I can’t? Why am I different? It’s not fair!”

“It’s because you’re not dedicating enough time for the group!” Taeyeon snapped. She was red in the face, as she screamed louder and more shrilly that she had ever done before. “We’re tired of having to cover up for you every time. I’m sick of having to compromise with your crap! It’s either you give up your spot in the group or give up that business!”

Everyone stared at Taeyeon. None of them have ever seen her that angry in their more than a decade of knowing each other. Then again, everyone knew how much Taeyeon had given up for them, and Yoona guessed that Jessica prioritizing something personal over the group was more than what Taeyeon’s patience was willing to tolerate. It didn’t help that they weren’t on friendly terms with each other, making the leader even less supportive about Jessica’s endeavors.

“So I have to choose between you and Blanc, is that it?” Jessica asked. “Why can’t I have both?”

“Simple, Jessica,” Taeyeon answered. “You can’t eat your cake and have it too.”

Jessica had informed them that she had to see a lawyer for some business matters earlier that morning. Which is why Yoona was confused when Taeyeon had called for another meeting inside the dorms that night.

“As Manager Minjin said last night, the higher-ups aren’t exactly happy with how Jessica’s been missing from rehearsals,” Taeyeon said once everyone got settled. Yoona could see Taeyeon was struggling to keep her personal feelings in check as she spoke. Of course, Taeyeon was still upset with how last night’s discussion ended, and Yoona didn’t blame her in the slightest. At the same time, she felt for Jessica, who had left for some business matters without patching things up with the rest of them.

“I don’t know if you’ve heard about this,” Taeyeon continued. “But because of how Jessica’s been acting, not just last night, but ever since she was given permission to do her business, they’ve been talking to me about kicking her out of the group.”

It seemed that what Seohyun heard was true after all. Yoona glanced at Yuri and Seohyun, whose wide eyes and open jaws probably matched her own. She looked at the reactions of the other members. Tiffany and Sunny looked as if they’d heard this before, while Hyoyeon didn’t seem pleased, while Sooyoung shouted “Do they think that this is some kind of joke?”

Taeyeon sighed and shook her head. “No, apparently they’re serious. They’ve been talking to me about it for a while. I’ve been delaying telling the rest of you about it for as long as I can, since I knew you’d react like this.” She sighed again as she slouched against the armchair. “But they’re pressing me for an answer. They want a unanimous vote from us. We don’t need to answer now… but… they’ll need one... eventually.”

Yoona had never heard Taeyeon sound so defeated her entire life. That definitely wasn’t the kind of news anyone would want to deliver. “So, what do we do about it?” she asked.

Never in her wildest nightmares did she think that they would encounter this situation. The idea of kicking out a friend wasn’t appealing to her at all, and she refused to be part of something that was going to make or break a friend’s standing with the rest of the group.

“I guess we’ll have to weigh our options… Right, Taeyeon?” Tiffany whispered as the leader nodded. “Weigh the pros and cons of Jessica and her business, and how the rest of us are affected by it.”

Yoona swore the tension was so thick that it would have taken a chainsaw to cut through it. She didn’t like the idea of having Jessica’s fate in her hands. She looked around the faces of her group mates, wondering what the others were thinking. She had no idea how much time passed, as they all just sat in their living room, staring at each other. She wondered if any one in the group was like her, trying to see inside the souls of the others.

Taeyeon’s cough broke the silence. “She’s proven that her priorities are no longer in line with the rest of the group’s, with her constant absences and disregard for group activities… and also what she said last night... I don’t know about you, but I can’t work with people like that.”

“Are you sure?” Sunny asked.

“Yes,” Taeyeon said. “You know I’ve been thinking of this for a while. I want the best for us, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to protect us.”

Tiffany let out a huge breath before she started talking. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I don’t think she wants to be here any more. She said it herself, she wants her life back. She wants a life outside this. Outside us. So why be selfish by holding her back?”

“What? Why?” Yoona asked Tiffany, before she could stop herself. “I thought you two were friends.”

Tiffany gave her a bitter smile. “We are, and this is why I’m doing this for her. She doesn’t want to be here, so why force her? As they say, if you love her, set her free.”

Yoona blinked. She didn’t think Tiffany would ever want Jessica out of the group, despite that line of reasoning. She braced herself for the next surprise, whatever it was going to be.

“I… I’ve been hearing things…” Sunny said with a sigh. “We’ve been losing endorsements from brands that might be competitors for Blanc, for as long as Jessica is associated with us. And endorsements are our lifeline. She’s not the only one who needs to earn money. We do too… It’s a job as much as it’s a passion, so… I can’t work with someone who’ll compromise my career.”

“But I don’t think she’s selfish for wanting a future,” Seohyun said, looking at the rest of them. “She’s right. We won’t last forever and we all need backup plans. I mean, I myself am studying and juggling activities… but I never let my school work get in the way of SNSD, nor did SNSD get in the way with school as much as possible. But… if she can’t handle it… She has to choose one or the other...”

Sooyoung raised a hand before she spoke up. “As much as she’s my friend and I want her to do well with Blanc, I’m not going to lie. I don’t know much about fashion, but I know all Jessica has going for her is being a member of SNSD. She needs us for as long as her brand hasn’t gained some legitimate footing in the fashion scene. I can’t help but feel used if I think that way… So… I don’t know. Jessica could be using SNSD’s popularity to get fans to buy her stuff.”

“We’re not even sure about that, so let’s not assume things,” Yuri said. “Besides, I think we’re best when we’re complete, whether it’s in name or having everyone there. I mean, we’re one of the few groups from our debut era who hasn’t had member changes. Why mess with something that isn’t broken? Think of what people will say if we lose a member!”

“Think of what people will say if Jessica just doesn’t keep showing up!” Taeyeon said. “She might as well be the inactive member who still gets all the benefits without doing all the work. How’s that fair to the rest of us?”

“I… I don’t know…” Yuri whispered. “Whatever is best for all of us, that’s what I want.”

“But rumor has it that Jessica and Tyler are planning to get married either this October or May next year, and God knows what Tyler would do to the rest of us if we get in the way of his plans,” Hyoyeon said, before anyone else could say anything further. “Joonhyung told me about him. Though they’re friends, Tyler’s apparently kind of… how do I put this? Bad news. Besides, he gives me the creeps.”

“But he-wait… MARRYING HIM? Who said anything about marriage?” Taeyeon asked. “I thought the marriage was going to happen during her hiatus?”

“True, but that’s what I heard,” Hyoyeon shrugged.

“How come I don’t know about this?” Taeyeon hissed. “Did any of you know about this?”

The rest of them shook their heads, as Hyoyeon put her hands up. “Hey, I didn’t know either until Min asked me if the rumors were true!”

“How embarrassing, for someone outside the group-not to mention another company-to know before we did,” Taeyeon muttered.

“So what did you tell her?” Sooyoung asked.

“I told her that Jessica hasn’t told us anything from the last time we saw her,” Hyoyeon answered. “I couldn’t say that I didn’t know, right?”

“Maybe we should ask Jessica herself before jumping to conclusions?” Yoona suggested, frowning at the thought of not knowing something this big.

“No need,” Tiffany said, looking up from her phone. “I just checked both Jessica and Tyler’s social media accounts. Apparently, Tyler denied the marriage rumors a few days ago.” She passed her phone to the rest of them, showing the aforementioned post.

“But still, Jessica’s been talking about wanting to get married, right?” Sunny said. “What do you think, Yoona?”

Just when she thought she was off the hook from saying her piece, she felt all seven pairs of eyes on her. Yoona looked at them all sullenly. Most of them gave reasons that were inclined toward kicking out Jessica, but those were things beyond Jessica’s control. It wasn’t fair. She didn’t want to have to choose between friendship and her career. How could they throw away their friendship just because they thought their careers were in jeopardy? It was stupid, and Yoona felt herself beginning to snap.

“Yoona?” Tiffany asks. “Your thoughts, please?”

Yoona blinked at them all and sighed before she started talking. “It’s not easy juggling both solo activities and group promotions. As someone who also has solo stuff, I think we should be more understanding of her situation,” she said, hoping that the rest of them would see it from her perspective. “She’s not here as much as we’d like her to be, but at least she’s TRYING, like I do when I have drama tapings.”

“That’s different, Yoona,” Sunny said, as she shook her head. “You did your solo stuff to promote the group, while Jessica is doing her solo stuff while riding on the popularity we have.”

“We’re not sure of that, and aren’t we doing the same now?” Yoona asked, looking at the rest of them. “The reason we’re getting all these offers for endorsements, musicals, dramas, variety shows… It’s because we’re SNSD members. So I don’t see the difference.”

Tiffany put a hand over Yoona’s. “Like Taeyeon said earlier, we don’t need to decide now. We have some time,” she said. “As much as we’d rather not, we need to make a decision eventually.”

Yoona nodded in thanks as Tiffany went over to whisper to Taeyeon. She let out a sigh of relief. She didn’t want to make a decision-not now, not ever.

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