Fic: All or Nothing (3/?)
Title: All or Nothing (3/?)
Author: totallytamara
Rating: Um, probably PG-13.
Disclaimer: I don’t know any of the people portrayed in this story, therefore I don’t own them, either. This wasn’t written in the spirit of offending anyone, it was written for the sake of creativity. I’m not making any money from this; it’s just for fun!
Summary: Kris thought their friendship was strong, unbreakable. But when everything just fell apart and life threw so many curveballs at him, he learned that nothing is unbreakable. Even the most resistant things can crumble. And Kris wasn’t sure when, or if, he’d ever get to share a moment like this with Adam again.
Notes: Hey, hey, hey! Here is the third installment in my series called All or Nothing. Thank you so much to those who have read and have commented. I appreciate it so much! I hope that some of the people who have read but just haven’t commented decide to do so, because those comments really mean a lot to me and are basically the fuel that keeps me writing. So, thank you for the support! I hope you enjoy the chapter, it’s slightly less angsty than the others, but still kinda sad in some parts (sorry, I know… things will get happier at some point, I swear!). Thank you for reading! Enjoy.
Part 1 , Part 2
Kris splashed some of the steaming water onto his arms, his whole body relaxing. Coming over to Adam’s house had been the right thing to do. Kris was sure of it. He wanted to fix things so desperately between them and he just… he was sick of feeling sorry for himself. Sick of feeling isolated and alone all the time. When he was with Adam, things were just simple, fun. He missed the days when he and Adam used to share everything, do everything together. Kris knew that Adam was just one of those people that came around once in a lifetime, and Kris didn’t think that, if he let Adam slip through his fingers again, he’d be so lucky as to get another chance at saving their friendship.
Slowly, Kris raised himself out of the tub, feeling much better than he had when he’d first sat down in it. He was warm and he felt safe being at Adam’s house. He felt loved. And that was something he hadn’t felt in a long time.
Kris dried himself off and then wrapped the towel around his waist, opening the door to the bathroom and padding towards the stairs. He wasn’t sure if Adam had finished drying his clothes or not, and he felt kind of like a creep, going to see Adam in just a towel. Kris wasn’t sure why he felt this way, maybe because it had just been a while since things had been carefree between them. Kris never used to be self-conscious or shy around Adam. Now, suddenly, he felt like he needed to rush back upstairs, find an amazing outfit, and try to make himself look good. Adam always looked amazing. Kris wished he could do that.
“Adam?” Kris called out for his friend as he reached the bottom of the staircase. He didn’t see Adam in the living room where Kris thought he would be, so he entered the kitchen, hoping that Adam was in there. When he got inside the tiled kitchen, Kris found Adam, but what he saw Adam doing nearly broke his heart. Adam was sitting at the island in the centre of the kitchen, his face down on the counter, soft weeping sounds coming from him. Kris rushed over to Adam and gently put a hand on his back, rubbing slow, soothing circles. “Adam, are you alright?” Kris asked stupidly. Kris had never seen Adam so… broken. Adam was always the rock, always there to support everybody else. Kris realized that Adam usually never got the same courtesy directed to him. Everybody just expected that Adam didn’t have problems and, if he did, he could counsel himself through them. Kris finally saw that Adam felt just as crappy as he did, and he hated to see Adam hurting.
Adam lifted his head off the counter, and his face was streaked with tears. “Kris…” he mumbled. “Kris, I…”
“Shh. It’s okay. You don’t have to explain right now. Just… let’s get your mind off whatever’s bothering you. Let’s watch a movie or something,” Kris suggested, his eyes looking panicked despite the calm tone of his voice.
“You look like you’re going to pass out,” Adam chuckled softly, grabbing some Kleenex from the box on the counter and wiping his eyes.
“Well it’s not everyday you see a grown man face down on his countertop, you know,” Kris tried to be funny, but he was pretty sure he was failing. Miserably. Adam laughed though, whole heartedly. Kris loved it when Adam laughed. It was just so infectious; you couldn’t help but join in.
“You up for a movie?” Kris asked again once their laughter had subsided, trying to brighten Adam’s mood as quickly as possible.
“You know I’m always up for anything,” Adam winked, and Kris giggled, his cheeks flushing slightly. He knew that was true. Adam definitely didn’t shy away from anything.
“Good. But before we watch a movie or anything, can I get some clothes? I feel kinda awkward standing here practically in the buff,” Kris laughed.
“Oh, shit! Sorry about that. I don’t think your clothes will be dry yet; I just put them in the dryer. You could wear something of mine, if you want. I don’t know if anything I have will fit you but it’s the fact that you’re not naked that counts, right?” Adam replied, grinning lopsidedly at Kris.
“Absolutely. Thanks, man,” Kris chuckled.
“No problem. You can just go up to my room and invade my drawers. I’m pretty sure there’s a pair of track pants in there somewhere…” Adam smiled, his blue-gray eyes shining.
“Alright, but there’d better not be any awkward things in your drawers or I’ll probably die of embarrassment,” Kris joked as he made his way up the stairs towards Adam’s room.
“Don’t worry, I put all my sex toys under the bed,” Adam hollered as Kris climbed the stairs. Kris felt his cheeks getting hot as those words left Adam’s mouth, and he was kind of glad that he wasn’t face to face with Adam when he said that because otherwise, he was sure he would have turned into an awkward, blubbering, completely embarrassed mess.
Once Kris entered Adam’s room, he approached Adam’s dresser and rummaged through the drawers, searching for something that wasn’t covered in glitter or rhinestones or was made of leather. Finally, after looking for what seemed to be forever, Kris finally found a pair of track pants and a hoodie and slipped them on, the clothes hanging off his body. Kris walked in front of the mirror plastered on Adam’s wall and scoffed at his reflection. He looked like he was wearing hand-me-downs…
Kris paraded down the stairs when he was finished dissecting his outfit, and he found Adam sitting patiently on the couch, picking at his nail polish. Adam had the tenancy to completely massacre his nicely painted nails when he was nervous. Adam always got really fidgety when he was thinking about something big. Kris had been so close to Adam before everything had transpired that he knew all these little quirks about him. Kris loved knowing things about Adam that nobody else did. He loved that he could get inside Adam’s head easily. Kris hoped he still had the knack to read Adam like a book.
“Stop picking at your fingernails,” Kris scolded once he plopped himself down onto the couch beside Adam, wagging his finger in Adam’s face. “You should know better.”
Adam scoffed. “What’s so bad about picking at my nail polish? It’s not like I’m hurting anybody. Calm yourself.”
“No, you calm yourself,” Kris smirked, flicking Adam playfully in the shoulder.
“Oh no you did not… You did not just flick me!” Adam gave Kris an evil look, trying to seem like he was mad. Kris giggled at Adam, seeing right through his fake anger.
“Oh yes I just did flick you. Whatcha gonna do about it, hot shot?” Kris replied, smirking.
“THIS!” Adam shouted dramatically before grabbing Kris’s sides and tickling him crazily. Kris squirmed and laughed hysterically, trying to twist his body away from Adam’s tickle-monster hands.
“AHHHHH!” Kris screamed in between giggles. “NO!”
“Yes!” Adam laughed. “I’ve got you now, Allen. I know your weakness!”
After tickling Kris for a couple of minutes, thoroughly enjoying Kris’s screaming and laughing, Adam finally stopped, and Kris struggled to catch his breath.
“That… was so not fair,” Kris muttered, his breathing still sharp.
“Hey, it so was fair. It’s not my fault you’re so ticklish,” Adam smirked, the laugh he was trying to suppress dancing on his lips.
“That was cruel, Glambert. Just cruel,” Kris feigned sadness, and Adam chuckled.
“Oh boo-hoo. Poor little Krissy got tickled. Wah, wah!” Adam giggled, twisting his fists and rotating them in front of his eyes like a crying little baby.
“Shut it,” Kris, attempting to sound pissed off, replied. But he couldn’t stop the laugh he was trying so hard to hold in from escaping.
Adam and Kris sat on the couch just laughing and goofing off for what seemed to be forever. Kris was so happy that he was here with Adam, in this moment, not one thing standing in their way. So many things had happened. So many words were said that cut like knives and Kris really regretted the way things turned out, but yet, he was kind of glad that things worked out this way. Because if they had never fallen away from each other, never realized just how hard it was to lose that special bond between them, Kris believed that their friendship wouldn’t be as strong as it could be if they patched things up. Kris sighed, feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders. He had so much to think about. Katy, Adam, everything… It was a little overwhelming and Kris wished that he could just silence his thoughts, but he knew that was impossible.
“Are you okay, Kris?” Adam asked, looking down at his friend. Adam looked so confused and scared and happy and sad and Kris wasn’t sure which emotion was most prominent but he didn’t even care. Kris just wanted to soak up this moment, to close his eyes and take a mental picture because he wasn’t even sure if things would be this good between him and Adam a month down the road. Kris thought their friendship was strong, unbreakable. But when everything just fell apart and life threw so many curveballs at him, he learned that nothing is unbreakable. Even the most resistant things can crumble. And Kris wasn’t sure when, or if, he’d ever get to share a moment like this with Adam again.
“I just… I really can’t figure it out. I’m just so confused,” Kris finally replied. He wasn’t sure if that was the answer Adam was looking for - a simple yes or no probably would have sufficed - but Kris wasn’t sure if he could say one of those words honestly. He really didn’t know if he was okay.
“What are you confused about?” Adam questioned, the concern in his eyes making Kris’s heart leap into his throat.
“Everything, really,” Kris answered, hating the fact that he was being so vague. But he really didn’t know where to start.
“Well, do you want to talk about it? You know I’m always here for you,” Adam said quietly, and Kris nodded. He knew all along that Adam would always be there for him. That was just Adam.
“Maybe tomorrow…” Kris replied, sighing slightly. “I just want to have some fun tonight. I just want to forget about everything. What do you think?”
“I think,” Adam began, a smile on his face, “that’s a wonderful idea.” And Kris smiled back, because really, he couldn’t help it. When Adam Lambert smiled, you smiled. When Adam Lambert laughed, you laughed. When Adam Lambert was upset, you felt upset. Adam just had this way of radiating emotions, making you feel his pain, his triumphs, his high points, his low points. Kris wasn’t sure if this was Adam’s hidden talent or if it was his downfall. Kris just didn’t know. With Adam, things were just so crazy and wonderful and dramatic and intense and right at that moment, all Kris wanted to do was just have a good time with Adam. And Kris told him so. And Adam obliged.
And so, Adam and Kris had a wonderful night, bantering back and forth and watching movies and listening to music till they passed out. They both felt so happy to have the other back into their lives, and although there was still a lot that was left unsaid between them, they didn’t really care. They could save that conversation for tomorrow. For tonight, they just wanted to be Adam and Kris, without all the emotional baggage.
Author: totallytamara
Rating: Um, probably PG-13.
Disclaimer: I don’t know any of the people portrayed in this story, therefore I don’t own them, either. This wasn’t written in the spirit of offending anyone, it was written for the sake of creativity. I’m not making any money from this; it’s just for fun!
Summary: Kris thought their friendship was strong, unbreakable. But when everything just fell apart and life threw so many curveballs at him, he learned that nothing is unbreakable. Even the most resistant things can crumble. And Kris wasn’t sure when, or if, he’d ever get to share a moment like this with Adam again.
Notes: Hey, hey, hey! Here is the third installment in my series called All or Nothing. Thank you so much to those who have read and have commented. I appreciate it so much! I hope that some of the people who have read but just haven’t commented decide to do so, because those comments really mean a lot to me and are basically the fuel that keeps me writing. So, thank you for the support! I hope you enjoy the chapter, it’s slightly less angsty than the others, but still kinda sad in some parts (sorry, I know… things will get happier at some point, I swear!). Thank you for reading! Enjoy.
Part 1 , Part 2
Kris splashed some of the steaming water onto his arms, his whole body relaxing. Coming over to Adam’s house had been the right thing to do. Kris was sure of it. He wanted to fix things so desperately between them and he just… he was sick of feeling sorry for himself. Sick of feeling isolated and alone all the time. When he was with Adam, things were just simple, fun. He missed the days when he and Adam used to share everything, do everything together. Kris knew that Adam was just one of those people that came around once in a lifetime, and Kris didn’t think that, if he let Adam slip through his fingers again, he’d be so lucky as to get another chance at saving their friendship.
Slowly, Kris raised himself out of the tub, feeling much better than he had when he’d first sat down in it. He was warm and he felt safe being at Adam’s house. He felt loved. And that was something he hadn’t felt in a long time.
Kris dried himself off and then wrapped the towel around his waist, opening the door to the bathroom and padding towards the stairs. He wasn’t sure if Adam had finished drying his clothes or not, and he felt kind of like a creep, going to see Adam in just a towel. Kris wasn’t sure why he felt this way, maybe because it had just been a while since things had been carefree between them. Kris never used to be self-conscious or shy around Adam. Now, suddenly, he felt like he needed to rush back upstairs, find an amazing outfit, and try to make himself look good. Adam always looked amazing. Kris wished he could do that.
“Adam?” Kris called out for his friend as he reached the bottom of the staircase. He didn’t see Adam in the living room where Kris thought he would be, so he entered the kitchen, hoping that Adam was in there. When he got inside the tiled kitchen, Kris found Adam, but what he saw Adam doing nearly broke his heart. Adam was sitting at the island in the centre of the kitchen, his face down on the counter, soft weeping sounds coming from him. Kris rushed over to Adam and gently put a hand on his back, rubbing slow, soothing circles. “Adam, are you alright?” Kris asked stupidly. Kris had never seen Adam so… broken. Adam was always the rock, always there to support everybody else. Kris realized that Adam usually never got the same courtesy directed to him. Everybody just expected that Adam didn’t have problems and, if he did, he could counsel himself through them. Kris finally saw that Adam felt just as crappy as he did, and he hated to see Adam hurting.
Adam lifted his head off the counter, and his face was streaked with tears. “Kris…” he mumbled. “Kris, I…”
“Shh. It’s okay. You don’t have to explain right now. Just… let’s get your mind off whatever’s bothering you. Let’s watch a movie or something,” Kris suggested, his eyes looking panicked despite the calm tone of his voice.
“You look like you’re going to pass out,” Adam chuckled softly, grabbing some Kleenex from the box on the counter and wiping his eyes.
“Well it’s not everyday you see a grown man face down on his countertop, you know,” Kris tried to be funny, but he was pretty sure he was failing. Miserably. Adam laughed though, whole heartedly. Kris loved it when Adam laughed. It was just so infectious; you couldn’t help but join in.
“You up for a movie?” Kris asked again once their laughter had subsided, trying to brighten Adam’s mood as quickly as possible.
“You know I’m always up for anything,” Adam winked, and Kris giggled, his cheeks flushing slightly. He knew that was true. Adam definitely didn’t shy away from anything.
“Good. But before we watch a movie or anything, can I get some clothes? I feel kinda awkward standing here practically in the buff,” Kris laughed.
“Oh, shit! Sorry about that. I don’t think your clothes will be dry yet; I just put them in the dryer. You could wear something of mine, if you want. I don’t know if anything I have will fit you but it’s the fact that you’re not naked that counts, right?” Adam replied, grinning lopsidedly at Kris.
“Absolutely. Thanks, man,” Kris chuckled.
“No problem. You can just go up to my room and invade my drawers. I’m pretty sure there’s a pair of track pants in there somewhere…” Adam smiled, his blue-gray eyes shining.
“Alright, but there’d better not be any awkward things in your drawers or I’ll probably die of embarrassment,” Kris joked as he made his way up the stairs towards Adam’s room.
“Don’t worry, I put all my sex toys under the bed,” Adam hollered as Kris climbed the stairs. Kris felt his cheeks getting hot as those words left Adam’s mouth, and he was kind of glad that he wasn’t face to face with Adam when he said that because otherwise, he was sure he would have turned into an awkward, blubbering, completely embarrassed mess.
Once Kris entered Adam’s room, he approached Adam’s dresser and rummaged through the drawers, searching for something that wasn’t covered in glitter or rhinestones or was made of leather. Finally, after looking for what seemed to be forever, Kris finally found a pair of track pants and a hoodie and slipped them on, the clothes hanging off his body. Kris walked in front of the mirror plastered on Adam’s wall and scoffed at his reflection. He looked like he was wearing hand-me-downs…
Kris paraded down the stairs when he was finished dissecting his outfit, and he found Adam sitting patiently on the couch, picking at his nail polish. Adam had the tenancy to completely massacre his nicely painted nails when he was nervous. Adam always got really fidgety when he was thinking about something big. Kris had been so close to Adam before everything had transpired that he knew all these little quirks about him. Kris loved knowing things about Adam that nobody else did. He loved that he could get inside Adam’s head easily. Kris hoped he still had the knack to read Adam like a book.
“Stop picking at your fingernails,” Kris scolded once he plopped himself down onto the couch beside Adam, wagging his finger in Adam’s face. “You should know better.”
Adam scoffed. “What’s so bad about picking at my nail polish? It’s not like I’m hurting anybody. Calm yourself.”
“No, you calm yourself,” Kris smirked, flicking Adam playfully in the shoulder.
“Oh no you did not… You did not just flick me!” Adam gave Kris an evil look, trying to seem like he was mad. Kris giggled at Adam, seeing right through his fake anger.
“Oh yes I just did flick you. Whatcha gonna do about it, hot shot?” Kris replied, smirking.
“THIS!” Adam shouted dramatically before grabbing Kris’s sides and tickling him crazily. Kris squirmed and laughed hysterically, trying to twist his body away from Adam’s tickle-monster hands.
“AHHHHH!” Kris screamed in between giggles. “NO!”
“Yes!” Adam laughed. “I’ve got you now, Allen. I know your weakness!”
After tickling Kris for a couple of minutes, thoroughly enjoying Kris’s screaming and laughing, Adam finally stopped, and Kris struggled to catch his breath.
“That… was so not fair,” Kris muttered, his breathing still sharp.
“Hey, it so was fair. It’s not my fault you’re so ticklish,” Adam smirked, the laugh he was trying to suppress dancing on his lips.
“That was cruel, Glambert. Just cruel,” Kris feigned sadness, and Adam chuckled.
“Oh boo-hoo. Poor little Krissy got tickled. Wah, wah!” Adam giggled, twisting his fists and rotating them in front of his eyes like a crying little baby.
“Shut it,” Kris, attempting to sound pissed off, replied. But he couldn’t stop the laugh he was trying so hard to hold in from escaping.
Adam and Kris sat on the couch just laughing and goofing off for what seemed to be forever. Kris was so happy that he was here with Adam, in this moment, not one thing standing in their way. So many things had happened. So many words were said that cut like knives and Kris really regretted the way things turned out, but yet, he was kind of glad that things worked out this way. Because if they had never fallen away from each other, never realized just how hard it was to lose that special bond between them, Kris believed that their friendship wouldn’t be as strong as it could be if they patched things up. Kris sighed, feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders. He had so much to think about. Katy, Adam, everything… It was a little overwhelming and Kris wished that he could just silence his thoughts, but he knew that was impossible.
“Are you okay, Kris?” Adam asked, looking down at his friend. Adam looked so confused and scared and happy and sad and Kris wasn’t sure which emotion was most prominent but he didn’t even care. Kris just wanted to soak up this moment, to close his eyes and take a mental picture because he wasn’t even sure if things would be this good between him and Adam a month down the road. Kris thought their friendship was strong, unbreakable. But when everything just fell apart and life threw so many curveballs at him, he learned that nothing is unbreakable. Even the most resistant things can crumble. And Kris wasn’t sure when, or if, he’d ever get to share a moment like this with Adam again.
“I just… I really can’t figure it out. I’m just so confused,” Kris finally replied. He wasn’t sure if that was the answer Adam was looking for - a simple yes or no probably would have sufficed - but Kris wasn’t sure if he could say one of those words honestly. He really didn’t know if he was okay.
“What are you confused about?” Adam questioned, the concern in his eyes making Kris’s heart leap into his throat.
“Everything, really,” Kris answered, hating the fact that he was being so vague. But he really didn’t know where to start.
“Well, do you want to talk about it? You know I’m always here for you,” Adam said quietly, and Kris nodded. He knew all along that Adam would always be there for him. That was just Adam.
“Maybe tomorrow…” Kris replied, sighing slightly. “I just want to have some fun tonight. I just want to forget about everything. What do you think?”
“I think,” Adam began, a smile on his face, “that’s a wonderful idea.” And Kris smiled back, because really, he couldn’t help it. When Adam Lambert smiled, you smiled. When Adam Lambert laughed, you laughed. When Adam Lambert was upset, you felt upset. Adam just had this way of radiating emotions, making you feel his pain, his triumphs, his high points, his low points. Kris wasn’t sure if this was Adam’s hidden talent or if it was his downfall. Kris just didn’t know. With Adam, things were just so crazy and wonderful and dramatic and intense and right at that moment, all Kris wanted to do was just have a good time with Adam. And Kris told him so. And Adam obliged.
And so, Adam and Kris had a wonderful night, bantering back and forth and watching movies and listening to music till they passed out. They both felt so happy to have the other back into their lives, and although there was still a lot that was left unsaid between them, they didn’t really care. They could save that conversation for tomorrow. For tonight, they just wanted to be Adam and Kris, without all the emotional baggage.