Resolution (part 6)
Title: Resolution
Genre: Angst/Drama (hurt/comfort)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: (part 6) Adam’s getting stronger, gradually. He faces another unfriendly confrontation which ends messily. Sarver’s actions are discovered, and to Kris’ fury and chagrin, there’s a lot more to what happened between Adam and Sarver then he imagined. As a result, he and Adam have a long conversation…
First things first, I’ve been informed that my links were inaccurate. Let me try this again.
PART 1: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/305652.html
PART 2: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/314033.html
PART 3: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/319228.html
PART 4: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/322193.html
PART 5: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/327934.html
And some answers to some questions asked of me recently:
1.) When you write, do you feel like the characters live inside your head, and you just put on paper what the do and feel/think, or that you truly make everything happen? The former.
2.) How many more chapters after this? I’m currently writing Part 9. I’m going to guess at 10 or 11 parts. Probably ten.
3.) Did he have a breathing tube or breathing mask? When did it get changed? A mask. Hope I didn't put "tube " in there…I know I said the mask was connected to a machine by a few cords. I’m sorry if you were confused. It’s just a mask placed over his mouth/nose, and he can speak through it, it only muffles speech. I don’t know if it has a technical name or something, but my neighbor had to wear one after being in a fire because of smoke inhalation... I'll admit I'm no medical expert.
4.) So if you have up to part 8 done, why are we waiting to read them? I’m sorry! :( LiveJournal only works on one of my household computers for some odd reason. I have limited posting time.
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When Adam awoke, he felt noticeably stronger, and his mind was in sharper focus, enough for him to realize that he hated the hospital. Loathed it. Loathed being in it, and wanted out.
But when she came in to check on him, he reminded himself that he didn’t hate Stephanie, at least. Her touch was soft, and the gentle scent of her perfume was somehow comforting. She helped him without making him feel weak and pathetic as she carefully examined him, smiling fully at the improvements, and her hands were sure and steady as she pulled the blanket back up over him to the middle of his chest.
His brain wasn’t as fuzzy or blank, but he what he was aware of felt as if it were coming from very, very far away. She grinned and expressed her joy at his slightly bettered state, murmuring softly that she knew he’d start to heal eventually.
Adam couldn’t help but think there was something he should remember, something that had happened before he’d blacked out again, but it slipped away from him as he numbly pondered it, and he still felt too bleary to pursue it further.
She didn’t hook him back up to the mask, either, and Adam was very glad. He had hated that thing...
And with a tiny smile on his face, he fell into true sleep for the first time in days, peaceful and rejuvenating slumber that made him feel secure and safe, rather than lost and in darkness as the drugs had.
He woke sometime later with a feeling of sharpness, wrongness. It was as if the tentative security that had encompassed him had been broken and the now serrated edges of its remnants were pushing up against the edges of his mind.
Adam moaned and tossed his now aching head, not pleased with the sudden, uncomfortable throbbing in his skull. This tiny movement only served to make it worse, and the pain redefined itself not as a pulsing ache in his head but as a familiarly unwelcome presence in the room. He bit his lip, wanting to groan, and looked up into the solid, abyssal eyes of Sarver; the man he now realized had lied to him about Allison.
Michael’s mouth was twisted into a wry smile. “Feeling better?” he near-sneered. “Enjoy your little nap?”
Something in the expression on his face made Adam want to shudder, but now that his brain felt more functional, he was overtaken instead by anger, a real frustration that was clear and palpable.
“Leave me alone,” Adam muttered darkly. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want the idiot to dredge up the ridiculous subject, those senseless accusations, and scrape them against his already battered heart. He just wanted to go back to sleep, not think about it, not feel anything, and see if some of the broken pieces that remained might tumble back into their shell.
“Oh, poor baby,” Sarver shot back, words dripping with contempt. “Leave you alone? Like you left Christian alone? The man was trying to fucking drive, and do his job! I don’t want to think about what sort of sick, twisted things you two did up there in the front hatch... but look at what a mess you made, Lambert... you nearly killed us all.”
Crimson swam in front of Adam’s eyes at his words, those false, stinging lies feeding the fury building inside of him. He swallowed the lump that had been growing in his throat as Michael talked, and it sunk into his stomach, making him feel queasy.
“Christian died... he died! And you survived! How does that make you feel?!!”
Adam squeezed his eyes shut; hearing Christian’s startled yell as the chair and steering column impaled him in the wreckage. Kris’ panicky breaths and worried shouts; Allison’s horrified screams echoed in his ears.
His eyes narrowed as he stared at Sarver. Slowly, unsteadily, he pushed himself up on his un-bandaged arm. “What... do you... want?” The question was coherent this time, even if his words were slow and each one of them took a tremendous amount of effort to form. He managed a cold, even tone, not hiding his obvious anger.
The blow to his face was like being hit with a brick. The shock knocked him back onto the bed and made his ears ring. Adam caught himself somehow with a hand on the edge of the bed before he fell off it and lay there, gasping. His teeth had sliced deep into his lip at the magnitude and unexpectedness of the blow, and he could feel blood trickling slowly out of his mouth and down his chin. Infuriation swelled in him like a tidal wave at this discovery.
“You did this... you fucked everything up,” Sarver said raggedly, and his eyes were filled with tears of anger. “Haven’t you seen Allen staggering around this place like a lost soul? He can hardly look at the door to this room! Lil broke down into tears yesterday, because she thought of how she could’ve been in our bus, could’ve never seen her babies again! Allison looks as if there is something broken inside her- she’s pale and ashen, and she sobs when she thinks of you. Don’t you see what you’ve done? Aren’t you ashamed that your failure to contain your sick, carnal urges caused all of this?”
He hit Adam again, this time, an open-handed slap across his face. Sarver’s words had intensified the anger within him exponentially, to the point where he was momentarily stunned and dazed by the strength of it, and it made his brain wrench and ache.
But the slap brought him back to high school and rejection, and he was not going to let Michael push or pull him anymore like a defenseless child. He realized that he had just enough strength to retaliate this time.
“Leave me ALONE!” he cried, the anger spilling from him all at once. It surged around him, and he jerked toward Sarver, lifting his balled fist.
It caught the surprised and unprepared Michael and slammed him back against the wall. He crumpled and fell in a limp heap to the floor, groaning.
Adam collapsed on the bed then, overcome. He could feel the hot tears well up and slip down his cheeks, feel his chin trembling, the blood still trickling gently from his lip. “J-just l-leave... me a-alone,” he commanded, the words catching thickly. He felt tired and pained again, but he didn’t want to cry anymore, and he tried unsuccessfully to stop himself.
It was then that the memory of the last time Kris had come to see him chose to assault him - the tears, apologies, and gentle clasping of hands. He fell back onto his pillow, watching Sarver’s eyes roll back into his head as the emotions flooded back to him, now sharp in the absence of the drugs.
With a sobbing breath, he turned away from the other man, nauseated by the mere sight of him.
----------------------
Allison, though almost ready for release, hadn’t changed out of the simple white gown patients wore, but Kris visited her right after she’d showered, her damp red hair hung wavy and loose around her shoulders. She smiled when she saw him, sitting up completely straight and adjusting one of her pillows. He took a seat by the side of her bed. “Kris,” she said. Her voice was pretty much back to normal, but she still spoke softly, her fear sneaking through. “Stephanie told me that Adam has improved since I left him.”
Kris nodded, excited by the news too. “Yes, he did, I saw him after you did and he seemed a little stronger... but she told me that a few hours later, he looked noticeably better.” He felt a twinge of relief as he said the words, finally feeling the emotion behind them.
Allison reached out and closed her hand around his. Her grip was tense, and he looked up at her, concerned. “I’m glad, because when I was with him... he-he looked awful, Kris,” she said, her voice small. “I was afraid.”
A tight knot formed in his throat, and he fought force his words around it. “Me too, I was scared out of my mind,” Kris said quickly. “I’m sorry; I know he looked bad. I-I hope you still enjoyed seeing him though.”
She nodded her head vigorously. “Oh yeah, I needed that.” She took a deep, shuddering breath, and withdrew her hand. “It-it could have been a lot worse, I know.” She closed her eyes for a moment, and then opened them again, and a sad smile was on her face. “The breathing mask... frightened me, a lot. But Stephanie told me that he’s not even using that anymore. His lungs are okay, I guess. They were just scorched and the smoke made it hard for him to breath.” She gave him a wider grin, her courage shining through. “Adam’s strong, you know. He’ll be totally better soon.”
“Yes,” Kris replied heartily. “Yes, he’ll be... better soon.”
Her face turned serious, and he watched the thoughts churn within her until she spoke again. “He was scared too,” she murmured. “He looked at first like... like he could just... break, or something. But then he-he hugged me. He was really relieved... I guess he thought I might have been hurt very badly. I stayed until he fell asleep again.” She took another breath. “Why did he think I was... not okay? He was so afraid.”
Kris shook his head helplessly. “I don’t know, Allie. I found him in sort of hysteria earlier. I don’t know-” His voice broke. “-but he was so upset, that was when he actually started to talk to me, and let me stay with him.”
Allison’s face seemed to explode with happiness, her smile overwhelming in brightness. “That’s awesome!” She squeezed his hand again, and he could tell she was genuinely excited by the news. Slowly, her grin faded and she lamented, “I guess maybe I understand why he thought I was hurt badly, maybe dying... for a moment there, on the bus, when I thought the fire was going to swallow us both-when I stumbled in there and heard him and heard Christian... heard their yells-I thought I was going to die. It felt-it felt like the world was collapsing, and I just screamed - I saw the roof crumbling and heard the dashboard spark, and Adam... he shouted to me, and his eyes were- I’ll never forget what his eyes looked like... I don’t know how to describe-and then he pushed me away and you were there, and you told me that I was safe and to hold on, and I knew I was going to be okay.”
“Allie,” Kris said, feeling breathless. “Adam isn’t healed yet. Not completely. And neither are you, you still have to take it easy...”
She shook her head, laughing. “Slow ride...” she sang softly, almost a mumble, “Take it easy...” He chuckled noiselessly, but his face stayed grim. Allison sighed. “Don’t worry so much.” She admonished. “Be happy… for just a second. Celebrate that he’s doing better.
He stared at her for a moment, hardly able to believe her courage, her faith, and her logic.
And then he tried, really tried to coax up a grin, but he felt empty. Empty and hollow and alone. His hands were shaking. “Kris,” Allie said quickly. “Kris, what’s wrong?”
The feeling grew and grew inside of him, and he only slowly realized that he was crying. “Oh, Kris,” Allie said softly, her thumb moving over to his cheek, wiping away his tears. This gentle gesture and her words broke something inside of Kris, and he collapsed forward, relief tearing itself from his heart and spiraling into his perception.
“He’s doing better,” He repeated numbly. “He’s stronger. I-I-I saw him smile-h-he held my hand. He talked to me.” Kris barely felt it her arms wrap around him in a joyous hug. He was lost in dizzing bliss, probably so strong because of how long it had really been since he’d felt happiness. “N-not even needing that stupid mask anymore-n-not even the-the burns are that bad. I-I-I-” His voice shuddered to a stop as he realized himself, and he sat up.
“Kris,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry. You’ve been so good to Adam... and to me this whole time; you’re so tired and worn and look at you, now you’re crying of happiness.”
The door opened, and it slid aside to reveal Stephanie. She gave him a quick, penetrating look that no doubt took in everything from his mussed hair to his glassy eyes, tear-stained cheeks, and decidedly cheerful demeanor. For some reason, she looked sad at this, but then turned to Allison. “Feeling all right today, sweetie? Ready to get out of this room yet?” she asked as she crossed to the other side of the bed, beaming.
“I’m feeling fine, really,” Allison responded. “How’s Adam?”
Stephanie looked up, her eyes dark. “I haven’t been able to check on him since that last time I told you about - my supervisor... something came up,” she said. “But remember, he was all right... better than all right.” She then looked to Kris, who was astonished at her shakiness. “I... I-I need to talk to you about something.”
Feeling a chill of foreboding settle in the pit of his stomach, Kris nodded. “Yes? In private or with Allison?”
She took a deep breath. “In here’s fine. My uh, supervisor was checking over the security records for Mr. Lambert’s room and he found a visit from Michael Sarver recorded that we had no knowledge of. I guess Mr. Sarver was not stopped from seeing him, since as one of your party; he’s on the list of authorized visitors. This visit was directly prior to the incident in which Mr. Lambert fell off his bed and made his injuries slightly worse. I checked my own records and his file, and between the time before and after Sarver’s visit, Adam’s vital signs spiked, both heart and breath rates, but they were inside of the acceptable range so the staff wasn’t alerted by an alarm or anything. And I watched the video footage of it too. There was no audio, for patient privacy reasons… but we edited the list and we’re looking for Mr. Sarver now...” She frowned. “Looks like we know what upset Adam so badly, eh?”
Allie reacted first. “What?” she demanded in a shocked tone. “You think Michael-”
“Adam was terrified that you were dying when I went to check on him, and he had fallen off his bed,” Kris told her dully, trying to remain calm. “I had no idea what had set him off like that, gave him that irrational fear.” He glanced grimly at Stephanie. “I guess I do now.”
Allie took a deep, trembling breath, angry. “Michael told Adam that I was dying?” she whispered, her hands clenching in the blanket that still covered her to her waist. Stephanie nodded glumly. “Oh my God-”
Kris felt detached, like he had been cut off from his body, but hot rage boiled through his veins. His palms were slick with cold sweat and he ground out slowly, “I’m going to kill him.”
“Kris?” He couldn’t even tell if that had been Allie or Stephanie’s voice, his blood was pounding so hard in his ears.
He turned away and took a steadying breath, trying to regain control. His breath blew out slowly in a sigh. “We can’t let him get away with this,” He said, turning back to face them, forcing calm into his voice.
“You’re right, we can’t,” Stephanie said, low and serious. “My supervisor’s going to find him and have him removed from the premises. He’s not allowed in the facility anymore.”
Allison nodded. Her face was tight and set. “Good riddance.”
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“I think we should check on Mr. Lambert together,” Stephanie proposed quietly as they stepped out of Allison’s room, mood solemn. “Or maybe you should go talk to your wife.”
“She used the car to take Megan and Lil out shopping, insisted they needed some time away, and she wanted to help.” Kris acknowledged softly, his mind spiraling out of focus with anger at Sarver. “She’s not here.”
“Then, please... come with me. It’ll give you some time to cool down and get... things back under control, Kris. You’re shaking.”
He took a deep breath, frustrated, and thought for a moment. “Yes,” He agreed grudgingly. “You’re right. I’ll come. If Adam really is feeling better, I’d like to talk to him about this Sarver thing, anyway,” He added thoughtfully, the memory of Adam shaking and frantic rising in his mind unbidden.
“He was feeling a lot better,” she started hopefully, her mouth beginning to curve in a slight smile, “It’s amazing. I was worried about his lungs at first, but he’s off the respirator, and his burns aren’t all too bad anymore.” Her voice conveyed her excitement and her smile widened. “He seemed brighter, and he’s only on basic pain medication now, no heavy sedatives or anything. He also seemed stronger- and when I left him, he’d fallen asleep naturally, so obviously the shock of his injuries has eased quite a bit. I’d be willing to bet on a complete recovery fairly soon.”
“Really?” The word slipped out before Kris could help himself, and he could hear his voice trembling with suppressed, thick, happiness. “That’s incredible news.”
They were at the door to Adam’s room then, and he gently eased it open, not wanting to wake him up should he still be sleeping. He was bewildered when that strong sense of awful wrongness hit him again, and he nearly staggered back, for it was such a contrast to the joy he’d just been feeling.
Mind churning, his eyes focused on Adam at once. He was lying on his stomach on one side of the bed, the sheet twisted strangely around his legs. His lightly-bandaged shoulders were shaking and the fingers of his slightly injured arm had seized the edge of the bed so tightly his knuckles were whiter than the walls of the room. His muscles were taut and straining, standing out through the wispy sleeve of his hospital gown all the way up his arm to his shoulder.
Stephanie gave a quick glance to the monitor by his bedside that kept track of his vital signs, then practically ran to the bed’s other side to examine him. As she did so, Kris was taken aback by a low groan, in a voice much deeper than Adam’s.
Michael Sarver was only now sitting up, holding a hand to the back of his head. Kris’ eyes widened at the sight of him, sprawled against the corner. The entire right side of his head was swelling into dark purple bruise that looked painful, black-splotched and gruesome.
Crimson anger danced before his eyes. He moved forward, his hands closing around Sarver’s collar before he realized what he was doing. “What did you do to him?!” He shouted furiously, voice wavering. “What the fuck did you do to him?!”
There was a small hand on his arm suddenly, drawing me back. “Kris,” she said. “Don’t. I pushed the alert button, security’s coming. This won’t do us any good, all right?”
Clarity returned to him, rushing in waves. He took a deep breath and let the larger man sag back against the wall, glaring at him.
Kris felt sick, his breath coming in uneven gasps. “Tell me, Sarver,” He pronounced more calmly. “What did you do?”
“Do?” Sarver growled, touching his face stiffly. He stared down at his hands and the blood drying in between his fingers. “I didn’t do anything-that stupid fag threw me into the wall!”
Kris stiffened at the insult to Adam, but Stephanie’s sharp intake of breath made him stop what would’ve been a lunge forward.
Michael’s eyes glowered at him. “And then you come in here and think you can toss me around-who the hell do you think you are?”
He opened his mouth to respond, but the sharp-tongued nurse at his side beat him to it. “I can’t believe this,” she burst out. “You couldn’t act like an adult instead of a posturing adolescent?! Do you think threatening my patient will solve anything? You could be charged with assault!” She gave Kris a look that said, Don’t worry, he’ll be punished for this... and went to kneel by Sarver’s side with a long sigh. “Do you think you have any serious injuries?”
When he replied his tone was slow and sullen. “No.”
“Excellent,” She replied briskly, reaching down and bracing her hands under his shoulders. “All right then, up you get.” She half-pushed, half-pulled Michael to his feet, and then two armed security guards burst into the room, and she handed him off to them. She turned to Kris. “Adam should be okay - looks like he defended himself from anything really bad,” she whispered quickly. “I have to go to my supervisor-” And looking quite worn, she quickly followed behind the security team.
Kris stepped over and knelt by Adam’s bed, staring down at him. He could hear each shuddering breath Adam took, and the unsteady little sniffles that came in-between. Some of the bandages on his back had been torn away slightly, and Kris eyed the somewhat healed skin underneath that was partially visible.
Judging by his lack of response, Adam didn’t seem aware that Kris was standing over him. Kris reached down and pressed his hand lightly against the uninjured part of his back, trying to be as gentle as possible...
He jerked and became a flurry of panicked motion, until he had rolled away from Kris and lay trembling in the middle of the bed. “K-Kris?” His voice was no longer as hoarse as it had been and purely, recognizable as Adam. His tone however, sounded uncertain and small. “I-is that y-you?”
“Yes,” Kris said quickly, aching with anger. “Yes, it’s me.” He struggled to swallow as his eyes traced the tracks of the tears on Adam’s cheeks. He could see the evidence then - Adam’s eye was bruised, blue, and puffy, mottled with swelling. The skin directly over his cheekbone was scraped open and his bottom lip was split and bleeding. That hadn’t been there earlier from the crash; it was fresh blood smearing down his chin.
And Michael said he’d done nothing. Kris took a deep breath, feeling the rage climax in a rush. He closed his eyes for a moment, counting to five slowly, before opening them again.
Adam was staring wordlessly at him. He flinched as Kris reached out to touch his shoulder and swatted his arm away. “No,” he coughed. “I-I don’t need your help.”
“Adam,” Kris was baffled, “Don’t be ridiculous.” He tried again, and Adam moved away on the bed, eyes flashing.
“N-no,” he repeated. “Leave it, Kris. Please...”
Drained and defeated, Kris sighed. “What do you want me to do then?”
Adam swallowed thickly. “You don’t have to do anything.” He shook his head then, faltering. “I don’t need help... I should be strong enough-I’m not weak, I’m... Adam fucking Lambert-” His voice was morose, needing some sort of reassurance, but the undertones Kris didn’t fail to pick up on screamed Adam and it was almost delightful to hear such familiar personality in the words, even if only vaguely.
“I’m not going to leave you,” He told him, and he watched Adam’s mouth settle into a grim, frustrated line as Kris took up a tissue from the table at his bedside and ran it carefully across his lip, wiping away the red, sticky liquid as gently and as best as he could. Then Kris steadied Adam’s tensed body against the pillows so that he was supported somewhat more comfortably.
“I said... don’t help me,” he whispered evenly, frowning.
“I know,” Kris replied. “But I couldn’t just not do something.”
“Yes you could...” Adam’s voice dropped an octave. “You could step back and let me deal with it... because I’m s-strong enough. I’ve had to take shit like that my... whole fucking life, I’m d-definitely strong enough!”
“Adam...” He started to respond.
“Seriously.” He cut Kris off, and sat up straighter, sighing. “Y-you’re going to say something about how I’m your best friend, and you just want to h-help me-but you don’t have to say anything... don’t you understand? I fucking a-already know I’m your... best friend! I’m aware that you care, I see that-and I wish... I wish I knew why the hell I can’t stay m-mad at you!” His voice was wavering and thick, and Kris stared, not knowing what to do.
“Adam-” He knew full well that he had to say something, but he had no idea what to say.
“Stop it, Kris.” he nearly growled, eyes sparkling. “You... always c-cared about me, always. You p-pulled me out of that bus, for fuck’s sake... I was just... too stupid to r-recognize it...”
“You were too stupid?” Kris repeated, incredulous. “Adam, you were right to be unsure of my loyalty to you, I messed up! I was the stupid one... I just wanted to save my marriage, and I almost ruined everything. It was me-”
Adam gave a sudden grin. “You? Fuck-it-all, Allen, I already forgave you for t-that shit... didn’t you listen?” The frenzied words sounded as if they were torn from a laugh, and Kris froze as he took that into account.
“Is Katy okay... with you taking all of this back?” Adam asked suddenly, voice low, not noticing how Kris had practically stopped breathing at his side. “Because... if I just poured my entire heart out to you for nothing, I’m going to throw YOU into that wall.”
“She’s sorry, she feels awful and everything,” Kris managed to gasp. “I told you, Adam. You were-you-” He trailed off, floundering for words, and took a breath. “Y-you m-m-mean you’re not mad at... me anymore?”
Adam’s smile was almost warm and full, his eyes filled with what appeared to be mirth and sparkle, and his gaze fixed unwaveringly on Kris’ face. “I tried,” He breathed. “I told you, Kris... I’m t-trying to stay mad at you and I-I can’t.” Kris braced his hands against the side of the bed and stared down at Adam, amazed. “I-I wanted to... for awhile there.” His fingers clenched into a weak fist and he examined his knuckles. “I wanted to-hate you. I wanted to... to hurt you, knock your lights out...I should have. But I-I couldn’t.”
“I fucked up so badly, Adam,” Kris said, not believing his ears. “I nearly ruined our friendship and lost you... I flipped out and punched you in the face. I hurt you... I didn’t even think properly, and I feel like such an idiot. I almost destroyed one of the most precious relationships I have. How can you still forgive me so easily?”
Adam stared at the hot wetness rolling down Kris’ cheeks rapidly. “I can forgive you,” came that same voice, the voice of the Adam he remembered, “Because I love you, Kristopher. You’re so damn... a-adorable and am-mazing, and I don’t even know... how the hell I managed to stay pissed off at you this long.” His voice broke, and Kris could hear the remnants of a laugh rise into his throat again near the end of his statement.
He raised his hands and rubbed the tears from his cheeks, astonished. “How are you so fucking awesome?” He asked. “I-I don’t understand. I really don’t. You’re incredible, and I know it sounds like something a fan-girl would scream at you... but it’s true.”
“I was born that way, of course,” Adam murmured his answer, leaning back into his pillows with a small sigh, and bringing a hand up to poke curiously at his swollen eye. “And you’d - ow - better quit rambling on me, Kris -you’re right that-that was a major fan-girl moment-I always knew you w-were a screaming.... fainting, crying Adam Lambert fan... in secret.”
He was smiling, eyes closed as he spoke, a beautiful grin that handsomely decorated his battered face, and Kris couldn’t do anything but stare at him blankly. Then Adam’s teasing reply fully clicked in his brain and he scowled. “What?” The words burst forth from his lips in a haughty exclamation. “Adam, I-first of all, I’m not crazy like a large percentage of your fan base is... you know most of them are girls that think you’re the encyclopedia definition of sex!”
“Okay now... I’m getting angry again.” Adam answered darkly, without opening his eyes. He looked vaguely exhausted but his lips were twisted in a smirk. “Don’t get all... j-jealous on me, Kristopher Allen... just because I bat for... the other team doesn’t mean I’m not allowed... to have women falling all over me. I am the en-encyclopedia definition of sex... and if you have a problem with that... I suggest you take it u-up with Britannica.”
Oh, it felt so good to joke with Adam again. It was almost too good to be true.
“Shut up!” Kris shouted playfully, glaring down at him and reinforced it with a scoff. He could see Adam’s eyes snap open and they were twinkling mischievously.
“Watch it, Allen,” He said, stifling a yawn. “I can take back that... that truce just as easily. I wasn’t even aware... that your cute, cuddly persona was c-capable of indulging... in the envy complex. I’ll have to remember that, it might come in handy later.”
“Oh, haha.” Kris mumbled dryly, but he couldn’t wipe the grin from his face.
Adam laughed again, the delightful sound echoing through the room. Then he broke off abruptly, his breath catching in his throat. He coughed, and gasped. “Fuck,” he moaned. “Stop making me laugh... dammit-that hurts like hell.”
That was enough to make Kris calm considerably, and he sat in the chair by the bed, all anger at Sarver briefly forgotten. Adam’s still vulnerable condition began to betray itself in tiny lines etched in his face, the faltering rise and fall of his chest, and the tiredness now shining in his eyes.
Kris suddenly marveled that Adam was able to reciprocate against someone attacking him. After a few minutes of silence, he spoke. “Thank you, Adam... I can’t even believe... I mean, you did nothing but love me, and be such a good friend to me, and I turned on you, you know? I feel awful still... and I doubt I’ll ever forgive myself for nearly losing you as a friend. And this... damn it... you’ve been worrying me sick, Lambert, you know that? Are you proud of yourself now, huh? Does it feel good to know that you scared the shit out of me?”
He smiled tiredly in response, humming thoughtfully.
“Just keep this up, all right? Don’t fuck around anymore, I’m not playing.” Kris chided gently. “It’s time for you to get better. We have a tour to do.”
Adam winced. “Ugh, the thought of singing on stage... never was so uninviting and... besides, I went and s-sprained my ankle like a dumbass... so no platform glitter boots.” Real sadness twinged in his words, and Kris chuckled.
“Oh, that’s right... well, that’s out of the question then. If you hobble around with one leg wrapped up, your dancing’ll look worse than Gokey’s.”
Adam cursed, and flung a lazy arm at Kris, brushing his arm in an attempt to slap him playfully. “My dancing could NEVER look as bad as Gokey’s.” Kris laughed loudly, and it felt so good that he continued, until tears streamed down his face.
He idly thought of how much he’d cried lately and how he’d have a terrible headache later from it all, but at that moment, he didn’t care one bit. Before he could comprehend what was happening to him, he was a sputtering, teary-eyed mess at his friend’s bedside, suddenly unsure what emotions were flowing out of him, but knowing it was many at once.
“K-Kris,” Adam whispered. His hands were shaking as he reached over to the other man, staring in a bewildered fashion at his cheeks: messy, wet and hot with tears. He bit his lip against the pain as he sat up again and leaned toward Kris slowly, his strength fading, but his eyes fiery with emotion. “Kris-”
Kris turned to him, and he was unable to speak. In Adam’s blue eyes all he could see was his best friend and brother, staring at him, and it made him want to cry harder. Adam reached out, ignoring the blurry spots beginning to interfere with his vision as his weakness ebbed back into him from the exertion of the day.
He pulled Kris into his arms almost instinctively, as he’d done with Allie. He gave a shuddering breath and buried his face into Kris’ shoulder, his one stronger arm encircling his friend with the little energy he still had.
“I’m sorry,” Kris apologized raggedly again, his voice breaking. He could feel the still-shuddery breaths that fought through Adam’s lungs, and his own arms clenched around his companion. “I-I’m so sorry, Adam. I-I’ve done...such things...”
“Yes, Kris,” Adam confirmed quietly, voice low. Kris knew it hurt Adam to be holding him so close, to be held so tightly, but he wasn’t letting go, so neither did Kris.
Adam rested his chin on Kris’ small shoulder and fought to speak past the tears that were coursing down his face as well. “You have... but I forgive you. I’m here with you... and I’m not going anywhere.”
---------------------------
SQUEEEE! :)
Sorry about Michael’s royal asshole-iness. I needed that to set up for Adam and Kris’ conversation.
You’ve not seen the last of him, either… ;)
BUT, happy times! KRADAM HAPPY TIMES! *dances, trying to ignore anger at Sarver*
Genre: Angst/Drama (hurt/comfort)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: (part 6) Adam’s getting stronger, gradually. He faces another unfriendly confrontation which ends messily. Sarver’s actions are discovered, and to Kris’ fury and chagrin, there’s a lot more to what happened between Adam and Sarver then he imagined. As a result, he and Adam have a long conversation…
First things first, I’ve been informed that my links were inaccurate. Let me try this again.
PART 1: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/305652.html
PART 2: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/314033.html
PART 3: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/319228.html
PART 4: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/322193.html
PART 5: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/327934.html
And some answers to some questions asked of me recently:
1.) When you write, do you feel like the characters live inside your head, and you just put on paper what the do and feel/think, or that you truly make everything happen? The former.
2.) How many more chapters after this? I’m currently writing Part 9. I’m going to guess at 10 or 11 parts. Probably ten.
3.) Did he have a breathing tube or breathing mask? When did it get changed? A mask. Hope I didn't put "tube " in there…I know I said the mask was connected to a machine by a few cords. I’m sorry if you were confused. It’s just a mask placed over his mouth/nose, and he can speak through it, it only muffles speech. I don’t know if it has a technical name or something, but my neighbor had to wear one after being in a fire because of smoke inhalation... I'll admit I'm no medical expert.
4.) So if you have up to part 8 done, why are we waiting to read them? I’m sorry! :( LiveJournal only works on one of my household computers for some odd reason. I have limited posting time.
---------------------------------
When Adam awoke, he felt noticeably stronger, and his mind was in sharper focus, enough for him to realize that he hated the hospital. Loathed it. Loathed being in it, and wanted out.
But when she came in to check on him, he reminded himself that he didn’t hate Stephanie, at least. Her touch was soft, and the gentle scent of her perfume was somehow comforting. She helped him without making him feel weak and pathetic as she carefully examined him, smiling fully at the improvements, and her hands were sure and steady as she pulled the blanket back up over him to the middle of his chest.
His brain wasn’t as fuzzy or blank, but he what he was aware of felt as if it were coming from very, very far away. She grinned and expressed her joy at his slightly bettered state, murmuring softly that she knew he’d start to heal eventually.
Adam couldn’t help but think there was something he should remember, something that had happened before he’d blacked out again, but it slipped away from him as he numbly pondered it, and he still felt too bleary to pursue it further.
She didn’t hook him back up to the mask, either, and Adam was very glad. He had hated that thing...
And with a tiny smile on his face, he fell into true sleep for the first time in days, peaceful and rejuvenating slumber that made him feel secure and safe, rather than lost and in darkness as the drugs had.
He woke sometime later with a feeling of sharpness, wrongness. It was as if the tentative security that had encompassed him had been broken and the now serrated edges of its remnants were pushing up against the edges of his mind.
Adam moaned and tossed his now aching head, not pleased with the sudden, uncomfortable throbbing in his skull. This tiny movement only served to make it worse, and the pain redefined itself not as a pulsing ache in his head but as a familiarly unwelcome presence in the room. He bit his lip, wanting to groan, and looked up into the solid, abyssal eyes of Sarver; the man he now realized had lied to him about Allison.
Michael’s mouth was twisted into a wry smile. “Feeling better?” he near-sneered. “Enjoy your little nap?”
Something in the expression on his face made Adam want to shudder, but now that his brain felt more functional, he was overtaken instead by anger, a real frustration that was clear and palpable.
“Leave me alone,” Adam muttered darkly. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want the idiot to dredge up the ridiculous subject, those senseless accusations, and scrape them against his already battered heart. He just wanted to go back to sleep, not think about it, not feel anything, and see if some of the broken pieces that remained might tumble back into their shell.
“Oh, poor baby,” Sarver shot back, words dripping with contempt. “Leave you alone? Like you left Christian alone? The man was trying to fucking drive, and do his job! I don’t want to think about what sort of sick, twisted things you two did up there in the front hatch... but look at what a mess you made, Lambert... you nearly killed us all.”
Crimson swam in front of Adam’s eyes at his words, those false, stinging lies feeding the fury building inside of him. He swallowed the lump that had been growing in his throat as Michael talked, and it sunk into his stomach, making him feel queasy.
“Christian died... he died! And you survived! How does that make you feel?!!”
Adam squeezed his eyes shut; hearing Christian’s startled yell as the chair and steering column impaled him in the wreckage. Kris’ panicky breaths and worried shouts; Allison’s horrified screams echoed in his ears.
His eyes narrowed as he stared at Sarver. Slowly, unsteadily, he pushed himself up on his un-bandaged arm. “What... do you... want?” The question was coherent this time, even if his words were slow and each one of them took a tremendous amount of effort to form. He managed a cold, even tone, not hiding his obvious anger.
The blow to his face was like being hit with a brick. The shock knocked him back onto the bed and made his ears ring. Adam caught himself somehow with a hand on the edge of the bed before he fell off it and lay there, gasping. His teeth had sliced deep into his lip at the magnitude and unexpectedness of the blow, and he could feel blood trickling slowly out of his mouth and down his chin. Infuriation swelled in him like a tidal wave at this discovery.
“You did this... you fucked everything up,” Sarver said raggedly, and his eyes were filled with tears of anger. “Haven’t you seen Allen staggering around this place like a lost soul? He can hardly look at the door to this room! Lil broke down into tears yesterday, because she thought of how she could’ve been in our bus, could’ve never seen her babies again! Allison looks as if there is something broken inside her- she’s pale and ashen, and she sobs when she thinks of you. Don’t you see what you’ve done? Aren’t you ashamed that your failure to contain your sick, carnal urges caused all of this?”
He hit Adam again, this time, an open-handed slap across his face. Sarver’s words had intensified the anger within him exponentially, to the point where he was momentarily stunned and dazed by the strength of it, and it made his brain wrench and ache.
But the slap brought him back to high school and rejection, and he was not going to let Michael push or pull him anymore like a defenseless child. He realized that he had just enough strength to retaliate this time.
“Leave me ALONE!” he cried, the anger spilling from him all at once. It surged around him, and he jerked toward Sarver, lifting his balled fist.
It caught the surprised and unprepared Michael and slammed him back against the wall. He crumpled and fell in a limp heap to the floor, groaning.
Adam collapsed on the bed then, overcome. He could feel the hot tears well up and slip down his cheeks, feel his chin trembling, the blood still trickling gently from his lip. “J-just l-leave... me a-alone,” he commanded, the words catching thickly. He felt tired and pained again, but he didn’t want to cry anymore, and he tried unsuccessfully to stop himself.
It was then that the memory of the last time Kris had come to see him chose to assault him - the tears, apologies, and gentle clasping of hands. He fell back onto his pillow, watching Sarver’s eyes roll back into his head as the emotions flooded back to him, now sharp in the absence of the drugs.
With a sobbing breath, he turned away from the other man, nauseated by the mere sight of him.
----------------------
Allison, though almost ready for release, hadn’t changed out of the simple white gown patients wore, but Kris visited her right after she’d showered, her damp red hair hung wavy and loose around her shoulders. She smiled when she saw him, sitting up completely straight and adjusting one of her pillows. He took a seat by the side of her bed. “Kris,” she said. Her voice was pretty much back to normal, but she still spoke softly, her fear sneaking through. “Stephanie told me that Adam has improved since I left him.”
Kris nodded, excited by the news too. “Yes, he did, I saw him after you did and he seemed a little stronger... but she told me that a few hours later, he looked noticeably better.” He felt a twinge of relief as he said the words, finally feeling the emotion behind them.
Allison reached out and closed her hand around his. Her grip was tense, and he looked up at her, concerned. “I’m glad, because when I was with him... he-he looked awful, Kris,” she said, her voice small. “I was afraid.”
A tight knot formed in his throat, and he fought force his words around it. “Me too, I was scared out of my mind,” Kris said quickly. “I’m sorry; I know he looked bad. I-I hope you still enjoyed seeing him though.”
She nodded her head vigorously. “Oh yeah, I needed that.” She took a deep, shuddering breath, and withdrew her hand. “It-it could have been a lot worse, I know.” She closed her eyes for a moment, and then opened them again, and a sad smile was on her face. “The breathing mask... frightened me, a lot. But Stephanie told me that he’s not even using that anymore. His lungs are okay, I guess. They were just scorched and the smoke made it hard for him to breath.” She gave him a wider grin, her courage shining through. “Adam’s strong, you know. He’ll be totally better soon.”
“Yes,” Kris replied heartily. “Yes, he’ll be... better soon.”
Her face turned serious, and he watched the thoughts churn within her until she spoke again. “He was scared too,” she murmured. “He looked at first like... like he could just... break, or something. But then he-he hugged me. He was really relieved... I guess he thought I might have been hurt very badly. I stayed until he fell asleep again.” She took another breath. “Why did he think I was... not okay? He was so afraid.”
Kris shook his head helplessly. “I don’t know, Allie. I found him in sort of hysteria earlier. I don’t know-” His voice broke. “-but he was so upset, that was when he actually started to talk to me, and let me stay with him.”
Allison’s face seemed to explode with happiness, her smile overwhelming in brightness. “That’s awesome!” She squeezed his hand again, and he could tell she was genuinely excited by the news. Slowly, her grin faded and she lamented, “I guess maybe I understand why he thought I was hurt badly, maybe dying... for a moment there, on the bus, when I thought the fire was going to swallow us both-when I stumbled in there and heard him and heard Christian... heard their yells-I thought I was going to die. It felt-it felt like the world was collapsing, and I just screamed - I saw the roof crumbling and heard the dashboard spark, and Adam... he shouted to me, and his eyes were- I’ll never forget what his eyes looked like... I don’t know how to describe-and then he pushed me away and you were there, and you told me that I was safe and to hold on, and I knew I was going to be okay.”
“Allie,” Kris said, feeling breathless. “Adam isn’t healed yet. Not completely. And neither are you, you still have to take it easy...”
She shook her head, laughing. “Slow ride...” she sang softly, almost a mumble, “Take it easy...” He chuckled noiselessly, but his face stayed grim. Allison sighed. “Don’t worry so much.” She admonished. “Be happy… for just a second. Celebrate that he’s doing better.
He stared at her for a moment, hardly able to believe her courage, her faith, and her logic.
And then he tried, really tried to coax up a grin, but he felt empty. Empty and hollow and alone. His hands were shaking. “Kris,” Allie said quickly. “Kris, what’s wrong?”
The feeling grew and grew inside of him, and he only slowly realized that he was crying. “Oh, Kris,” Allie said softly, her thumb moving over to his cheek, wiping away his tears. This gentle gesture and her words broke something inside of Kris, and he collapsed forward, relief tearing itself from his heart and spiraling into his perception.
“He’s doing better,” He repeated numbly. “He’s stronger. I-I-I saw him smile-h-he held my hand. He talked to me.” Kris barely felt it her arms wrap around him in a joyous hug. He was lost in dizzing bliss, probably so strong because of how long it had really been since he’d felt happiness. “N-not even needing that stupid mask anymore-n-not even the-the burns are that bad. I-I-I-” His voice shuddered to a stop as he realized himself, and he sat up.
“Kris,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry. You’ve been so good to Adam... and to me this whole time; you’re so tired and worn and look at you, now you’re crying of happiness.”
The door opened, and it slid aside to reveal Stephanie. She gave him a quick, penetrating look that no doubt took in everything from his mussed hair to his glassy eyes, tear-stained cheeks, and decidedly cheerful demeanor. For some reason, she looked sad at this, but then turned to Allison. “Feeling all right today, sweetie? Ready to get out of this room yet?” she asked as she crossed to the other side of the bed, beaming.
“I’m feeling fine, really,” Allison responded. “How’s Adam?”
Stephanie looked up, her eyes dark. “I haven’t been able to check on him since that last time I told you about - my supervisor... something came up,” she said. “But remember, he was all right... better than all right.” She then looked to Kris, who was astonished at her shakiness. “I... I-I need to talk to you about something.”
Feeling a chill of foreboding settle in the pit of his stomach, Kris nodded. “Yes? In private or with Allison?”
She took a deep breath. “In here’s fine. My uh, supervisor was checking over the security records for Mr. Lambert’s room and he found a visit from Michael Sarver recorded that we had no knowledge of. I guess Mr. Sarver was not stopped from seeing him, since as one of your party; he’s on the list of authorized visitors. This visit was directly prior to the incident in which Mr. Lambert fell off his bed and made his injuries slightly worse. I checked my own records and his file, and between the time before and after Sarver’s visit, Adam’s vital signs spiked, both heart and breath rates, but they were inside of the acceptable range so the staff wasn’t alerted by an alarm or anything. And I watched the video footage of it too. There was no audio, for patient privacy reasons… but we edited the list and we’re looking for Mr. Sarver now...” She frowned. “Looks like we know what upset Adam so badly, eh?”
Allie reacted first. “What?” she demanded in a shocked tone. “You think Michael-”
“Adam was terrified that you were dying when I went to check on him, and he had fallen off his bed,” Kris told her dully, trying to remain calm. “I had no idea what had set him off like that, gave him that irrational fear.” He glanced grimly at Stephanie. “I guess I do now.”
Allie took a deep, trembling breath, angry. “Michael told Adam that I was dying?” she whispered, her hands clenching in the blanket that still covered her to her waist. Stephanie nodded glumly. “Oh my God-”
Kris felt detached, like he had been cut off from his body, but hot rage boiled through his veins. His palms were slick with cold sweat and he ground out slowly, “I’m going to kill him.”
“Kris?” He couldn’t even tell if that had been Allie or Stephanie’s voice, his blood was pounding so hard in his ears.
He turned away and took a steadying breath, trying to regain control. His breath blew out slowly in a sigh. “We can’t let him get away with this,” He said, turning back to face them, forcing calm into his voice.
“You’re right, we can’t,” Stephanie said, low and serious. “My supervisor’s going to find him and have him removed from the premises. He’s not allowed in the facility anymore.”
Allison nodded. Her face was tight and set. “Good riddance.”
--------------------------
“I think we should check on Mr. Lambert together,” Stephanie proposed quietly as they stepped out of Allison’s room, mood solemn. “Or maybe you should go talk to your wife.”
“She used the car to take Megan and Lil out shopping, insisted they needed some time away, and she wanted to help.” Kris acknowledged softly, his mind spiraling out of focus with anger at Sarver. “She’s not here.”
“Then, please... come with me. It’ll give you some time to cool down and get... things back under control, Kris. You’re shaking.”
He took a deep breath, frustrated, and thought for a moment. “Yes,” He agreed grudgingly. “You’re right. I’ll come. If Adam really is feeling better, I’d like to talk to him about this Sarver thing, anyway,” He added thoughtfully, the memory of Adam shaking and frantic rising in his mind unbidden.
“He was feeling a lot better,” she started hopefully, her mouth beginning to curve in a slight smile, “It’s amazing. I was worried about his lungs at first, but he’s off the respirator, and his burns aren’t all too bad anymore.” Her voice conveyed her excitement and her smile widened. “He seemed brighter, and he’s only on basic pain medication now, no heavy sedatives or anything. He also seemed stronger- and when I left him, he’d fallen asleep naturally, so obviously the shock of his injuries has eased quite a bit. I’d be willing to bet on a complete recovery fairly soon.”
“Really?” The word slipped out before Kris could help himself, and he could hear his voice trembling with suppressed, thick, happiness. “That’s incredible news.”
They were at the door to Adam’s room then, and he gently eased it open, not wanting to wake him up should he still be sleeping. He was bewildered when that strong sense of awful wrongness hit him again, and he nearly staggered back, for it was such a contrast to the joy he’d just been feeling.
Mind churning, his eyes focused on Adam at once. He was lying on his stomach on one side of the bed, the sheet twisted strangely around his legs. His lightly-bandaged shoulders were shaking and the fingers of his slightly injured arm had seized the edge of the bed so tightly his knuckles were whiter than the walls of the room. His muscles were taut and straining, standing out through the wispy sleeve of his hospital gown all the way up his arm to his shoulder.
Stephanie gave a quick glance to the monitor by his bedside that kept track of his vital signs, then practically ran to the bed’s other side to examine him. As she did so, Kris was taken aback by a low groan, in a voice much deeper than Adam’s.
Michael Sarver was only now sitting up, holding a hand to the back of his head. Kris’ eyes widened at the sight of him, sprawled against the corner. The entire right side of his head was swelling into dark purple bruise that looked painful, black-splotched and gruesome.
Crimson anger danced before his eyes. He moved forward, his hands closing around Sarver’s collar before he realized what he was doing. “What did you do to him?!” He shouted furiously, voice wavering. “What the fuck did you do to him?!”
There was a small hand on his arm suddenly, drawing me back. “Kris,” she said. “Don’t. I pushed the alert button, security’s coming. This won’t do us any good, all right?”
Clarity returned to him, rushing in waves. He took a deep breath and let the larger man sag back against the wall, glaring at him.
Kris felt sick, his breath coming in uneven gasps. “Tell me, Sarver,” He pronounced more calmly. “What did you do?”
“Do?” Sarver growled, touching his face stiffly. He stared down at his hands and the blood drying in between his fingers. “I didn’t do anything-that stupid fag threw me into the wall!”
Kris stiffened at the insult to Adam, but Stephanie’s sharp intake of breath made him stop what would’ve been a lunge forward.
Michael’s eyes glowered at him. “And then you come in here and think you can toss me around-who the hell do you think you are?”
He opened his mouth to respond, but the sharp-tongued nurse at his side beat him to it. “I can’t believe this,” she burst out. “You couldn’t act like an adult instead of a posturing adolescent?! Do you think threatening my patient will solve anything? You could be charged with assault!” She gave Kris a look that said, Don’t worry, he’ll be punished for this... and went to kneel by Sarver’s side with a long sigh. “Do you think you have any serious injuries?”
When he replied his tone was slow and sullen. “No.”
“Excellent,” She replied briskly, reaching down and bracing her hands under his shoulders. “All right then, up you get.” She half-pushed, half-pulled Michael to his feet, and then two armed security guards burst into the room, and she handed him off to them. She turned to Kris. “Adam should be okay - looks like he defended himself from anything really bad,” she whispered quickly. “I have to go to my supervisor-” And looking quite worn, she quickly followed behind the security team.
Kris stepped over and knelt by Adam’s bed, staring down at him. He could hear each shuddering breath Adam took, and the unsteady little sniffles that came in-between. Some of the bandages on his back had been torn away slightly, and Kris eyed the somewhat healed skin underneath that was partially visible.
Judging by his lack of response, Adam didn’t seem aware that Kris was standing over him. Kris reached down and pressed his hand lightly against the uninjured part of his back, trying to be as gentle as possible...
He jerked and became a flurry of panicked motion, until he had rolled away from Kris and lay trembling in the middle of the bed. “K-Kris?” His voice was no longer as hoarse as it had been and purely, recognizable as Adam. His tone however, sounded uncertain and small. “I-is that y-you?”
“Yes,” Kris said quickly, aching with anger. “Yes, it’s me.” He struggled to swallow as his eyes traced the tracks of the tears on Adam’s cheeks. He could see the evidence then - Adam’s eye was bruised, blue, and puffy, mottled with swelling. The skin directly over his cheekbone was scraped open and his bottom lip was split and bleeding. That hadn’t been there earlier from the crash; it was fresh blood smearing down his chin.
And Michael said he’d done nothing. Kris took a deep breath, feeling the rage climax in a rush. He closed his eyes for a moment, counting to five slowly, before opening them again.
Adam was staring wordlessly at him. He flinched as Kris reached out to touch his shoulder and swatted his arm away. “No,” he coughed. “I-I don’t need your help.”
“Adam,” Kris was baffled, “Don’t be ridiculous.” He tried again, and Adam moved away on the bed, eyes flashing.
“N-no,” he repeated. “Leave it, Kris. Please...”
Drained and defeated, Kris sighed. “What do you want me to do then?”
Adam swallowed thickly. “You don’t have to do anything.” He shook his head then, faltering. “I don’t need help... I should be strong enough-I’m not weak, I’m... Adam fucking Lambert-” His voice was morose, needing some sort of reassurance, but the undertones Kris didn’t fail to pick up on screamed Adam and it was almost delightful to hear such familiar personality in the words, even if only vaguely.
“I’m not going to leave you,” He told him, and he watched Adam’s mouth settle into a grim, frustrated line as Kris took up a tissue from the table at his bedside and ran it carefully across his lip, wiping away the red, sticky liquid as gently and as best as he could. Then Kris steadied Adam’s tensed body against the pillows so that he was supported somewhat more comfortably.
“I said... don’t help me,” he whispered evenly, frowning.
“I know,” Kris replied. “But I couldn’t just not do something.”
“Yes you could...” Adam’s voice dropped an octave. “You could step back and let me deal with it... because I’m s-strong enough. I’ve had to take shit like that my... whole fucking life, I’m d-definitely strong enough!”
“Adam...” He started to respond.
“Seriously.” He cut Kris off, and sat up straighter, sighing. “Y-you’re going to say something about how I’m your best friend, and you just want to h-help me-but you don’t have to say anything... don’t you understand? I fucking a-already know I’m your... best friend! I’m aware that you care, I see that-and I wish... I wish I knew why the hell I can’t stay m-mad at you!” His voice was wavering and thick, and Kris stared, not knowing what to do.
“Adam-” He knew full well that he had to say something, but he had no idea what to say.
“Stop it, Kris.” he nearly growled, eyes sparkling. “You... always c-cared about me, always. You p-pulled me out of that bus, for fuck’s sake... I was just... too stupid to r-recognize it...”
“You were too stupid?” Kris repeated, incredulous. “Adam, you were right to be unsure of my loyalty to you, I messed up! I was the stupid one... I just wanted to save my marriage, and I almost ruined everything. It was me-”
Adam gave a sudden grin. “You? Fuck-it-all, Allen, I already forgave you for t-that shit... didn’t you listen?” The frenzied words sounded as if they were torn from a laugh, and Kris froze as he took that into account.
“Is Katy okay... with you taking all of this back?” Adam asked suddenly, voice low, not noticing how Kris had practically stopped breathing at his side. “Because... if I just poured my entire heart out to you for nothing, I’m going to throw YOU into that wall.”
“She’s sorry, she feels awful and everything,” Kris managed to gasp. “I told you, Adam. You were-you-” He trailed off, floundering for words, and took a breath. “Y-you m-m-mean you’re not mad at... me anymore?”
Adam’s smile was almost warm and full, his eyes filled with what appeared to be mirth and sparkle, and his gaze fixed unwaveringly on Kris’ face. “I tried,” He breathed. “I told you, Kris... I’m t-trying to stay mad at you and I-I can’t.” Kris braced his hands against the side of the bed and stared down at Adam, amazed. “I-I wanted to... for awhile there.” His fingers clenched into a weak fist and he examined his knuckles. “I wanted to-hate you. I wanted to... to hurt you, knock your lights out...I should have. But I-I couldn’t.”
“I fucked up so badly, Adam,” Kris said, not believing his ears. “I nearly ruined our friendship and lost you... I flipped out and punched you in the face. I hurt you... I didn’t even think properly, and I feel like such an idiot. I almost destroyed one of the most precious relationships I have. How can you still forgive me so easily?”
Adam stared at the hot wetness rolling down Kris’ cheeks rapidly. “I can forgive you,” came that same voice, the voice of the Adam he remembered, “Because I love you, Kristopher. You’re so damn... a-adorable and am-mazing, and I don’t even know... how the hell I managed to stay pissed off at you this long.” His voice broke, and Kris could hear the remnants of a laugh rise into his throat again near the end of his statement.
He raised his hands and rubbed the tears from his cheeks, astonished. “How are you so fucking awesome?” He asked. “I-I don’t understand. I really don’t. You’re incredible, and I know it sounds like something a fan-girl would scream at you... but it’s true.”
“I was born that way, of course,” Adam murmured his answer, leaning back into his pillows with a small sigh, and bringing a hand up to poke curiously at his swollen eye. “And you’d - ow - better quit rambling on me, Kris -you’re right that-that was a major fan-girl moment-I always knew you w-were a screaming.... fainting, crying Adam Lambert fan... in secret.”
He was smiling, eyes closed as he spoke, a beautiful grin that handsomely decorated his battered face, and Kris couldn’t do anything but stare at him blankly. Then Adam’s teasing reply fully clicked in his brain and he scowled. “What?” The words burst forth from his lips in a haughty exclamation. “Adam, I-first of all, I’m not crazy like a large percentage of your fan base is... you know most of them are girls that think you’re the encyclopedia definition of sex!”
“Okay now... I’m getting angry again.” Adam answered darkly, without opening his eyes. He looked vaguely exhausted but his lips were twisted in a smirk. “Don’t get all... j-jealous on me, Kristopher Allen... just because I bat for... the other team doesn’t mean I’m not allowed... to have women falling all over me. I am the en-encyclopedia definition of sex... and if you have a problem with that... I suggest you take it u-up with Britannica.”
Oh, it felt so good to joke with Adam again. It was almost too good to be true.
“Shut up!” Kris shouted playfully, glaring down at him and reinforced it with a scoff. He could see Adam’s eyes snap open and they were twinkling mischievously.
“Watch it, Allen,” He said, stifling a yawn. “I can take back that... that truce just as easily. I wasn’t even aware... that your cute, cuddly persona was c-capable of indulging... in the envy complex. I’ll have to remember that, it might come in handy later.”
“Oh, haha.” Kris mumbled dryly, but he couldn’t wipe the grin from his face.
Adam laughed again, the delightful sound echoing through the room. Then he broke off abruptly, his breath catching in his throat. He coughed, and gasped. “Fuck,” he moaned. “Stop making me laugh... dammit-that hurts like hell.”
That was enough to make Kris calm considerably, and he sat in the chair by the bed, all anger at Sarver briefly forgotten. Adam’s still vulnerable condition began to betray itself in tiny lines etched in his face, the faltering rise and fall of his chest, and the tiredness now shining in his eyes.
Kris suddenly marveled that Adam was able to reciprocate against someone attacking him. After a few minutes of silence, he spoke. “Thank you, Adam... I can’t even believe... I mean, you did nothing but love me, and be such a good friend to me, and I turned on you, you know? I feel awful still... and I doubt I’ll ever forgive myself for nearly losing you as a friend. And this... damn it... you’ve been worrying me sick, Lambert, you know that? Are you proud of yourself now, huh? Does it feel good to know that you scared the shit out of me?”
He smiled tiredly in response, humming thoughtfully.
“Just keep this up, all right? Don’t fuck around anymore, I’m not playing.” Kris chided gently. “It’s time for you to get better. We have a tour to do.”
Adam winced. “Ugh, the thought of singing on stage... never was so uninviting and... besides, I went and s-sprained my ankle like a dumbass... so no platform glitter boots.” Real sadness twinged in his words, and Kris chuckled.
“Oh, that’s right... well, that’s out of the question then. If you hobble around with one leg wrapped up, your dancing’ll look worse than Gokey’s.”
Adam cursed, and flung a lazy arm at Kris, brushing his arm in an attempt to slap him playfully. “My dancing could NEVER look as bad as Gokey’s.” Kris laughed loudly, and it felt so good that he continued, until tears streamed down his face.
He idly thought of how much he’d cried lately and how he’d have a terrible headache later from it all, but at that moment, he didn’t care one bit. Before he could comprehend what was happening to him, he was a sputtering, teary-eyed mess at his friend’s bedside, suddenly unsure what emotions were flowing out of him, but knowing it was many at once.
“K-Kris,” Adam whispered. His hands were shaking as he reached over to the other man, staring in a bewildered fashion at his cheeks: messy, wet and hot with tears. He bit his lip against the pain as he sat up again and leaned toward Kris slowly, his strength fading, but his eyes fiery with emotion. “Kris-”
Kris turned to him, and he was unable to speak. In Adam’s blue eyes all he could see was his best friend and brother, staring at him, and it made him want to cry harder. Adam reached out, ignoring the blurry spots beginning to interfere with his vision as his weakness ebbed back into him from the exertion of the day.
He pulled Kris into his arms almost instinctively, as he’d done with Allie. He gave a shuddering breath and buried his face into Kris’ shoulder, his one stronger arm encircling his friend with the little energy he still had.
“I’m sorry,” Kris apologized raggedly again, his voice breaking. He could feel the still-shuddery breaths that fought through Adam’s lungs, and his own arms clenched around his companion. “I-I’m so sorry, Adam. I-I’ve done...such things...”
“Yes, Kris,” Adam confirmed quietly, voice low. Kris knew it hurt Adam to be holding him so close, to be held so tightly, but he wasn’t letting go, so neither did Kris.
Adam rested his chin on Kris’ small shoulder and fought to speak past the tears that were coursing down his face as well. “You have... but I forgive you. I’m here with you... and I’m not going anywhere.”
---------------------------
SQUEEEE! :)
Sorry about Michael’s royal asshole-iness. I needed that to set up for Adam and Kris’ conversation.
You’ve not seen the last of him, either… ;)
BUT, happy times! KRADAM HAPPY TIMES! *dances, trying to ignore anger at Sarver*