Cryin' (Part 2/?)
Title: Cryin'
Author: imakelovenotwar
Pairing: Kris/Adam, Kris/Katy
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Kris and Adam talk.
Disclaimer: I don't own them. This never happened.
Warning: More angst.
Part 1: community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/379307.html
Dinner that night was extremely awkward for Kris. He kept his head down, chewing on his food silently. They were all in a posh restaurant, celebrating their reunion after about a month and a half apart before the tour began.
Matt and Danny were doing most of the talking. Kris tuned them out and just nodded along, pretending to listen. He smiled when the others laughed, he looked serious when the others were quiet, all the while thinking about Adam. Adam and Katy.
Suddenly, he heard his name being called.
"Kris. KRIS!" he heard Matt yell. He looked up. "You haven't been paying any attention to us. What gives?" Damn it, Kris thought. His acting wasn't as good as he thought it was.
He forced a smile on his face. "Nothing. Just tired, that's all. Thinking about the tour and stuff."
"I told you guys Kris would be missing Katyyyyy. I mean look at him, he's just horny now," Matt chortled.
A blush colored Kris's cheeks. "I AM NOT, Giraud," Kris replied back. "I think you are, though. Anyone got Kara's number?" Kris snarked back, earning a round of laughter from everyone and leaving Matt looking mock horrified. They all ribbed Matt for being the object of Kara's affection, even though it was obviously one-sided.
Kris sighed in relief. He'd managed to divert the attention. He sneaked a look at Adam, feeling a little happy for bringing that smile to Adam's face. Adam looked so beautiful when he smiled. Kris shook himself and looked away before Adam caught him looking. He could NOT afford that.
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That night, when all the lights were off, Kris couldn't go to sleep. Normally, he'd be able to drift off as soon as his head hit the pillow but not tonight. He tossed and turned for a while, until Adam whispered, "Kris?"
"Yeah?" Kris whispered back, partially holding his breath. Was Adam talking to him? Did that mean he forgave him?
"Why can't you sleep?"
"I don't know. My head's all messed up, I guess," Kris replied.
"I was going to do this tomorrow, K, but I think we really need to talk," Adam whispered. A lump formed in Kris's throat at the use of his old nickname and he had to fight the tears that were threatening to spill down his face. He missed Adam's voice.
"I missed you, Adam," Kris stated simply.
There was a surprised silence. Then Adam whispered back, "I... I missed you too, Kris."
Kris felt his heart expand with happiness. "Before we talk, before we say anything, can I just say... I'm sorry?"
Kris could practically hear Adam's voice soften. "Its okay," Adam whispered. "It's okay."
But how could it be okay? He had been so cruel, so terrible to Adam. After that phone call, they hadn't even spoken a single word to each other until tonight.
"Can we.... can we just go back to before? Before all of it. Before the kiss, before both our confessions, before all of it, when we were just best friends?" Kris whispered, in a small, hopeful voice.
There was a minute of silence, and Kris tried to suppress his growing nervousness.
"OK," Adam said simply. "Well, we could try. That's the best I can give you, Kris. I forgive you, completely, but to be honest, it still hurts to speak to you. I still can't help thinking of what we could've been. I know, I know its wrong, I know I'm sick, but it's just the truth."
"You're not sick, Adam," Kris whispered, his mended heart breaking all over again. "I can't help thinking about it too. And I'm so sorry. But I do think our friendship is worth the pain, don't you? It was hard enough not being... with you, but I don't think I can take it any more, you not being in my life at all."
"Yeah," Adam said, softly. "Yeah, it's definitely worth it."
"For what it's worth, you know I would be with you right now if it was just a choice between you and Katy. If it had just been that, Adam. But I have to do this. I just couldn't live with myself if I didn't."
"Yeah," Adam said again in that soft voice of his. It was driving Kris crazy. He thought he would feel better if Adam just yelled at him already. But somehow, Adam was being so understanding, so amazing, just reminding Kris the reason he had fallen in love with him in the first place and all that he was missing out on now.
"Kris, I know. I do. You wouldn't be the man I love if you didn't go back to her at that point. But some part of me, some very selfish part of me just wish things had happened differently," Adam whispered, and Kris could hear the sad tone in his voice.
"I know, Adam. I know," Kris murmured.
"G'night, Kris. Sleep tight."
"Goodnight, Adam," Kris replied. Then in a whisper so quiet it was almost inaudible, he said "I love you"
As tears filled his eyes once again (god, he was going to be dehydrated soon), his mind flashed back to another memory he had.
Kris walked towards Katy. He was nervous, really nervous. He was about to change his life forever. Just a few nights ago, Adam had confessed that he loved Kris and they had kissed, a long, passionate kiss that Kris had been dying to have with Adam since what felt like forever. And today, today he had made the decision to tell Katy.
"Katy, I have something to tell you," Kris said, apprehensively. He'd just decided to choose Adam. He loved Katy, he did, but he just couldn't imagine his life without Adam any more. He needed Adam, like a person needed food, or air to live. He could imagine his life without Katy, but he couldn't imagine it without Adam. And as much as it killed him, he knew he had to choose Adam for this reason.
"I have some news too," Katy replied, looking extremely happy. Kris really didn't want to wipe that smile off her face, he still felt so many things for Katy, his Katy, so he said "Okay, you go first." He plastered a fake smile on his face.
"Kris, I'm..... I'm pregnant," Katy said.
There was a moment when Kris thought she was kidding. There was no way. They'd only slept together a couple of times during the competition. And they'd used protection. There was no way.
He saw Katy looking expectantly at him. He swallowed all the emotion swirling around in his chest, and grabbed her in a hug.
Katy pulled back and whispered, "I'm sorry, Kris. I know this is sudden and it's extremely bad timing, you have the competition and the tour, but you did always say you wanted kids." And it was true. He HAD always wanted kids. But this was the worst possible timing. How was he supposed to leave her now? He couldn't. He just couldn't, that's not who he was.
Telling Adam had been a blur. Kris remember mumbling something about how kids deserved to be raised in a stable home and that he wanted to be a good father, and that as long as he still felt something for Katy, it was his responsibility to try and work things out with her, for the sake of their unborn child. And that meant not being with Adam, Kris explained as though he could hardly believe it himself. He felt like his heart was being wrenched from his chest as he told Adam they were over.
And Adam, Adam had been a rock. Just listening patiently, nodding and being extremely understanding. He enveloped Kris in a huge hug at the end of it. And Kris remembers thinking that if nothing else, he was going to miss this. Miss Adam just holding him.
The memory stopped. Kris felt like he'd just been hit in the stomach. There was a reason he didn't think of that day often. But Kris knew he couldn't regret his decision. After all, it was never really a choice, was it?
Nice? Comment comment!! Love feedback! Should I continue?
Author: imakelovenotwar
Pairing: Kris/Adam, Kris/Katy
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Kris and Adam talk.
Disclaimer: I don't own them. This never happened.
Warning: More angst.
Part 1: community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/379307.html
Dinner that night was extremely awkward for Kris. He kept his head down, chewing on his food silently. They were all in a posh restaurant, celebrating their reunion after about a month and a half apart before the tour began.
Matt and Danny were doing most of the talking. Kris tuned them out and just nodded along, pretending to listen. He smiled when the others laughed, he looked serious when the others were quiet, all the while thinking about Adam. Adam and Katy.
Suddenly, he heard his name being called.
"Kris. KRIS!" he heard Matt yell. He looked up. "You haven't been paying any attention to us. What gives?" Damn it, Kris thought. His acting wasn't as good as he thought it was.
He forced a smile on his face. "Nothing. Just tired, that's all. Thinking about the tour and stuff."
"I told you guys Kris would be missing Katyyyyy. I mean look at him, he's just horny now," Matt chortled.
A blush colored Kris's cheeks. "I AM NOT, Giraud," Kris replied back. "I think you are, though. Anyone got Kara's number?" Kris snarked back, earning a round of laughter from everyone and leaving Matt looking mock horrified. They all ribbed Matt for being the object of Kara's affection, even though it was obviously one-sided.
Kris sighed in relief. He'd managed to divert the attention. He sneaked a look at Adam, feeling a little happy for bringing that smile to Adam's face. Adam looked so beautiful when he smiled. Kris shook himself and looked away before Adam caught him looking. He could NOT afford that.
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That night, when all the lights were off, Kris couldn't go to sleep. Normally, he'd be able to drift off as soon as his head hit the pillow but not tonight. He tossed and turned for a while, until Adam whispered, "Kris?"
"Yeah?" Kris whispered back, partially holding his breath. Was Adam talking to him? Did that mean he forgave him?
"Why can't you sleep?"
"I don't know. My head's all messed up, I guess," Kris replied.
"I was going to do this tomorrow, K, but I think we really need to talk," Adam whispered. A lump formed in Kris's throat at the use of his old nickname and he had to fight the tears that were threatening to spill down his face. He missed Adam's voice.
"I missed you, Adam," Kris stated simply.
There was a surprised silence. Then Adam whispered back, "I... I missed you too, Kris."
Kris felt his heart expand with happiness. "Before we talk, before we say anything, can I just say... I'm sorry?"
Kris could practically hear Adam's voice soften. "Its okay," Adam whispered. "It's okay."
But how could it be okay? He had been so cruel, so terrible to Adam. After that phone call, they hadn't even spoken a single word to each other until tonight.
"Can we.... can we just go back to before? Before all of it. Before the kiss, before both our confessions, before all of it, when we were just best friends?" Kris whispered, in a small, hopeful voice.
There was a minute of silence, and Kris tried to suppress his growing nervousness.
"OK," Adam said simply. "Well, we could try. That's the best I can give you, Kris. I forgive you, completely, but to be honest, it still hurts to speak to you. I still can't help thinking of what we could've been. I know, I know its wrong, I know I'm sick, but it's just the truth."
"You're not sick, Adam," Kris whispered, his mended heart breaking all over again. "I can't help thinking about it too. And I'm so sorry. But I do think our friendship is worth the pain, don't you? It was hard enough not being... with you, but I don't think I can take it any more, you not being in my life at all."
"Yeah," Adam said, softly. "Yeah, it's definitely worth it."
"For what it's worth, you know I would be with you right now if it was just a choice between you and Katy. If it had just been that, Adam. But I have to do this. I just couldn't live with myself if I didn't."
"Yeah," Adam said again in that soft voice of his. It was driving Kris crazy. He thought he would feel better if Adam just yelled at him already. But somehow, Adam was being so understanding, so amazing, just reminding Kris the reason he had fallen in love with him in the first place and all that he was missing out on now.
"Kris, I know. I do. You wouldn't be the man I love if you didn't go back to her at that point. But some part of me, some very selfish part of me just wish things had happened differently," Adam whispered, and Kris could hear the sad tone in his voice.
"I know, Adam. I know," Kris murmured.
"G'night, Kris. Sleep tight."
"Goodnight, Adam," Kris replied. Then in a whisper so quiet it was almost inaudible, he said "I love you"
As tears filled his eyes once again (god, he was going to be dehydrated soon), his mind flashed back to another memory he had.
Kris walked towards Katy. He was nervous, really nervous. He was about to change his life forever. Just a few nights ago, Adam had confessed that he loved Kris and they had kissed, a long, passionate kiss that Kris had been dying to have with Adam since what felt like forever. And today, today he had made the decision to tell Katy.
"Katy, I have something to tell you," Kris said, apprehensively. He'd just decided to choose Adam. He loved Katy, he did, but he just couldn't imagine his life without Adam any more. He needed Adam, like a person needed food, or air to live. He could imagine his life without Katy, but he couldn't imagine it without Adam. And as much as it killed him, he knew he had to choose Adam for this reason.
"I have some news too," Katy replied, looking extremely happy. Kris really didn't want to wipe that smile off her face, he still felt so many things for Katy, his Katy, so he said "Okay, you go first." He plastered a fake smile on his face.
"Kris, I'm..... I'm pregnant," Katy said.
There was a moment when Kris thought she was kidding. There was no way. They'd only slept together a couple of times during the competition. And they'd used protection. There was no way.
He saw Katy looking expectantly at him. He swallowed all the emotion swirling around in his chest, and grabbed her in a hug.
Katy pulled back and whispered, "I'm sorry, Kris. I know this is sudden and it's extremely bad timing, you have the competition and the tour, but you did always say you wanted kids." And it was true. He HAD always wanted kids. But this was the worst possible timing. How was he supposed to leave her now? He couldn't. He just couldn't, that's not who he was.
Telling Adam had been a blur. Kris remember mumbling something about how kids deserved to be raised in a stable home and that he wanted to be a good father, and that as long as he still felt something for Katy, it was his responsibility to try and work things out with her, for the sake of their unborn child. And that meant not being with Adam, Kris explained as though he could hardly believe it himself. He felt like his heart was being wrenched from his chest as he told Adam they were over.
And Adam, Adam had been a rock. Just listening patiently, nodding and being extremely understanding. He enveloped Kris in a huge hug at the end of it. And Kris remembers thinking that if nothing else, he was going to miss this. Miss Adam just holding him.
The memory stopped. Kris felt like he'd just been hit in the stomach. There was a reason he didn't think of that day often. But Kris knew he couldn't regret his decision. After all, it was never really a choice, was it?
Nice? Comment comment!! Love feedback! Should I continue?