(no subject)
Title: The Sandbox Chronicles (16/?)
Chapter Title: Duct Tape Holds Everything Together
Author: me
Rating: pg-13
Summary: It all started in a sandbox.
Disclaimer: i own none of this :)
Author's Notes: i am sooooo SORRY for the delay. we had my niece and nephew again and i had major writer's block! ugh. but this one is a bit longer and we're starting to get into some ~feelings. if anyone missed part 15 then well yeah the link is below. something went all weird when i posted that part and it got pushed to teh second page really really fast. lol. enjoy! :) oh and just so you know, americna idol isn't getting very much atttention in this ficlet just because god it's been HOW LONG since it ended? i wanna get tot eh tour stuff. :)
Part 1: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/390471.html#cutid1
Part 2: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/393316.html#cutid1
Part 3: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/398624.html#cutid1
Part 4: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/405456.html#cutid2
Part 5: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/414654.html#cutid1
Part 6: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/423438.html#cutid1
Part 7: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/432194.html#cutid1
Part 8: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/458045.html#cutid1
Part 9: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/467226.html#cutid1
Part 10: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/474838.html#cutid1
Part 11: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/489055.html#cutid1
Part 12: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/495336.html#cutid1
Part 13: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/500830.html#cutid1
Part 14: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/508408.html#cutid1
Part 15: http://community.livejournal.com/kradam_ai/520579.html#cutid1
Adam doesn’t know when it happened, but sometime over the next few weeks he finds himself drawn to Kris like a moth to light. By the time it reaches top five, he’s ready to burst.
He tries to tell himself that it’s because of the friendship they used to have is resurfacing and he wants that connection back. But then again, he does share a room and Kris is pretty and distracting. So he can’t help it if he stares a little too long, lets his fingertips linger longer than they should on Kris’ arm. He can’t help it. He tells himself daily that Kris was once his best friend, is steadily becoming his best friend again, that he’s married and straight and that it wouldn’t be right for Adam to disrupt that image.
So now, as he sits on the bed and watches Kris pace back and forth on the balcony as he talks to Katy, Adam runs the list through his head on why he can’t just jump Kris whenever he wants. He has to keep that self-control in check because he can’t ruin that relationship again. But right now Kris and Katy seem to be arguing. It doesn’t bother him that he’s listening in through the cracked open balcony door.
When Kris finally comes inside, carefully closing the door behind him, Adam watches him. “You okay man?” Kris looks up and there’s not an ounce of anger there. Adam doesn’t think he’s ever seen Kris get really angry; not these days anyway.
“I’m good. Just a little bump in the road,” Kris shrugs and a sigh follows as he heads for the door. “You wanna go kidnap Scott’s chocolate cake?”
Adam laughs loudly but gets up and races out the door, Kris following right behind him. Adam can tell that Kris is shook up about the Katy thing but maybe he’ll be okay. He’ll make sure that he’s okay and wants to do whatever he can to make Kris feel better. So if that means running towards the kitchen after cake like their lives depend on it, then he’s all up for it.
Laughing, they both skid into the kitchen. Adam plants his hands on the counter to stop himself from crashing, effectively allowing Kris to stumble and fall into Adam’s backside. “Woah,” Kris mutters, shaking his head. Adam can feel it against his back, the warmth seeping through Kris’ shirt and onto Adam’s back. “Sorry.”
Adam can only smile. He doesn’t trust his voice right now and all he needs is to say or do something that would fuck the relationship up all over again. If that were to happen again he doesn’t think he’d make it through. The first time all those years ago he was a mess for a week. Neil even had to coax him out of the house once with the promise of alcohol and a party. It worked until he saw someone that reminded him of Kris.
“Adam? You still here?”
Adam smiles and nods, waving off Kris’ hand that’s settled on his shoulder. Even though he likes the feeling he doesn’t want it to linger for too long or else he doesn’t what he’ll do. “Sorry,” he mutters and pulls the plate of chocolate cake to them.
They talk over their cake. Well, Kris talks and Adam pays no attention to whatever is coming out of that mouth because all he can think about is what that mouth could probably do. And, no, he has to stop this. Kris is his friend, considers Kris his best friend again even, and Adam doesn’t want to do anything that would ruin that for a second time around. But then Kris’ phone is ringing and he’s apologizing and leaving the room.
Katy.
It’s not that Adam doesn’t like Katy. He thinks she’s adorable, cute, funny, has a great fashion sense. He can see what Kris sees in her. Yet he doesn’t want to. He wants her to go away, to go back to Arkansas instead of being here close to Kris. “Fuck,” Adam grumbles and shoves his empty plate away. Head dropping to the table-top, he groans loudly.
“What’s wrong?”
Adam turns his head so it’s laying sideways. Allison has her head cocked to the side, curious expression on her pretty face. “Nothing,” Adam answers simply and gets up, pats her shoulder when he walks by, and trudges up the stairs to his and Kris’ room.
He sits with a sigh and stares at a spot on the wall. They have rehearsal soon for the group number but he doesn’t want to get up and get ready. He’d rather sit here and think some more. Even though thinking hasn’t done him much good these past weeks. Every day that he gets to spend with Kris is like another punch to the gut that leaves you breathless and dissatisfied because you know you can’t have what you want. That’s how Adam feels, anyway. He’s grateful for the votes that keep him on the show week after week, but sometimes he’s more focused on Kris staying than himself. If Kris goes and Adam is left, then he doesn’t know what he’ll do.
He likes to think that after American Idol and the tour that he and Kris will keep this newly put back together friendship going after it’s all over. American Idol did bring them back together after all. But maybe, maybe this is the limit of it all. It’s like this show is the duct tape that’s keeping them together and Adam doesn’t want the duct tape to weather, to crack, to break. He wants so badly to just know that they’ll be friends forever.
But what will he do if the duct tape breaks?
***
After another night of being saved, Adam is ready to go out and party.
Kris grinned at him and laughed but told Adam no when an offer to tag along was made. Adam didn’t let the longing show in his expression but he’s pretty sure that Kris could see it. So Adam left because Katy showed up ten minutes later to spend the night with Kris at her hotel or at the mansion and basically Adam didn’t want to be around at all. It made him sick to think that Kris was going to stay in with his wife instead of going out and having a good time.
Brad, Cassidy, and Drake are here with him, though. Adam is on his fifth fruity cocktail and he’s more than a little tipsy. Brad keeps bitching and moaning about some new boy toy and Adam isn’t really listening. Drake is trying to get some sort of contact that Adam won’t give. Cassidy is just sitting there looking pretty and drunk with another vodka in his hand. Adam rolls his eyes. When did he get such un-fabulous friends?
Adam can’t really complain that much though. He’s known them long enough to know that they are fabulous and they’ll listen to him groan about his problems just like, most of the time, he’ll listen to their’s. Only tonight he doesn’t want to listen. He wants to drink and pout and probably get a little fucked up because that’s what he does when he wants to escape from life for a night.
“What crawled up your ass?” Cassidy asks and downs the rest of his drink.
Adam slams his glass down, grateful for sturdy glasses, and ignores the question. Because two seconds prior Kris walked in with Katy. Holding Katy’s hand tightly and trying to get through the adoring fans waiting outside the door. People really are crazy these days. He shakes his head, bangs falling into his eyes, and he angrily blows them out of his face, then not-so-gracefully shoves his chair back and leaves for the bathrooms. He hears Brad’s bitching about how he wasn’t finished telling his story and rolls his eyes. That’s not what he wants to deal with right now.
“Adam!”
Adam whips his head around at the sound of his name coming from the front of the bar. His eyes widen at the sight of Katy waving and it makes him feel some what guilty for trying to run away and it doesn’t help that she’s the one that called his name. He waves back, bites his lip, and makes his way towards them. What the fuck am I doing?! he thinks frantically and tries to make his feet work the way he wants them too but they keep not listening and he’s in front of the happy couple before he can think about it anymore.
Katy wraps her tiny frame around Adam and Adam cringes on the inside. Stupid Katy with her stupid good looks and her stupid fashion sense. It’s all just stupid, Adam thinks as she lets him go and Kris smiles up at him. He plasters a fake smile on his face. “What’re you guys doing….here of all places?” Adam asks curiously even though he doesn’t really care what the hell they’re doing there.
Katy giggles in that insanely cute way that only serves to make Adam rage on the inside. He can’t, for the life of him, figure out why he has to act this way about Katy and Kris and Kris and Katy, and everything that has to do with them. He can’t figure out why can’t just let them be and get over his crush. It’ll ruin the friendship if he even tries anything. Except that maybe all those touches and hugs and secret smiles that mean something actually do have some sort of romantic undertones. But Adam won’t act on them because he can’t be that guy that ruins the perfect marriage all for hormones and his tendency to fall for the cute straight Southern ones.
“-so we figured why not come out and have some fun!”
Adam snaps out of it. Kris just finished talking. Adam has no idea what he said, except for the little snippets he caught about being sad that Matt and Lil are now gone. They had a little quick goodbye dinner at the mansion and it was all tears and laughter and goodbye. Adam feels bad that his mind was more on getting out and wasting the night away. So maybe that’s everything Kris was talking about and Adam didn’t hear but he doesn’t seem to care.
Katy is smiling at him and trying not to look around at the several couples dancing on the floor, drinking, smoking, going upstairs. Adam knows this isn’t their scene and why would they be here if it isn’t their scene? He doesn’t know or he doesn’t want to know; either way he wants them to leave so he can go back to his night.
“We’re going to the bar. Wanna join us?” Kris asks, hands shoved in his pockets, Katy hanging onto the crook of one of his elbows like her life depends on it.
“I have-um..” Adam points behind him to his table full of wasted friends. Kris nods and Adam tries not to notice the flash of hurt in those brown eyes. He swallows and stumbles backwards, calves hitting a chair, and he rights himself and turns in the right direction. When did he become such a bumbling idiot?
When you drank five cocktails, his mind supplies for him as he plants himself back in the chair he had been previously occupying.
Brad gives him a pointed look and Cassidy just passes him another drink without even asking. Adam sighs, swirls the top of the drink with the tip of his pinky finger, and thinks some more. He’s been good at thinking lately. It’s become his new favorite hobby. He’s starting to believe that maybe this is something he can’t get out of.
Adam can feel those eyes on him. He ignores it and decides that maybe that duct tape is starting to unravel. Maybe this friendship, reborn through two desires to actually be something, is going to fall apart. Maybe it’s not going to work, again. Like all those years ago, Adam can feel the air shift, change.
He just doesn’t know if it’s for good or for bad.
***
Adam doesn’t stumble into the mansion until a few seconds before midnight. Over the weeks he’s gotten good at bending the rules enough to stay out until midnight instead of ten.
The house is silent. Adam stumbles his way drunkenly to the stairs. He hiccups a few times and nearly falls flat on his ass many times before he’s trying to get the door to the bedroom open. Only it’s not working and he’s starting to giggle in his haste to get the door open. Finally the door opens and he pretty much falls inside: those seven cocktails and two or three beers really did him in.
Adam closes the door behind him and attempts to be quiet as he fumbles to get his clothes off so he can go to bed. He’s tired, drunk, everything under the sun, but there isn’t anything he can really do about it. He’ll have to deal; he’ll be asleep in a few minutes anyways.
Getting drunk always makes him super tired.
A snuffle turns Adam’s attention from his huge belt buckle to Kris’ sleeping form a few feet away. Adam smiles, crookedly and a little silly, but it’s a smile. Kris is curled up against a pillow, blankets piled high because he always complains about it being too cold in the mansion. His hair is sticking up in odd intervals and Adam can see, from the small amount of light coming through the windows, a small bruise forming on his neck. Katy, Adam sighs in his mind and goes back to his belt. Staring at Kris won’t help his crush.
At all.
After unsuccessfully getting all his clothes off, Adam falls into the bed in his jeans and socks, the rest in a pile on the floor. His head is starting to pound and his stomach is starting to churn. Tonight he said fuck it and didn’t do what he normally does when he wants to drink. He just drank. Yet he didn’t waste the night away like he had a originally planned. Instead he partied hard for a while longer and almost picked up a new boy toy but then Drake intervened and left Adam to pout over his lost offer. Then he let Cassidy hail him a cab and Brad give him a sloppy goodnight kiss before the cab took him away.
The moonlight creeping in is soft and pretty and Adam finds it soothing. He closes his eyes, breathes deeply, exhales slowly, and fails to go to sleep. But he can hear Kris’ even breaths close yet so far away. He imagines, no matter how much his head hurts, that he’s over there, hand warm on Kris’ chest and feeling the rhythm. He imagines Kris smiling and happy and scooting closer, Adam can almost hear his heartbeat from across the room.
It calms him and his aching head and his sore heart and his bruised pride and his stupid crush. It calms him until his breathing is evened out and his eyes are heavy and drowsy with sleep. Kris will berate him for being so dumb and drinking his problems away, but Adam will listen because he believes in that duct tape. Right now he doesn’t care as he slips closer to sleep.
For now the duct tape will have to hold on.
EDIT: gosh, lj hates me again and did that "posting two or more lj cuts" thing again. it's really starting to get on my nerves.