Fic: The Tie [9/66]
PREVIOUS CHAPTERS HERE
Adam felt Kris reach up…how can he even move right now?... and pull the bedcovers down on top them. Adam did not do cuddling, not on purpose anyway…that night didn’t count…but he couldn’t have moved even if he’d wanted to. They stayed like that for a few minutes, two heads sticking out of the blue striped comforter.
Kris lifted up a little and kissed him lightly on the cheek. “That was the hottest, most mind-blowing…and seriously unexpected…” He laughed a little and let his head drop back to the floor.
Adam gave him a tiny, sweet smirk. “Fantastic...definitely one of my top two.”
Kris seemed to glow at that. “What was the other one?”
“Our night in the club.” He totally deserves the ego strokes after that little display…plus it’s true.
He positively beamed at Adam, mouth stretching into a wide, crooked grin.
Adam was getting fidgety; he couldn’t tell whose arm or leg was digging into his back and he didn’t really care, but he was starting to get too warm under the covers and cuddling was…weird…unfamiliar to his brain even if it felt kind of nice. He started to disentangle their legs.
“Can’t we stay like this a little longer?” Kris cooed, “I love feeling you so close to me.”
But Adam continued to shift until he was free, rolled over and stood up. He was still wearing his shirt, thankfully, but otherwise felt very exposed. His pants were on the other side of the bed and he walked over and pulled them on despite how incredibly disgusting they were right now. Kris was looking at him with open wonder, something he’d never seen directed at him from another male his age; want, fear…hatred…but not this.
Then Kris’ brow furrowed. “How come you don’t like being naked, Adam? With a body like yours…”
Adam shrugged and started walking around the room, examining the shelves and walls. He trailed a finger over a framed certificate that said ‘Arkansas all-state orchestra.’ That is adorable. “You are too much, Kris,” he chuckled softly.
Kris snorted and finally got up. He took off his cum stained t-shirt and looked around for his pajama bottoms, eventually finding them draped on the back of his desk chair. He stepped into the flannel pants, picked up the comforter from the floor and smoothed it out on the bed. Sighing contentedly, he flopped down on it with his hands behind his head and watched Adam.
Adam saw Kris staring at him out of the corner of his eye as he continued to peruse the room. “Uh, so when is your roommate coming home?” He saw a clock on the wall; it was only 9pm.
“He’s crashing at Nick’s tonight, so…”
Kris was obviously expecting Adam to spend the night. Fuck. Still, there was plenty of time left to work that out, and Adam had other plans at the moment. He’d just spotted Kris’ guitar case in the corner, lid open and leaning against the wall. “Will you play something for me?” he asked, pointing towards the empty case. Adam was still getting used to this…this…hanging out thing and music was definitely familiar, comfortable, something he could focus on.
“Sure!” Kris said, cheeks flushing just a bit, “let me just grab my guitar from the other room.”
The minute he was gone, Adam hurried over to the case…there was something he had recognized at once peeking out of an inside pocket. “Holy mother of--” He keeps it in his guitar case? Why is that so hot? You think everything about him is hot, Lambert.
Kris returned with guitar in hand and saw Adam looking at the tie. He rubbed at the back of his neck with one hand, looking slightly embarrassed.
Adam suddenly wanted him again. In two long strides he was towering over Kris, staring down at him fiercely. “I keep mine around my cock.”
Kris’ breath hitched. “I-I thought you wanted to hear --” Kris stuttered, throwing a quick glance down at Adam’s sizeable bulge. His eyes were gradually dilating into dark pools.
“Oh I do, I definitely do. But, Kris, the things you do to me…you have no idea…I can’t get enough of you.” His fingers brushed the strings on the guitar as he started to take it from Kris, intending to put it down so he could fully access that gorgeous body. But something made him stop. “Don’t pass up an opportunity to have a real relationship for once in your life.” Alisan. Damn her for cockblocking me! She is so going to pay for this. He sighed. Alright, Lambert, make an effort here to have this be about something more than fucking. He retracted his hands and motioned for Kris to sit on the bed. “Actually, we have the all night for that. I really want to hear you play…and sing.”
“Wha-wh…okay,” Kris said with a wavering voice. “You are going to be the death of me, Adam...” He shook his head, sat down and began to tune his guitar. “I swear I’m going to figure you out someday.”
Highly unlikely.
“Okay, this is a song I wrote, well, after a nasty breakup.”
There's an eclipse in your eye where I used to shine
Every secret untold is a planet aligned
Don't need prophets or preachers to make sense of the signs
when the buried and hidden can be seen by the blind
Adam was spellbound, and surprisingly glad that he’d decided to hold off, which he couldn’t recall ever doing before. Kris’ voice poured over him, soothing, haunting and utterly mesmerizing. He wanted to bathe in it, wrap himself in it…and the more absorbed he became, the more fire he could feel rolling off of Kris. The expression of desire grew so intense in Kris' eyes that Adam almost felt the need to look away.
Without warning, Kris threw aside his guitar and rushed at him. He turned Adam around and pushed him down onto the bed, immediately crawling up to straddle him. Adam was completely caught off guard and went down hard, eyes wide. Kris’ muscular thighs pinned him to the bed and he began pushing up Adam’s shirt roughly then tried pulling his pants off.
Adam froze, his body rigid from head to toe. Sounds and voices were filling his ears, sounds that didn’t belong to this room, voices that weren’t Kris. All at once he felt the back of his head explode with pain and as it was slammed into the gravel and concrete. Hands… fists…steel toe boots…more than two…he was crying and begging… “STOP PLEASE…NOOOOOO! I’M BEGGING Y --” he couldn’t breathe… gagging… retching…gagging…clothes torn to shreds…naked…exposed…legs kicking wildly… fighting… kicking…WHAM!… gravel and blood in his eyes…screaming screaming…flesh ripping…again, again, again...red thighs… “HELP ME PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!!”
“Adam!…Adam!”
He kicked and thrashed, fighting for his life.
“ADAM!”
His eyes flew open. Someone was sitting on him, holding him down. He wrenched his knee up and drove it hard into the man’s groin.
Kris let go of Adam’s shoulders and rolled off the bed, crying out in agony.
Adam leapt off the bed, panic gripping his heart, eyes bulged out in terror. He turned around and ran, right into the frame of the doorway. His head hit the hard edge and he went down instantly.
Kris crawled over to him, eyes still watering in pain. “Adam…oh my god are you okay…what happened?”
Adam sat up and scrambled back into a corner, looking wild, confused and vulnerable like someone was about to attack him.
“Hey…hey…sshhhh it’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you…Adam, look at me.” He was crouched low and kept his distance. “It’s…it’s okay…sshhhhh…”
"Kris?" That’s Kris. You’re in Kris’ bedroom. You were on the bed but you’re okay. You’re not naked or badly hurt. You hit your head on the door. Kris didn’t hurt you. Slowly, his eyes lost their terrified expression, but his heart was still racing.
“Yes, Adam, it’s Kris. Are…are you okay? You had…some sort of fit back there.”
Adam heard the genuine concern in his voice. As his fear abated a little, a terrible, merciless, overwhelming ocean of shame crashed over him. He stood up, fastened his pants and walked out of the bedroom without a word.
“Adam…wait!” Kris yelled after him. “Where are you going? Please…come back!”
But Adam kept going all the way to the apartment door, opened it, and left.
He walked right past his car without seeing it. Got to find Ali…got to find her…where is she? Your phone. Get your phone, you have to call her. He pulled out his phone and pushed ‘1’.
“Hey puppy! How did it go?”
“Help me.” His voice was small and sounded like that of a frightened baby animal.
“Where are you?” There were very few things that made Adam ask for help like that.
“I…I don’t know. I just left his apartment…I…” he was still trembling all over.
“Adam, listen to me. I need you to look around you, okay? What do you see?”
“A park…and a sign…it says Rosewood Park,” he said, still walking, not stopping. Keep moving, got to keep moving.
“Okay, I’m coming to get you. Adam, I want you to stop and sit down by the entrance to the park so I can find you. Adam…are you listening?”
“I have to keep moving.”
“No baby, please, I’m coming for you…but you need to sit down. I can’t find you if you keep moving.”
“Okay. Okay, Ali…I found a bench.”
“Good. Stay there. Don’t go anywhere. I’m coming, puppy.”
“Hurry.”
Alisan hung up and he sat there, shivering under the harsh glare of the streetlamp hanging over the park gate.
This is what happens when you make exceptions for someone…this never would have happened if I didn’t let him get under my skin, if I didn’t… Adam felt tortured. He couldn’t help how much he wanted to be with Kris, how incredible he was, how beautiful… I hurt him…I fucking hurt him and probably freaked him out so badly…he’s never going to want to see me again…
Maybe that was good though…this can’t happen again…this can never… Adam remembered the flashbacks he used to have after the incident and how much worse they were when he had tried to date again. He knows I’m weak now, knows I’m not what he thought I was…he’ll never want me again… He told himself that it didn’t matter because it was for the best anyway.
But he couldn’t stop the tears that started to leak from his eyes, thinking that he might never see that crooked smile again. Look at you…pathetic, weak…sniffling like a baby…who would want you anyway?
A car stopped on the street in front of him and Alisan came hurrying over to him. “Adam! Thank god you’re okay! Come on baby, get in the car. I’m taking you home.”
He suddenly remembered that he had driven to Kris’ house. “My car, I…I left it at Kris’ apartment.”
“Don’t worry about that right now, we’ll deal with it later. You’re in no shape to drive anyway.” She steered him to the passenger side of her car and opened the door for him. “What happened to your forehead?”
“Hit it on a door,” he mumbled and got in.
Once they were both inside, Alisan turned to him and asked softly, “Did you have a flashback?”
Adam nodded. He wasn’t scared anymore, but the shame of what had happened was suffocating.
“It’s going to be okay, honey, it’s going to be alright. We’re going to my place and I’m going to take care of you…okay?
They rode in relative silence until they reached Alisan’s apartment. She took his hand and they walked together up the stairs and into Adam’s second home. She went right to her bedroom and came out with a sweatshirt and a pair of sweatpants that Adam liked to keep there for when he slept over. “Go take a shower and change, sweetie, go on. I’ll be right here when you’re done.”
Adam went into her bathroom and closed the door. He purposely avoided looking at himself in the mirror as he undressed and stepped into the tub. As he washed, the events of the evening rolled over him, and suddenly it was too much…the memories of what they’d done to him all those years ago, the shame he felt, the look of concern on Kris’ face…it all came flooding back and he began to weep openly, standing under the hot water, body shaking and heaving.
The bathroom door opened and Alisan came in. “Oh my sweet puppy,” she said with tears glistening in her eyes. She drew back the shower curtain and pulled him out, wrapped him in a huge fluffy towel and hugged him close to her body as he sobbed.
“He’ll never want to see me again, Ali,” he wailed.
“Sshhhh, baby…you don’t know that.” She dried him off and helped him put on the sweatpants and shirt.
She led him over to her bed, gently guided him down onto his side and spooned around him the best that she could. “Tell me what happened, honey.”
Adam took a deep, shuddering breath and tried to steady his voice. He told her about going to Macy’s again, about the “date” and the alley, about going to Kris’ apartment and hearing him sing. But when he got to the part where Kris had pinned him down on the bed, he stuttered to a halt.
“Did he hurt you, Adam?”
“No, he…he wanted me…he just wanted me really bad.” He pulled Alisan’s arms around him tighter. “But when he started tearing at my clothes like that…” he tucked his chin into his chest and fell silent. Neither of them spoke for a few minutes. “Ali, I think I really freaked him out.”
“Try to remember sweetie, think hard…what happened after your flashback?”
But the memories were right there; he didn’t need to make any effort remember them. “I…I kneed him in the balls, hard…I didn’t know it was him at first. And then I jumped off of the bed and ran into the doorway. I fell…I was still really scared,” he said, feeling his heart speed up a little thinking about it again.
“And what did Kris do? Was he angry with you, upset?”
“He…he was upset, but like he was worried about me, not mad. And then I realized what had happened and I left.”
“Did he say anything to you?”
Adam had to think hard for this one. He knew that Kris had been yelling something…what was it? And then he remembered. “He said, ‘come back.’”
Alisan didn’t say anything; just let those words hang in the air. After a while of laying in the silence, Adam finally felt his exhausted body relax and he fell asleep in her arms.
Chapter 10