A feeling of light
Title: A feeling of light
Author: diane_mckay
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I have no pineapples.
Pairing: Kris/Adam
Word Count: 3419
Summary: Kris dreams, then buys a pineapple.
Author's note: Written for this prompt left in the kradam_kiss prompt post by jerakeen...Kris has a very vivid dream about kissing Adam. But don't leave it there! I want to read about the next day. Jumpy!Kris and Confused!Adam - and then real life kissing, please.
Thanks to claire_kay for the initial read through and encouragement and then the tough love and then the final push. And to bright_lights28 for the final beta and critique, using her -professional grammar skills- and for the cuddles. Also fills kradingo prompt FUTURE: FIRST KISS for my free space on my card.
It all made sense in Kris' head.
*****
There was a brightness surrounding him. As he opened and shut his eyes, the glimpses of darkness made him want to slip into the light and soak it up. His bones felt warm like a day spent in the sun and there was an even beat sounding. It was probably the ocean or something like it. Swelling waves of sound, all together, crashed lightly against him. The moon, he thought, not quite able to understand. He felt light. Something like gravity caught him then, pulling him in and down.
Warmth soaked into him, stronger than before. Everything was more. Sound and light and feeling. Kris smiled and was still. His feet and arms and body felt alive, the beating sound quickening. Maybe he could find a way to capture that sound and take it with him, keeping it as his treasure. Where could it be safe? he wondered and thought perhaps it was something made to be kept inside his own heart, cradled by fragile human bone. Can a heart live outside himself?
A movement of air, a breath-like wind against his cheek and his eyelids flutter. So close.
Kris knew suddenly. Gravity and warmth and air. The strong, sure beat. It was always Adam. Adam pulling him down and holding him close and breathing him in. Adam's heart safe beside his own.
Adam, whose hand cradled Kris' head and who leaned his own closer. A single freckle stood out in the brightness and Kris wondered what it would feel like to touch. He was slow and gentle, sweeping his hand down Kris' neck. It felt like familiarity and like love and Kris wanted more. When their lips met, Kris breathed out and wanted so much to see Adam. His eyes opened and he awoke to darkness, alone in his room. One breath in, another out. When he closed his eyes again, Kris wished for the dark to disappear.
*****
The next time Kris awoke, it was to an insistent buzzing in his ears, echoed by the the one is his head. Above his left eye he felt a pulsing pain, the beginnings of a headache that was unlikely to disappear anytime soon. His neck and shoulder were sore, a testament to his struggle with his pillow a few hours before he had drifted back into an uneasy sleep. The buzz continued, sending his phone perilously close to the edge of his nightstand. He reached out, keeping it from falling, and checked the screen.
4 missed calls, 1 voicemail
Checking the call history, he saw the missed calls were all from Lizzie, probably reminding him that he was supposed to be at the studio in -- Kris looked at the clock -- twenty minutes, great. He pressed the call button, knowing no one else had called him since late afternoon the day before. As Lizzie's phone rang, Kris sat on his bed, covering his feet with his down blanket. He was always surprised at how cold California could be in February. And at how easy the chill came when you were alone.
Kris walked into the bathroom after his call was made, letting Lizzie know he would be running late. Standing in front of the mirror, he rubbed his eyes and contemplated his reflection. There were crease marks on the right side of his face that were left by his hand and sheets. His mouth felt like he had eaten a rancid peach and his eyes were red rimmed and blood shot from too little sleep.
Kris squeezed his eyes shut tightly, remembering why his sleep had been interrupted last night. That was new. When Kris opened his eyes again, looking at himself in the mirror, he still looked the same as ever.
So he brushed his teeth and didn't shave and put on a plaid flannel and did all the things that Kris Allen would normally do. And if he happened to now be thinking of freckled lips and blue eyes while he did so, nobody would be able to tell the difference. Right? Just to make sure, Kris made his daily stop at Starbucks on the way to the studio.
*****
Kris had a song stuck in his head. He didn't know what it was yet. Behind every song they had played today, he could hear part of a melody playing within him. There was a rhythm to it Kris couldn't quite grasp. Something was missing; he thought it might be a duet. ...only in dreams...
*****
They were four hours into rehearsing the newest song, one Kris thought might work as the next single, when the band mutinied. Andrew simply took off his guitar and said, "I want tacos." There was a general murmur of agreement and the next thing Kris knew, he was sweating all alone in the small recording studio they had taken over. Looking behind the glass window, he saw there was no one there either. Kris supposed he might have been a little...intense...today for it to result in total abandonment, even if they only went for lunch. They might be back sometime today though since they had all left their instruments. He hoped they brought him back an enchilada.
He looked down at his guitar, still thrown over his shoulder. "I guess it's just you and me for now."
Kris wandered down the hallway of the studio with his new best friend in search of a vending machine. A single Starbucks from this morning, even if it had been a venti, just wasn't going to cut it. A few minutes later, Kris had accomplished his goal and had shoved his twizzlers into the back of his jeans as he punched the buttons for his Smart Water.
"Now that looks familiar," Kris heard a familiar voice say with a laugh from behind him. Did that whirring sound Kris heard mean his brain was broken? Was he having hallucinations now?
"Adam?" There was a thud and then Adam's body leaned over, brushing all along Kris' side. Kris' guitar knocked against the glass of the vending machine when his hands jerked in response.
Adam stood up, holding out Kris' water. "You want this, Kris?" Adam asked with a hint of a smirk.
"Adam?" The man in question grinned as Kris stared at him.
"Kristopher. Hello would be appropriate in a situation such as this, meeting a friend by coincidence whom you haven't seen in months," Adam said, laughing. His teeth are really white, Kris thought.
"What? Oh. Adam! Hi!" Kris' hand was sliding along the neck of his guitar, up and down. When Kris noticed what he was doing, he dropped his hand to his side and rubbed it nervously on his jeans. His neck felt hot.
Adam grinned again. "Hi you. I haven't seen you in forever. How are you? Anything new happening with you?"
"New?" The word came out high-pitched and the blush moved upwards, filling Kris' face. He cleared his throat. "New? What would be new?" That sounded normal, right?
Adam's eyebrows quirked and he gave a little laugh, looking bemused. "Maybe...your new album? Something like that?"
"Yeah," Kris bobbed his head up and down quickly, looking down the hallway. They were alone. All alone.
Adam was staring at him. Kris could feel it. "Are you ok?" Adam finally said to him when Kris was looking at him again.
"Hmmm?" Kris looked down and saw Adam was still holding Kris' water bottle. Adam had on a shiny belt Kris had never seen before, it had a huge--- "Oh, I'm just, you know....I'm really thirsty?"
"What?" Adam followed Kris' gaze, "Oh, sorry. Here," he said holding the water bottle out. Kris took it from him. Adam's hand was warm when their fingers brushed and the sudden coolness of the bottle in comparison was startling and served to break Kris' attention away from Adam's belt, Kris thought, his big belt.
Unfortunately for Kris, Adam had just been reminded of that belt. "Isn't this cool?" Kris watched as Adam's hand travelled back to his belt and....caressed it. That was the only phrase Kris could think of to describe it. "I found it when I was in Milan. I just love the way it feels. It's actually flat rhinestones sewn into the leather that makes it sparkle! Isn't that neat? Do you want to feel it?"
Kris quickly screwed open the top to his bottle, lifted it to his mouth and started drinking. His throat was moving quickly, and he was gulping the water down at fast as he could. Adam was saying something about touring and loosening holes. Kris looked up at the ceiling as he drank, thinking Really? in that general direction. He finally swallowed, breathing hard afterwards. Kris licked the drops of water from his lips as he watched Adam.
Adam was still talking and Kris tried to nod along seriously, not quite sure what he was agreeing with but Adam looked happy with him, so that was okay. Until Adam took the water bottle back from him and lifted the bottle up to his own lips, tipping his head back and exposing the curve of his throat.
Kris clutched his guitar protectively in front of himself, his eyes wide open and mouth in a similar state.
"Why don't we go grab something to eat? I know that look on your face, Kris. You look like you want to devour me whole," Adam laughed. "I'm supposed to be meeting up with my manager, but I could totally cancel to spend it with you."
"No!" Adam's eyebrows shot up, probably in reaction to the volume at which Kris had answered. Kris tried to readjust his voice, "I mean. You shouldn't do that."
"Okaaay," Adam said, drawing the word out.
Kris scrambled for an explanation, "And um. I have an enchilada."
Adam handed him back the open water bottle and Kris looked down at it. There was still a drop of water on the rim, left where Adam's mouth had been. Kris felt very thirsty again, why was his mouth so dry today? Should I have some more water? he wondered. After considering it, he nodded to himself and started to lift the bottle to his own lips. That drop just looked so tempting, that's all.
"Great!" Adam said with a grin. Startled, Kris looked up from his stare down with the water bottle, wondering what Adam was talking about. "So I'll come by your place tonight! I can't wait, we'll be able to catch up without any distractions! Ok, I've got to run Kris, I'll see you at 7. No, 8. Later is better." And then Adam was heading out the door, passing by the band on their way back into the studio and saying hello to them and giving Cale a hug. A minute later, Cale came over and handed him a bag. It was an enchilada with extra sriracha sauce on the side.
What had just happened?
For the rest of the day, Kris couldn't help thinking about how he hadn't hugged Adam.
*****
They packed up for the day earlier than they had originally intended. Kris' concentration had been shot and he kept getting weird looks from the others every time he took a sip of water.
Kris was driving on his way home, when he realized Adam was coming over. Tonight.
The apartment wasn't clean and he was pretty sure he didn't own a hairbrush, which Adam was sure to notice. Were they going to be having dinner? Kris wasn't sure since he had missed the entire conversation Adam had apparently had with him, only catching the tail end. Kris groaned to himself just thinking about, he must have looked like such a dork. Adam was coming over at 8 which was kind of late for dinner. But this was L.A. There were different rules here that Kris didn't always understand and anyway, Adam was the exception to every rule.
Kris quickly swung into the Whole Foods parking lot he was about to pass, a loud horn sounding behind him. He should probably grab something to eat just in case. And maybe some alcohol.
*****
Back at his apartment after several hours of shopping, Kris stared at the groceries he had bought. There was skim milk, an uncooked roasting chicken, a box of Kraft macaroni and cheese, a pineapple, a bag of flour, Frosted Flakes, lemons, laundry detergent, strawberries, pepperoni, Crisco, nori, a case of water, and....batteries? Why had he bought D batteries? Looking it all over in confusion, Kris was able to finally find a box of spaghetti hiding beneath the bathtub mat. And over there, next to the Flintstones gummy vitamins, a jar of sauce. Ok, so he had a plan. Lizzie was doing all of his shopping from now on.
Kris glanced at the clock and wished he hadn't forgotten the alcohol. It was already a quarter past 7. Adam would be here in less than an hour.
Forty minutes later, after a little digging for pots and pans and almost skewering himself in half as he cut up the pineapple, Kris was draining the last of the spaghetti when the doorbell rang. He swung around from the sink to stare at the door and the last strand of spaghetti fell with a plop onto his foot, startling him out of his daze. "Just. Just a minute!" he called out, setting the pot down and looking frantically around the apartment. He grabbed the bath mat off the table and threw it into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He took a deep breath, then opened the front door.
And there was Adam, smiling down at him. They stared at each other for a second, saying nothing. Then Kris laughed, grinned, and they both opened their arms at the same time. Kris found that familiar spot, his spot, between Adam's shoulder and neck, tucking his chin into that small hollow beneath his collarbone. Adam's arms were solid and real around him and Kris held on for a minute more, just breathing him in.
When they separated, Adam's hand stayed on his shoulder and Kris felt his hand slide down to Adam's waist.
Adam smiled at him again, and it was that same smile Kris had seen a thousand times before and had missed in the past year. He hadn't seen it on Adam's face in any of the countless news articles and radio interviews that Kris had managed to catch.
"I missed that," Adam said.
"Me too. I missed you," Kris said honestly.
Adam's smile widened. "Really? You were a little...strange this afternoon. You had me a little worried there for a second." He let out out a little laugh then. Despite his laughter, Kris could tell Adam felt a little self-conscious. He could always tell. It was something about the way Adam held himself, leaning slightly back as if he was fighting the wind. Kris felt a small rush of guilt wash over him for causing Adam to doubt him.
"Of course I did. This afternoon...I was just surprised. We haven't seen each other in so long and all of a sudden you're complimenting my ass. A little surprise is to be expected," Kris said grinning up at Adam, feeling that energy that had been missing this afternoon. "Also, I'm pretty sure I was about to faint from hunger."
Adam laughed and teased him, "Who said I was complimenting your ass?"
Kris blushed a little and teased back, "You know you were. I have an awesome ass." He pulled back a little more, half turning into the apartment. "Come on, let's get out of the doorway."
"You do indeed have an awesome ass," Adam said from behind him. Kris glanced over his shoulder and saw that Adam's gaze was now decidedly lower than it had been. Kris looked forward again and bit his lip to keep his grin contained. Adam followed Kris into the apartment. "Woah. I guess you were hungry," he said staring at Kris' table that was still piled with groceries.
"Oh. Uh yeah," Kris rubbed the back of his neck. "I wasn't sure if we were going to be eating, so I got a few things I thought you might like."
"Aww. Kris, were you thinking about me?" Adam asked laughingly. He picked up the box of Frosted Flakes cereal and looked down at it, "That's grrrr-eat!"
"Was that, um was that your tiger voice?" Kris tried to swallow his laugh but was pretty sure he was unsuccessful.
"Don't you like it?" Adam's smile had diminished slightly but his eyes were still smiling at Kris. Exactly how Kris liked to remember him, right down to the Queen t-shirt and cocky boots.
"I love it." Kris smiled back at Adam. Was it too soon to hug again? "Anyway, I made us some spaghetti. I forgot the meatballs though. Sorry, I know you like them."
"I do love balls." Adam said and they stared at each other for a second before bursting out laughing.
They ate on the couch, not bothering to clear off the table. Kris couldn't remember the last time he had smiled so much, let alone laughed. It had to have been months. He couldn't remember the last time he had spent so much time with anybody that didn't somehow work for him. Since moving back to California, work had slowly taken over his life. He had thrown himself in to making this second album, trying to ignore that almost every night he came back to this apartment alone.
Of course there had been people he could have taken back here, but honestly? Until Adam, there was nobody he had really wanted.
And of course Kris had been lonely, but looking at Adam now, Kris realized that he had just been lonely for Adam. Missing Adam. And now he was here. He was sitting right next to him and he was so close and he made Kris feel again. He finally, finally...felt happy again.
"I like pineapple," Kris said suddenly, breaking the silence they had fallen into. "It makes me think of you."
Adam gave him that look from earlier back in the studio, the 'what the absolute fuck are you talking about' look he had perfected back on idol. "Pineapple? Really?"
"What? It reminds me of Monte!" Adam burst out laughing. "It does. His hair..." Kris' voice trailed off as Adam laughed harder. Kris blushed, feeling ridiculous. "I like to watch the videos sometimes. And he plays when you sing Aftermath."
Adam was still laughing but it was softer now. He was looking at Kris closely now, "Kris, are you pouting? You are!"
"Well, you like pineapple. I remember, you were eating it at the GMA concert we sang at last year."
Adam's laughter finally trailed off to a chuckle. "So you watched videos of me, huh?" His voice was soft and knowing. Kris felt like Adam knew everything about him in that instant. Knew everything and accepted it.
Kris watched as Adam reached up a hand up and covered his eyes for a second. When Adam took his hand away, Kris was still looking. Adam smiled softly at him and Kris knew. He leaned in towards Adam, eyes still open. Adam was filled with light and color, his eyes an ocean of blue and his lips a soft hue, where there sat a small freckle. Kris touched the small mark with his finger. Beautiful. Adam blinked once and Kris touched his lips gently then to Adam's still smiling ones. His hand found purchase on Adam's shoulder as both their eyes slowly closed and they sighed into each other. Kris was falling lightly into Adam's chest, his hands moving up and meeting in Adam's hair.
Beneath him, Kris could feel a steady beat, echoed by one in his own heart and it sat safe between the two, a sound for them alone. One of Adam's arms held Kris close as the other hand moved slowly and cupped Kris' jaw. Their mouths opened and met together, Adam's tongue touching Kris' bottom lip. Kris shivered, feeling alive, and leaned back slightly. Adam's eyes opened again and in them Kris could see a light that reminded him of sunshine. Kris smiled and leaned his forehead against Adam's, leaving his arms still around Adam's neck, holding him close. Adam's arms stayed too, warm and tight. Kris laughed with a feeling of freedom, looked into Adam's eyes and said hello.
now with a sequel Put the stars in our eyes
Author: diane_mckay
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I have no pineapples.
Pairing: Kris/Adam
Word Count: 3419
Summary: Kris dreams, then buys a pineapple.
Author's note: Written for this prompt left in the kradam_kiss prompt post by jerakeen...Kris has a very vivid dream about kissing Adam. But don't leave it there! I want to read about the next day. Jumpy!Kris and Confused!Adam - and then real life kissing, please.
Thanks to claire_kay for the initial read through and encouragement and then the tough love and then the final push. And to bright_lights28 for the final beta and critique, using her -professional grammar skills- and for the cuddles. Also fills kradingo prompt FUTURE: FIRST KISS for my free space on my card.
It all made sense in Kris' head.
*****
There was a brightness surrounding him. As he opened and shut his eyes, the glimpses of darkness made him want to slip into the light and soak it up. His bones felt warm like a day spent in the sun and there was an even beat sounding. It was probably the ocean or something like it. Swelling waves of sound, all together, crashed lightly against him. The moon, he thought, not quite able to understand. He felt light. Something like gravity caught him then, pulling him in and down.
Warmth soaked into him, stronger than before. Everything was more. Sound and light and feeling. Kris smiled and was still. His feet and arms and body felt alive, the beating sound quickening. Maybe he could find a way to capture that sound and take it with him, keeping it as his treasure. Where could it be safe? he wondered and thought perhaps it was something made to be kept inside his own heart, cradled by fragile human bone. Can a heart live outside himself?
A movement of air, a breath-like wind against his cheek and his eyelids flutter. So close.
Kris knew suddenly. Gravity and warmth and air. The strong, sure beat. It was always Adam. Adam pulling him down and holding him close and breathing him in. Adam's heart safe beside his own.
Adam, whose hand cradled Kris' head and who leaned his own closer. A single freckle stood out in the brightness and Kris wondered what it would feel like to touch. He was slow and gentle, sweeping his hand down Kris' neck. It felt like familiarity and like love and Kris wanted more. When their lips met, Kris breathed out and wanted so much to see Adam. His eyes opened and he awoke to darkness, alone in his room. One breath in, another out. When he closed his eyes again, Kris wished for the dark to disappear.
*****
The next time Kris awoke, it was to an insistent buzzing in his ears, echoed by the the one is his head. Above his left eye he felt a pulsing pain, the beginnings of a headache that was unlikely to disappear anytime soon. His neck and shoulder were sore, a testament to his struggle with his pillow a few hours before he had drifted back into an uneasy sleep. The buzz continued, sending his phone perilously close to the edge of his nightstand. He reached out, keeping it from falling, and checked the screen.
4 missed calls, 1 voicemail
Checking the call history, he saw the missed calls were all from Lizzie, probably reminding him that he was supposed to be at the studio in -- Kris looked at the clock -- twenty minutes, great. He pressed the call button, knowing no one else had called him since late afternoon the day before. As Lizzie's phone rang, Kris sat on his bed, covering his feet with his down blanket. He was always surprised at how cold California could be in February. And at how easy the chill came when you were alone.
Kris walked into the bathroom after his call was made, letting Lizzie know he would be running late. Standing in front of the mirror, he rubbed his eyes and contemplated his reflection. There were crease marks on the right side of his face that were left by his hand and sheets. His mouth felt like he had eaten a rancid peach and his eyes were red rimmed and blood shot from too little sleep.
Kris squeezed his eyes shut tightly, remembering why his sleep had been interrupted last night. That was new. When Kris opened his eyes again, looking at himself in the mirror, he still looked the same as ever.
So he brushed his teeth and didn't shave and put on a plaid flannel and did all the things that Kris Allen would normally do. And if he happened to now be thinking of freckled lips and blue eyes while he did so, nobody would be able to tell the difference. Right? Just to make sure, Kris made his daily stop at Starbucks on the way to the studio.
*****
Kris had a song stuck in his head. He didn't know what it was yet. Behind every song they had played today, he could hear part of a melody playing within him. There was a rhythm to it Kris couldn't quite grasp. Something was missing; he thought it might be a duet. ...only in dreams...
*****
They were four hours into rehearsing the newest song, one Kris thought might work as the next single, when the band mutinied. Andrew simply took off his guitar and said, "I want tacos." There was a general murmur of agreement and the next thing Kris knew, he was sweating all alone in the small recording studio they had taken over. Looking behind the glass window, he saw there was no one there either. Kris supposed he might have been a little...intense...today for it to result in total abandonment, even if they only went for lunch. They might be back sometime today though since they had all left their instruments. He hoped they brought him back an enchilada.
He looked down at his guitar, still thrown over his shoulder. "I guess it's just you and me for now."
Kris wandered down the hallway of the studio with his new best friend in search of a vending machine. A single Starbucks from this morning, even if it had been a venti, just wasn't going to cut it. A few minutes later, Kris had accomplished his goal and had shoved his twizzlers into the back of his jeans as he punched the buttons for his Smart Water.
"Now that looks familiar," Kris heard a familiar voice say with a laugh from behind him. Did that whirring sound Kris heard mean his brain was broken? Was he having hallucinations now?
"Adam?" There was a thud and then Adam's body leaned over, brushing all along Kris' side. Kris' guitar knocked against the glass of the vending machine when his hands jerked in response.
Adam stood up, holding out Kris' water. "You want this, Kris?" Adam asked with a hint of a smirk.
"Adam?" The man in question grinned as Kris stared at him.
"Kristopher. Hello would be appropriate in a situation such as this, meeting a friend by coincidence whom you haven't seen in months," Adam said, laughing. His teeth are really white, Kris thought.
"What? Oh. Adam! Hi!" Kris' hand was sliding along the neck of his guitar, up and down. When Kris noticed what he was doing, he dropped his hand to his side and rubbed it nervously on his jeans. His neck felt hot.
Adam grinned again. "Hi you. I haven't seen you in forever. How are you? Anything new happening with you?"
"New?" The word came out high-pitched and the blush moved upwards, filling Kris' face. He cleared his throat. "New? What would be new?" That sounded normal, right?
Adam's eyebrows quirked and he gave a little laugh, looking bemused. "Maybe...your new album? Something like that?"
"Yeah," Kris bobbed his head up and down quickly, looking down the hallway. They were alone. All alone.
Adam was staring at him. Kris could feel it. "Are you ok?" Adam finally said to him when Kris was looking at him again.
"Hmmm?" Kris looked down and saw Adam was still holding Kris' water bottle. Adam had on a shiny belt Kris had never seen before, it had a huge--- "Oh, I'm just, you know....I'm really thirsty?"
"What?" Adam followed Kris' gaze, "Oh, sorry. Here," he said holding the water bottle out. Kris took it from him. Adam's hand was warm when their fingers brushed and the sudden coolness of the bottle in comparison was startling and served to break Kris' attention away from Adam's belt, Kris thought, his big belt.
Unfortunately for Kris, Adam had just been reminded of that belt. "Isn't this cool?" Kris watched as Adam's hand travelled back to his belt and....caressed it. That was the only phrase Kris could think of to describe it. "I found it when I was in Milan. I just love the way it feels. It's actually flat rhinestones sewn into the leather that makes it sparkle! Isn't that neat? Do you want to feel it?"
Kris quickly screwed open the top to his bottle, lifted it to his mouth and started drinking. His throat was moving quickly, and he was gulping the water down at fast as he could. Adam was saying something about touring and loosening holes. Kris looked up at the ceiling as he drank, thinking Really? in that general direction. He finally swallowed, breathing hard afterwards. Kris licked the drops of water from his lips as he watched Adam.
Adam was still talking and Kris tried to nod along seriously, not quite sure what he was agreeing with but Adam looked happy with him, so that was okay. Until Adam took the water bottle back from him and lifted the bottle up to his own lips, tipping his head back and exposing the curve of his throat.
Kris clutched his guitar protectively in front of himself, his eyes wide open and mouth in a similar state.
"Why don't we go grab something to eat? I know that look on your face, Kris. You look like you want to devour me whole," Adam laughed. "I'm supposed to be meeting up with my manager, but I could totally cancel to spend it with you."
"No!" Adam's eyebrows shot up, probably in reaction to the volume at which Kris had answered. Kris tried to readjust his voice, "I mean. You shouldn't do that."
"Okaaay," Adam said, drawing the word out.
Kris scrambled for an explanation, "And um. I have an enchilada."
Adam handed him back the open water bottle and Kris looked down at it. There was still a drop of water on the rim, left where Adam's mouth had been. Kris felt very thirsty again, why was his mouth so dry today? Should I have some more water? he wondered. After considering it, he nodded to himself and started to lift the bottle to his own lips. That drop just looked so tempting, that's all.
"Great!" Adam said with a grin. Startled, Kris looked up from his stare down with the water bottle, wondering what Adam was talking about. "So I'll come by your place tonight! I can't wait, we'll be able to catch up without any distractions! Ok, I've got to run Kris, I'll see you at 7. No, 8. Later is better." And then Adam was heading out the door, passing by the band on their way back into the studio and saying hello to them and giving Cale a hug. A minute later, Cale came over and handed him a bag. It was an enchilada with extra sriracha sauce on the side.
What had just happened?
For the rest of the day, Kris couldn't help thinking about how he hadn't hugged Adam.
*****
They packed up for the day earlier than they had originally intended. Kris' concentration had been shot and he kept getting weird looks from the others every time he took a sip of water.
Kris was driving on his way home, when he realized Adam was coming over. Tonight.
The apartment wasn't clean and he was pretty sure he didn't own a hairbrush, which Adam was sure to notice. Were they going to be having dinner? Kris wasn't sure since he had missed the entire conversation Adam had apparently had with him, only catching the tail end. Kris groaned to himself just thinking about, he must have looked like such a dork. Adam was coming over at 8 which was kind of late for dinner. But this was L.A. There were different rules here that Kris didn't always understand and anyway, Adam was the exception to every rule.
Kris quickly swung into the Whole Foods parking lot he was about to pass, a loud horn sounding behind him. He should probably grab something to eat just in case. And maybe some alcohol.
*****
Back at his apartment after several hours of shopping, Kris stared at the groceries he had bought. There was skim milk, an uncooked roasting chicken, a box of Kraft macaroni and cheese, a pineapple, a bag of flour, Frosted Flakes, lemons, laundry detergent, strawberries, pepperoni, Crisco, nori, a case of water, and....batteries? Why had he bought D batteries? Looking it all over in confusion, Kris was able to finally find a box of spaghetti hiding beneath the bathtub mat. And over there, next to the Flintstones gummy vitamins, a jar of sauce. Ok, so he had a plan. Lizzie was doing all of his shopping from now on.
Kris glanced at the clock and wished he hadn't forgotten the alcohol. It was already a quarter past 7. Adam would be here in less than an hour.
Forty minutes later, after a little digging for pots and pans and almost skewering himself in half as he cut up the pineapple, Kris was draining the last of the spaghetti when the doorbell rang. He swung around from the sink to stare at the door and the last strand of spaghetti fell with a plop onto his foot, startling him out of his daze. "Just. Just a minute!" he called out, setting the pot down and looking frantically around the apartment. He grabbed the bath mat off the table and threw it into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He took a deep breath, then opened the front door.
And there was Adam, smiling down at him. They stared at each other for a second, saying nothing. Then Kris laughed, grinned, and they both opened their arms at the same time. Kris found that familiar spot, his spot, between Adam's shoulder and neck, tucking his chin into that small hollow beneath his collarbone. Adam's arms were solid and real around him and Kris held on for a minute more, just breathing him in.
When they separated, Adam's hand stayed on his shoulder and Kris felt his hand slide down to Adam's waist.
Adam smiled at him again, and it was that same smile Kris had seen a thousand times before and had missed in the past year. He hadn't seen it on Adam's face in any of the countless news articles and radio interviews that Kris had managed to catch.
"I missed that," Adam said.
"Me too. I missed you," Kris said honestly.
Adam's smile widened. "Really? You were a little...strange this afternoon. You had me a little worried there for a second." He let out out a little laugh then. Despite his laughter, Kris could tell Adam felt a little self-conscious. He could always tell. It was something about the way Adam held himself, leaning slightly back as if he was fighting the wind. Kris felt a small rush of guilt wash over him for causing Adam to doubt him.
"Of course I did. This afternoon...I was just surprised. We haven't seen each other in so long and all of a sudden you're complimenting my ass. A little surprise is to be expected," Kris said grinning up at Adam, feeling that energy that had been missing this afternoon. "Also, I'm pretty sure I was about to faint from hunger."
Adam laughed and teased him, "Who said I was complimenting your ass?"
Kris blushed a little and teased back, "You know you were. I have an awesome ass." He pulled back a little more, half turning into the apartment. "Come on, let's get out of the doorway."
"You do indeed have an awesome ass," Adam said from behind him. Kris glanced over his shoulder and saw that Adam's gaze was now decidedly lower than it had been. Kris looked forward again and bit his lip to keep his grin contained. Adam followed Kris into the apartment. "Woah. I guess you were hungry," he said staring at Kris' table that was still piled with groceries.
"Oh. Uh yeah," Kris rubbed the back of his neck. "I wasn't sure if we were going to be eating, so I got a few things I thought you might like."
"Aww. Kris, were you thinking about me?" Adam asked laughingly. He picked up the box of Frosted Flakes cereal and looked down at it, "That's grrrr-eat!"
"Was that, um was that your tiger voice?" Kris tried to swallow his laugh but was pretty sure he was unsuccessful.
"Don't you like it?" Adam's smile had diminished slightly but his eyes were still smiling at Kris. Exactly how Kris liked to remember him, right down to the Queen t-shirt and cocky boots.
"I love it." Kris smiled back at Adam. Was it too soon to hug again? "Anyway, I made us some spaghetti. I forgot the meatballs though. Sorry, I know you like them."
"I do love balls." Adam said and they stared at each other for a second before bursting out laughing.
They ate on the couch, not bothering to clear off the table. Kris couldn't remember the last time he had smiled so much, let alone laughed. It had to have been months. He couldn't remember the last time he had spent so much time with anybody that didn't somehow work for him. Since moving back to California, work had slowly taken over his life. He had thrown himself in to making this second album, trying to ignore that almost every night he came back to this apartment alone.
Of course there had been people he could have taken back here, but honestly? Until Adam, there was nobody he had really wanted.
And of course Kris had been lonely, but looking at Adam now, Kris realized that he had just been lonely for Adam. Missing Adam. And now he was here. He was sitting right next to him and he was so close and he made Kris feel again. He finally, finally...felt happy again.
"I like pineapple," Kris said suddenly, breaking the silence they had fallen into. "It makes me think of you."
Adam gave him that look from earlier back in the studio, the 'what the absolute fuck are you talking about' look he had perfected back on idol. "Pineapple? Really?"
"What? It reminds me of Monte!" Adam burst out laughing. "It does. His hair..." Kris' voice trailed off as Adam laughed harder. Kris blushed, feeling ridiculous. "I like to watch the videos sometimes. And he plays when you sing Aftermath."
Adam was still laughing but it was softer now. He was looking at Kris closely now, "Kris, are you pouting? You are!"
"Well, you like pineapple. I remember, you were eating it at the GMA concert we sang at last year."
Adam's laughter finally trailed off to a chuckle. "So you watched videos of me, huh?" His voice was soft and knowing. Kris felt like Adam knew everything about him in that instant. Knew everything and accepted it.
Kris watched as Adam reached up a hand up and covered his eyes for a second. When Adam took his hand away, Kris was still looking. Adam smiled softly at him and Kris knew. He leaned in towards Adam, eyes still open. Adam was filled with light and color, his eyes an ocean of blue and his lips a soft hue, where there sat a small freckle. Kris touched the small mark with his finger. Beautiful. Adam blinked once and Kris touched his lips gently then to Adam's still smiling ones. His hand found purchase on Adam's shoulder as both their eyes slowly closed and they sighed into each other. Kris was falling lightly into Adam's chest, his hands moving up and meeting in Adam's hair.
Beneath him, Kris could feel a steady beat, echoed by one in his own heart and it sat safe between the two, a sound for them alone. One of Adam's arms held Kris close as the other hand moved slowly and cupped Kris' jaw. Their mouths opened and met together, Adam's tongue touching Kris' bottom lip. Kris shivered, feeling alive, and leaned back slightly. Adam's eyes opened again and in them Kris could see a light that reminded him of sunshine. Kris smiled and leaned his forehead against Adam's, leaving his arms still around Adam's neck, holding him close. Adam's arms stayed too, warm and tight. Kris laughed with a feeling of freedom, looked into Adam's eyes and said hello.
now with a sequel Put the stars in our eyes