Relationships - Where I'm at now

[krail]

Looking back through my LJ, I find that I repeat things a lot.  I suppose this should tell me something about how I've been dealing with my issues...

I really miss having a girlfriend.
Lately I've been trying to wrap my head around the idea of dating, and various models of dating, and how different people seem to handle it.

Comments

[loonylupinlover]

How do you decide you like someone?

I may be a bit of an anomaly, so keep that in mind. I haven't really "dated" in the literal sense -- Ben and I have never been big on formal dates. But basically I started becoming friends with Ben around February 2005. I thought he was really funny and clever in a sarcastic way that I liked, but he was just a friend. Until the 24-hour comic came, and then I spent 24 hours in close proximity with him and discovered I really liked his sense of humor and that he was very smart

[lady_tigerfish]

I think that getting out a little more and having a few casual dates would be good for you in that it would get you over the initial "eek! a girl I have to talk to!" hurdle. Practice, you might say ~_

Long Comment Is Too Long For LJ!

[lady_tigerfish]

But if it's a risk that seems worth taking to you at the time with the information you have, don't run from it. Every well-calculated risk has the potential to fail, but every failure resulting from a well-calculated risk has the potential to bring you closer to success--even if not through any quantifiable lesson other than getting you over the hurdle of taking well-calculated risks in the first place. This is not to say that if you date enough people, you will find "true love", or even a relationship you may want to keep with your entire life. There are no guarantees with this shit. But trying enough times is gonna get you closer, by making you more informed about what sorts of personalities work and don't work with you; by getting you more used to the sorts of things you have to account for in a relationship in general; by teaching you what your own attraction looks like; and by process of elimination ~_^ And really, life is all about that sort of striving.

*descends soapbox*

[sakuragrrl]

One possible problem I see with the method you mentioned is that people can be very different in a relationship than out of it, or even different in different relationships depending on the person they're with. They may express themselves, deal with conflict, expose or minimize their flaws, etc. etc., in a dramatically different way than they would in the context of a friendship, which is the standpoint from which you are analyzing them. I mean, I think going into a relationship is like picking a job or a class in some ways - you can analyze it all you want on paper, acknowledge the things that make it appealing or that seem like they would be a deal breaker, but you won't know whether it really gels or just makes you miserable until you get in there. People are surprising in both good and bad ways

[lady_tigerfish]

*nods* People being different in a relationship is definitely one of those things you can neeeeeeeever call. I think both of us are probably thinking about one specific relationship when we say this >>;; Still, from my limited experience in this decade or so (lol twelve year old romance) of watching the assorted train wrecks and successes of assorted love affairs play out in my life and others', the bait-and-switches have tended to be bigger with the people the dater doesn't know well; there's a lot more you don't figure out about the chick you barely know before you jump in than the chick you've been friends with for years

[sakuragrrl]

Uh, did you know that your entry has an "adult content" warning on it, Max? ::tried to view it from work

[lady_tigerfish]

I get an adult content warning every time I click on an LJ cut for him, and have for awhile, for whatever reason

[krail]

Holy cow that's a lot of comment.
I has a Gina.
(also, it occurs to me that I have no idea what you're doing now, Travis.)

Umm, back when they first added in the adult content thing and, like, everybody's journal started telling you that it had adult content... Um, well, the default setting for my journal just got reset to adult content warning and I can't figure out where to go to change it.

A multitude of seeming contradictions are to be expected here. Many things in life are about balance, as I find is often bluntly illustrated when you try to talk about them like this.

[obsidiandice]

Lot's of people making very long posts, so I will keep mine to a short observation from my own experience:
You can't really predict who you're going to work out with in the long run - just find people you enjoy hanging out with and find attractive and give things a try. The reasons my current relationship with Kei works so well for both of us are completely unrelated to the reasons we started dating in the first place.

[butimaniceguy]

It seems to me that thinking too long-term about a relationship, especially in the start of the relationship, either dooms it to fail or puts an incredible amount of pressure on it.