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No love lost
I have found it so amusing that this one person who was so adamant about sending me a "dick pick" has cut down our communication to almost 0%. I did not know nor care for this individual per say, but it is hilarious that when some men befriend me and I tell them everything out and open -- I'm taken, don't sext or refuse to see and share nudity ( Read more... ) -
Stupid
Always always always being felt like I'm stupid or inadequate. Mainly by my husband and a few others. More fuel to the fire of why I cannot wait to end myself ( Read more... ) -
Disgusted
I am on a work computer so I am going to keep this tame. These feelings have been festering inside me for awhile and I need to vent. I can't take it anymore. I can't stand people lately and its showing more and more. I can't hide it like I used to with a fake smile and greeting but now I just feel myself breaking little by little. I have been ( Read more... ) -
Stuck in the middle
Feeling really disgusting lately. I haven't been eating healthy like I promised nor exercising so any muscle I had feels lost. I'm kicking myself cause I go back to work and full pt in one day so I'm fucked but whatever. I am really starting to ask myself if I am just starting to want to stay military because it's comfortable and I need the money ( Read more... ) -
the key
Knowing that I'll never escape my cafe is comforting...because knowing that just makes me worry less on how I just made my prison smaller... -
Day 2
Was almost tempted to activate Facebook but stood my ground and said no. Ended up stumbling on my deadjournal which was good because there was posts in there I had wanted to look at again. I didn't do all the things I needed to do today (call cable, fix financial plan, exercise, and clean). I was out of it all day from lack of sleep and reoccurring ( Read more... ) -
Let's see how this goes
I deleted my Facebook....yet again. Only this time it is different. I am not really just needing a break I am wanting a permanent fix. I didn't post as often as some people I know do, but honestly just got sick of hearing these twisted opinions on things I felt so passionate about being torn down or tried to make flawed. When I presented my valid ( Read more... ) -
Butterfly
On the fourth sleep medication and probably switched to another in a week. On a lighter note I am going to start picking up kundalini yoga again.maybe that will help. Feel fat as shit from the 15 lbs of weight I gained being stressed out at this base. I asked for a deployment and got no luck. I am dying to get out of this place and spend some time ( Read more... ) -
bite into my blue
Laying in bed at 12:30 am...feeling this strange, cold, unavoidable feeling of uncertainty. I suppose that's notmal...I feel stuck, isolated, losing touch of my own self. Dying to cry out and just can't find even the energy or time to sit alone and let it out. I feel like a fiend just dying to find out how to get back my prescription to ambien. In ( Read more... ) -
Time is slow
I seem to have lost some friendships back home which have kinda bothered me. I don't know why. It could be cause I'm stuck in this place. It's like an actual purgatory. Stupid little things that I can't control have been affecting me. It shouldn't be like this. I only have 16 days left but it's been dragging on. I can't get out of here soon enough ( Read more... )