...terrified.

There is no other way to say it.

I wish I could tell you I don't want to talk to you.
I wish I could say to you that what you told me in October hurt so bad.
I wish I could explain in a way you'd understand that what you said was the reason I quit talking to you.

There's only one other person on the face of the planet that I love the same way as I love you. And I made a promise a ( Read more... )

There’s never once been a time when I have looked myself in the mirror and said the five words that seem to adhere themselves to a mental illness diagnosis:
“I want to kill myself.”

Not when I felt like I had my first psychotic break down (or my second, or third, or fourth), and certainly not when I reached the lowest part of my depression. And yet ( Read more... )

Why the fuck am I awake...?

-sighs-

...I ask myself as if I don't already know the answer.

So difficult to get up on my own, but to adapt to Josh's schedule? Fucking cake walk.

I passed out at 11:30pm. Woke up for no reason at 6:45am, it's been an hour and I'm still fucking awake. Can't fall back asleep, my mind is racing, and I've already shed an ( Read more... )

...I feel like I'm gonna be sick.

Jesus fucking christ, it hits in waves. I knew after this week, at some point he wouldn't come back, and I tried to prepare myself for it but it's like re-living him leaving all over again which makes me nauseous and shake and fucking feel like I'm having a goddamned panic attack.

1 year 5 months 19 days 22 hours 7 ( Read more... )

I'm dying inside. The crippling weight of how I feel is paralyzing, and it just hurts so goddamned bad to miss somebody that 10 minutes ago, was right next to you.

How am I so sure that he's my soulmate...     but I'm not his?

( Read more... )

There's some days I just want to sit and scream at the sky, even thought I know its all useless and no one will ever hear what it is I'm trying to get out. Its like moving out here has locked me into some shelter that I've stayed out of the city from for so long, trying to run away from depression and disease did me well to end up in isolation. I ( Read more... )

That moment when your head is swirling
with ribbons of words that your heart desperately aches
for you to string together into sentences
that you can pour out of your soul
into black and white descriptions
of your thoughts
and feelings...

...just to get some peace. Sweet momentary release of the emotional torture that plagues you, crushes you ( Read more... )

I hope you never know what it’s like to wake up and wish you hadn’t. Not because you’re tired and you want another few minutes of sleep; not because you’re hungover; not because it’s Monday and you don’t want to go to work.

I mean you wake up, and you realize tomorrow came - and it’s not a good feeling. I mean you wake up and you open your eyes, ( Read more... )

Amor mío ( Read more... )