It certainly is very assertive (I can't imagine you'd want to stay after a letter like that). Polite, but on the fierce side of polite. It amuses me that it sounds like you are teaching them Barn 101. I want to see the aftermath :~).
And I take it you didn't actually want to say you were leaving in this letter?
It's well organized; if you want me to print out a copy, I could nitpick at precisities and preferred language, but for a business letter it's beyond fine and clearly conveys the info. Except, what's with the brackets?
Our gelding field, which houses five horses at one time and is expected to serve for thirteen, is only about an acre in area- at a conservative estimate.
Do you mean, perhaps, at an optimistic estimate? Conservative estimates generally tend to be at the SMALLER extreme -- it sounds here like you're trying to say that the an acre would be about as large an estimate as you're willing to make, which would not be a conservative estimate at all.
"It is true that having stall mats will decrease the amount of shavings used per stall, but not to the degree that our barn staff seems to believe." I think "necessary per stall" might be more appropriate than "used per stall."
"An individual horse may drink up to 20 gallons of water per day, and in a field expected to service four horses or more in one day, this figure is exponentially increased." Unless horses drink more water in the company of fellow horses - and that may be true, i don't know horses - then the # gallons water per day would only be increased by a multiple equal to the the number of total horses. This is not exponential, technically speaking. I know that's getting really nitpicky, but I would proabably just say "An individaul horse may drink up to 20 gallons of water per day; on average "the barn" services ______ # horses in a single day." Whatever. It's all just a word.
-grins- It actually is an exponential increase because when horses are in company, they play. When horses are in company around a water source, they play in the water. This means they splash each other and try to tip over the tub. I didn't want to get into that because then the owner, in his twisted little mind, would think, "Oh, so it's the horses' fault, not ours." He doesn't quite get that the horses are doing what horses do.
Because he thought he could make money. Well, there's a saying in the horse world. "In order to make a million in the horse business... start with three million."
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And I take it you didn't actually want to say you were leaving in this letter?
It's well organized; if you want me to print out a copy, I could nitpick at precisities and preferred language, but for a business letter it's beyond fine and clearly conveys the info. Except, what's with the brackets?
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Do you mean, perhaps, at an optimistic estimate? Conservative estimates generally tend to be at the SMALLER extreme -- it sounds here like you're trying to say that the an acre would be about as large an estimate as you're willing to make, which would not be a conservative estimate at all.
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"An individual horse may drink up to 20 gallons of water per day, and in a field expected to service four horses or more in one day, this figure is exponentially increased." Unless horses drink more water in the company of fellow horses - and that may be true, i don't know horses - then the # gallons water per day would only be increased by a multiple equal to the the number of total horses. This is not exponential, technically speaking. I know that's getting really nitpicky, but I would proabably just say "An individaul horse may drink up to 20 gallons of water per day; on average "the barn" services ______ # horses in a single day." Whatever. It's all just a word.
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