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Comments 8

maq_moon May 16 2017, 22:32:44 UTC
Word Count: 200
Belief:

How does he walk with his feet upon the ceiling? Or run, or climb the walls?

How does he turn on a dime and appear across the way, taunting me?

My feet won't touch the ceiling or the walls. I can't spin and be elsewhere in the blink of an eye. It's magic, it has to be. Magic isn't going to do me any good right now. Only practicality- hindered because I'm so frantic because I need to get my brother off of the ceiling without letting him fall.

Everything twists and Toby is beside me, Jareth above me. I shouldn't have come alone.

The world shifts again and I am looking down, down, down. There he sits, cooing happily in his striped pajamas. I wonder. I wonder- What's the difference between floating and falling? Does belief keep Jareth aloft and ignorance keep my brother clinging to some strange gravity ( ... )

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jalenstrix May 17 2017, 14:44:51 UTC
I love this snapshot inside Sarah's mind during the Escher scene, especially that epiphany about belief. The voice also seems entirely believable for a teenage Sarah, with just the right amount of wonder.

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womanroaring May 18 2017, 11:20:50 UTC
Nice :)

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jalenstrix May 19 2017, 03:32:00 UTC
Word count: 300 on the nose, according to google docs
Drabble:

Why did you assume learning to fly would be any different than learning to walk?

I shot a glare at Jareth, who somehow managed to project wry amusement from his impassive owl face.

Pay attention, or you’ll pitch right off the ledge again.

Gaaaaah. Damn him, but he was right. Again. I peevishly snapped my beak at him and then raised both wings to the wind currents, trying to feel their warp and weft in my bones.

His exasperation was a hot breath along my neck. Stop trying so hard, and take a step. It’s a little fall and nothing more.

Ha! And what happened the last time you mentioned something was “nothing more”? I seem to recall crystals popping like soap bubbles in my hand.

How can I teach you to fly if you don’t trust me or yourself?

I silently cursed myself again for making that damned ignorant wish. Learn to fly as a shapeshifter, he said. I’m bound by your wish, he said. It’ll be fun, he said ( ... )

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maq_moon May 25 2017, 21:24:46 UTC
The first line was so captivating! I really liked that Jareth said "I trust not" instead of "I think not". It made the moment more poignant and framed the humor.
Well done!

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jalenstrix May 27 2017, 01:11:03 UTC
Hee, so glad you enjoyed it from the very first line! (And the "I trust not" just slipped in there. Once I realized the play on words and themese, it clearly had to stay. ;) )

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