At some point I always find myself looking back on everything and just being amazed. This time, I'm not entirely upset with myself. I took a chance and did a very brave thing for myself, and even though it ended awful, I'm still glad I made the attempt. I'm also glad I learned the lessons I did. I've rid myself of two more people who were not fit ( Read more... )

Oh joy. I've gone and let myself get attached to someone again. I wonder what kind of train wreck this will turn out to be. :/. Lord knows I'm not exactly successful with these things.

i'm shaking like a leaf right now.

paul just freaked out.

i'm by myself in the hotel and i'm pretty sure i'm going to freak out myself.

nothing was wrong, but he's been apparently sketchy all night.

he just stood in front of me and told me he's mad at himself cause he doesn't wanna be mad at me.

he said he's mad that no one told him he was sick when he ( Read more... )

 i've been through so fucking much this past week, it's just unreal. i feel so physically and mentally exhausted. i honestly can't even explain it ( Read more... )

     It's hard to admit to yourself that you're a fuck up at almost everything you do. It's even harder to admit it to anyone else. The hardest part though, would have to be standing before someone you love more than your own life and having them tell you how much of a fuck up you really are. With every word, it's like the scars within you expand ( Read more... )

  Well things have slightly improved. Paul and i talked in the car last night and he was like "have i been nicer this past month?" and i was like "yeah...why?" and i thought it was going to lead to a fight, but he was like "well i know i've been an asshole and I'm sorry. you don't deserve that." and it was a cute moment.  We spent a lot of time ( Read more... )

   it scares me so much...

"Paul <3" [5:06 A.M.]:  Lori, when my phone is shut off, I won;t be paying it to stay on...
Me [5:06 A.M.]:  .... 
Me [5:07 A.M.]:  what's that mean?
"Paul <3" [5:07 A.M.]:  Just letting you know
Me [5:07 A.M.]:  so you're letting everything go then?
"Paul <3" [5:08 A.M.]:  Lori in 15 days i will owe 2007 dollars to them
"Paul ( Read more... )

  I was thinking as I was sitting here that...

Most of the things we do...if we got caught, we'd all probably go to jail for life.

If you don't understand this, that's okay.

  So, something  amazing happened, Paul and I discussed the future, in person, for longer than three seconds. On Monday[I believe it was], we were at his house and he decided he wanted to get high, so we called Dan and then drove over there. On the drive there, I made some comment about how I can't wait to have kids [which isn't out of the ordinary ( Read more... )

    I am in an odd mood, more than likely due to my lack of sleep.

I have two constant thoughts on my mind: I love my boyfriend more than life itself and i am so fucking grateful that i have him in my life. We may fight and be mean to each other and just be all around horrible people sometimes, but i wouldn't trade it for the world. I mean ( Read more... )