possible week 2 entry. in progress.

[lacruciverbiste]

"You stupid fucking bitch!"

Steven barreled at me as the last word exploded from his mouth. His hand was around my neck before I could react. I felt his fingers coil and constrict like a python, felt the walls of my windpipe collapse and touch. I reached up and futilely clawed at his fingers, my bare feet tap-dancing on the hardwood floor. Black

Comments

[psychrolute]

The first scene - ouch. This was so good, you see so much of the character's life from a few short scenes and can so easily feel/imagine the emotions. At "Black spots grew and dissolved in front of my eyes" I could remember times I've seen spots myself.

[lacruciverbiste]

thank you so much for reading! is yours up to read?

[psychrolute]

Not yet, haha. I started but I'm not sure I like where it's going - do you usually just get an idea and go with it straight out? Your writing seems so well-thought out.

[lacruciverbiste]

sometimes it's out of nowhere. this was an idea i've had bouncing around in my head for a while now and the prompt just happened to fit. my suggestion is to pull from life, your life. i write what i know; not big on fantastical stuff. but everyone's different.

[kithlyara]

I know it's too early for the offical edits, but I caught this mistake and figured I'd point it out to you. I hope you don't mind :)

"Different than catching him one of his grad students and being beaten for interrupting their date." There should be a "with" between "him" and "one".

I really enjoyed this entry. The imagery was very good. It reminded me of the book, and subsequent movie based off it, The Burning Bed. Here's the link to the IMDb page, if you're interested: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087010/

[lacruciverbiste]

thank you so much! i always appreciate some proofreading; i hate when i make silly mistakes like that.

thanks for reading.

[smz12231994]

Brilliant.

I can feel the character's pain in the first scene. That hurt. A lot.

Excellent writing.

[mermaidbia]

Remarkable, truly. Very impressed what you made out of this vague prompt. This could've been a typical melodramatic poor-beaten-up-wife story, but your writing kept just the right balance between emotional and pragmatic. It's very precise writing, you see a lot of important details a less talented writer would simply overlook or gloss over, and yet it never feels overloaded or hypocritical, and not at all melancholy. I love that stay-on-the-carpet feel. It managed to leave me stumped, thoughtful, and amused at the same time (The last sentence!)

Excellent work!

[lacruciverbiste]

thank you!!

[bluebirds_sing]

Impressive! Loved how you built this story. :)
Tina