Chapter 11
Sam couldn't stop thinking about that toy car Dean had built as a kid.
With all the scrap metal Dean had at hand now, maybe he would like to build something similar. Cars were his thing, that much Sam knew by now. He just needed a basic remote-controlled car instead of that rubber band improvisation, which by itself was pretty awesome.
There had to be box sets to build your own cars. He was pretty sure he'd seen stuff like that before. Dean could take the electronics and built his own idea around that.
I could hit a toy store on the way home, Sam mused.
Bad idea, he realized. He would be late and he had no way to contact Dean. The way Dean had freaked out last time was still way too vivid in his mind. Maybe tomorrow? Or during his lunch break? Where was even the next toy store? He'd no idea.
That's what google is for. Sam opened a new window, his work could wait a moment, this was important.
"Sam!" Ellen's voice startled him. She sounded as if she'd called his name a few times already.
"Yeah?" He blinked up at her. She stood in the door, clearly in a hurry and a little bit annoyed.
"You have the Connor file ready?"
"In a minute." Sam hurried to tab to a work related window.
"I need it on my desk as soon as possible." She turned to leave but then stopped. "What's up with you lately?"
"What do you mean?" Sam tried to sound casual but his mind was racing. No matter how good he blended in, people became suspicious sooner or later. Usually it was the fact that he didn't age that set them off but he'd been working here for less than three years so he doubted it was already that obvious. Or that he had sex with men on a regular basis but that had become less of a problem over the last few decades.
"You look like you've the worst stomach bug ever." She said with a grin. "Or like you're madly in love."
"I … ehm …" Blindsided Sam didn't know what to say. "I may have met somebody?"
"No way." She leaned more comfortable at the door frame. "Mister I-roam-the-clubs-for-a-one-night's-fun has met somebody."
Sam hadn't made his lifestyle a secret, at least not that part, so everybody at the office knew he was gay and loved his freedom. It had never caused a problem.
"Details, son."
Sam couldn't help but smile to that. However, he had no idea what to tell her. I bought him to have a convenient chew toy didn't seem the right thing to say.
"Well …" Where should he begin? "He's gorgeous, he's witty, he can cook and he's quite handy."
"In bed or outside?"
"Ellen!" He gasp in fake outrage but added with a grin. "Both."
He cleared his throat. "In fact, I was just searching for the nearest toy store. He likes to build own bodies for cars. Remote controlled cars."
"Try the store on the third." Now Ellen's smile grew wider. "They have everything. Is this a birthday present or something?"
"Or something." Sam answered while he realized that he'd no idea when Dean's birthday was.
She smiled at him but fell silent for a moment before she continued, now sounding wistful and far away. "My brothers always got things like that for their birthdays but they never let me play with the cars. Cars are not for girls." She said the last part with disdain clearly in her voice. "They never figured out why the batteries died so often over night."
She winked at him but then the moment was gone and she tapped the door frame impatiently.
"The Connor file. Now."
"Yes, Ma'am."
Sam skipped his lunch and headed for the toy store instead. Dean would have dinner ready when he got home anyway and more often than not Sam would have liked to eat more just because whatever Dean cooked, it was delicious. So one missed lunch wasn't that bad.
He only hoped that Dean would like the present he had in mind and wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he had to repay Sam for it.
Waiting at a red light Sam had time to think about his relationship with Dean. He liked the man, he really did, and it may even be more than that. How had Ellen phrased it? Madly in love. He wasn't sure if that term was correct but he wanted to see Dean happy. As happy as he could be in his situation. What he absolutely didn't want was Dean offering sex for everything nice Sam did for him.
He knew it wasn't easy to draw a clear line here because he needed sex with Dean, that was the very reason Dean was with him in the first place, but he didn't want to reduce the other man to that.
Sam sighed.
The store was hard to miss with its huge blinking sign on top and Sam wondered how he could have missed it for so long. But he'd never been interested in toys before. When he entered the store he remembered exactly why he hadn't been in a toy store in ages.
It smelled like plastic and things were making noises and blinked, they should put an epileptic warning at the door, seriously, and everything was just too bright and colorful. At this time of the day the older children were still in school but the store was packed nevertheless. Stressed parents with little ones, stressed parents without little ones and the occasional grandfather who stood lost and overwhelmed in the middle of the chaos with a piece of paper in his hand looking for that one toy he couldn't even pronounce. Sam could relate. At least he had an idea what he was looking for.
To find the section with the toy cars was another thing. At first he took the wrong aisle and ended in doll nightmare. Hundreds of dolls stared at him from the shelves, five rows up and miles long.
"Mommy, I want that one." A little girl pointed at one of the dolls, the most pink one in an ocean of pink.
"This one, honey?" The mother obediently picked that thing from the shelve. "She's adorable."
How anybody could find this abominations adorable was beyond Sam and he hurried to leave the aisle.
Just to end up in the clown section.
Sam stopped dead. With wide eyes he took in the army of clowns in front of him before he turned around and headed back to the safety of doll nightmare. He felt their unblinking eyes on him and he wondered if they would hand him over to the clowns. It was stupid, he knew that, but he breathed easier when he left the doll section entirely.
It took Sam a while but in the end he found the remote-controlled cars. Sports cars, trucks, crossroad things that didn't even look like cars anymore.
The assortment was as overwhelming as in the doll section but less frightening, not that he would ever admit that. At the end of the shelf he even found box sets to build your own car. He would have liked to just get the basic, a motor on wheels or something, he had no clue if something like that even existed, but this would do. Dean could just ignore the body that came with the box and built his own.
Sam chose one of the smaller ones, he didn't want this to become a big present, just something to bring along. Which reminded him that he really should asked Dean when his birthday was. He could get him something bigger for that. Dean would feel less obliged if there was an actual reason for a present. At least Sam hoped so.
He had no intention to bring Dean back to the Market. After he got to know Dean the thought alone made him feel sick, but he also knew that to Dean that would always be an option. No matter how often Sam said otherwise, Dean had to live in constant fear of that. Sadly Sam had no idea how to convince Dean that he would never hurt him. And bringing him back to the Market would mean his certain death. He couldn't do that. Never.
So he took the little car and went to search for the exit of this place. He had to hurry if he wanted to get back to the office in time.
To Sam the end of the workday couldn't come fast enough. He wanted to see Dean's face when he gave him the car. Would Dean like it or would he throw it back at him? The longer he thought about it the more unsure Sam became about this.
He drove home with mixed feelings.
When he turned into the driveway leading up to his place he was so engrossed in his thoughts that he nearly missed the things lying around. He almost ran over the vehicle lying on its side but he managed to hit the breaks in time. Barely.
"What the …?" Sam hurried to get out of the car to have a closer look. It was another toy car. With a real motor this time but no actual body. Instead it had a sign on top.
Call 911
I've been kidnapped!
"No, no, no." Sam muttered, raking a hand through his hair.
Dean had tried to call for help.
The fact that he'd done it didn't come as a surprise, it still hurt, though. What wrenched Sam's guts was how close Dean had come to accomplish that task. Looking around Sam pieced together what had happened here. If the driveway had been a little more even, if the car hadn't toppled over, if Dean had managed to retrieve his car afterwards.
What-ifs were swirling in his mind, making him dizzy.
Sam left his car in the driveway and ran the last bit.
Where was Dean?
Sam had a quick look around the basement but Dean wasn't there. Instead he found the slaughtered remains of something silicon on the work bench. For a moment Sam just stood there and tried to figure out what the lime green thing had once been and what it had to do with Dean's escape plan.
"A vibrator?"
Dean had taken one of his toys and had slaughtered it. A penis-shaped toy associated with Sam.
The implications hit him like a sledge hammer. This and the call for help.
Sam had to hold on to the door frame, he just felt sick. He tasted bile in the back of his throat and his vision grayed around the edges.
He still held Dean's car in his hand and he felt the wooden board splinter in his grip.
"What have I done?" He whispered but the basement stayed silent and didn't provide an easy answer. He needed to make sure that Dean was still there so he slowly made his way over to the elevator.
Emotions flooded his brain, his body practically vibrated in that maelstrom. He was angry. At himself, at Dean, at the situation in general. Frustrated. Ashamed. Too much, too many to put names on all of them.
He couldn't remember pushing the button but all too soon the doors opened and Sam stood in his loft.
Dean was still there. He stood at the far end of the hall they called their living room, as far away from the elevator as he could get without plastering himself at the wall.
Dean's eyes darted to the car Sam had clutched in his hand before he straightened himself and looked him in the eye with a blank expression which didn't cover up the fear beneath it.
Chapter 12 Masterpost