Tell me where we go from here 0/?
Prolog
Dean looked at men, too. He'd always known that, on a deeper level which he hadn't dared to explore for a long time. The first time he had dared to act on that feeling of want, Sam had been at Stanford and Dad had been on a hunt so it had only been Dean and this guy he'd met at a bar.
The morning after Dean had felt as if he'd gotten away with the whole cookie jar.
He knew his dad wouldn't approve him being with a man but Dean preferred women over men four times more often anyway - he still had no idea where to count in Alex but during that night pronouns had been the last thing he'd cared about - so playing straight most of the time wasn't a big deal.
However, since that man at the bar, he couldn't even remember his name, Dean had a type.
Tall men in suits did it for him. Not the clean, stuck-up business type, he liked the ragged ones. The ones with a five o'clock shadow you could tell had a hard day, maybe a hard week, and didn't care if their dress shirt wasn't tugged properly into their pants anymore. The ones who loosened their ties and unbuttoned the last button of their shirts. The ones with mussed up hair from being outside in the wind or rain, from sweat and fingers raked through it too often.
Over the years Dean had acted on this part of his sexuality more often and with less shame. There had always been very few people in his life who gave a damn if he lived or died and with his dad and Bobby dead there was only Sam left whose opinion Dean still cared about. And Sam had turned a blind eye on Dean's sex-life years ago so he never noticed, or at lest he pretended to not notice and that was just fine with Dean too, when he spent an occasional night with a dude rather than with a chick.
Then there was Cas. Since Dean had met Cas big blue eyes were a plus, a huge plus, with his hook-ups.
Dean wasn't even sure if angels had genders, Raphael for example hadn't been picky with his vessels and Cas had shown the same indifference when it came to his vessel. Dean was just glad that in the end he hadn't taken the child.
Vessels were a whole different can of worms but Dean hoped Jimmy was no longer Cas' roommate. Over two circles of death and resurrection Dean was pretty sure Jimmy had left the building a long time ago. When Cas had become human he for sure had taken over his vessel completely. A very nice vessel, Dean had to admit.
Not that it mattered. For all he knew Cas was straight as the stick he'd up his ass. He probably shouldn't think about things up Cas' ass or Cas' ass in general, Dean mused but couldn't help but think about the few times Cas' rear end hadn't been covered with that overcoat of his.
There had been Meg and that woman who'd taken Cas in after he'd come down with amnesia from his leviathan inducted god-complex. And lately that reaper chick. Dean saw a pattern here.
Cas never had shown much interest in other people but so far he'd only been sexually interested in women. As far as Dean knew Cas had never looked at a man for longer than two seconds. So yeah, fat chance there.
Before those feelings could take hold, Dean refused to name them and they would have been one-sided and utterly painful anyway, Dean did the only thing he could do. He ripped them out and shoved them into the deepest pit of his mind. They would have good company down there. Dean chased them down with half a bottle of whiskey and slammed the lid shut on that pit in his mind before something ugly could crawl out of the dark.
One more missed chance, one more could have been, one more what if. Dean put his game face back on and moved on.
Chapter 1
Masterpost