LolSilm Returns!
So, I finally decided to add to the little diversion I delved into last time, and as a result, we have more Silmarillion nonsense.
Beware, for here be much crackiness, and not nearly so much sense.
Maglor: *playing harp*
Maedhros and Feanor: *practicing with swords outside, loudly*
Maglor: *twitch*
Celegorm: *playing with barking dog*
Maglor: *sigh*
Curufin: *arguing with Caranthir*
Maglor: *doggedly keeps playing*
Nerdanel: *bustling past with howling baby Amrod and Amras*
Maglor: ...There is no peace in this house.
Galadriel: *preen*
Feanor: ...Such pretty hair. Can you spare a bit?
Galadriel: ...Sorry, Uncle, it's staying on my head.
Two Trees: *gleam*
Feanor: Hmph. *uber-crafting fit of awesome*
Silmarils: *glow*
Feanor: ...Awesome, but how the hell did I do that?
Nerdanel: You've got to stop sleep-crafting, dear. You always sulk about lost methods afterwards.
Feanor: Now you remind me.
Maedhros: *dangles from cliff*
Nothing: *happens*
Maedhros: Fuck, this hurts.
Nothing: *happens*
Maedhros: ...So bored...
Nothing: *happens*
Maedhros: ...Ninety-nine bottles of wine on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of wine...
("Maedhros it was that sang amidst his torment" - Silmarillion)
Gil-galad: I am Gil-galad Ereinion, son of... huh. I actually don't remember.
Finrod: My boy!
Orodreth: My boy!
Fingon: My boy!
Gil-galad: *muffled sob* I'm so confused...
Isildur: Nimloth! I save your mighty legacy! *heroes out*
Guards: Hi-YAAAAH!
Isildur: OW. *limps home*
Elendil: My brave boy!
Isildur: My heroism established?
Elendil: ...Well, yeah. But nobody'll remember you for anything but your worst moments and for knocking up your wife, later.
Isildur: ...Well, fuck.
Hurin: No, no, NO! *muffled weeping*
Children of Hurin: *elsewhere, are tragic*
Hurin: Why are you doing this to me!?
Morgoth: It'll be all the rage, later. I call it a soap opera.
Hurin: ...Truly, your evil knows no bounds.
Thuringwethil: You know, I've a boss who doesn't mind how many people I kill, and nobody here has seen Buffy or read Dracula, so they aren't brandishing stakes. Sweet deal, all up.
Carcharoth: Screw you, Bat Bitch, have you any idea how hard it is to get Angband ash out of this fur?
Thuringwethil: We all have our trials. Try introducing yourself through a mouthful of fangs with a name like mine, for instance.
Carcharoth: Point. That's a hell of a name.
Balrog: ...Is there a doctor in here?
Gothmog: Why?
Balrog: Well, I read this article that said there are creams for if you get, you know, a burning feeling down below -
Gothmog: You. Are. On. Fire. Idiot. No cream will solve that.
Morgoth: Saaaaaauron...
Sauron: Boss?
Morgoth: Are you wasting your time with the werewolves again?
Sauron: *hurt* I thought you appreciated my hobbies.
Morgoth: Don't give me that! You think you know evil? I sang evil into the world! You're just playing with overgrown poodles!
Sauron: *muttermutter* I'll show them. I'll show them all! I can make evil things too!
Morgoth: Saaaaaaauron...
Sauron: Boss?
Morgoth: Quit with the speeches! Only I do evil gloating and speeches here!
Sauron: Awww...
Morgoth: And the evil laughter, too.
Sauron: Hmph.
Morgoth: Saaaaaaauron...
Sauron: *roll over* Boss?
Morgoth: Go make me more orcs!
Sauron: ...But it's cold out!
Morgoth: NOW.
Sauron: ...All right, gimme a minute to find my pants. *stalk out, sulk* This seduced into evil business is rapidly losing its spark...
Curufin: Y'know, you really need a girl.
Celegorm: Didn't we go through this once already? It didn't work out.
Caranthir: Nobody ever tries to matchmake for me...
Curufin: Hey, I managed, didn't I? You just need to put some effort in.
Celegorm: Damnit, bro, women are just trouble. You bring them home and after a while they just run off and steal your dog.
Caranthir: Why am I not loved?
Curufin: ...Because you're sulky and bitter and the glaring makes the girls think you're going to bury them in the woods.
Caranthir: ...Fuck you, I'm moving to a new fandom. One where not smiling just gets more girls, not less.
Celegorm: I dunno, think the Malfoys'll be annoyed if you cut in on their scene?
Beware, for here be much crackiness, and not nearly so much sense.
Maglor: *playing harp*
Maedhros and Feanor: *practicing with swords outside, loudly*
Maglor: *twitch*
Celegorm: *playing with barking dog*
Maglor: *sigh*
Curufin: *arguing with Caranthir*
Maglor: *doggedly keeps playing*
Nerdanel: *bustling past with howling baby Amrod and Amras*
Maglor: ...There is no peace in this house.
Galadriel: *preen*
Feanor: ...Such pretty hair. Can you spare a bit?
Galadriel: ...Sorry, Uncle, it's staying on my head.
Two Trees: *gleam*
Feanor: Hmph. *uber-crafting fit of awesome*
Silmarils: *glow*
Feanor: ...Awesome, but how the hell did I do that?
Nerdanel: You've got to stop sleep-crafting, dear. You always sulk about lost methods afterwards.
Feanor: Now you remind me.
Maedhros: *dangles from cliff*
Nothing: *happens*
Maedhros: Fuck, this hurts.
Nothing: *happens*
Maedhros: ...So bored...
Nothing: *happens*
Maedhros: ...Ninety-nine bottles of wine on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of wine...
("Maedhros it was that sang amidst his torment" - Silmarillion)
Gil-galad: I am Gil-galad Ereinion, son of... huh. I actually don't remember.
Finrod: My boy!
Orodreth: My boy!
Fingon: My boy!
Gil-galad: *muffled sob* I'm so confused...
Isildur: Nimloth! I save your mighty legacy! *heroes out*
Guards: Hi-YAAAAH!
Isildur: OW. *limps home*
Elendil: My brave boy!
Isildur: My heroism established?
Elendil: ...Well, yeah. But nobody'll remember you for anything but your worst moments and for knocking up your wife, later.
Isildur: ...Well, fuck.
Hurin: No, no, NO! *muffled weeping*
Children of Hurin: *elsewhere, are tragic*
Hurin: Why are you doing this to me!?
Morgoth: It'll be all the rage, later. I call it a soap opera.
Hurin: ...Truly, your evil knows no bounds.
Thuringwethil: You know, I've a boss who doesn't mind how many people I kill, and nobody here has seen Buffy or read Dracula, so they aren't brandishing stakes. Sweet deal, all up.
Carcharoth: Screw you, Bat Bitch, have you any idea how hard it is to get Angband ash out of this fur?
Thuringwethil: We all have our trials. Try introducing yourself through a mouthful of fangs with a name like mine, for instance.
Carcharoth: Point. That's a hell of a name.
Balrog: ...Is there a doctor in here?
Gothmog: Why?
Balrog: Well, I read this article that said there are creams for if you get, you know, a burning feeling down below -
Gothmog: You. Are. On. Fire. Idiot. No cream will solve that.
Morgoth: Saaaaaauron...
Sauron: Boss?
Morgoth: Are you wasting your time with the werewolves again?
Sauron: *hurt* I thought you appreciated my hobbies.
Morgoth: Don't give me that! You think you know evil? I sang evil into the world! You're just playing with overgrown poodles!
Sauron: *muttermutter* I'll show them. I'll show them all! I can make evil things too!
Morgoth: Saaaaaaauron...
Sauron: Boss?
Morgoth: Quit with the speeches! Only I do evil gloating and speeches here!
Sauron: Awww...
Morgoth: And the evil laughter, too.
Sauron: Hmph.
Morgoth: Saaaaaaauron...
Sauron: *roll over* Boss?
Morgoth: Go make me more orcs!
Sauron: ...But it's cold out!
Morgoth: NOW.
Sauron: ...All right, gimme a minute to find my pants. *stalk out, sulk* This seduced into evil business is rapidly losing its spark...
Curufin: Y'know, you really need a girl.
Celegorm: Didn't we go through this once already? It didn't work out.
Caranthir: Nobody ever tries to matchmake for me...
Curufin: Hey, I managed, didn't I? You just need to put some effort in.
Celegorm: Damnit, bro, women are just trouble. You bring them home and after a while they just run off and steal your dog.
Caranthir: Why am I not loved?
Curufin: ...Because you're sulky and bitter and the glaring makes the girls think you're going to bury them in the woods.
Caranthir: ...Fuck you, I'm moving to a new fandom. One where not smiling just gets more girls, not less.
Celegorm: I dunno, think the Malfoys'll be annoyed if you cut in on their scene?