Hi, I'm finding this very difficult to read because of formatting. When you post to livejournal, it's best to put one blank line between each paragraph. Otherwise it just looks like a big block of text with no breaks at all.
This is the first time I've posted a story - sorry about the paragraph problem - thank you for trying to read it! Is there a way to edit it now that it's posted?
From this comment view page, you should see a button that looks like a blue pencil. If you click on that, you will get an editing window.
Also, you should use an lj-cut after the header information but before the story. This makes your entry short, with a link to expand it. A cut looks like this:
Wow. It's not perfect (some of the language is joltingly modern--"guy" and "kid", and some is overdone for my taste). But DAMN it's clever, amusing, and possessed of some cinematically vivid descriptions. And quirky little tidbits that made me giggle helplessly while reading. The Stella. Voltabufalo. Vecchio's peacock-feathered cap. "Rai" and "Bene". Fantastic. I don't see any glaring errors in your art history either.
Much appreciation for your comments and I'm so glad some of it made you laugh! I knew some of it went too over the top... Would you have any interest in beta-ing for me in the future? (Or maybe even on this thing?) No worries if not! Thanks again.
Yes, with provisions. Email jen_kennedy (at) warpmail (dot) net and we'll talk.
Also, I'd like to second the request for cut-tagging. isiscolo gave the code above; all you have to do is click the little pencil icon to edit, and add that line just above the start of your story.
This is absolutely fantastic. I loved it. The language was OTT but it didn't interfere with the story. However the end seems to be cut off 'Ray turned onto his back and held the paper up until the image came into focus. Then he struggled to sit up, saying, ‘Holy shit! That IS me, just about.’ Ray studied the portrait image a' Is there supposed to be more? And if so what is it? I want to see!
Thanks and apologieslady_sylviaMarch 8 2006, 16:41:50 UTC
Thank you so much for your comments, I am so relieved that you (and others) liked this!
Thanks also for alerting me to the end being cut off! I guess that happened when I put in all the paragraph breaks, which I hadn't done at home - I'm sorry I didn't notice and left you hanging!
Anyway, you didn't miss much, but I have added the ending on the next page of the journal and incorporated one of the corrections suggested by j s cavalcante. Or attempted to! Thanks again!
Among the best AUsj_s_cavalcanteMarch 1 2006, 21:30:58 UTC
Wow...I LOVE this story and I think it's brilliant. I'm adding it to my collection of the best-of-the-best AUs. You NAILED the characters (oops, pun unintentional!), and you managed to do so even though not one of them is a policeman! Welsh as the Welsh captain! The Stella Maris..."The" Stella--that was simply inspired! Vecchio in Renaissance-peacock clothes, including "ridiculous shoes"! ROFL! His exasperation with Frasier and Stanislaus was just pitch-perfect. And RayK and Fraser especially, so recognizably themselves! Ray rescuing youth-at-risk, and Fraser treating everyone as equal. Kit Marlowe! I loved it ALL. Especially, especially the artwork, of course. That yummy description of RayK as the suffering Christ...wow. I could see the painting as I read. The love scene with its angelic descriptions was exactly right for the story and for the characters. The colloquial speech didn't bother me a bit; I thought it enhanced the characterizations and the clarity. The setting and the customs and prejudices of the times--all were so
( ... )
Re: Among the best AUsj_s_cavalcanteMarch 9 2006, 06:20:19 UTC
Would YOU be willing to beta for me?
Sure, I'd be honored.
I'm asking around - I have a huge long contemporary piece in the works (no end of the first draft in sight) that will definitely need help one day.
Now you've got me salivating. :) You need the editorial cattle prod? --Zap!-- Get to work! :) :) (Actually, that's what I need, so feel free to zap me back, OK?)
Plus one day I would like to get something posted to ds_flashfiction (on time, following all the rules), if shorter pieces are more feasible.
Yeah, that's my dream, too. To write something short enough for flashfiction, and to write it to deadline!
[By the way, I'd really like to make Contessa de L'Espina into a "Thatcher", but I didn't think Contessa Margherita Paglia di Tettore (from paglia di tetto) would come across - any suggestions?]Paglia di Tetto works for me! Makes me laugh, actually, because in the sense that a roof could be a metaphor for a person's head (somewhat like "bats in one's belfry"), it makes me think of "straw in her head"...and she does
( ... )
Please consider yourself zapped! I would love to read anything you've written, and I appreciate your notes re: Maggie Thatcher. I haven't had time to revise the name in the story, but I will get to that. The long piece is pretty explicit and extremely raw right now, but I hope to have at least the opening section in a workable "rough cut" soon. P.S. If you are near NYC, the Museum of Modern Art is showing two CKR films this week - see my post at ds_noticeboard.
This is lovely! But it cuts off at the end; I think you've exceeded the lj character limit. You need to split this into two posts, I think.
Also, add the cut tag, as I have indicated, and add a link at the end of the first section to go go the second.
If you need assistance, feel free to email me at isis @ arithmancy.net and I'll try to explain. But I'd like to help you get it right, because this is a wonderful and clever story.
Comments 25
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Is there a way to edit it now that it's posted?
Reply
Also, you should use an lj-cut after the header information but before the story. This makes your entry short, with a link to expand it. A cut looks like this:
( Click here to read more )
Reply
Reply
It's not perfect (some of the language is joltingly modern--"guy" and "kid", and some is overdone for my taste). But DAMN it's clever, amusing, and possessed of some cinematically vivid descriptions. And quirky little tidbits that made me giggle helplessly while reading.
The Stella. Voltabufalo. Vecchio's peacock-feathered cap. "Rai" and "Bene". Fantastic.
I don't see any glaring errors in your art history either.
Reply
Reply
Email jen_kennedy (at) warpmail (dot) net and we'll talk.
Also, I'd like to second the request for cut-tagging. isiscolo gave the code above; all you have to do is click the little pencil icon to edit, and add that line just above the start of your story.
Reply
'Ray turned onto his back and held the paper up until the image came into focus. Then he struggled to sit up, saying, ‘Holy shit! That IS me, just about.’ Ray studied the portrait image a'
Is there supposed to be more? And if so what is it? I want to see!
Reply
Thanks also for alerting me to the end being cut off! I guess that happened when I put in all the paragraph breaks, which I hadn't done at home - I'm sorry I didn't notice and left you hanging!
Anyway, you didn't miss much, but I have added the ending on the next page of the journal and incorporated one of the corrections suggested by j s cavalcante. Or attempted to! Thanks again!
Reply
Reply
Reply
Sure, I'd be honored.
I'm asking around - I have a huge long contemporary piece in the works (no end of the first draft in sight) that will definitely need help one day.
Now you've got me salivating. :) You need the editorial cattle prod? --Zap!-- Get to work! :) :) (Actually, that's what I need, so feel free to zap me back, OK?)
Plus one day I would like to get something posted to ds_flashfiction (on time, following all the rules), if shorter pieces are more feasible.
Yeah, that's my dream, too. To write something short enough for flashfiction, and to write it to deadline!
[By the way, I'd really like to make Contessa de L'Espina into a "Thatcher", but I didn't think Contessa Margherita Paglia di Tettore (from paglia di tetto) would come across - any suggestions?]Paglia di Tetto works for me! Makes me laugh, actually, because in the sense that a roof could be a metaphor for a person's head (somewhat like "bats in one's belfry"), it makes me think of "straw in her head"...and she does ( ... )
Reply
Please consider yourself zapped! I would love to read anything you've written, and I appreciate your notes re: Maggie Thatcher. I haven't had time to revise the name in the story, but I will get to that. The long piece is pretty explicit and extremely raw right now, but I hope to have at least the opening section in a workable "rough cut" soon. P.S. If you are near NYC, the Museum of Modern Art is showing two CKR films this week - see my post at ds_noticeboard.
Reply
Also, add the cut tag, as I have indicated, and add a link at the end of the first section to go go the second.
If you need assistance, feel free to email me at isis @ arithmancy.net and I'll try to explain. But I'd like to help you get it right, because this is a wonderful and clever story.
Reply
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