-
Hate for ones self
To ado is miss's birthday. I find my self beating up on my self for not being happy,for not being good enough.
-
Mother's day 2
I try to not be that mom but it really doesn't help when the only voices in my head are the o es telling me that I am wrong. I for the most part alow my child to graze as toddlers do. I stop this after bath time. She has had the full day to eat. Half the time she does not eat her dinner when we sit down to eat. As of late she has taken to demanding ( Read more... ) -
Mother's day
Mother's day is has been a mixed bag over the years. I made a choice 15 years ago that I regretted. I am a mother now of one soon to be two. I lost one in October last year. My own mother is a bag of mixed nuts. I am sorry to any that know her. I know she may have treated you wonderfully but it has been a different story for her family. I have ( Read more... ) -
Screw you Past
I have had the awful time struggling with people who no longer are around. I want to scream that those who have not a care about my life. I wanted to talk to talk to a friend but no one is free. I want to talk to those that have hurt me.
Why did you tell me off if you did not want me to leave you alone? Why did you tell me to focus on my life and ( Read more... ) -
Growlish
I don't know why but I am constantly short tempered lately. At Tim and with Mair, at the world as a whole. I try to talk to Tim about it and he just keeps pointing out that I was iratable yesterday and the day before. Like I chose to be short tempered. I am not sure what else to do but segregate my self. Which is just a repeat of what I did ( Read more... ) -
Frustration family
It is so frustrating trying to talk to grams at this point. She can't hear me. She can't read my writing. I don't know what to do any more.
-
So that happened
I have not been feeling physically well for a while now. I was sick for most of February and had a sensitive stomach for this half of March. I also have not seen the Blood Moon since January. So time for a pee test. Having already gone through this once one would think that I could take this with no problem. Nope! Nervous and scared for the out ( Read more... ) -
3am again
So it is funny how this repeatedly return to the surface of one's mind at 3am. What I have to go do today, what I did the day before. In my case it is always reliving past sins, my own and those of others. Recently I continue to return to the lack of friends in my life. This is exasperated by facebook. I am truly believing that it is making ( Read more... ) -
Try not to climb into the pit
So last night miss was wake from 1 to 3 and I lost it. I lost my cool I lost my calm, I lost the filters on my mouth. I said that miss must be trying to kill me. That Tim was right and one kid is hard enough. What I held be was just as bad . I feel frustrated and stupid for ever thinking I could be a parent let alone a good one. It has snowballed ( Read more... ) -
4 am wake up call
The hardest thing about actively taking part in therapy in waking up at 4am and taking apart something that happened years ago and understanding it from not only your side but theirs. I know that years later is not going to change what happens but experiencing those feelings not only from your perspective but theirs as well. I try to remind my self ( Read more... )