FIC: You Make Me Sick, Part Nine
Title: You Make Me Sick
Pairing: Clex
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Clark is finally out of the asylum, but his journey back to sanity isn’t over yet. An unlikely savior takes him in and gives him a chance to redeem himself.
Spoilers: Through S6 Labyrinth.
Warnings: Totally AU. Dark and possibly triggering for folks with depression. WIP
Thanks to my supaaaa beta! herohunter
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven
Part Eight
Part Nine
Everything was black, then white. Then sounds came into his ears. Once he remembered what motion was, he couldn’t move for some reason, even if he struggled as hard as he could. The more he struggled, the sleepier he got.
And so it was. Over and over. Fade to black. White. Walls. Talking. Rooms and things and sounds. Fade to black.
Then… one of the shapes moved towards him slowly, and the blur formed into sad red rimmed circles of gray, coming at him in jerky stretches. Forward, then a pause, then forward, and on and on. Then they disappeared for a second, reappeared, and a hoarse voice asked, “How was your day, Clark?”
Clark. Clark. A sound. A word. Wasn’t it? “Clark.”
His eyes darted around and saw that there was a paleness around those circles. Long and thin. Young. A face. Eyes. Wetness on the cheeks. Brows scrunched up.
“You’re Clark. I’m Lex. Do you remember that?”
He stared at the owner of the voice. Smooth, soothing sounds that tickled the edges of his skin and made him feel… something. Clark was… It was… him. He was Clark and this was….
He turned his head to see two men conversing in whispers about the alien they had caught. He trembled.
“Don’t be upset,” the soothing voice said. Someone was touching him, and that wasn’t good. Never was. Touching meant he’d black out again soon, but… this touch was so kind. And tingly. He looked up and saw the sad gray eyes staring up at him.
“Don’t let them experiment on me,” he pleaded.
The person looked surprised. Maybe they hadn’t briefed this one on the plan yet.
Clark leaned over and squeezed the person’s hand. “Don’t tell anyone. I’m an alien. They locked me up in here because I have powers, and they want to experiment on me!”
The person swallowed. He blinked. More tears fell, and he put his other hand over Clark’s. “Do you remember me at all? It’s Lex, Clark. Lex. Remember, we met at the coffee shop in town? Do you remember what happened at the bridge?”
Clark stared at him, uncomprehending, though he didn’t know how long. The person started to shift in his seat uncomfortably.
Save me, Clark. I need you to. I want you to.
“Lex, oh. Oh, my Lex!” Clark exclaimed, lurching forward. Hands touched his back, and he started to panic. “No, don’t! Please don’t!”
“Hey, it’s okay!” Lex said angrily. He grabbed one of the arms on Clark, and then they moved away, turning into murmuring noise behind him. “Clark, tell me. Tell me what happened at the bridge.”
Somebody, save me!
”Your car… it was gonna go off the bridge! I saved you!” Clark declared proudly. He leaned in again and whispered, “With my powers. Don’t tell!”
A displeased expression crossed Lex’s face, followed by sadness again. Why was Lex so sad? Clark had saved him, just like he was supposed to!
Lex wiped his hands over his eyes, then said in resignation, “Tell me about your day, Clark. Talk to me about what happened today.”
Clark leaned on his hands and gazed at Lex’s sad eyes and slender hands and beautiful neck as he chattered away to the first person who had really listened to him for a long time.
“C’mon,” Clark urged, pulling Lex over a little in their bed. Lex snuggled up against him again, unwilling to get up and face the day, and Clark had to smile. His Lex. So little, so broken. “Let’s get you a shower?”
Lex groaned slightly then looked up at Clark, who cupped the back of his head and pressed a kiss to his forehead. A touch that he’d dreamed of for so long. Clark could hardly believe that it was his now. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Lex murmured. “Where’s my chair?”
“It’s by the bed. Hang on.” Clark moved off the bed and then reached under Lex’s armpits to lift him up. “Is this okay?”
“What? Oh.” Lex’s eyes creased, and he lifted his arms around Clark’s neck. “Yeah, you can.”
Clark smiled and picked him up, deciding to just carry him into the bathroom. “I don’t want to be just another person tossing you around like a doll or something.”
“I understand. Thanks.” Lex rested his head on Clark’s shoulder until he was set down on the seat in the shower.
Clark caressed his face and began unbuttoning his shirt. Then Lex’s hand moved to stop him, and their eyes met. Lex, Lex. And his beautiful, sad gray eyes. Clark could see how nervous this made Lex, to let himself be seen, and he remembered the scars. “Lex, I don’t… I don’t care about he scars.” He leaned over and kissed Lex’s collarbone. “You’re handsome.”
“I’m not. Clark, stop. You know I hate it when people say things like that. I’m pale and mangled and bald. Handsome is not an adjective that works its way in there. Just tell it like it is.”
“To me. You’re handsome to me. You always have been,” Clark insisted. He watched Lex for a moment, then went over to sit on the toilet seat. The long silence stretched between them. “You want me to get out of here? I’ll give you some privacy.”
As Clark moved to rise, Lex suddenly shook his head. Slowly, he began unbuttoning his shirt himself. Clark’s eyes widened as the pale flesh saw light, and Lex lifted his head tentatively, scanning Clark’s expression for his reaction. The shirt slipped down, revealing the thick white scar cutting across his belly. Lex dropped the shirt to the floor and instinctively crossed his arms.
Clark rose and rubbed his hands together pensively then took a deep breath and knelt by Lex’s side. Meeting Lex’s eyes, he slowly touched his fingers to Lex’s abdomen.
“It’s okay,” Clark whispered, hoping that Lex could relax as he usually did at Clark’s touch. Sometimes it seemed like when neither could express what they were feeling, their skin could communicate the essential for them. By and by Lex moved his hands back and rested them on the porcelain of the tub. Rough fingertips followed the line of the thick, white scars, curiously at first, and then adoringly. Clark rose a little and moved to sit on the side of the tub. As Lex’s eyes followed him, Clark began to unhurriedly explore the surgical scars on Lex’s back. Lex stiffened at first, until he felt Clark’s dry lips join his fingertips on the marred skin.
“What are you doing?”
“Adoring you.” Clark pressed his cheek to Lex’s back. “I don’t think… you deserve anything less than someone willing to accept every part of you in.” He wrapped his arms around Lex’s waist. “And I always have.”
After a moment, Lex’s arms rested on Clark’s. “I… I say it all the time, but I really love you, Clark.”
Clark came around to Lex’s front again and caressed his face with both hands, then kissed him as he rubbed Lex’s shoulders. Slow slow, their mouths sucked and dragged against one another as Clark squeezed Lex’s soft flesh. It was so chaste, but it was more than enough for him. His Lex, alive and awake.
Save me.
Reaching over to turn on the water, Clark rubbed noses with Lex. “There. Okay.” He dropped his hand to Lex’s buckle and looked into his eyes for permission.
“Alright,” Lex consented quietly. He lifted himself up so Clark could pull the pants off once they were unbuckled. Clark knelt down and ran his hands up and down Lex’s thighs. He kissed one stump and then the other. Lex drew in a sharp breath.
“Every single part.” Clark kissed them again, then felt Lex’s cool palm against his cheek.
There were no words, nothing to say. As the sound of the water sloshed behind them and entered Clark’s ears, Lex just stared into Clark’s eyes, hope and love unrestrained and pushing back the sadness.
***
Clark lit up inside when the apartment door opened and his father walked through. Leaping up from the couch like an excited little boy, he gave his father a great big bear hug.
“Hey, son!” Jonathan said, squeezing Clark and rocking him from side to side.
“Dad,” Clark whimpered, nuzzling his head into his father’s shoulder. Jonathan frowned, but held his son until he was ready to speak again. Clark sniffed. “Sorry, I’m just really glad to see you!”
“I know, Clark. I heard it’s been bad. How’s Lex?” Jonathan scratched the back of Clark’s head.
“He’s really down, but… Dad, can his father do this to him?”
Jonathan shrugged and patted Clark’s shoulder. “We live in Kansas. He could get away with it. I think Lex should fight it anyway. Or try to. C’mon.” He walked over to the sofa with Clark and sat down. “Look, I know money’s gonna be tight for you guys. Got three people here and no jobs-“
“Lex told me he has some money saved,” Clark said optimistically.
“Yeah, yeah. He’s a smart guy. But the both of you got a lotta medical bills.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out an enveloped and offered it to Clark. “Take it. I don’t got a lot, but I want you to take that.”
Clark peered inside the enveloped. “Whoa! Dad! No way!”
“It’s for your GED. Plus a little extra. Now, you take that, Clark,” Jonathan ordered. “I want you to go through with this. Now maybe you’ll be able to go on to college classes and maybe not, but this is for you, and your hard work and your self-esteem. You worked hard on this and I want you to be able to see this through.”
Clark shook his head. “It’s too much.”
“I’m your father. It’s my job t’take care of you!” Jonathan put his hands on his knees. “Now, I haven’t been doin’ a good job of it lately, but I still aim to help you become a man. So, you take that, and when you’re ready, you take that test. And you’ll know you c’n do it, an’ you’re qualified to get some jobs.”
“Like I could hold one,” Clark scoffed.
“Hey!” Jonathan clapped his son’s shoulder firmly. “Maybe you can, and maybe you can’t. But there are things that you can do that are for you, an’ when you figure that out, I want you to be able to go for it. The world is waitin’ for ya, Clark.”
He squeezed Clark into another hug. The young man sighed and closed his eyes.
As soon as he heard the sound of the wheelchair moving, Clark looked up, surprised to see that Lex was dressed and, though pale and still looking distressed, awake and coherent.
“Hello, Jonathan,” Lex said in a thin voice. Jonathan rose with a grunt and came over to give Lex a hug. Clark bounced a little, happier than ever that his father was here to visit them. Lex looked up at him with creased eyes. “I’m sorry the place is such a mess. How long are you staying?”
“Gotta get back to the farm soon, but I’ll be around for a few days, if you’ll have me.”
Lex pressed his lips together, and Clark could see that he was concerned about something.
Jonathan let Lex go and stepped back. “The couch is fine. I wanna go talk to Clark’s shrink, even though I’m not his guardian now, technically.”
“If I signed him over to you, it might be safer,” Lex suggested. “I don’t want my father to get custody of him again.”
“That’s a good point. I dunno that they’d give Martha custody again, if we reminded them of the lobotomy she near let happen.”
Clark leaned over and rested his cheek on his hand. Nothing more fun than having people talk about him like he was a kid. Even when he knew they were doing it to take care of him.
“Dad’s footing the bill for the GED,” Clark announced. He almost wanted to go over and squish Lex to him. He just looked so embarrassed and defeated.
Jonathan spoke up before Lex could protest. “Don’t say a word. I’m giving you what help I can. If Martha’s not gonna do right by you boys, I will.”
“I feel like I’m shifting responsibility from my father to you,” Lex replied after a moment, creasing a brow and heaving a sigh. “As though I’m just passing it again and never taking it on myself.”
Jonathan sat down on the couch again. “No, you ain’t. We all need a little help sometimes. I know that well enough. Nell was pretty kind to buy the farm from me and let me live there as long as she did, ‘specially when she had that Lana to look after. I’ve had enough help here and there to know that you don’t let pride get in the way of takin’ care of your family. So don’t feel like you’re a burden or nothin’ like that. I want to help. I should’ve done before, but things were goin’ so bad. Should’ve come to visit y’more, Clark.”
Clark watched his father run his hand over his thinning hair twice. “There’s a lot of stuff that should’ve been done. I wouldn’t have remembered or understood you coming anyway.”
“Clark-“
“What I care about is that you’re here now,” Clark insisted. And it was so purely true. Not just here for him, though it helped immeasurably to have his father there guiding him, but also here to give a reassuring word to Lex, who had never had a reassuring word, or a reassuring embrace, or a warm and approving eye from a father figure at all.
Lex twisted his hands gently then rolled closer to the two of them. “We can’t tell you how much it means that you’ve come. Would you like something to drink?”
“Nah, well. I could do with a glass o’water. If y’tell me where the glasse are, I c’n get it m’self. How are you boys on groceries?” Jonathan asked, heading into the kitchen.
Clark spared a glance for Lex, who thinned his lips and blinked at him with wide eyes before taking his hand and giving it a squeeze. Clark thought that it must be a strange feeling for Lex, to have family pulling together in a time of crisis. The Luthors certainly hadn’t done much pulling together when Lex had his accident, or when he’d tried to kill himself.
Frankly, Clark had begun to lose touch with the feeling of family himself; his years alone at Fairview had done nothing to help with this. His mother had visited a few times, but her interest in him had faded as soon as Lucas was born. Clark suddenly realized that his distance from the kid was probably less do to the fact that he was an annoying brat, though he was, and more due to the fact that he’d been replaced in his mother’s heart. His father had eventually stopped visiting, and Lex, who had only been family as a technicality, had stayed the longest until he had no reserves left and couldn’t give of himself any longer.
Clark had no delusions; he knew that it cut Lex to see Clark overtaken by his mental illness as deeply as it cut himself to see Lex drowning in despair. He leaned over and gave Lex a gentle kiss, which Lex reciprocated, but then gave him a quizzical look. Classic Lex. Always questioning everything.
“Dad? Oh.” Clark blinked as he turned and caught his father watching them with a little frown. Clark hoped seeing his son actually touching Lex wasn’t too much for his small town farmer dad. “I was gonna say, if you want to go to the store, we could all go together.”
Clark could almost feel the frown on Lex’s face. He knew that Lex didn’t want to go out. Well, Lex had carried Clark when he’d been afraid. He would do the same for Lex.
“Could do,” Jonathan replied. His frown had melted away as quickly as it had come, and he sat on the arm of the sofa. “Whenever you boys want. C’n I get Dr. Yeh’s number, Lex?”
Lex nodded and wheeled off to get his address book.
“You okay with this, Dad?” Clark asked.
Jonathan patted his shoulder. “I was jus’ thinking, I can’t understand how Martha an’ Lionel could deny you two a little happiness. I just can’t. You’ve both had so much hardness in your lives. You deserve something soft and easy to balance it out, y’know? That’s the way I always saw it. She got her happy ending, with her own kid and an easy life. Why can’t you and Lex have some?”
Clark tucked his feet under him. “Lex gets mad at me when I talk bad about Mom. But it hurts too much, what she’s doing to us.”
“He wants you to hang on to your family with all y’got. I’d agree, but it’s her call now, if she ever wants to be part of your life again.” Jonathan shrugged. “I think she’s gonna one day regret treatin’ you like this, an’ I hope it isn’t too late for her. I-“ He broke off and scratched the back of his head, lowering his voice as he spoke, “Lex does good, but life ain’t forever. I know you don’t want to think about stuff like that, but I’ve probably got ten years left in me, at most, and we all know that Lex could get sick. Or ya’ll could get in an accident. Who knows? She’s done waited too long already.”
“I don’t like to think about it.” Clark felt his eyes prick with tears, and he looked up to his father with a pout.
Jonathan’s hand felt heavy and reassuring on his shoulder. “All we can do is all we could ever do. We gotta take care of each other best we can and make the most of each other while we’re all still in the same life.”
Clark was so glad his daddy was here.
***
“Eat eat eat,” Clark ordered, pushing a pita stuffed with roasted veggies and hummus at Lex’s mouth.
“I will,” Lex grumbled, then turned his head to the side to take a bite out of it.
Jonathan chuckled and speared a bit of red potato salad Lex had whipped up especially for his arrival, with Clark peeling the potatoes of course. “How’s the job search goin’, Mercy?”
“I’ve downgraded to hospitals. Got a couple of interviews lined up for a nursing position. I can do that for a while, but eventually, I’m just gonna have to move.” She turned her head and looked to Clark and Lex. “Not immediately.”
“I know, Merc. Don’t worry.” Lex sipped his iced tea idly, as though he weren’t fazed at all. Clark frowned and poked at his food. He didn’t want his little family breaking up. It’d taken so long for him to actually get one that accepted who he was.
Mercy continued, “Oh, and Mr. Kent, I want you to take my bed while you’re here. Don’t be like these idiots and argue with me. I’m young, and you’re old. I don’t have any back problems, and I can handle the couch for a while.”
“Hm.” Jonathan pressed his lips together. His eyes went from Clark, to Lex, who shared a smile with him, and then back to Mercy. “I guess I can’t argue with that, now can I? I ‘preciate the hospitality.”
“Well, you have to eat the rabbit food we make for Lex, so you can at least get a nice bed.” Mercy mussed with her hair and leaned on her hand.
“The rabbit food ain’t half bad. I’ve had some ticker problems, so I s’pose it’s good for me too,” Jonathan decided. “How’s this stuff supposed to help you, Lex?”
“Oh, um… it’s more an all around method of staying as healthy as possible. Bolstering your immune system with a good diet-less sugar, caffeine, grease, zero alcohol, etc.-and since I don’t eat a lot anyway, it’s wiser to make meals centered on nutrient rich foods,” Lex explained. “I was never much of a red meat eater to begin with, not that I didn’t appreciate a good steak, but when you don’t have an appetite, it doesn’t make a difference.”
“Yeah, Lex’s pills make him not so hungry,” Clark hugged Lex around the shoulders.
“Sometimes. But Clark makes sure I eat.” Lex looked up at him with a slight curve in his lips.
Mercy wobbled her fork between her fingers and looked Jonathan in the eye. “They give you a cavity, don’t they? More than enough sweet stuff to finish off your meal.”
Jonathan chuckled and shook his head.
“Well, that or we can sneak out for a good burger,” Mercy winked broadly at him.
Clark felt Lex’s hand slipping over his under the table, so he looked over at him to see a slight smile spreading across his pink lips.
***
The shower was a bit cool, which Clark figured was a result of his mind wandering while he was in there. That happened to him a lot. Rinsing the lather off slowly, letting his bulky hands smooth over his own shoulders, pecs, abs, pretending that instead they were Lex’s slender, deft hands. Over one rounded cheek, then the other. Then to the backs and insides of his thighs. His eyelids drooped as he took a deep breath and moved his hands around to his front again, slowly, almost shyly taking himself into his hands. He pumped slowly.
His hands were Lex’s hands. Lex knew just how to touch. He was smooth, experienced, gentle-
“Under your care we might have lost him completely!”
Clark was jolted out of the moment by Lex’s booming voice. He’d almost forgotten that Lex could get that loud. Quickly, Clark finished up and turned off the shower. He wrapped himself in a towel and hurried out of the bathroom.
When he’d left Lex, the man had been dozing on the couch, in that helpless way he did, feeling utterly enervated and useless. Lex had told him he was sleeping so much because he was depressed, and not to let him give in to it, but it was hard for Clark to bring himself to actually do that. For one thing, Lex was cute when he slept, and he looked less sad. For another, it felt mean to pick him up and put him in his chair to make him go do something. Reaching the living room however, did not bring visions of his sweet sleeping Lex.
It bought visions of his Lex, so small and fragile, bellowing in righteous anger at Martha.
“Sick, depraved man-“ she hissed, standing there in a turquoise skirt suit and clutching her purse as though it were a weapon.
“Narrow-minded, spoiled homophobe! Get your head out of your ass, woman! Do you really think Clark is going to keep improving if you take custody of him? Has it entirely escaped your notice that he spent five years in that asylum losing more and more of his cogency?”
“Oh, good God!” Finally noticing her boy standing there in a towel, Martha covered her eyes and turned away. “You just let him run around here naked?”
“No, Mother,” Clark said pithily. “I just got out of the shower. The towel might be a clue. You know what? Get out.”
“Clark, I’m taking you home,” she argued, holding out her hand. “Get your things, and let’s go, honey.”
“I’m schizophrenic, Ma. I’m not retarded, and I’m not going anywhere. I am home. Get out,” Clark repeated, moving towards her. Instead of taking her hand, he grabbed her shoulders and turned her toward the door.
“Clark Jerome Kent!” she admonished. “Take your hands off me!”
“Out of our home!”
Martha put her hands at the sides of the doorway and held on for a moment before Clark shoved her out and she landed on the floor in surprise. “This isn’t over,” she said firmly. Her palms pushed against the floor, and she struggled to get up. “Clark, this is for you. I’m only trying to do what’s best for you!”
Cold fingers brushed against Clark’s hand, and he looked down to see Lex reaching out for him. “You don’t know what’s best for me anymore, Ma! You haven’t since you gave up on me. Otherwise, you’d see how much I’ve changed, and you’d know it hasn’t been because of anything you’ve done to help!”
Martha’s jaw dropped. “I see that you’re still obsessed with him! Clark, don’t let him trick you into his bed like this-“
“We sleep together, Ma. We aren’t having sex. Though when and if we get there, it’s none of your business.”
“Oh my!” Mrs. Jacobs exclaimed as she walked by in her pink sweat suit.
Martha covered her face again.
“Hello, Mrs. Jacobs,” Lex said with a wave. His cheeks were flushing pinkly.
The woman looked Martha up and down. “Would you like me to call the landlord?”
“That isn’t necessary. I’m just here to collect Clark,” Martha assured her in her best ‘society’ voice.
“Collected ‘im fer what?” Clark felt relief wash over him as his father strolled down the hallway with a scowl on his face. Jonathan walked right up to Martha and hooked his thumbs on his thick, workman’s jeans. “I don’t remember Clark goin’ anywheres t’day.”
“Jonathan,” Martha said in breathless surprise.
“Martha.” Jonathan turned to Clark. “Boy, go get some pants!”
Clark pouted. “Sorry, Pa. I was in the shower, and I heard them yelling.”
Mrs. Jacobs gave Martha a disparaging look. Yelling at poor Lex. The gall!
“We can discuss this inside,” Martha declared, moving back toward the apartment.
“I don’t see why we would. Y’gave up custody of th’boy a while ago,” Jonathan pointed out.
“Do you have any idea what these two have been doing?” Martha demanded, pointing at Clark and Lex.
“S’pose I know better’n you do, since y’never listen to ‘em,” Jonathan shot back sharply.
Martha took a step back and shook her head dismissively.. “If you won’t let me have my son, then I’m just going to have Lionel take him out of Lex’s custody.”
“Like hell y’will. Now git out. B’fore me and Clark gotta throw ya out,” Jonathan growled, sounding for all the world like a pissed off papa grizzly.
Lex wheeled back a little bit, seeming worried. But Martha looked between the three of them and left, holding her body tensely. Clark reached down to warm Lex’s hand between his own.
“S’okay, Lex. No one is gonna take me away,” Clark promised.
Lex’s lips curved slightly. “No. I guess not. Though they might if you keep walking around in your towel.”
“Oh, jeez.” Clark looked back on the laughing Mrs. Jacobs and snuck into the apartment, his cheeks turning red.
***
All of Dr. Yeh’s traits were well known to Clark. The way she tilted her head, the way she pushed up her glasses, the way her lips formed a line when she was either impressed or displeased. He’d spent a lot of time watching her in their sessions. He didn’t know what he’d do, if the state wouldn’t pay for his sessions with her and just shuffled him off to someone else. Someone who didn’t understand about Lex and would put him on meds that made the voices seem a lot more important than his own thoughts.
He was slumped over, resting his chin in his hand as his eyes danced between his father and Dr. Yeh, who were talking about his eventual care. He started when Lex’s hand touched his shoulder. Lex mouthed the words “It’ll be fine,” and forced a little smile.
Coming from Mr. Doom and Gloom, that wasn’t very reassuring, but Clark smiled back.
”Clark?” Dr. Yeh tapped her pen on her desk twice, then stood. Clark looked up to listen to whatever she had to say. She took few steps toward him. “It will take a while for your Medicaid card to come, but… I will continue to see you once a week. Your medication is what worries me, but hopefully, your coverage will come into effect before it becomes too expensive.”
“You’re just gonna keep doing this? Even without the insurance paying you?” Clark asked curiously.
“I’m not letting you slip away, Clark. You’ve made too much progress,” she replied firmly.
Clark quirked a brow. “What about Lex?”
“Lex doesn’t particularly like going to therapy. He doesn’t care,” Lex answered for her. “Don’t worry. I’ve applied for coverage for my medication. They have a specific program for patients with HIV. We might be a little strapped until the paperwork goes through, but… it’ll come. We’ll make it until I can get another job.”
Clark reached forward and cupped Lex’s cheek, then smiled when Lex nuzzled his hand.
“I sent my résumé out everywhere when I went out this afternoon. There are a coupla more places I want to try… for business anyway. I’m going to head online to check for job listings in the Metropolis Transcript and online…” Lex reached down and squeezed Clark’s hand. “I’ll find something.”
Clark had just spent the last few months watching Lex being dragged down by the heavy, relentless reality of the world. Their respective physical and mental conditions, and people’s thoughtless, judgmental reactions to them both, a thankless and mind numbing job, the emotional blackmail Clark’s mother held in her tight and greedy fist as she withheld Lucas from them. Now everything had fallen apart at the seams, and Clark thought there was nothing more beautiful in the world than watching Lex piece the pieces of himself off the ground by sheer force of will.
He’d always suspected that Lex had fight in him somewhere.
***
When Clark walked out of the testing center ruffling his hair, Lex was waiting for him. He raised his brows in askance, and Clark met Lex halfway, then knelt down to him and put his hands on Lex’s thighs.
“How’d it go?” Lex asked, looking up at him with an almost paternal smile.
“That sucked.” Clark practically whined. Lex patted his lap until Clark looked up in surprise. “I can’t.”
“Do it.”
Clark laughed and got into Lex’s lap. “Does it hurt?”
“What are you, a sea cow? No. Tell me about it. How did you do on this part?”
“It was long. And long. Not that hard. But really really long!” Clark complained. He felt Lex’s arm slipping around his waist and giving him a squeeze. Slowly, he lowered his head to Lex’s shoulder with a sigh. “I got the English and Social Studies part done. Can I have ice cream?”
Lex chuckled. “Yeah, we can go get ice cream.”
Lex’s lips pressed against Clark’s forehead, and he closed his eyes, feeling them move as Lex wheeled them both back to the car. “You’re strong.”
“This isn’t easy!”
”It never is.” Clark leaned down and snuffled Lex’s neck. Then he lifted his hand and held up his middle finger.
Lex laughed. It was a beautiful sound. “Who are you flipping off?”
“Whoever follows us around taking damning pictures for your father. Lex, this is gonna take forever.” Clark sighed and messed with the buttons on the front of Lex’s shirt. “I have a hard time concentrating, and they give me extra time as it is, but geez.”
“What do you have left? Math?”
“And Science and Reading.” Clark pouted and blew air through his lips.
“You’ll do well on them all,” Lex declared. They reached the car, and Clark stood, waiting on Lex to shift himself into the drivers’ seat so he could put the wheelchair in the back. When Clark sat in the passenger seat, Lex had already buckled himself up and was drumming his thumbs on the steering wheel. “What do you think about California?”
“California? What about California?” Clark asked, frowning at Lex. He could be so random, sometimes.
Lex shrugged and looked down at his thighs. “California. Vermont. I dunno, somewhere ‘Blue State.’”
“What… huh?” Clark leaned over and looked at Lex sharply. All he saw was stress and sadness.
“I’m looking for a place where it might be safer for us. Let’s face it. There are some great parts of the Midwest, and we don’t live in one of them.”
“Yeah, but… my dad’s here-“
“I’m not suggesting we leave your father.”
“But… wait.” When the realization struck Clark, he had to lie back in his seat and put his hands over his eyes.
“I apologize. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
“I’m not a fucking kid, Lex!” Clark snapped suddenly. So suddenly that he hadn’t been aware that he was speaking until the words were already out of his mouth, and he wasn’t sure if that was a normal snap or something else. But everyone had been talking over his head lately about all the things that needed to be done, and not talking to him and it was driving him nuts.
Lex took Clark’s chin in his hand. “Hey. I love you. I don’t want to upset the person I love by talking about his dad dying, no matter what.”
“You think he’s gonna go soon?” Clark asked. Then he added quickly, “Be honest, Lex.”
Lex shrugged. “I don’t know. He’s got some years left in him for sure, but he is getting older. I just wonder… when the time comes, when he’s not here, if your mother still won’t let us see Lucas… what have we got holding us here?”
Clark pressed his lips together, finally seeing where Lex was going with that. “Nothing. Well, Mercy, right?”
“She’s not going to stick around if she can’t get a job here. I don’t care how much she loves us. Her family is in California, anyway.” Lex turned back toward the wheel, then turned the car on and began to pull out. “I was just thinking, you know, with my education, I'd be able to get a job that would allow me to support both of you, and he could come live with us wherever we are. I doubt he wants to keep breaking his back for the rest of his life on a farm that isn’t his.”
“Yeah. I don’t want him far. He’s all I’ve got left. Well, and you.” Clark rolled his head over and watched Lex’s profile. “I’ve always had you. You’re like this crazy constant in my life.”
“Crazy, yes. Constant, no. Unless you’re forgetting that time I disappeared on you and you didn’t see me again for over a year,” Lex reminded him in a dry tone.
Clark shook his head. “I remember. It just doesn’t count.”
“Alright them. Constantly inconstant.”
”Oh inconstant moon, that monthly changes her circled orb, lest they love prove likewise variable,” Clark replied dramatically.
Lex looked at him for a moment, then burst into laughter. “Are you Juliet?”
Clark smirked mischievously. “That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet; so would Lex, were he not called Lex, retain that dear perfection that he owns, without that title.”
“The depth and breadth of your Shakespearean prowess floors me.” Lex rolled his eyes, pulling into the handicapped space. He trailed his fingertips from Clark’s temple to his jaw line slowly as he spoke, “A woman's face with Nature's own hand painted hast thou, the master-mistress of my passion. A woman’s heart, but not acquainted, with shifting change, as is false women's fashion.”
Clark blinked. That was pretty. He’d never heard that one. “What’s that mean?”
“It means you’re beautiful like a woman and have a gentle heart like one, but you aren’t as prone to fickleness. It’s part of a sonnet that Shakespeare wrote to one of his boyfriends.”
Clark gaped. “Boyfriends!! Shut up! They didn’t talk about that in freshman English!”
“I doubt they would have. Might give you impressionable youngsters Ideas.”
“Well, I ended up with them anyway,” Clark shot back, reaching into the glove compartment to hang up the handicap tag in the rear view mirror. “Bonus. Good parking, all the time.”
“Assuming some able-bodied idiot doesn’t park in my space, yeah. Get my chair?”
Clark bounded out of the front seat and readied the chair for Lex. “No more of that gross fat free stuff.”
“It isn’t gross,” Lex protested, mounting his chair.
“Let me order for you,” Clark pleaded. When Lex didn’t protest, Clark wheeled him toward the entrance. “I remember you teaching me so much stuff. Back when I was in Fairview.”
“I do like to lecture. Well, I don’t mean to, I just have the tendency to ramble.” Lex looked up as a middle-aged man held the door for them. “Thank you.”
“No problem.” The man nodded, and his kids stared as they passed by, but he hurried them past and scolded them for being rude.
“Does that bug you?” Clark asked.
“Yes. Not always, but I’d rather people outright stare at the freak than pointedly not stare at the freak. Kids are honest that way. It used to bug me more, but…” Lex folded his hands in his lap. “It doesn’t hurt as much when the chip on your shoulder is smaller.”
“People shouldn’t stare anyway. Like they look so normal. I think you look fine.”
Lex’s little chuckle went straight to Clark groin. He was glad that Lex’s chair was in front of him.
“That’s because you love me,” Lex said softly.
“And you think I’m pretty like a woman because you love me,” Clark countered. He looked up at the menu.
“No, you really are beautiful. I’m sure that if you went out there and tried to find an agent, you’d be snapped up right away to do modeling.”
“I don’t think I can concentrate that long,” Clark admitted. He caught the clerk’s attention. “Hey, can I get two small waffle bowls, one with peanut butter ice cream, mixed with chocolate flakes and marshmallow cream-“
“Oh, my God. It’s a good thing I’m in a wheelchair because I wouldn’t be able to roll out of here after eating something like that!” Lex teased Clark, who grabbed Lex’s shoulders and shook him playfully.
“Aaand! One with cheesecake ice cream, mixed with gram cracker crust and strawberries.” Clark dropped a kiss on the crown of Lex’s head. “That sound better?”
“Much,” Lex agreed, getting out his wallet to pay the cashier.
“I’m glad the evil minion package comes with ice cream benefits.” Clark rocked back and forth on his heels.
Lex tucked his change back into his wallet. “The evil minion package doesn’t. Not at all. I’m evil. I can’t just give you ice cream. Not while I’ve already got you.”
“And yet, you’re buying it for me,” Clark pointed out.
Lex looked up at him with a shy smile. “See... you’ve been upgraded to an evil consort package. You’ll be wooed with all sort of things.”
“Evil consort… What does that entail?” Clark asked suspiciously. He was so glad that they could joke around again.
“Well, that depends. You can stand there and look pretty.”
Clark looked at the ceiling and nodded. “That I can do.”
“Yeah,” Lex laughed. “Or you could help me with my evil scheming.”
Clark narrowed one eye and tilted his head at Lex. “What kind of schemes?”
“I’ll let you know when I come up with one.”
Taking the ice cream, Clark shrugged. “I guess it doesn’t matter what it was. I’ll follow you wherever you go, or whatever you do. So I’m on board for evil schemes.”
Lex let his head fall back and just stared up at Clark, who shifted his feet and focused on those wonderfully expressive gray eyes until he felt himself starting to flush.
“What?!” Clark asked uncomfortably.
Lex caressed Clark’s face, then drew him closer until he was bending down to meet Lex. “That’s why you’re perfect as my consort,” he whispered.
Clark felt a shiver run up his spine when their lips touched. Slow, slow, kissing, lip sucking, then Lex was licking over his lips, inside his lips. Clark gasped a little as Lex began to suck on his tongue, making a soft, pleased noise. He could feel Lex’s warm breath on his chin and wondered if Lex could feel the same. Too soon, Lex pulled back and looked at him.
“Uh… wow,” Clark breathed out in a rush.
“Ice cream’s melting,” Lex said, licking his lips slowly.
Clark shook his head and laughed. “Wonder why that would happen.” He wiped his forehead. “Phew.”
***
“Y-your head falls off, Lex?” Clark repeated doubtfully. Across the room, Lex sat in his chair changing for bed. His movements were slow, neat, deliberate. They marked him as solely and purely Lex, and no other. Who else would move like that? No one. Clark’s eyes followed as one slender hand twisted sharply, securing a button, then both would drop, repeating the motion in a sort of fastidious beauty that no other mortal could possibly possess.
Clark, you’re being weird. He’s just dressing himself.
Yes, but he’s so perfect when he does it.
You have a point there.
Hee.
“Not my entire head.” Lex turned and drew an imaginary circle around his crown. “Just the top.”
Clark blinked. “And your brain falls out.”
“Yes.” Lex’s lips transformed into a small pink pout, and he quirked one brow. “I know my dreams are strange.”
“Hey,” Clark said softly. “I have strange dreams too.”
“That you do.” Lex wheeled over to the bed and began to dismount his wheelchair.
Clark climbed inside the bed and opened his arms for Lex to climb into, and soon enough, Lex was there, back to his front, snuggling up warmly. He reached up and turned off the light.
“How are you doing, Lex? Any better?”
“Day by day. Sometimes it gets better. I was… bad, for awhile, wasn’t I?” Lex turned his head to Clark, although they couldn’t see one another’s faces well in the dark.
“You were,” Clark replied honestly. “I was scared. It was… kind of awesome, though, watching you tell off my mom!”
“I won’t let her take you from me. I won’t let anyone who doesn’t love you take you anywhere. Your father, maybe, I’d trust to take you safely for some reason. But not her. Not my father. I barely trusted Dr. Yeh at first, but she’s proven herself.” Lex’s fingers intertwined with Clark’s, and he rested them on his hip.
Clark was a little confused, but given the permission to touch, well. Touch he did. Caressing Lex’s skinny, tight muscles.
Then Lex… moved.
He lifted his thigh just a little to rest it on Clark’s and then his behind was pressed against Clark’s crotch. And that fact alone was enough to make him noticeably hard. Lex HAD to feel that. Clark felt like his cock might just explode right out of his pajama bottoms!
“Sorry,” Clark whispered. His eyes were adjusting, and he could now faintly make out the back of Lex’s head.
Lex turned his head again and said, “Don’t be sorry.”
Then he moved again. A little rubbing against Clark. That’s all it was. But Clark found himself rubbing back, rocking his hips against Lex’s body. Lex moved his hand back onto Clark’s leg, bracing himself and making tiny panting noises. Clark couldn’t be quiet. Lex’s hand was inched ever closer to his ass, and his own was gripping Lex’s hip tightly, and the two of them were moving together, breathing raggedly, sweating a little.
“Okay… Clark?” Lex asked.
“Please… oh… Lex, tell me this is happening,” Clark pleaded. Delicious pressure swelled inside of him in a way that he’d only felt when he was alone doing things his mother had told him not to do.
Lex’s lips brushed against Clark’s jaw in the dark. “This is real as it gets.”
“Unn…”
Rub rub rub.
Clark didn’t know what else to do but let himself rock against Lex. His hand crept down under Lex’s pajama top and pressed closely to his scarred belly. His thumb kept running over and over the scar in time with his little rubs.
Suddenly the pressure at his groin burst pleasantly, though wetly, into his pajamas, and Clark stiffed and tightened his grasp on Lex, clutching him possessively until he was finished and coiled limply around him. He closed his eyes for a brief moment, then brushed tender, unhurried kisses along Lex’s exposed neck.
“I uh… you might be a little wet,” Clark murmured apologetically.
“We’ll get it in the morning,” Lex whispered, moving his hand down once more and caressing Clark’s side and thigh. Clark realized that he was still stroking Lex’s belly, although he hadn’t said anything, so maybe it was okay to touch now.
“Does it hurt?” Clark blurted out. He felt like Lucas for a moment.
Lex stretched against him. “Sex?”
“Your scars.”
“Oh.” Lex’s hand stopped moving. For a moment Clark thought that he was going to be kicked out of bed, but Lex’s hand moved on top of his and their fingers brushed together over the scar. “They pull, sometimes. Scar tissue doesn’t stretch properly. It’s harder to get back to business as normal, when you have a lot of scar tissue.”
“I like to feel it,” Clark told him honestly. It was true. It felt neat.
After a pause, Lex replied, “Well. You’re odd. But it doesn’t hurt, so don’t worry about it. You can touch.”
“Okay,” Clark whispered.
So Clark touched. And he let the electricity in their touch be his guide. A tingly feeling along his skin that let him know that it was love and that he and his kind stranger would be okay.
Pairing: Clex
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Clark is finally out of the asylum, but his journey back to sanity isn’t over yet. An unlikely savior takes him in and gives him a chance to redeem himself.
Spoilers: Through S6 Labyrinth.
Warnings: Totally AU. Dark and possibly triggering for folks with depression. WIP
Thanks to my supaaaa beta! herohunter
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven
Part Eight
Part Nine
Everything was black, then white. Then sounds came into his ears. Once he remembered what motion was, he couldn’t move for some reason, even if he struggled as hard as he could. The more he struggled, the sleepier he got.
And so it was. Over and over. Fade to black. White. Walls. Talking. Rooms and things and sounds. Fade to black.
Then… one of the shapes moved towards him slowly, and the blur formed into sad red rimmed circles of gray, coming at him in jerky stretches. Forward, then a pause, then forward, and on and on. Then they disappeared for a second, reappeared, and a hoarse voice asked, “How was your day, Clark?”
Clark. Clark. A sound. A word. Wasn’t it? “Clark.”
His eyes darted around and saw that there was a paleness around those circles. Long and thin. Young. A face. Eyes. Wetness on the cheeks. Brows scrunched up.
“You’re Clark. I’m Lex. Do you remember that?”
He stared at the owner of the voice. Smooth, soothing sounds that tickled the edges of his skin and made him feel… something. Clark was… It was… him. He was Clark and this was….
He turned his head to see two men conversing in whispers about the alien they had caught. He trembled.
“Don’t be upset,” the soothing voice said. Someone was touching him, and that wasn’t good. Never was. Touching meant he’d black out again soon, but… this touch was so kind. And tingly. He looked up and saw the sad gray eyes staring up at him.
“Don’t let them experiment on me,” he pleaded.
The person looked surprised. Maybe they hadn’t briefed this one on the plan yet.
Clark leaned over and squeezed the person’s hand. “Don’t tell anyone. I’m an alien. They locked me up in here because I have powers, and they want to experiment on me!”
The person swallowed. He blinked. More tears fell, and he put his other hand over Clark’s. “Do you remember me at all? It’s Lex, Clark. Lex. Remember, we met at the coffee shop in town? Do you remember what happened at the bridge?”
Clark stared at him, uncomprehending, though he didn’t know how long. The person started to shift in his seat uncomfortably.
Save me, Clark. I need you to. I want you to.
“Lex, oh. Oh, my Lex!” Clark exclaimed, lurching forward. Hands touched his back, and he started to panic. “No, don’t! Please don’t!”
“Hey, it’s okay!” Lex said angrily. He grabbed one of the arms on Clark, and then they moved away, turning into murmuring noise behind him. “Clark, tell me. Tell me what happened at the bridge.”
Somebody, save me!
”Your car… it was gonna go off the bridge! I saved you!” Clark declared proudly. He leaned in again and whispered, “With my powers. Don’t tell!”
A displeased expression crossed Lex’s face, followed by sadness again. Why was Lex so sad? Clark had saved him, just like he was supposed to!
Lex wiped his hands over his eyes, then said in resignation, “Tell me about your day, Clark. Talk to me about what happened today.”
Clark leaned on his hands and gazed at Lex’s sad eyes and slender hands and beautiful neck as he chattered away to the first person who had really listened to him for a long time.
“C’mon,” Clark urged, pulling Lex over a little in their bed. Lex snuggled up against him again, unwilling to get up and face the day, and Clark had to smile. His Lex. So little, so broken. “Let’s get you a shower?”
Lex groaned slightly then looked up at Clark, who cupped the back of his head and pressed a kiss to his forehead. A touch that he’d dreamed of for so long. Clark could hardly believe that it was his now. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Lex murmured. “Where’s my chair?”
“It’s by the bed. Hang on.” Clark moved off the bed and then reached under Lex’s armpits to lift him up. “Is this okay?”
“What? Oh.” Lex’s eyes creased, and he lifted his arms around Clark’s neck. “Yeah, you can.”
Clark smiled and picked him up, deciding to just carry him into the bathroom. “I don’t want to be just another person tossing you around like a doll or something.”
“I understand. Thanks.” Lex rested his head on Clark’s shoulder until he was set down on the seat in the shower.
Clark caressed his face and began unbuttoning his shirt. Then Lex’s hand moved to stop him, and their eyes met. Lex, Lex. And his beautiful, sad gray eyes. Clark could see how nervous this made Lex, to let himself be seen, and he remembered the scars. “Lex, I don’t… I don’t care about he scars.” He leaned over and kissed Lex’s collarbone. “You’re handsome.”
“I’m not. Clark, stop. You know I hate it when people say things like that. I’m pale and mangled and bald. Handsome is not an adjective that works its way in there. Just tell it like it is.”
“To me. You’re handsome to me. You always have been,” Clark insisted. He watched Lex for a moment, then went over to sit on the toilet seat. The long silence stretched between them. “You want me to get out of here? I’ll give you some privacy.”
As Clark moved to rise, Lex suddenly shook his head. Slowly, he began unbuttoning his shirt himself. Clark’s eyes widened as the pale flesh saw light, and Lex lifted his head tentatively, scanning Clark’s expression for his reaction. The shirt slipped down, revealing the thick white scar cutting across his belly. Lex dropped the shirt to the floor and instinctively crossed his arms.
Clark rose and rubbed his hands together pensively then took a deep breath and knelt by Lex’s side. Meeting Lex’s eyes, he slowly touched his fingers to Lex’s abdomen.
“It’s okay,” Clark whispered, hoping that Lex could relax as he usually did at Clark’s touch. Sometimes it seemed like when neither could express what they were feeling, their skin could communicate the essential for them. By and by Lex moved his hands back and rested them on the porcelain of the tub. Rough fingertips followed the line of the thick, white scars, curiously at first, and then adoringly. Clark rose a little and moved to sit on the side of the tub. As Lex’s eyes followed him, Clark began to unhurriedly explore the surgical scars on Lex’s back. Lex stiffened at first, until he felt Clark’s dry lips join his fingertips on the marred skin.
“What are you doing?”
“Adoring you.” Clark pressed his cheek to Lex’s back. “I don’t think… you deserve anything less than someone willing to accept every part of you in.” He wrapped his arms around Lex’s waist. “And I always have.”
After a moment, Lex’s arms rested on Clark’s. “I… I say it all the time, but I really love you, Clark.”
Clark came around to Lex’s front again and caressed his face with both hands, then kissed him as he rubbed Lex’s shoulders. Slow slow, their mouths sucked and dragged against one another as Clark squeezed Lex’s soft flesh. It was so chaste, but it was more than enough for him. His Lex, alive and awake.
Save me.
Reaching over to turn on the water, Clark rubbed noses with Lex. “There. Okay.” He dropped his hand to Lex’s buckle and looked into his eyes for permission.
“Alright,” Lex consented quietly. He lifted himself up so Clark could pull the pants off once they were unbuckled. Clark knelt down and ran his hands up and down Lex’s thighs. He kissed one stump and then the other. Lex drew in a sharp breath.
“Every single part.” Clark kissed them again, then felt Lex’s cool palm against his cheek.
There were no words, nothing to say. As the sound of the water sloshed behind them and entered Clark’s ears, Lex just stared into Clark’s eyes, hope and love unrestrained and pushing back the sadness.
***
Clark lit up inside when the apartment door opened and his father walked through. Leaping up from the couch like an excited little boy, he gave his father a great big bear hug.
“Hey, son!” Jonathan said, squeezing Clark and rocking him from side to side.
“Dad,” Clark whimpered, nuzzling his head into his father’s shoulder. Jonathan frowned, but held his son until he was ready to speak again. Clark sniffed. “Sorry, I’m just really glad to see you!”
“I know, Clark. I heard it’s been bad. How’s Lex?” Jonathan scratched the back of Clark’s head.
“He’s really down, but… Dad, can his father do this to him?”
Jonathan shrugged and patted Clark’s shoulder. “We live in Kansas. He could get away with it. I think Lex should fight it anyway. Or try to. C’mon.” He walked over to the sofa with Clark and sat down. “Look, I know money’s gonna be tight for you guys. Got three people here and no jobs-“
“Lex told me he has some money saved,” Clark said optimistically.
“Yeah, yeah. He’s a smart guy. But the both of you got a lotta medical bills.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out an enveloped and offered it to Clark. “Take it. I don’t got a lot, but I want you to take that.”
Clark peered inside the enveloped. “Whoa! Dad! No way!”
“It’s for your GED. Plus a little extra. Now, you take that, Clark,” Jonathan ordered. “I want you to go through with this. Now maybe you’ll be able to go on to college classes and maybe not, but this is for you, and your hard work and your self-esteem. You worked hard on this and I want you to be able to see this through.”
Clark shook his head. “It’s too much.”
“I’m your father. It’s my job t’take care of you!” Jonathan put his hands on his knees. “Now, I haven’t been doin’ a good job of it lately, but I still aim to help you become a man. So, you take that, and when you’re ready, you take that test. And you’ll know you c’n do it, an’ you’re qualified to get some jobs.”
“Like I could hold one,” Clark scoffed.
“Hey!” Jonathan clapped his son’s shoulder firmly. “Maybe you can, and maybe you can’t. But there are things that you can do that are for you, an’ when you figure that out, I want you to be able to go for it. The world is waitin’ for ya, Clark.”
He squeezed Clark into another hug. The young man sighed and closed his eyes.
As soon as he heard the sound of the wheelchair moving, Clark looked up, surprised to see that Lex was dressed and, though pale and still looking distressed, awake and coherent.
“Hello, Jonathan,” Lex said in a thin voice. Jonathan rose with a grunt and came over to give Lex a hug. Clark bounced a little, happier than ever that his father was here to visit them. Lex looked up at him with creased eyes. “I’m sorry the place is such a mess. How long are you staying?”
“Gotta get back to the farm soon, but I’ll be around for a few days, if you’ll have me.”
Lex pressed his lips together, and Clark could see that he was concerned about something.
Jonathan let Lex go and stepped back. “The couch is fine. I wanna go talk to Clark’s shrink, even though I’m not his guardian now, technically.”
“If I signed him over to you, it might be safer,” Lex suggested. “I don’t want my father to get custody of him again.”
“That’s a good point. I dunno that they’d give Martha custody again, if we reminded them of the lobotomy she near let happen.”
Clark leaned over and rested his cheek on his hand. Nothing more fun than having people talk about him like he was a kid. Even when he knew they were doing it to take care of him.
“Dad’s footing the bill for the GED,” Clark announced. He almost wanted to go over and squish Lex to him. He just looked so embarrassed and defeated.
Jonathan spoke up before Lex could protest. “Don’t say a word. I’m giving you what help I can. If Martha’s not gonna do right by you boys, I will.”
“I feel like I’m shifting responsibility from my father to you,” Lex replied after a moment, creasing a brow and heaving a sigh. “As though I’m just passing it again and never taking it on myself.”
Jonathan sat down on the couch again. “No, you ain’t. We all need a little help sometimes. I know that well enough. Nell was pretty kind to buy the farm from me and let me live there as long as she did, ‘specially when she had that Lana to look after. I’ve had enough help here and there to know that you don’t let pride get in the way of takin’ care of your family. So don’t feel like you’re a burden or nothin’ like that. I want to help. I should’ve done before, but things were goin’ so bad. Should’ve come to visit y’more, Clark.”
Clark watched his father run his hand over his thinning hair twice. “There’s a lot of stuff that should’ve been done. I wouldn’t have remembered or understood you coming anyway.”
“Clark-“
“What I care about is that you’re here now,” Clark insisted. And it was so purely true. Not just here for him, though it helped immeasurably to have his father there guiding him, but also here to give a reassuring word to Lex, who had never had a reassuring word, or a reassuring embrace, or a warm and approving eye from a father figure at all.
Lex twisted his hands gently then rolled closer to the two of them. “We can’t tell you how much it means that you’ve come. Would you like something to drink?”
“Nah, well. I could do with a glass o’water. If y’tell me where the glasse are, I c’n get it m’self. How are you boys on groceries?” Jonathan asked, heading into the kitchen.
Clark spared a glance for Lex, who thinned his lips and blinked at him with wide eyes before taking his hand and giving it a squeeze. Clark thought that it must be a strange feeling for Lex, to have family pulling together in a time of crisis. The Luthors certainly hadn’t done much pulling together when Lex had his accident, or when he’d tried to kill himself.
Frankly, Clark had begun to lose touch with the feeling of family himself; his years alone at Fairview had done nothing to help with this. His mother had visited a few times, but her interest in him had faded as soon as Lucas was born. Clark suddenly realized that his distance from the kid was probably less do to the fact that he was an annoying brat, though he was, and more due to the fact that he’d been replaced in his mother’s heart. His father had eventually stopped visiting, and Lex, who had only been family as a technicality, had stayed the longest until he had no reserves left and couldn’t give of himself any longer.
Clark had no delusions; he knew that it cut Lex to see Clark overtaken by his mental illness as deeply as it cut himself to see Lex drowning in despair. He leaned over and gave Lex a gentle kiss, which Lex reciprocated, but then gave him a quizzical look. Classic Lex. Always questioning everything.
“Dad? Oh.” Clark blinked as he turned and caught his father watching them with a little frown. Clark hoped seeing his son actually touching Lex wasn’t too much for his small town farmer dad. “I was gonna say, if you want to go to the store, we could all go together.”
Clark could almost feel the frown on Lex’s face. He knew that Lex didn’t want to go out. Well, Lex had carried Clark when he’d been afraid. He would do the same for Lex.
“Could do,” Jonathan replied. His frown had melted away as quickly as it had come, and he sat on the arm of the sofa. “Whenever you boys want. C’n I get Dr. Yeh’s number, Lex?”
Lex nodded and wheeled off to get his address book.
“You okay with this, Dad?” Clark asked.
Jonathan patted his shoulder. “I was jus’ thinking, I can’t understand how Martha an’ Lionel could deny you two a little happiness. I just can’t. You’ve both had so much hardness in your lives. You deserve something soft and easy to balance it out, y’know? That’s the way I always saw it. She got her happy ending, with her own kid and an easy life. Why can’t you and Lex have some?”
Clark tucked his feet under him. “Lex gets mad at me when I talk bad about Mom. But it hurts too much, what she’s doing to us.”
“He wants you to hang on to your family with all y’got. I’d agree, but it’s her call now, if she ever wants to be part of your life again.” Jonathan shrugged. “I think she’s gonna one day regret treatin’ you like this, an’ I hope it isn’t too late for her. I-“ He broke off and scratched the back of his head, lowering his voice as he spoke, “Lex does good, but life ain’t forever. I know you don’t want to think about stuff like that, but I’ve probably got ten years left in me, at most, and we all know that Lex could get sick. Or ya’ll could get in an accident. Who knows? She’s done waited too long already.”
“I don’t like to think about it.” Clark felt his eyes prick with tears, and he looked up to his father with a pout.
Jonathan’s hand felt heavy and reassuring on his shoulder. “All we can do is all we could ever do. We gotta take care of each other best we can and make the most of each other while we’re all still in the same life.”
Clark was so glad his daddy was here.
***
“Eat eat eat,” Clark ordered, pushing a pita stuffed with roasted veggies and hummus at Lex’s mouth.
“I will,” Lex grumbled, then turned his head to the side to take a bite out of it.
Jonathan chuckled and speared a bit of red potato salad Lex had whipped up especially for his arrival, with Clark peeling the potatoes of course. “How’s the job search goin’, Mercy?”
“I’ve downgraded to hospitals. Got a couple of interviews lined up for a nursing position. I can do that for a while, but eventually, I’m just gonna have to move.” She turned her head and looked to Clark and Lex. “Not immediately.”
“I know, Merc. Don’t worry.” Lex sipped his iced tea idly, as though he weren’t fazed at all. Clark frowned and poked at his food. He didn’t want his little family breaking up. It’d taken so long for him to actually get one that accepted who he was.
Mercy continued, “Oh, and Mr. Kent, I want you to take my bed while you’re here. Don’t be like these idiots and argue with me. I’m young, and you’re old. I don’t have any back problems, and I can handle the couch for a while.”
“Hm.” Jonathan pressed his lips together. His eyes went from Clark, to Lex, who shared a smile with him, and then back to Mercy. “I guess I can’t argue with that, now can I? I ‘preciate the hospitality.”
“Well, you have to eat the rabbit food we make for Lex, so you can at least get a nice bed.” Mercy mussed with her hair and leaned on her hand.
“The rabbit food ain’t half bad. I’ve had some ticker problems, so I s’pose it’s good for me too,” Jonathan decided. “How’s this stuff supposed to help you, Lex?”
“Oh, um… it’s more an all around method of staying as healthy as possible. Bolstering your immune system with a good diet-less sugar, caffeine, grease, zero alcohol, etc.-and since I don’t eat a lot anyway, it’s wiser to make meals centered on nutrient rich foods,” Lex explained. “I was never much of a red meat eater to begin with, not that I didn’t appreciate a good steak, but when you don’t have an appetite, it doesn’t make a difference.”
“Yeah, Lex’s pills make him not so hungry,” Clark hugged Lex around the shoulders.
“Sometimes. But Clark makes sure I eat.” Lex looked up at him with a slight curve in his lips.
Mercy wobbled her fork between her fingers and looked Jonathan in the eye. “They give you a cavity, don’t they? More than enough sweet stuff to finish off your meal.”
Jonathan chuckled and shook his head.
“Well, that or we can sneak out for a good burger,” Mercy winked broadly at him.
Clark felt Lex’s hand slipping over his under the table, so he looked over at him to see a slight smile spreading across his pink lips.
***
The shower was a bit cool, which Clark figured was a result of his mind wandering while he was in there. That happened to him a lot. Rinsing the lather off slowly, letting his bulky hands smooth over his own shoulders, pecs, abs, pretending that instead they were Lex’s slender, deft hands. Over one rounded cheek, then the other. Then to the backs and insides of his thighs. His eyelids drooped as he took a deep breath and moved his hands around to his front again, slowly, almost shyly taking himself into his hands. He pumped slowly.
His hands were Lex’s hands. Lex knew just how to touch. He was smooth, experienced, gentle-
“Under your care we might have lost him completely!”
Clark was jolted out of the moment by Lex’s booming voice. He’d almost forgotten that Lex could get that loud. Quickly, Clark finished up and turned off the shower. He wrapped himself in a towel and hurried out of the bathroom.
When he’d left Lex, the man had been dozing on the couch, in that helpless way he did, feeling utterly enervated and useless. Lex had told him he was sleeping so much because he was depressed, and not to let him give in to it, but it was hard for Clark to bring himself to actually do that. For one thing, Lex was cute when he slept, and he looked less sad. For another, it felt mean to pick him up and put him in his chair to make him go do something. Reaching the living room however, did not bring visions of his sweet sleeping Lex.
It bought visions of his Lex, so small and fragile, bellowing in righteous anger at Martha.
“Sick, depraved man-“ she hissed, standing there in a turquoise skirt suit and clutching her purse as though it were a weapon.
“Narrow-minded, spoiled homophobe! Get your head out of your ass, woman! Do you really think Clark is going to keep improving if you take custody of him? Has it entirely escaped your notice that he spent five years in that asylum losing more and more of his cogency?”
“Oh, good God!” Finally noticing her boy standing there in a towel, Martha covered her eyes and turned away. “You just let him run around here naked?”
“No, Mother,” Clark said pithily. “I just got out of the shower. The towel might be a clue. You know what? Get out.”
“Clark, I’m taking you home,” she argued, holding out her hand. “Get your things, and let’s go, honey.”
“I’m schizophrenic, Ma. I’m not retarded, and I’m not going anywhere. I am home. Get out,” Clark repeated, moving towards her. Instead of taking her hand, he grabbed her shoulders and turned her toward the door.
“Clark Jerome Kent!” she admonished. “Take your hands off me!”
“Out of our home!”
Martha put her hands at the sides of the doorway and held on for a moment before Clark shoved her out and she landed on the floor in surprise. “This isn’t over,” she said firmly. Her palms pushed against the floor, and she struggled to get up. “Clark, this is for you. I’m only trying to do what’s best for you!”
Cold fingers brushed against Clark’s hand, and he looked down to see Lex reaching out for him. “You don’t know what’s best for me anymore, Ma! You haven’t since you gave up on me. Otherwise, you’d see how much I’ve changed, and you’d know it hasn’t been because of anything you’ve done to help!”
Martha’s jaw dropped. “I see that you’re still obsessed with him! Clark, don’t let him trick you into his bed like this-“
“We sleep together, Ma. We aren’t having sex. Though when and if we get there, it’s none of your business.”
“Oh my!” Mrs. Jacobs exclaimed as she walked by in her pink sweat suit.
Martha covered her face again.
“Hello, Mrs. Jacobs,” Lex said with a wave. His cheeks were flushing pinkly.
The woman looked Martha up and down. “Would you like me to call the landlord?”
“That isn’t necessary. I’m just here to collect Clark,” Martha assured her in her best ‘society’ voice.
“Collected ‘im fer what?” Clark felt relief wash over him as his father strolled down the hallway with a scowl on his face. Jonathan walked right up to Martha and hooked his thumbs on his thick, workman’s jeans. “I don’t remember Clark goin’ anywheres t’day.”
“Jonathan,” Martha said in breathless surprise.
“Martha.” Jonathan turned to Clark. “Boy, go get some pants!”
Clark pouted. “Sorry, Pa. I was in the shower, and I heard them yelling.”
Mrs. Jacobs gave Martha a disparaging look. Yelling at poor Lex. The gall!
“We can discuss this inside,” Martha declared, moving back toward the apartment.
“I don’t see why we would. Y’gave up custody of th’boy a while ago,” Jonathan pointed out.
“Do you have any idea what these two have been doing?” Martha demanded, pointing at Clark and Lex.
“S’pose I know better’n you do, since y’never listen to ‘em,” Jonathan shot back sharply.
Martha took a step back and shook her head dismissively.. “If you won’t let me have my son, then I’m just going to have Lionel take him out of Lex’s custody.”
“Like hell y’will. Now git out. B’fore me and Clark gotta throw ya out,” Jonathan growled, sounding for all the world like a pissed off papa grizzly.
Lex wheeled back a little bit, seeming worried. But Martha looked between the three of them and left, holding her body tensely. Clark reached down to warm Lex’s hand between his own.
“S’okay, Lex. No one is gonna take me away,” Clark promised.
Lex’s lips curved slightly. “No. I guess not. Though they might if you keep walking around in your towel.”
“Oh, jeez.” Clark looked back on the laughing Mrs. Jacobs and snuck into the apartment, his cheeks turning red.
***
All of Dr. Yeh’s traits were well known to Clark. The way she tilted her head, the way she pushed up her glasses, the way her lips formed a line when she was either impressed or displeased. He’d spent a lot of time watching her in their sessions. He didn’t know what he’d do, if the state wouldn’t pay for his sessions with her and just shuffled him off to someone else. Someone who didn’t understand about Lex and would put him on meds that made the voices seem a lot more important than his own thoughts.
He was slumped over, resting his chin in his hand as his eyes danced between his father and Dr. Yeh, who were talking about his eventual care. He started when Lex’s hand touched his shoulder. Lex mouthed the words “It’ll be fine,” and forced a little smile.
Coming from Mr. Doom and Gloom, that wasn’t very reassuring, but Clark smiled back.
”Clark?” Dr. Yeh tapped her pen on her desk twice, then stood. Clark looked up to listen to whatever she had to say. She took few steps toward him. “It will take a while for your Medicaid card to come, but… I will continue to see you once a week. Your medication is what worries me, but hopefully, your coverage will come into effect before it becomes too expensive.”
“You’re just gonna keep doing this? Even without the insurance paying you?” Clark asked curiously.
“I’m not letting you slip away, Clark. You’ve made too much progress,” she replied firmly.
Clark quirked a brow. “What about Lex?”
“Lex doesn’t particularly like going to therapy. He doesn’t care,” Lex answered for her. “Don’t worry. I’ve applied for coverage for my medication. They have a specific program for patients with HIV. We might be a little strapped until the paperwork goes through, but… it’ll come. We’ll make it until I can get another job.”
Clark reached forward and cupped Lex’s cheek, then smiled when Lex nuzzled his hand.
“I sent my résumé out everywhere when I went out this afternoon. There are a coupla more places I want to try… for business anyway. I’m going to head online to check for job listings in the Metropolis Transcript and online…” Lex reached down and squeezed Clark’s hand. “I’ll find something.”
Clark had just spent the last few months watching Lex being dragged down by the heavy, relentless reality of the world. Their respective physical and mental conditions, and people’s thoughtless, judgmental reactions to them both, a thankless and mind numbing job, the emotional blackmail Clark’s mother held in her tight and greedy fist as she withheld Lucas from them. Now everything had fallen apart at the seams, and Clark thought there was nothing more beautiful in the world than watching Lex piece the pieces of himself off the ground by sheer force of will.
He’d always suspected that Lex had fight in him somewhere.
***
When Clark walked out of the testing center ruffling his hair, Lex was waiting for him. He raised his brows in askance, and Clark met Lex halfway, then knelt down to him and put his hands on Lex’s thighs.
“How’d it go?” Lex asked, looking up at him with an almost paternal smile.
“That sucked.” Clark practically whined. Lex patted his lap until Clark looked up in surprise. “I can’t.”
“Do it.”
Clark laughed and got into Lex’s lap. “Does it hurt?”
“What are you, a sea cow? No. Tell me about it. How did you do on this part?”
“It was long. And long. Not that hard. But really really long!” Clark complained. He felt Lex’s arm slipping around his waist and giving him a squeeze. Slowly, he lowered his head to Lex’s shoulder with a sigh. “I got the English and Social Studies part done. Can I have ice cream?”
Lex chuckled. “Yeah, we can go get ice cream.”
Lex’s lips pressed against Clark’s forehead, and he closed his eyes, feeling them move as Lex wheeled them both back to the car. “You’re strong.”
“This isn’t easy!”
”It never is.” Clark leaned down and snuffled Lex’s neck. Then he lifted his hand and held up his middle finger.
Lex laughed. It was a beautiful sound. “Who are you flipping off?”
“Whoever follows us around taking damning pictures for your father. Lex, this is gonna take forever.” Clark sighed and messed with the buttons on the front of Lex’s shirt. “I have a hard time concentrating, and they give me extra time as it is, but geez.”
“What do you have left? Math?”
“And Science and Reading.” Clark pouted and blew air through his lips.
“You’ll do well on them all,” Lex declared. They reached the car, and Clark stood, waiting on Lex to shift himself into the drivers’ seat so he could put the wheelchair in the back. When Clark sat in the passenger seat, Lex had already buckled himself up and was drumming his thumbs on the steering wheel. “What do you think about California?”
“California? What about California?” Clark asked, frowning at Lex. He could be so random, sometimes.
Lex shrugged and looked down at his thighs. “California. Vermont. I dunno, somewhere ‘Blue State.’”
“What… huh?” Clark leaned over and looked at Lex sharply. All he saw was stress and sadness.
“I’m looking for a place where it might be safer for us. Let’s face it. There are some great parts of the Midwest, and we don’t live in one of them.”
“Yeah, but… my dad’s here-“
“I’m not suggesting we leave your father.”
“But… wait.” When the realization struck Clark, he had to lie back in his seat and put his hands over his eyes.
“I apologize. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
“I’m not a fucking kid, Lex!” Clark snapped suddenly. So suddenly that he hadn’t been aware that he was speaking until the words were already out of his mouth, and he wasn’t sure if that was a normal snap or something else. But everyone had been talking over his head lately about all the things that needed to be done, and not talking to him and it was driving him nuts.
Lex took Clark’s chin in his hand. “Hey. I love you. I don’t want to upset the person I love by talking about his dad dying, no matter what.”
“You think he’s gonna go soon?” Clark asked. Then he added quickly, “Be honest, Lex.”
Lex shrugged. “I don’t know. He’s got some years left in him for sure, but he is getting older. I just wonder… when the time comes, when he’s not here, if your mother still won’t let us see Lucas… what have we got holding us here?”
Clark pressed his lips together, finally seeing where Lex was going with that. “Nothing. Well, Mercy, right?”
“She’s not going to stick around if she can’t get a job here. I don’t care how much she loves us. Her family is in California, anyway.” Lex turned back toward the wheel, then turned the car on and began to pull out. “I was just thinking, you know, with my education, I'd be able to get a job that would allow me to support both of you, and he could come live with us wherever we are. I doubt he wants to keep breaking his back for the rest of his life on a farm that isn’t his.”
“Yeah. I don’t want him far. He’s all I’ve got left. Well, and you.” Clark rolled his head over and watched Lex’s profile. “I’ve always had you. You’re like this crazy constant in my life.”
“Crazy, yes. Constant, no. Unless you’re forgetting that time I disappeared on you and you didn’t see me again for over a year,” Lex reminded him in a dry tone.
Clark shook his head. “I remember. It just doesn’t count.”
“Alright them. Constantly inconstant.”
”Oh inconstant moon, that monthly changes her circled orb, lest they love prove likewise variable,” Clark replied dramatically.
Lex looked at him for a moment, then burst into laughter. “Are you Juliet?”
Clark smirked mischievously. “That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet; so would Lex, were he not called Lex, retain that dear perfection that he owns, without that title.”
“The depth and breadth of your Shakespearean prowess floors me.” Lex rolled his eyes, pulling into the handicapped space. He trailed his fingertips from Clark’s temple to his jaw line slowly as he spoke, “A woman's face with Nature's own hand painted hast thou, the master-mistress of my passion. A woman’s heart, but not acquainted, with shifting change, as is false women's fashion.”
Clark blinked. That was pretty. He’d never heard that one. “What’s that mean?”
“It means you’re beautiful like a woman and have a gentle heart like one, but you aren’t as prone to fickleness. It’s part of a sonnet that Shakespeare wrote to one of his boyfriends.”
Clark gaped. “Boyfriends!! Shut up! They didn’t talk about that in freshman English!”
“I doubt they would have. Might give you impressionable youngsters Ideas.”
“Well, I ended up with them anyway,” Clark shot back, reaching into the glove compartment to hang up the handicap tag in the rear view mirror. “Bonus. Good parking, all the time.”
“Assuming some able-bodied idiot doesn’t park in my space, yeah. Get my chair?”
Clark bounded out of the front seat and readied the chair for Lex. “No more of that gross fat free stuff.”
“It isn’t gross,” Lex protested, mounting his chair.
“Let me order for you,” Clark pleaded. When Lex didn’t protest, Clark wheeled him toward the entrance. “I remember you teaching me so much stuff. Back when I was in Fairview.”
“I do like to lecture. Well, I don’t mean to, I just have the tendency to ramble.” Lex looked up as a middle-aged man held the door for them. “Thank you.”
“No problem.” The man nodded, and his kids stared as they passed by, but he hurried them past and scolded them for being rude.
“Does that bug you?” Clark asked.
“Yes. Not always, but I’d rather people outright stare at the freak than pointedly not stare at the freak. Kids are honest that way. It used to bug me more, but…” Lex folded his hands in his lap. “It doesn’t hurt as much when the chip on your shoulder is smaller.”
“People shouldn’t stare anyway. Like they look so normal. I think you look fine.”
Lex’s little chuckle went straight to Clark groin. He was glad that Lex’s chair was in front of him.
“That’s because you love me,” Lex said softly.
“And you think I’m pretty like a woman because you love me,” Clark countered. He looked up at the menu.
“No, you really are beautiful. I’m sure that if you went out there and tried to find an agent, you’d be snapped up right away to do modeling.”
“I don’t think I can concentrate that long,” Clark admitted. He caught the clerk’s attention. “Hey, can I get two small waffle bowls, one with peanut butter ice cream, mixed with chocolate flakes and marshmallow cream-“
“Oh, my God. It’s a good thing I’m in a wheelchair because I wouldn’t be able to roll out of here after eating something like that!” Lex teased Clark, who grabbed Lex’s shoulders and shook him playfully.
“Aaand! One with cheesecake ice cream, mixed with gram cracker crust and strawberries.” Clark dropped a kiss on the crown of Lex’s head. “That sound better?”
“Much,” Lex agreed, getting out his wallet to pay the cashier.
“I’m glad the evil minion package comes with ice cream benefits.” Clark rocked back and forth on his heels.
Lex tucked his change back into his wallet. “The evil minion package doesn’t. Not at all. I’m evil. I can’t just give you ice cream. Not while I’ve already got you.”
“And yet, you’re buying it for me,” Clark pointed out.
Lex looked up at him with a shy smile. “See... you’ve been upgraded to an evil consort package. You’ll be wooed with all sort of things.”
“Evil consort… What does that entail?” Clark asked suspiciously. He was so glad that they could joke around again.
“Well, that depends. You can stand there and look pretty.”
Clark looked at the ceiling and nodded. “That I can do.”
“Yeah,” Lex laughed. “Or you could help me with my evil scheming.”
Clark narrowed one eye and tilted his head at Lex. “What kind of schemes?”
“I’ll let you know when I come up with one.”
Taking the ice cream, Clark shrugged. “I guess it doesn’t matter what it was. I’ll follow you wherever you go, or whatever you do. So I’m on board for evil schemes.”
Lex let his head fall back and just stared up at Clark, who shifted his feet and focused on those wonderfully expressive gray eyes until he felt himself starting to flush.
“What?!” Clark asked uncomfortably.
Lex caressed Clark’s face, then drew him closer until he was bending down to meet Lex. “That’s why you’re perfect as my consort,” he whispered.
Clark felt a shiver run up his spine when their lips touched. Slow, slow, kissing, lip sucking, then Lex was licking over his lips, inside his lips. Clark gasped a little as Lex began to suck on his tongue, making a soft, pleased noise. He could feel Lex’s warm breath on his chin and wondered if Lex could feel the same. Too soon, Lex pulled back and looked at him.
“Uh… wow,” Clark breathed out in a rush.
“Ice cream’s melting,” Lex said, licking his lips slowly.
Clark shook his head and laughed. “Wonder why that would happen.” He wiped his forehead. “Phew.”
***
“Y-your head falls off, Lex?” Clark repeated doubtfully. Across the room, Lex sat in his chair changing for bed. His movements were slow, neat, deliberate. They marked him as solely and purely Lex, and no other. Who else would move like that? No one. Clark’s eyes followed as one slender hand twisted sharply, securing a button, then both would drop, repeating the motion in a sort of fastidious beauty that no other mortal could possibly possess.
Clark, you’re being weird. He’s just dressing himself.
Yes, but he’s so perfect when he does it.
You have a point there.
Hee.
“Not my entire head.” Lex turned and drew an imaginary circle around his crown. “Just the top.”
Clark blinked. “And your brain falls out.”
“Yes.” Lex’s lips transformed into a small pink pout, and he quirked one brow. “I know my dreams are strange.”
“Hey,” Clark said softly. “I have strange dreams too.”
“That you do.” Lex wheeled over to the bed and began to dismount his wheelchair.
Clark climbed inside the bed and opened his arms for Lex to climb into, and soon enough, Lex was there, back to his front, snuggling up warmly. He reached up and turned off the light.
“How are you doing, Lex? Any better?”
“Day by day. Sometimes it gets better. I was… bad, for awhile, wasn’t I?” Lex turned his head to Clark, although they couldn’t see one another’s faces well in the dark.
“You were,” Clark replied honestly. “I was scared. It was… kind of awesome, though, watching you tell off my mom!”
“I won’t let her take you from me. I won’t let anyone who doesn’t love you take you anywhere. Your father, maybe, I’d trust to take you safely for some reason. But not her. Not my father. I barely trusted Dr. Yeh at first, but she’s proven herself.” Lex’s fingers intertwined with Clark’s, and he rested them on his hip.
Clark was a little confused, but given the permission to touch, well. Touch he did. Caressing Lex’s skinny, tight muscles.
Then Lex… moved.
He lifted his thigh just a little to rest it on Clark’s and then his behind was pressed against Clark’s crotch. And that fact alone was enough to make him noticeably hard. Lex HAD to feel that. Clark felt like his cock might just explode right out of his pajama bottoms!
“Sorry,” Clark whispered. His eyes were adjusting, and he could now faintly make out the back of Lex’s head.
Lex turned his head again and said, “Don’t be sorry.”
Then he moved again. A little rubbing against Clark. That’s all it was. But Clark found himself rubbing back, rocking his hips against Lex’s body. Lex moved his hand back onto Clark’s leg, bracing himself and making tiny panting noises. Clark couldn’t be quiet. Lex’s hand was inched ever closer to his ass, and his own was gripping Lex’s hip tightly, and the two of them were moving together, breathing raggedly, sweating a little.
“Okay… Clark?” Lex asked.
“Please… oh… Lex, tell me this is happening,” Clark pleaded. Delicious pressure swelled inside of him in a way that he’d only felt when he was alone doing things his mother had told him not to do.
Lex’s lips brushed against Clark’s jaw in the dark. “This is real as it gets.”
“Unn…”
Rub rub rub.
Clark didn’t know what else to do but let himself rock against Lex. His hand crept down under Lex’s pajama top and pressed closely to his scarred belly. His thumb kept running over and over the scar in time with his little rubs.
Suddenly the pressure at his groin burst pleasantly, though wetly, into his pajamas, and Clark stiffed and tightened his grasp on Lex, clutching him possessively until he was finished and coiled limply around him. He closed his eyes for a brief moment, then brushed tender, unhurried kisses along Lex’s exposed neck.
“I uh… you might be a little wet,” Clark murmured apologetically.
“We’ll get it in the morning,” Lex whispered, moving his hand down once more and caressing Clark’s side and thigh. Clark realized that he was still stroking Lex’s belly, although he hadn’t said anything, so maybe it was okay to touch now.
“Does it hurt?” Clark blurted out. He felt like Lucas for a moment.
Lex stretched against him. “Sex?”
“Your scars.”
“Oh.” Lex’s hand stopped moving. For a moment Clark thought that he was going to be kicked out of bed, but Lex’s hand moved on top of his and their fingers brushed together over the scar. “They pull, sometimes. Scar tissue doesn’t stretch properly. It’s harder to get back to business as normal, when you have a lot of scar tissue.”
“I like to feel it,” Clark told him honestly. It was true. It felt neat.
After a pause, Lex replied, “Well. You’re odd. But it doesn’t hurt, so don’t worry about it. You can touch.”
“Okay,” Clark whispered.
So Clark touched. And he let the electricity in their touch be his guide. A tingly feeling along his skin that let him know that it was love and that he and his kind stranger would be okay.