I feel really anxious. This past week, my family has been together (first trip without mikey) for the 4th of July in West Virginia, and now NYC. they leave tomorrow and i will be doing my thing again here. this time leaving them though, I don't feel any sense of relief. usually, i feel so relieved that I won't have to pretend that I am doing so ( Read more... )

Well, I moved to nyc like I always said I would. My baby brother moved with me. This place is fucking weird. I am trying to be as positive as possible but damn I miss san francisco. There is truly no place on earth like it as far as I'm concerned. plus, this place doesnt change how badly I wanna be with mikey. That sucks. Like i wish death wasnt so ( Read more... )

fuck this shit. la tee dah. I give up feeling like a fucking fool for someone who doesn't care. I should read that book, "he's just not that into you." sometimes you just gotta give it up. Fucking asshole. I need to get out of this city.

Yesterday, i took a nap for 7 or so hours, then woke up for like 15 minutes at 10pm, then went back to bed for another 11 hours. I slept for at least 16 hours. Maybe more. I drank a bottle of wine beforehand, and apparently drunkdialed my sister. I don't remember any of that even a little bit, so I really think i was sleeptalking. I mean, i know i ( Read more... )

I have been taking any negative feeling I have and misinterpreting it as sadness over my brother's death. Its really interesting actually. Its like since missing my brother is the most familiar negative feeling to me, i blame everything on it. i've been under a good bit of stress involving social drama and boy stuff but every time I feel slightly ( Read more... )

i skipped class today for the first time this semester. actually, i skipped 2 classes out of my 3 Wednesday classes. i just find it pointless and very difficult to sit in class if I'm not gonna be able to pay attention and not cry. I try really really hard to pay attention, but on days like today, its just impossible. maybe im just being a princess ( Read more... )

The last six months and 1 and a half weeks have been strange. Everything feels extremely temporary but it isnt. Friendships have come and gone so fast so many times since that time. I keep meeting so many new people, but since I am uninterested, they don't last. Its kinda screwed up, but its tough to be interested when it all feels so pointless. My ( Read more... )

um, tonight was...fun. I didn't feel like going out again. Im a bit tired of that sometimes. instead, i just chilled on my own with my laundry, clean room, and tv. I watched a bunch of cheesy sitcoms. that was fun. i should probably go to sleep around now. i think i stood up some friends tonight. Thats bad. maybe I shouldn't do that. Shit's weird ( Read more... )

This is definitely one of those bad Mikey weeks they told me I'm supposed to have. This is shit. I am so fucking irritable right now. To top it all off, this is the 3rd time ive been blown off this week. whats with this shit? i have an interview at niketown in union square tomorrow. i hope i dont snap at the managers. shit. i need to visit the ( Read more... )

Not much has changed. I still live in the same house im the mission that i've been in for the last 5 months. my physchological(sp) state is still the same i guess. I feel like my life hasn't changed at all in the last 2 or 3 months. I still miss my big brother.I'm pretty content with being stuck in the past. is that bad? I realize it might ruin ( Read more... )