Regrets (1/2)
Title: Regrets
Pairing: Matsumiya, Ohmiya, Sakumiya
Genre: AU, Romantic, Angst
Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own them :(
Jun is watching them by the window of the coffee shop where they regularly meet. He see them sitting next to each other, holding hands, waiting for him. He can’t do anything about it, he knows that he lost his chance. And it still hurts.
They have been friend for several years, first they were jus Ohno and him, they were neighbors and although Ohno was his senpai at school for two years they always hung up together. Three years back Nino came in sight, he was his new classmate and for the first moment he saw him, he knew he wanted to be his friend. He was happy to also have Nino’s attention and soon he introduced him to Ohno. They were inseparable since then.
As time passed he notices the changes, in him and the other two. He started to question himself about those uncontrollable feelings towards Nino, he didn’t want to be honest with himself, he didn’t want to question who he was really, it was never in his plans to feel this way for other man, so he tried his best to keep that side hidden.
It was really difficult, especially because he started notice the way Nino looked at him. Even in jokes he could always see and extra caring in his eyes and that made him more nervous.
On the other side, Ohno’s affection towards Nino was also clear, but mistakable as protectiveness for his kouhai. It was a different kind; a calm kind of caring with no demands whatsoever.
No one acted on their feelings, maybe expecting for change in Jun’s case, for a sign in Nino’s case and for an opportunity in Ohno’s.
After Ohno’s graduation, everything started to change.
Being Nino and Jun alone put more stress in their friendship, Nino’s eyes were showing a sadness that wasn’t there before, and it hurt Jun too; but he wouldn’t do anything about it, he told himself that his parents divorce was the cause for that.
Ohno also worried for him, and although at the first moths of the new scholar year he keep himself apart, now he started to visit Nino’s house more, being there Jun or not.
The question took Jun for surprise. After a day of school Nino told Jun that Ohno confessed to him and Nino asked for time to give him an answer. “What should I do Jun?” was Nino’s question. His blood freeze in that moment, everything that surround them seemed to stop, and he saw himself at the top of a cliff with the decision to jump to the unknown or to turn back to safety.
“If he loves you, you should give him an opportunity, Nino” were the words that escaped his mouth, he tried to sound keep his voice steady but he knew his trembling hands were giving him away.
“Is that so?” was Nino’s respond, then he smiled, a sad smile that broke Jun’s heart, but still he didn’t say more. The hurt in Nino’s eyes were something he forever will blame for, but he had the hope that Ohno will cure that.
It’s been a few months since that day, and they were close to graduation, Nino and Jun will be going to the university next year, different from Ohno who after graduating choose to work in a bakery to help support his mother and going to some classes in a community college.
Putting his best smile he approached his friends at the table.“Hey Jun, you are in a good mood” said Ohno.
“Hi, I’m dying to finally finish all the exams and enjoy a well deserved break” Jun said and he could help look at their entwined hands.
Feeling uncomfortable with that look, Nino just shrunken and just said “Yeah, because you deserved so much, you barely have the grades” in a sarcastic tone while he freed his hand from Ohno to grab a cookie.
Ohno just let the movement pass and look at Jun “That’s weird; you just to handle your classes very well”.
“I just though I should have more social life because it was the last year, you know how it is, oh wait, you don’t” said Jun laughing.
Ohno put on a smile while Nino glared at Jun. “Oh-chan doesn’t need other people’s attention to feel important”
Jun was taken back by that remark “Of course he doesn’t. He has yours”
Nino opened his eyes and looked at Jun eyes not wanting to believe what he just heard. To calm the situation Ohno just put his arm on Nino’s shoulder and with a kiss on the temple said “Yes I do, and I’m happy for it.”
But no matter what Ohno did, Nino couldn’t take it anymore, he just stand up and look to Ohno saying “We should go now.” Ohno just nodded and said goodbye to Jun.
He accompanied Nino to his house and left to his classes.
In his room, Nino let go of the tears that he repressed from the moment Jun said that. He gave Jun a chance to confess, even if he never said nothing directly to Jun he knew Jun was not oblivious to his feelings for him, but he never got nothing in return, so following his advise he took a chance with Ohno, feeling secure and understood, but there was nothing more, no butterflies, no passion, nothing more. He tried, he was still trying, but he was getting to the point of exhausting himself, and he was afraid if he keep with this he would hurt Ohno more. He didn’t want that.
What Jun didn’t know is that when Ohno confess, they talked about Jun, about Nino’s feelings for Jun, Ohno said he didn’t care if Nino didn’t love him, he wanted just an opportunity and even if he doesn’t work at lest he would be proud to said he tried, witch is more than most people do.
In the past months the relationship with Jun seem the same at surface but they didn’t expend much time together after school, Jun started to have other friends, goings to parties, going out with girls, nothing serious but still hurt Nino.
After the tears were dried, Nino made a decision, he was going to be graduating soon so he have to take one last chance, he would have to put his heart out there once more, he didn’t want regrets, but first he would have to talk to Ohno.
Nino waited to Sunday to talk to Ohno, he went to his house and was with him in his room, Ohno was drawing for his art class and Nino was just looking at him, like always, so peaceful.
“Oh-chan” Nino said in a very low voice.
No respond.
“Oh-chan” insisted Nino.
“Mmm”
“I have something important to tell you… about us”
Ohno looked at him, saw than Nino was looking down and just took a big breath.“You want to break up”
Nino rise his head with a surprise face, look deep at Ohno’s eyes and the apprehension he was feeling at the beginning was now gone. “Oh-chan knows me best, ne”, said looking at the sky by the window.
Ohno just smiled.
“I’m sorry Oh-chan, I’m so s-”
“I’m not” said Ohno and once again Nino looked directly at him.“You let me try, and I’m grateful for that, you didn’t close your heart in any moment, you really tried to love me back, it was just not meant to be for us.”
Silence.
“You should be mad” said Nino in a playful tone.
“And you should be crying” was Ohno response.
They laughed.
In a quick movement Ohno embrace Nino and smelled his hair. “I’m glad I met you, nothing will change that, do you understand that Nino?”
Nino just nodded his head.
He released Nino “Good, now let me work. Shouldn’t you be studying or something?”
Nino understood the hint, Ohno wanted to be alone. “Yes, I should be going.”
“Mmm” Ohno returned to his drawing to wanting to lift his head and show the tear that escaped in that moment.
Even if he smiled with Ohno, the moment he left his house, Nino couldn’t help silent tears falling.
That night Ohno cried silently to sleep, but at the end, before the dreams come to him, he smiled, he knew it was for the best.
The last days before graduation, Nino didn’t have the chance to talk to Jun. They were stressed with exams, works and university preparations. When they finished their last exam, Nino hesitantly called Jun apart and ask him to meet at the park by the mall in the afternoon.
Nino waited nervously for Jun, big was his surprise to see him come with a girl. He had seen her before with Jun, but he never though they were going out.
“Hey Nino, where is Ohno?” said Jun scouting the place.
“He is not coming”
“Ah, you know XXX right” Jun tried to dissimulated his anxiety to see Nino alone.
“Yeah, we met, hi” The girl return the salute.
“And where are we going?”
“… The cinema, after the exams I though we should watch a movie and relax”
“That sound good, ne Jun-kun” said the girl in a tone that infuriated Nino.
“OK, let’s go”
They were a little early so they sit and waited for the movie to start, the atmosphere was tense, and Nino doesn’t even remember what they were going to watch.
“So, why is Ohno not coming?” Since that day in the coffee shop Jun promise himself to be more careful with their friend’s relationship, but he couldn't help to ask.
Nino doubted to answer, but then again he reminded himself that he should be honest with everything regarding them. “We broked up” was the short respond.
“W-what!!!”
Nino said nothing.
“Nino!”
“I already told you”
Jun was perplexed, he didn’t see this coming, he saw them good together, he was not prepared for this, and there they were, sitting with a girl in the middle, who by the way he was hugging. But what was he supposed to do? He already settled his mind to not liked Nino that way, to support his friends, to have a girlfriend to clear his mind. What this whole thing meant?
He couldn't said more for the lights dimmed and the movie was going to start. So they just stayed there, in silence.
Nino was really uncomfortable, the girl was clinging to Jun like a bear, and even if Jun didn’t take any initiative, he didn’t pushed her away either. It hurt being there.
Past half the movie he left saying he needed to use the toilet, the true reason was that he needed to breath. He was alone in the bathroom when Jun came in, they looked at each other.
“What happened” said Jun, more that worried, mad.
“Things happened” was Nino’s respond
“You can't just said that”
“Why not?”
“Because you loved each other, right?”
Nino look directly at Jun, who turn to look at the side.“You know what my feelings are?”
Jun was startled by that question.
“Do you know what I really feel?”
Jun could believe they were having this conversation, he tried to avoid this and now what could he do. He likes Nino there was not doubt, he maybe even love him, but there was so much behind that, his family, society, his friend Ohno and his own doubts. Would he be able to handle everything? Would he be able to stand up for them? Nino deserve the best, and he wasn’t sure he was that right person, even if there was love.
“Nino, Ohno is great guy and he loves you” said Jun in a low voice.
“Yes he is, but I don’t love him… I love someone else”
Jun looked directly at Nino, scared “Nino, don’t”
Nino glared at Jun “Don't what Jun?”
“Don’t do this please”
Nino’s heart was breaking all over again. He knew of Jun’s fears, he loves him, he could see it in Jun’s eyes, but there was also so much fear there, it was blocking his love for him and Nino couldn't change that.
“As you wish” said Nino after taking a big breath and stepping aside, his tears already falling. “I wish one day we could be friends again” said with a small smile.
“N-nin…”
“But for now I want to be away from you”
Jun looked scare at Nino’s words and saw him closing the door. He got on his knees and started crying, a big sense of loss in his heart. Why he have to be such a coward? He loves Nino, why couldn’t he stop him if he wants him in his arms. What is it going to take to take a step a grab him never letting go. In that moment he just could cry, that is what he have left, just tears.
Nino left the bathroom so weak, he though he would pass out in any moment, he needed to sit down, but he couldn’t stay there in the hall of the cinema. He saw a door, probably of a storeroom, fortunately it was open so he let himself in and got in the ground crying his eyes out, trying not to make much noise for he didn’t want to be found, he had to bit his fist to accomplish that. So he just stayed there.
He doesn’t remember how much time passed, he was running out of tears, and his head was spinning, he felt so tired, and then there was someone standing in front of him, a young man, he couldn't tell clearly how he looked like, but soon that young man kneeled and took him in his arms. It wasn’t forceful, it was soft and protective at the same time and he just give in. He started crying again, he though he was done crying, apparently there was more, so he just stayed there in this stranger’s arms letting all the pain go, letting himself go.
Continue
Pairing: Matsumiya, Ohmiya, Sakumiya
Genre: AU, Romantic, Angst
Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own them :(
Jun is watching them by the window of the coffee shop where they regularly meet. He see them sitting next to each other, holding hands, waiting for him. He can’t do anything about it, he knows that he lost his chance. And it still hurts.
They have been friend for several years, first they were jus Ohno and him, they were neighbors and although Ohno was his senpai at school for two years they always hung up together. Three years back Nino came in sight, he was his new classmate and for the first moment he saw him, he knew he wanted to be his friend. He was happy to also have Nino’s attention and soon he introduced him to Ohno. They were inseparable since then.
As time passed he notices the changes, in him and the other two. He started to question himself about those uncontrollable feelings towards Nino, he didn’t want to be honest with himself, he didn’t want to question who he was really, it was never in his plans to feel this way for other man, so he tried his best to keep that side hidden.
It was really difficult, especially because he started notice the way Nino looked at him. Even in jokes he could always see and extra caring in his eyes and that made him more nervous.
On the other side, Ohno’s affection towards Nino was also clear, but mistakable as protectiveness for his kouhai. It was a different kind; a calm kind of caring with no demands whatsoever.
No one acted on their feelings, maybe expecting for change in Jun’s case, for a sign in Nino’s case and for an opportunity in Ohno’s.
After Ohno’s graduation, everything started to change.
Being Nino and Jun alone put more stress in their friendship, Nino’s eyes were showing a sadness that wasn’t there before, and it hurt Jun too; but he wouldn’t do anything about it, he told himself that his parents divorce was the cause for that.
Ohno also worried for him, and although at the first moths of the new scholar year he keep himself apart, now he started to visit Nino’s house more, being there Jun or not.
The question took Jun for surprise. After a day of school Nino told Jun that Ohno confessed to him and Nino asked for time to give him an answer. “What should I do Jun?” was Nino’s question. His blood freeze in that moment, everything that surround them seemed to stop, and he saw himself at the top of a cliff with the decision to jump to the unknown or to turn back to safety.
“If he loves you, you should give him an opportunity, Nino” were the words that escaped his mouth, he tried to sound keep his voice steady but he knew his trembling hands were giving him away.
“Is that so?” was Nino’s respond, then he smiled, a sad smile that broke Jun’s heart, but still he didn’t say more. The hurt in Nino’s eyes were something he forever will blame for, but he had the hope that Ohno will cure that.
It’s been a few months since that day, and they were close to graduation, Nino and Jun will be going to the university next year, different from Ohno who after graduating choose to work in a bakery to help support his mother and going to some classes in a community college.
Putting his best smile he approached his friends at the table.“Hey Jun, you are in a good mood” said Ohno.
“Hi, I’m dying to finally finish all the exams and enjoy a well deserved break” Jun said and he could help look at their entwined hands.
Feeling uncomfortable with that look, Nino just shrunken and just said “Yeah, because you deserved so much, you barely have the grades” in a sarcastic tone while he freed his hand from Ohno to grab a cookie.
Ohno just let the movement pass and look at Jun “That’s weird; you just to handle your classes very well”.
“I just though I should have more social life because it was the last year, you know how it is, oh wait, you don’t” said Jun laughing.
Ohno put on a smile while Nino glared at Jun. “Oh-chan doesn’t need other people’s attention to feel important”
Jun was taken back by that remark “Of course he doesn’t. He has yours”
Nino opened his eyes and looked at Jun eyes not wanting to believe what he just heard. To calm the situation Ohno just put his arm on Nino’s shoulder and with a kiss on the temple said “Yes I do, and I’m happy for it.”
But no matter what Ohno did, Nino couldn’t take it anymore, he just stand up and look to Ohno saying “We should go now.” Ohno just nodded and said goodbye to Jun.
He accompanied Nino to his house and left to his classes.
In his room, Nino let go of the tears that he repressed from the moment Jun said that. He gave Jun a chance to confess, even if he never said nothing directly to Jun he knew Jun was not oblivious to his feelings for him, but he never got nothing in return, so following his advise he took a chance with Ohno, feeling secure and understood, but there was nothing more, no butterflies, no passion, nothing more. He tried, he was still trying, but he was getting to the point of exhausting himself, and he was afraid if he keep with this he would hurt Ohno more. He didn’t want that.
What Jun didn’t know is that when Ohno confess, they talked about Jun, about Nino’s feelings for Jun, Ohno said he didn’t care if Nino didn’t love him, he wanted just an opportunity and even if he doesn’t work at lest he would be proud to said he tried, witch is more than most people do.
In the past months the relationship with Jun seem the same at surface but they didn’t expend much time together after school, Jun started to have other friends, goings to parties, going out with girls, nothing serious but still hurt Nino.
After the tears were dried, Nino made a decision, he was going to be graduating soon so he have to take one last chance, he would have to put his heart out there once more, he didn’t want regrets, but first he would have to talk to Ohno.
Nino waited to Sunday to talk to Ohno, he went to his house and was with him in his room, Ohno was drawing for his art class and Nino was just looking at him, like always, so peaceful.
“Oh-chan” Nino said in a very low voice.
No respond.
“Oh-chan” insisted Nino.
“Mmm”
“I have something important to tell you… about us”
Ohno looked at him, saw than Nino was looking down and just took a big breath.“You want to break up”
Nino rise his head with a surprise face, look deep at Ohno’s eyes and the apprehension he was feeling at the beginning was now gone. “Oh-chan knows me best, ne”, said looking at the sky by the window.
Ohno just smiled.
“I’m sorry Oh-chan, I’m so s-”
“I’m not” said Ohno and once again Nino looked directly at him.“You let me try, and I’m grateful for that, you didn’t close your heart in any moment, you really tried to love me back, it was just not meant to be for us.”
Silence.
“You should be mad” said Nino in a playful tone.
“And you should be crying” was Ohno response.
They laughed.
In a quick movement Ohno embrace Nino and smelled his hair. “I’m glad I met you, nothing will change that, do you understand that Nino?”
Nino just nodded his head.
He released Nino “Good, now let me work. Shouldn’t you be studying or something?”
Nino understood the hint, Ohno wanted to be alone. “Yes, I should be going.”
“Mmm” Ohno returned to his drawing to wanting to lift his head and show the tear that escaped in that moment.
Even if he smiled with Ohno, the moment he left his house, Nino couldn’t help silent tears falling.
That night Ohno cried silently to sleep, but at the end, before the dreams come to him, he smiled, he knew it was for the best.
The last days before graduation, Nino didn’t have the chance to talk to Jun. They were stressed with exams, works and university preparations. When they finished their last exam, Nino hesitantly called Jun apart and ask him to meet at the park by the mall in the afternoon.
Nino waited nervously for Jun, big was his surprise to see him come with a girl. He had seen her before with Jun, but he never though they were going out.
“Hey Nino, where is Ohno?” said Jun scouting the place.
“He is not coming”
“Ah, you know XXX right” Jun tried to dissimulated his anxiety to see Nino alone.
“Yeah, we met, hi” The girl return the salute.
“And where are we going?”
“… The cinema, after the exams I though we should watch a movie and relax”
“That sound good, ne Jun-kun” said the girl in a tone that infuriated Nino.
“OK, let’s go”
They were a little early so they sit and waited for the movie to start, the atmosphere was tense, and Nino doesn’t even remember what they were going to watch.
“So, why is Ohno not coming?” Since that day in the coffee shop Jun promise himself to be more careful with their friend’s relationship, but he couldn't help to ask.
Nino doubted to answer, but then again he reminded himself that he should be honest with everything regarding them. “We broked up” was the short respond.
“W-what!!!”
Nino said nothing.
“Nino!”
“I already told you”
Jun was perplexed, he didn’t see this coming, he saw them good together, he was not prepared for this, and there they were, sitting with a girl in the middle, who by the way he was hugging. But what was he supposed to do? He already settled his mind to not liked Nino that way, to support his friends, to have a girlfriend to clear his mind. What this whole thing meant?
He couldn't said more for the lights dimmed and the movie was going to start. So they just stayed there, in silence.
Nino was really uncomfortable, the girl was clinging to Jun like a bear, and even if Jun didn’t take any initiative, he didn’t pushed her away either. It hurt being there.
Past half the movie he left saying he needed to use the toilet, the true reason was that he needed to breath. He was alone in the bathroom when Jun came in, they looked at each other.
“What happened” said Jun, more that worried, mad.
“Things happened” was Nino’s respond
“You can't just said that”
“Why not?”
“Because you loved each other, right?”
Nino look directly at Jun, who turn to look at the side.“You know what my feelings are?”
Jun was startled by that question.
“Do you know what I really feel?”
Jun could believe they were having this conversation, he tried to avoid this and now what could he do. He likes Nino there was not doubt, he maybe even love him, but there was so much behind that, his family, society, his friend Ohno and his own doubts. Would he be able to handle everything? Would he be able to stand up for them? Nino deserve the best, and he wasn’t sure he was that right person, even if there was love.
“Nino, Ohno is great guy and he loves you” said Jun in a low voice.
“Yes he is, but I don’t love him… I love someone else”
Jun looked directly at Nino, scared “Nino, don’t”
Nino glared at Jun “Don't what Jun?”
“Don’t do this please”
Nino’s heart was breaking all over again. He knew of Jun’s fears, he loves him, he could see it in Jun’s eyes, but there was also so much fear there, it was blocking his love for him and Nino couldn't change that.
“As you wish” said Nino after taking a big breath and stepping aside, his tears already falling. “I wish one day we could be friends again” said with a small smile.
“N-nin…”
“But for now I want to be away from you”
Jun looked scare at Nino’s words and saw him closing the door. He got on his knees and started crying, a big sense of loss in his heart. Why he have to be such a coward? He loves Nino, why couldn’t he stop him if he wants him in his arms. What is it going to take to take a step a grab him never letting go. In that moment he just could cry, that is what he have left, just tears.
Nino left the bathroom so weak, he though he would pass out in any moment, he needed to sit down, but he couldn’t stay there in the hall of the cinema. He saw a door, probably of a storeroom, fortunately it was open so he let himself in and got in the ground crying his eyes out, trying not to make much noise for he didn’t want to be found, he had to bit his fist to accomplish that. So he just stayed there.
He doesn’t remember how much time passed, he was running out of tears, and his head was spinning, he felt so tired, and then there was someone standing in front of him, a young man, he couldn't tell clearly how he looked like, but soon that young man kneeled and took him in his arms. It wasn’t forceful, it was soft and protective at the same time and he just give in. He started crying again, he though he was done crying, apparently there was more, so he just stayed there in this stranger’s arms letting all the pain go, letting himself go.
Continue