I only log on to see if someone from my past will ever respond to my...I dunno, poor attempts to reconnect? To see if we can move past a shitty past? Find some solace and validation in the approval of a stranger from my past?

We're middle-aged now. I haven't heard of nor spoken to Fo in 13yrs...and counting. I think I first met her on AIM through ( Read more... )

The plan is to get back into doing entries. Why? Multiple reasons, really.

-practice writing/typing

-archiving my thoughts (partially because my memory is terrible and this seems like a decent way to chronicle my descent into madness)

-a way to unload thoughts/emotions

-other reasons, probably. Damn, I'm so much more boring than I used to be. ( Read more... )

I was at the Kennel feeding building Building 1 when I heard a deep booming roar fill the space around me. The kennel, my ears, even the air itself seemed to resonate like a wine glass harmonic. I knew it before I seen it. This was the beginning of the end. I walked outside searching for the source of the deep pitch. I seen Brittany walk outside ( Read more... )

I'm finally to a point where I don't have to work anymore. I have played the strings of my environment and have put myself in a position where I can work from home-ish. It is a stressful path, but I think I can walk it for a while ( Read more... )

I was sitting in the living room alone watching Chronicle when some strange feeling crept up my body. I don't remember where it started but it gave me goosebumps and made me feel a little sick. It brought about some bizarre mindset that reminded me of when I was wacked out rollin' or when through isolation when I was 16. I felt distant from myself ( Read more... )

I feel disappointed, at times with myself. I feel like I'm not giving it att I have. Like I'm just there doing stuff, and it seems to work out for a while, I guess. It's been working to some end that I don't really care either about or for it. Like all the facets of my life are merely circumstantial and the contents of my being are merely by- ( Read more... )

I ( Read more... )

Get Up, Get Dress ( Read more... )

Preface: I swear, sometimes I think I'm just disillusion into thinking I can maneuver through the impossible. Like I'm proving to myself that I just don't have the self control necessary endure all the bullshit without acting like a jackass. I just don't have the patience. Which really fucking sucks ( Read more... )

Treated my prison like a fortress ( Read more... )