Not My Fault - Part 2
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Title: Not My Fault - Part 2 of 2
Characters: Kimi Räikkönen, Sebastian Vettel
Rating: Red Flag
Summary: Kimi is pregnant. It's Seb's fault.
Warning: mpreg
Disclaimer: This is fiction. All in my head.
A/N: Started as little tidbits for the drabblefest on motorskink. Grew from there. Part 1 can be found here.
It’s Kimi’s idea. Of course it is. Seb would never think of something so ridiculously crazy. He hates putting himself out there for everyone to see, to criticize. It’s not that they hadn’t talked about it. They had discussed it for hours, days even, but it wasn’t supposed to happen like this. Not in front of thousands of people, millions really with TV and the internet. Seb is speechless, the microphone in his hand hanging by his side while he blinks through the champagne still dripping from his hair. The crowd is silent. No cheering, no booing. Even Eddie is quiet, and that’s saying something. Everyone is staring at him, waiting to hear him speak. He knows the answer. He knew the answer before the question was ever asked, but he feels the floor spin under his feet. Everything around him becomes hazy. He looks down at the crowd and freezes. So many people. Too many people. He’s not sure he can handle the public backlash, the criticism that’s sure to result from this.
In his daze he spots a little girl in the crowd. She’s sitting on her dad’s shoulders, looking up at him with a huge smile, eyes wide and nodding enthusiastically. That image grounds him firmly in place as he recalls what Kimi is offering him. A life together, beyond Formula One: love, family, a child. A child who will be, by some miracle of faith, theirs through and through.
Seb slowly raises the microphone to his face. “Yes. Yes I will.”
The rest happens in a blur: the ring being slipped around his finger, the kiss (their first in public), the extra bottles of champagne being sprayed around. He’s sure there was some booing in there, but Seb can’t hear it amongst the orchestra of cheers and applause.
If he hadn’t just gotten engaged to the man, he’d kill Kimi for pulling a stunt like that.
~*~*~*~
“Hans?”
“No.”
“Friedrich?”
“No.”
“Dieter?”
“God no.”
“Okay okay, it doesn’t have to be German. Hmm, how about Joni?”
“No.”
“Reko?”
“No.”
“Heikki?”
“No exes.”
“Fine, fine. You don’t have to bring that up. Will you just give me something to work with,” Seb says as he crosses yet another name from the Baby Names book he bought last week.
“James Matti Vettel,” Kimi rattles off casually as he flips the TV channel, looking for a sports channel to avoid the kitten commercial currently on the screen, the one that always makes his eyes water.
Seb is dumbfounded, dropping the book and the pen in his hands as he sits up to Kimi’s level. “That…that actually sounds really good. I like that,” Seb says with a huge grin, repeating the name as he rubs circles on Kimi’s small bump.
“Just Vettel? It can be Räikkönen too. Or Vettel- Räikkönen. Or Räikkönen -Vettel. I won’t be offended,” Seb says, even if he really really likes the first option.
“Räikkönen is too long, nobody pronounces it right,” Kimi shrugs as Seb hugs him tightly. It’s moments like these that Seb loves how direct and logical Kimi can be, and just like that, their baby has a name.
“What if it’s a girl?” Seb worries, picking up the book again and flipping through a few pages, “how about Jenni?”
Kimi groans. “No exes.”
“Right. Sorry.”
~*~*~*~
Seb watches the drivers’ press conference from his hotel room. He’s off the hook this weekend, but Kimi isn’t so lucky. He’s sitting front row and center, Fernando to his right and Jenson to his left. The first few questions are fairly standard; things like how you do like the track or how do you think the tyres will hold up.
The one question that makes Seb sit up straight and turn the volume up is directed towards Kimi.
Kimi, there’s been a lot of talk about your increase in weight lately. Do you think it puts you at a disadvantage this weekend, and is there anything you and your trainer are doing differently?
As per his usual mannerism, Kimi takes a few seconds to think before he answers with an expressionless face and monotone voice.
“No, I mean, the team can change the weights in the car.”
But isn’t it easier, better for the team, to keep your weight down?
Kimi shrugs. “There is nothing to do. I’m pregnant, not fat.”
Seb thinks he has a small heart attack when he hears the words out of Kimi’s mouth, but by gauging the other drivers’ reaction, they all think it’s a joke. The reporters, though, aren’t so quick to dismiss his comment.
Could you please repeat that? Did you say pregnant?
Kimi gives the report an annoyed look, chewing his gum a few times before speaking again. “That’s what I said.”
There’s a chorus of hushed whispers through the room before someone dares ask the question Seb knew was coming.
Can you explain to us how that is possible?
“Maybe you can ask your parents,” Kimi says, unimpressed. “Now can we talk about the racing?”
And the reporters listen, avoiding bringing up the topic again, but the media world is already buzzing with the news before the press conference is even over.
When Kimi gets out of the shower the next morning, towel wrapped around his waist, Seb is reading the hotel’s complimentary paper, and Kimi sees his reflection on the front page.
“You shouldn’t read that shit,” he says as he sits on the bed next to Seb, back against the headboard.
“I know, but it was right there,” Seb says as he continues to read, readjusting his position so his head is resting on Kimi’s laps. “Britta’s been forwarding me some emails. They’re all really nice.”
Kimi nudges the newspaper away from Seb so he can see his face. “That’s because she only sends the good ones.” Seb shoos his hand away and keeps reading.
“I know that too, I’m not naïve, but it’s still nice to read. Not like this article, listen to this, Raikkonen and Vettel may achieve what no two drivers have ever done before; bring complete shame and disrespect to what was once hailed as the pinnacle of motorsport, turning Formula 1 into the biggest joke in sports history.”
Kimi grumbles and snatches the newspaper away, throwing it on the floor. “Fucking media,” he groans, running his fingers through Seb’s hair because it calms him down. “You okay with all this?” he asks.
“Yes, I’m okay,” Seb replies, his eyes closed as he enjoys Kimi’s hand massaging his scalp. Kimi looks at him, and even though Seb looks okay, he needs to ask again, because Seb is a bit like a woman on this, saying he’s okay when really he’s not, expecting him to just know he’s not okay. Exhausting.
“I really am this time,” Seb reassures him, turning around to kiss Kimi’s growing belly. “Yes, they say bad things, but it still makes me think of you, of the baby, and it’s nice. So even if what they write is bad, what I think is nice.”
Kimi thinks that’s some twisted logic, but if it works for Seb, who is he to complain.
~*~*~*~
“Kimi!” Christian says, storming into the Lotus garage and going to the car where Kimi is already sitting, ready to go. “Talk to Seb, please!”
Eric, having seen Christian approach, is in the garage now too. “What’s going on? The race is about to start.”
“Exactly! And Seb refuses to drive. He says if Kimi drives, he’s not driving. Doesn’t even have his racesuit on.”
“So what do you want me to do,” Eric asks, not looking too happy, “ask Kimi not to drive?!”
“I don’t know what to do with him, just, talk to him for Christ’s sake, Kimi.”
Fucking stubborn Seb. He sure hopes their kid won’t inherit that. He gives the team a quick radio message, pushes himself out of the car, removes his helmet and hops out, marching towards to Red Bull garage, Christian following close behind. He gives Heikki a quick greeting and a few words in Finnish when he passes him, and in return Heikki points him towards Seb.
Seb’s frown turns into a beaming smile when he sees him, greeting him with a hug. Kimi doesn’t return the hug, instead grabs him by the collar of his shirt, tugging him into the change room at the back of the garage, away from prying cameras.
“Put your fucking race suit on.”
Seb smiles, quickly getting undressed before putting on his gear. Kimi can see just how eager Seb is to get going, to get in the car and drive. It must have been torture thinking he might not race, and though Kimi thinks this idea was ridiculously stupid and unprofessional, he appreciates how much his and the baby’s safety must mean to Seb if he’s willing to give up racing in protest. Not that it changes anything.
“Now get in the damn car and I’ll see you on the track,” Kimi says, to make sure Seb knows his strike didn’t work.
“Wait, what?” Seb says just as he’s got one leg in the car. “You can’t drive. The baby.”
“The baby will be fine, Seb. Get in the car.”
“No.”
“Heikki,” Kimi says, looking to his fellow Finn for reinforcement.
“Kimi’s right. At this stage there’s no need to worry.”
Seb crosses his arms across his chest, sitting on the side of the car. “You’re not a doctor, and I’m not driving.”
“Fine, too bad about the Championship, Fernando will like that. Maybe I’ll get the fastest lap, just for fun,” Kimi says, turning his back and slowly walking out of the garage, knowing he won’t have to go far.
“Stop!” Seb says. Kimi smiles, knowing his fiancé can’t stand not winning. He slowly turns around, keeping his face expressionless as he looks at Seb who’s chewing on his nails again. Another bad habit he hopes their kid won’t have.
“Fine, I’ll race,” Seb sighs, sounding and looking defeated.
Kimi hates the way seeing Seb like that makes him feel. Soft and mushy, sentimental. He clenches his jaw, trying not to show just how much it affects him, and pulls Seb into a tight hug, bringing his mouth to Seb’s ear so only he can hear.
“I’ll be fine. Our baby will be okay, I make sure of it, I’ll drive extra careful. I won’t let anything happen, promise,” Kimi whispers, kissing Seb on the cheek. “Let’s go race, okay?” Kimi feels Seb relax in his arms, nodding at the words.
“Let’s race,” Seb agrees, the competitive spark shinning in his eyes.
~*~*~*~
Kimi gets strapped in the car just in time to get out of the pits and make his way to the grid. He’s starting in the midfield again, but the car feels fast and stable this weekend, so he knows he can make the podium. Another 1-2 with Seb would be great. His stomach churns weirdly but Kimi focuses on the lights, pushing away the thought that he has a passenger along for the ride.
He manages to make it out of the first corner with all his carbon, but he drops three places in the process, and when the pack settles into order, the car behind a couple seconds adrift, Kimi knows he should have been more aggressive, should have gone for the closing gap in that corner instead of lifting. He’s losing his edge, he thinks, gripping the steering wheel tighter as the car flies over a curb. He leaves it be though, because what’s done is done, and he gets on with the job, passing cars whenever he gets close enough.
The race is almost halfway done when the yellow flags come out. Giedo’s in the wall again. The crash doesn’t seem too bad, Giedo is out of the car and walking around, but Kimi’s chest compress. He lets his mind wander down the dangerous path of what ifs. What if it had been him? What if it there had been no runoff area? What if the crash was worse? What if the car rolled? What if he got hurt? What if the baby got hurt? Oh fuck, what if the baby got hurt. Seb would never forgive him. He would never forgive himself. His engineer’s voice telling him the yellow flags have cleared brings him back to the racing.
He makes the final overtake a few laps before the end and finishes second, just as he had hoped, Seb towering over him from the top step. Seb is ecstatic as always, pissing people off with his finger celebration (which Kimi actually quite enjoys because it takes the attention away from him). They go through the mandatory celebrations and interviews before calling it a night in Kimi’s room.
“You were right,” Kimi tells Seb as they’re watching TV.
“Of course I was,” Seb grins, straddling Kimi and kissing him. “Right about what?”
Kimi playfully pushes Seb off and throws a pillow at him. “About the racing. I won’t race the rest of the season.”
The smile on Seb’s face drops and he hugs the pillow tightly in his arms. “Don’t do that. I was being stubborn. It’s your career, your life. You don’t have to do that for me.”
“Not for you. Well, not just for you. For the baby,” Kimi says, placing a hand on his belly.
“But racing is so important to you.”
“This is more important nowwOHH!” Kimi’s eyes go wide as his mouth falls open and Seb is next to him in a second, almost in a panic.
“What is it?! Everything okay?”
Kimi’s puzzled look turns slowly to an amused smile. He lifts his shirt, takes Seb’s hand and places it on his bare belly. “It’s kicking.” With their hands together on his belly, feeling the life growing inside of him, Kimi knows he’s making the right choice. It might not make sense to the rest of world when he announces it, but it doesn’t need to.
~*~*~*~
“You’re up” Seb says when he walks in the house after his morning run, the sweat-drenched t-shirt clinging to his skin. He kicks his sneakers off and joins Kimi in the kitchen.
“Couldn’t sleep,” Kimi shrugs, wiping his brow with his arm since his hands are covered with rubber gloves. He hated getting up early, but ever since he became pregnant, sleeping in had been a much rarer occurrence. This morning was no different. He had woken up when Seb got up for his run and hadn’t been able to fall back asleep. Normally, he’d chill on the couch and watch some TV or take the dog out for a walk, but today, all he could think about is cleaning, and so he cleaned. The bathroom had been first. He’s not quite sure what’s gotten into him to be honest, because he’s never cleaned the bathroom. Ever. But he just couldn’t wait for their cleaning lady to drop by or for Seb to do it. He couldn’t stand the soap deposit in the shower, the toothpaste in the sink. It had to go, and it did. He had decided on the kitchen next, and was just getting started when Seb came back.
“What are you doing?” Seb asks him suspiciously.
“Cleaning,” he answers as he continues to empty the fridge so he can give it a good scrub.
Seb leans against the doorway and watches him as if he’s grown two heads, but eventually goes upstairs to take a shower. Kimi doesn’t know what the big deal is, Seb cleans sometimes too. Just because he hasn’t been much help around the house before doesn’t mean it’s not normal to clean and reorganize the fridge and the entire pantry. He might even do the closets later on; Seb’s got quite the mess going on.
A few minutes later, Seb reappears wearing only a towel, dropping it at Kimi’s feet before sitting on the counter in front of him, exposed. “Not now Seb, I’m cleaning.”
Seb looks at him with a surprised expression. “You’re nesting,” he says as if he’s just discovered something extraordinary.
“Am not,” Kimi says, because he’s not quite sure what Seb means, maybe another one of his bad German-to-English translations. “I have a lot to do. The whole house is a mess. We can have sex later.”
“Wow. I never thought I’d see you nest,” Seb says as he hops down the counter with a big smile, gives Kimi a kiss and walks away, not bothering to pick up his towel because he knows Kimi will be right on it.
~*~*~*~
“I gotta take a shit first,” Kimi bluntly announces when Seb asks him to go walk the track together, although waddle would be a more appropriate word to describe how Kimi moves these days. Sometimes Seb wishes Kimi wasn’t so direct. He really doesn’t need to know every single detail.
Seb waits patiently outside until he hears some particularly loud groans and curses through the door. Seb knocks hesitantly on the door.
“Uh, you okay in there?”
“Shit!” Seb hears before another string of Finnish curses tumble from Kimi’s mouth as he opens the bathroom door, looking in severe pain.
“What’d you eat?” Seb questions, hoping he didn’t eat the same thing.
Kimi glares at him as he bends in half, holding his belly. “I think it’s… aaahhh… think it’s the baby.”
Seb freezes on place, eyes wide and mouth dropped open, tentatively reaching to help Kimi stand up straight, but pulling away when Kimi groans at him. “What should I do? Oh Gott, what do we do?” Seb spins around in circle, trying to decide which way to go and what to do before he eventually reaches in his pocket for his phone, talking a mile a minute and gesturing wildly as he winces every time Kimi yells out in pain.
When he hangs up, Seb crouches in front of Kimi. “Remember to breathe,” he says, doing the practiced breathing technique he had been shown at a pre-natal class, the one Kimi had conveniently forgotten to attend. Just like he had forgotten every other class Seb had tried to drag him to. Kimi just glares at him, hissing rather than breathing until the helicopter finally lands nearby and they both get transported to the hospital.
When they arrive, Kimi gets wheeled into surgery while Seb is left to fill out the paperwork.
“What is your relation to the patient, sir?” the nurse at the registration desk asks.
“I’m the father,” Seb says as he keeps glancing over to the doors where Kimi last went through.
“The…patient’s father?” she asks, clearly confused.
Seb looks at her questioningly. “The baby’s. I’m the baby’s father. Just, nevermind. I’m his fiancé. Can I go in now?”
The nurse quickly finishes the paperwork with a few questions and then has Seb be escorted to Kimi’s room, where they’ve already begun prepping for surgery.
“Hi,” Seb says shyly as he stands awkwardly by Kimi’s side, whose face is sweaty and still twisted from pain. “This will be over soon.”
“I fucking hate you. You’re never coming near me again,” Kimi says between gritted teeth and Seb doesn’t know how to answer that, so he just holds Kimi’s hand, which, in hindsight, was a terrible idea because Kimi crushes it hard the next time a contraction happens, and Seb is sure he’ll have bruises from it. Thankfully, the doctors give Kimi a generous dose of drugs and he mellows out a bit for the rest of the C-section.
When Seb is handed over the baby, he knows he’s just experienced love at first sight. He stares at his baby boy, so small and fragile in his arms, and he knows it’s impossible to love someone more than he does his child, though the Finn tugging at his shirt comes a close second. “Let me see him,” Kimi asks, and Seb obliges, carefully giving the baby to Kimi, pulling out his phone just in time to capture the look of pure wonder and amazement in Kimi’s eyes when he sees James for the first time.
“I love you,” Seb says as he sits on the bed and gives a peck to Kimi.
“Love you too,” Kimi says, “but you’re still not putting your dick anywhere close to me again.” Though from the kiss that ensues, Seb knows that’s not going to be true for long.
~*~*~*~
The race will be starting soon and Seb knows he should be in the Red Bull garage to go over some last minute details, but he can’t help himself. He needs to see them. The Lotus mechanics greet him with head nods as he enters their garage and scans the room to find his husband and his son.
“Kimi!!” Seb says exasperated when he finds them, “you can’t dress him like that!” Kimi, who’s sitting on a chair, feet up on another, just laughs as he pulls his cap down to hide his grin. James is sitting in his stroller next to Kimi. He’s got a leave me alone, I know what I’m doing onesie on, topped with large sunglasses and a Lotus baseball cap.
“What are you giving him?” Seb blurts out eyes wide as he grabs what looks to be a beer bottle with a teat from James’s hands. He brings it to his mouth and tastes it while Kimi giggles under his hat. “Just milk,” Kimi reassures between laughs, grabbing Seb around the waist and sitting him on his lap. “Stop worrying, just go race. We’ll see you after.”
Seb pokes Kimi in the side as he gets up. “If he’s anything like you, I’ll worry until he’s fifty.”
~*~*~*~
James is five years old today. Kimi and Seb brought him to a karting track close to their home to give him his present, his very first kart. They had spent days and nights talking about it, bickering about which design was best, how fast it should be, or what motor they should use. They had finally agreed on a design and the kart was perfect. It sits beautifully on the tarmac, shinning under the bright sun. Seb can’t wait to find out what James is going to name it and Kimi can’t wait to see how fast James will go. They can’t wait…but they have to.
Both men are leaning against a fence, watching their boy have the time of his life while his kart is parked meters away. The karting track is adjacent to a mini-golf course, and after his parents had presented him the kart, the first thing James had asked for, before even saying thank you, was to go play mini-golf. As much as they had been looking forward to James karting, it was the kid’s birthday, so they agreed to a round of mini-golf.
“Golf?” Seb sighs “Why can’t it at least be football?”
“Or hockey,” Kimi agrees, watching James concentrate on a putt as he taps the ball with his little club and lands the ball in the cup. Kimi smiles despite himself, a sense of pride overtaking him. “We could get Max to babysit. He likes golf. He can teach James.”
“What about the kart?” Seb pouts as he looks at the machine, abandoned before being ever used.
Kimi claps as James makes another good putt. “We can keep it for the next.”
Seb turns to Kimi confused. “The next what?” Then the answer dawns on him as he sees Kimi smirk. “How far?” Seb asks as he puts a hand on Kimi’s stomach.
“Six weeks.” And even though it’s his son’s birthday, Sebastian can’t help but feel he’s the one getting the best present.
.