The positivity and changes are happening. I tried to deliberatly be in my disorder, force myself to try to restrict/etc., and it was sooo painful. The whole time I was thinking: "Why am I making myself do this? I don't want to be unhappy; I want to be happy".

It's a relief to know I have made that progress. Thank you Universe, Higher Power, Self for ( Read more... )

 Man, maintaining spiritual consciousness is hard. After I finish my reading and journaling, as soon as I get up to: get a cup of coffee, check on my plants, etc.; that warm expansion I had felt when connected is gone like my brain forgot of what I just read it 30 seconds. I very much dislike that because I love life when I am willing to accept and ( Read more... )

Is one day of normal eating per week all that I can achieve right now? Or can I hope for more ( Read more... )

This disease makes me want to throw my hands up in the air and be like "Fine, You win" because I STILL HAVE NOT HAD A DAY OF NORMAL EATING ( Read more... )

You know I usually hand write my journal because a) it makes me use a different side of my brain b) I feel more connected and ground to a higher power c) there is one individual who knows me on here that I wish I could report that I am 100% better. Yet, that it not my story today. Today I write on the computer because what if someone wants to read ( Read more... )

Fuck just eating a can of tuna, small apple and orange for breakfast makes me just want to turn it into a binge and purge. I just really can't afford going to the grocery store and CHARGING it again because the bill keeps getting bigger. PLUS I have my nutritionist today and I KNOW my water levels are off from yesterday and I don't want today to ( Read more... )

So I am having the desire to binge/purge to express my feelings of anger/fear. Instead of acting on them I decided to text some people in program saying "I really want to binge but I know that is not going to help the situation but the feelings are kicking my ass". And then this girl in program throws tough love my way and makes me want to cry and ( Read more... )

Today- 6am: "My life is better without Bulimia ( Read more... )

I seek others to comfort me (to the nth degree)

I want to isolate to learn to do it for myself...

I hate coming back here to read and post that I haven't improved. I mean I do feel like I have more days in a row without acting out. Yet, thats maybe twice a month of anywhere between 4-7 days together ( Read more... )