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The key to happiness for me is not thinking too much. Because I do think too much, even if I resent it when someone tells me so. I can't seem to get enough sleep. I wake up tired after 8 or 9 hours of sleep. I feel myself falling asleep at my desk. -
years go by
Revisiting this journal and re-reading it has made me realize that not much has changed. I haven't changed that much. It is surprising and not surprising. I remember now that none of this is new. And of course, nothing is new under the sun. Maybe not this life, but a life much like it, has been lived before, and is being lived and will be lived ( Read more... ) -
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Don't forget, don't you ever forget: you are alone. It seems like not, sometimes, I know. It's an illusion. You're always trapped inside your own damn skull. And maybe some day your true form will come out, something as light and fluid and elegant as a jellyfish. You know that you could fly away, but that's not the plan. No, you're supposed to wait ( Read more... ) -
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I am a ghost living in a human suit. I'm not here. I went away. My head hurts, but it holds all the hurt. It holds it all. I watch from the eyeholes of the human suit, they are the frames from which I peer. It's all so rational. X, Y, Z. I want to sleep because it feels like I should be tired. I don't even want to pilot this thing around any more. ( Read more... ) -
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I feel utterly out of control. There is some wild, small creature loose inside of me, and it can't get out. It runs and runs, flaps and flutters. I think it is my heart. I think it would depart, if only it could. If only he would say something. If only he would stop me. But I can't keep putting my own salvation into someone else's hands. I do this ( Read more... ) -
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This is when I feel the loneliest: before bed on a Sunday night. It will be a very long time before I see him again.
Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.
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Right now, in this moment, I am enough. I am a human, and I love and am loved.
Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.
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You are the rhythm to my life and without you, everything is off. There is no time, no purpose. These are long, lonely, loose days.
It's worst at night, when I think of you and the way we usually respool the threads of the day, tidying up. My stomach knots, alone in bed with my thoughts and fears.
To say that I miss you seems too small a ( Read more... ) -
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I'm 34 years old and nothing has changed. I know the secret of my own doom: that it is doom, that I am doomed. It is because I know it is, expect it, courted it. I have a little dog who is, at this moment, the thing I am living for. I have something bigger, but it will be lost. Ultimately, I have nothing but myself and that's my greatest enemy. My ( Read more... ) -
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i should be grateful you with your 124 friends pay attention to me but these words i keep saying 36,000 and more days long they don't mean what i want them to mean appropriately you respond thank you it's not what i want but i can't ask for more
i have loved you too long