last night ( Read more... )

another lonely night. the aching hurts. the loneliness hurts. and trying to find the answer at the bottom of a tall can isn't working. trying to find the answer in other guys isn't working either. disappointed again. hurt again. another fight. another argument. another phone slammed down. i fought back the tears. i tried breathing. i only know one ( Read more... )

i cant sleep thinking about him. i cant help but think about that kiss. how he cupped my face in his hands, lifted my face to his and.stole that kiss. literally caught me off guard, but even if he.told.me i would not have been be prepared for it. i wouldve looked down. bit my nails, changed the subject and would avoid his eyes. i remember hearing ( Read more... )

we were huddled close, he leaned in closely..and he kissed me. we haven't kissed in years, but this morning he kissed me. oh, no, all control is lost, i am indefinetly his. with that kiss, it was like a bomb went off in my heart and within that moment i knew, he knew, we both knew, that kiss would change everything. don't freak out, don't over ( Read more... )

but i've always been in love with him...i knew when our met each others gaze, that we would somehow be connected forever. call it intution, call it what you want...but i had that feeling that we were meant to be. i cannot shake him, or get away from him. it's disgusting. and he knows, he fucking knows what he does to me. that's what kills me the ( Read more... )

it would seem that i have things my way, but that is not the case. we haven't spoken in days. and it kills me. i was talking to a male co-worker and explaining to him how it had been forever since i was on a date or dated anyone. i keep going back to old flames, that died out and i just keep trying to relight or rekindle with no luck. i wish i knew ( Read more... )

so i finally broke my celibacy. it was okay, but not the same. i did it for routine not pleasure. and it wasn't the same. i didn't lay in his arms, i kept my distance and we didn't kiss. i feel like i should explain things to him. but i just don't want to. i guess my heart is everywhere right now. i just don't understand what i am going through ( Read more... )

today was better. i hate that my boss is careful with me. i'm not fragile, i won't break. my anxiety is ruining my normal routine. today felt fake. even though i smiled a lot, it felt so forced. my voice was steady, calm, almost planned. i sold shit at work that kept my boss off my back. i worked to keep everything feeling normal. my sex drive is ( Read more... )

these days have been the confusing and loneliest days ever. i ripped my heart out, put it on the table, walked away and said fuck it. i don't care anymore. i've lost interest in a lot of things. i blame my anxiety. as of lately i just feel uninterested in a lot of things. even work has become hard to do. i rather just keep to myself. and hope that ( Read more... )

its the loneliness that keeps me up. that keeps me awake smoking cig after cig. watching sappy movie after another. ive watched romeo and juliet a million times and practically memic when harry met sally. im lonely. my heart is aching for company. but not just of man, but of friendship. i miss ( Read more... )