Lord of the Sea (John/Rodney, kinda. PG)

[lavvyan]

Title: Lord of the Sea
Rating: PG
Word count: ~700
Pairing: John/Rodney. In a way. Um.
Warnings: Crack. I mean it.
Summary: Among the Goa'uld, Mer'deth was something of an oddity.
Notes: This is what happens when I don't sleep for two days and run a fever. For the cliche_bingo Bodysharing prompt (bingo card to be found here). Not beta-read, so any and all

Comments

[schneefink]

You wrote: "Mer'deth's Jaffa have been known to raid worlds for coffee and chocolate because someone screwed up in the labs and they needed to appease their god." I couldn´t get rid of that mental image. I know next to nothing about SG-1 and even less about writing, hope you don´t mind.

Collateral Damage„So, any new ideas on who did this?”, General Hammond asked and pointed at the pictures showing the wreckage of Sokar´s massive Goa´uld fleet in orbit over P3X-543

[lavvyan]

Ahahahaha, priceless! I can so imagine Mer'deth's Jaffa blowing up most of Sokar's fleet if it'll score them some extra coffee! *still laughing*

This is pure gold, thank you! :D

[schneefink]

I´m so glad you like it! And thank you for coming up with such crazy good ideas.

[xandutch]

That was pretty good. *G*

[schneefink]

thanks :)

[seekergeek]

*cheers* Mer'deth's Jaffa are quite devoted and inventive when it comes to appeasing their lord!

[schneefink]

They have a healthy sense of self preservation. No-one wants to do waste disposal maintenance... :)

[xparrot]

Ahahah fantastic!

[schneefink]

glad you like it :)

[taste_is_sweet]

Bwa ha ha ha! I almost feel badly for Mer'Deth--he wants to be so evil and badass, and yet he somehow manages to instigate such loyalty that his Jaffa blow up fleets just to get more coffee for him (yes, I know that's to avoid his 'wrath', but still).

[krysalys]

And I'm thinking his "wrath" has nothing to do with torture and more to do with expulsion and/or latrine doodee. ;p

Think about it - Mer'dith's Jaffa have a pretty freakin' sweet deal: a God that doesn't kill, maim, or otherwise mutilate his Jaffa, with a great health care plan, and an intellectually challenging environment. It's Goa'uld/Jaffa Heaven!

Now I'm seeing Mer'dith's Jaffa bringing the entire fleet to Earth and demanding that if the Tau'ri don't return their God immediately and unharmed, well... it won't be pretty. And then Hammond and SG1 confer with Mer'dith and John, and are told that "Hey, we didn't put them up to this!" and also telling the Tau'ri to talk to Mer'dith's Prime, which leads to a conference where the Jaffa relate exactly what I said - excellent health care plan, no maiming etc. and intellectual stimulation. Not to mention that all of Mer'dith's inventions keep his people safe. What more could a Jaffa want?
*snicker*
-----}-@

[taste_is_sweet]

You should totally write that as an AU continuation of mine. :)

[schneefink]

Health care plan! Of course there is a health care plan. Only they probably had to organize it themselves because Mer´deth couldn´t be bothered.
"What? You want what? What do you need that for? There´s a sarcophagus in the basement, I´m sure there´s a healer around here somewhere, now go back to work!"
:D

[schneefink]

He doesn´t actually have a choice if you think about it logically. Stupid looming Jaffa can be found everywhere, but smart Jaffa? And they need years of education before they´re useful. So it would be a criminal waste of resources to kill them, maim them or otherwise treat them badly. If he were more interested in biology he could try breeding them for intelligence... I´m sure it would help his studies, and, you know, upholding some standards. *cough*

[sherrold]

After giving some Jaffa biology books to read (mostly to get them out of his hair), he finds out years later that they've set up their own Jaffa breeding program to make better Jaffa for the glory of their god.

Pretty much all they do is make lists of the smartest (proven by game contests, etc.) and encourage them to have babies together. But they tell all of the *other* Jaffa that their God is breeding super!Jaffa and it sounds reeeealy cool.

They're also considering a separate breeding plan to breed Jaffa as pretty as John, so their god will always have a pretty host -- but since John/Mer'deth have refused to offer them 'starting seed', that one isn't moving very quickly.

[schneefink]

Mer´deth was also very vocal about the fact that he doesn´t need another host, thank you very much, since he already has one, and it´s a very bad thing to encourage John´s flirting with the Jaffa when they have so many better things to do. John smugly remarked that it simply wasn´t possible to breed someone as pretty as him, which got him a very long and detailed reply by Mer´deth and effectively ended that discussion.
Mer´deth is okay with the smarter-Jaffa-breeding-plan as long as it doesn´t stop anyone from working. In fact, once he found out about it he thought it was a brilliant idea and now keeps telling his Jaffa that obviously their system needs to be refined every time they make a mistake.